Category: PTSD

A Perfect Day For A Getaway

Forgot to post our #summerofrich adventure from yesterday. 

I needed an escape from the racing thoughts in my head and a hike seemed like the perfect distraction.

There was plenty of clear blue sky  and a warm springtime breeze in the air. We could hear birds chirping from the trees and ducks singing by the pond. Perfection.

But even with plenty of clear blue sky, a warm springtime breeze in the air, the birds chirping from the trees and the ducks singing by the pond, I could not totally escape the trauma that April 4th represents for me (see blog I posted yesterday if you missed it).

I’m easily triggered by the events that took place on that day seven years earlier and this year had been no exception. As midnight approached the night before last I began experiencing symptoms of my PTSD and quickly found myself trying to fight off a panic attack. 

But aside from all that and the trails being nothing short of a mudslide for the better part of our nearly 2 hour hike it turned out to be just what I needed (and boy were we glad that we had decided to leave Maggie at home!).

Sorry though to have disappointed you Rich, who had been camera ready the entire time hoping to take a snapshot of me falling flat on my butt as we navigated our way through the very slippery and often dangerous mounds of mud; fyi there were several close calls 😋).

How did you incorporate self-care into your long weekend?

#coldcreekconservation #nobleton #hiking #nature #springisintheair #discoveringontario #birdschirping #duckssinging #sunshine #mudslide #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mindfulness #therapeutic #selfcare

It Was Seven Years Ago Today: What My Illness Has Both Taken From Me And Taught Me Too

It was seven years ago today that I uttered the words “I want to die” for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that I felt hopeless and alone for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that my life no longer felt purposeful for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that I felt broken for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that I felt unlovable for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that I lost my way for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that I felt like the world was better off without me for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that I felt an abundance of sadness and shame come over me for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that my life was about to change forever and I felt too powerless and helpless to stop it.

It was seven years ago today that I peered outside my bedroom window hoping to find myself somewhere out there.

It was seven years ago today that suddenly I felt a disconnect from the person I once was and with each passing year she seems to fade further and further from my mind.

But someone new emerged in her place that day instead and even though she still feels all those same emotions today that she did seven years ago her new identity has taught her so much more than she ever thought imaginable about both herself and others. 

Her new identity has learned to embrace the difficult moments as a way to grow and co-exist with herself.

Her new identity has learned how to create more meaning in her life.

Her new identity has learned ways to stop running from herself by using the anchor she has been given when she needs a break. 

Her new identity has learned to recognize the pain and suffering in others with heartfelt compassion, empathy and kindness through the acceptance of her own pain and suffering.

Her new identity has learned how to ask for help and how to advocate for those who aren’t quite able to yet. 

Her new identity has found her voice, one that she no longer takes for granted. 

Her new identity has become stronger and more resilient than she truly realizes or gives herself enough credit for. 

Her new identity has learned the importance of making self-care her number one priority.

Her new identity has learned how to set limits and enforce healthy boundaries which has in turn created deeper, more meaningful bonds with the people in her life.

And she is grateful. Not for all that she has necessarily lost since that very first day seven years ago but for all that she has gained and learned since then. And it’s alot.

#itwassevenyearsagotoday #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfdiscovery #selfcare #depression #anxiety #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #yourmentalhealthmatters #checkonyourlovedones #bekindtoyourself #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #endthestigmatogether  

Instagram Live: Wellness Wednesday

Thank you so much Joy for inviting me to share my journey tonight and to talk about the importance of educating both children and adults alike on mental illness and the stigma surrounding it on your “Wellness Wednesday” segment on Instagram Live. And for also giving me the opportunity to read my children’s book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” as well.

You are a true inspiration to so many and have such a magical way of spreading joy and kindness to every life you touch.

Please follow Joy’s Instagram page @mrsbiswatchingme for her daily dose of love and light.

Feel free to follow me as well @kimfluxgold

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CNGgHSxgYTJ/?igshid=gjcr6ljo3r97 (link to Instagram live)

#wellnesswednesday #instagramlive #lightandlove #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #endthestigmatogether #kindnessmatters #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #blogger #author #advocate #wheredidmommyssmilego

Monday Motivation: The Importance of Smaller Steps

People often think that the only way to achieve a goal is by taking “big steps” but that isn’t necessarily going to get you there any faster or with any greater success. 

As someone suffering with depression and anxiety I can tell you firsthand that taking smaller steps toward any attainable goal can and will have a much greater impact. 

For starters, small steps help get you started and can feel far less overwhelming. 

But this past week I forgot all that while being faced with extreme overwhelm and instead I found myself trying to push away the overwhelm by taking too many “big steps” (ginormous is more like it) up my ladder and all at once. 

I should have known better that this idea would likely backfire on me and when I finally realized days later that what I was doing was in fact only causing me further overwhelm I was already in dire need to alleviate it. 

It was at that moment that I took a deep breath and stepped off the ladder all together which allowed me to find my footing once again and start back up the ladder using smaller more attainable steps. 

I was so completely overwhelmed that I misjudged how many rungs were on the ladder and that because they were all securely in place there should’ve been no reason for me to try and skip any steps as I began climbing up. 

My missteps could’ve been a recipe for complete disaster but when I regained my footing and began climbing back up the ladder using smaller steps it in turn added up to much “bigger” results. 

Taking smaller steps for me ensures greater success, makes many of my decisions much more manageable and can free my mind from those bigger distractions as well.

I know I have a much better understanding these days as to how critical it is to take those smaller steps (even if my illness tries to persuade me in another direction) in order to create momentum and improve my productivity and performance which can allow me to stick with a goal more easily.

What small steps would you like to take this week?

#motivationmonday #mondaymotivation #goals #simplifiedgoals #attainablegoals #smallsteps #youareenough #overwhelm #vulnerability #mindfulness #therapeutic #selfcare #selfdiscovery #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth

These Boots Are Made For Walking

I bought these last March, one week before the world shut down.

At the time they felt like the perfect addition to my spring wardrobe.

Sadly, I can now count on one hand (if that) how many times I’ve actually worn them.

But every now and again I like to put them on so I can feel somewhat human again or maybe like I actually have some place to be.

~It’s easy to judge someone when you’ve never walked in their shoes~

#empathy #compassion #kindness #thesebootsaremadeforwalking #comfyshoes #alldressedupandnowheretogo #iftheshoefits #booties #selfcare #mentalwellness #mentalhealth

The Corona Silver Linings Anthology

I am so excited to finally receive my very own copy today of the book I was so honoured to be published in a few months ago.

It’s a compilation of stories, poems and images from individuals around the world.

“The Corona Silver Linings Anthology” captures real life experiences, raw emotions, meaningful issues and life lessons that we have all been challenged by or have had to face in one way or another during this past year while looking for those silver linings.

“The Lifewrite Project” is a non-profit initiative which publishes anthologies “encouraging people to tap into their power to write and share their unique stories” while collaborating with different charities related to the topic at hand and raising funds for many initiatives in the process.

The proceeds from this book are being donated to a variety of charities including “The First Responders Children’s Foundation”.

Check out their website for details on any of their upcoming projects. After all there’s an inner writer somewhere inside of us all just waiting to share our own unique story with the world.

#thecoronasilverliningsanthology #thelifewriteproject #author #writer #blogger #advocate #wheredidmommyssmilego #youareenough #silverlinings #grads #covid19 #coronavirus #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #yourmentalhealthmatters #kidshelpphone #lawnsigns #initiative #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #amazondotcom

Some days more than others I really need reminding.

#youareenough #inkedforlife #tattoo #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones #depression #anxiety #suicideprevention  #suicideawareness #yourmentalhealthmatters #masksoff

It’s #summerofrich season

It’s the first day of Spring and not a cloud in the sky. A picture perfect day to resume our #summerofrich adventures with a 10km walk.

#firstdayofspring2021 #springtime #springisintheair #notacloudinthesky #summerofrich2021 #longwalks #hiking #10k #youareenough #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfcare

Can I Ask You A Question?

I have always been very inquisitive and intuitive about the world around me (which has also helped me to become a better writer over time). 

I like to ask a lot of questions (just ask my kids if you don’t believe me!). 

Asking questions (especially open-ended ones) affords us the opportunity for learning, clarity, awareness, productivity, growth, curiosity and creativity. 

I probably should’ve pursued a career as a Detective or a Talk Show Host maybe?

How can we learn, gain clarity,  awareness, productivity, growth or be curious and creative about life if we don’t ask questions?

We encourage children to ask questions from the time they are able to speak. And even though it may feel like a nagging sensation pulling at your sleeve sometimes or a big pain in the ass at other times; what would the world be like if we discouraged our kids from exploring the wonderment of their surroundings or seeking the curiosity from their growing minds?

I’ve been made to feel ashamed for asking questions and when I was growing up I oftentimes felt too shy, too fearful, too embarrassed or too much pride to ask a question out loud. 

Asking questions should always be encouraged. It opens up important dialogue and no one should ever make you feel shame for asking too many questions. 

I only wish more people felt okay to ask me more questions about mental illness. My mental illness is a big part of who I am today. I will never stop encouraging others from asking even the most difficult questions about mental illness especially those who may have a hard time believing how real it truly is. 

It means the world to me to be able to help others and in order to keep the dialogue surrounding mental illness moving forward I must also be able and willing to answer the difficult questions with an open and honest heart so that others can learn, gain clarity, grow and become more aware. 

Just because we are adults now doesn’t mean we should ever stop learning or be unwilling to expand our want for knowledge each and every day. And keep in mind that there is no such thing as asking a stupid question!

#askmeanything #questions #askquestions #nosuchthingasastupidquestion #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocate  #blogger #author 

Shut The ‘F’ Up

I had a massage this afternoon, the first one in several years. 

My kids had bought it for me as a gift last Mother’s Day. 

At the time when they purchased it the Spa was closed due to lockdown restrictions and by the time it did finally reopen, to be perfectly honest, I just kept forgetting about it. That was until a few weeks ago when I hurt my back and thought once I’m feeling better I should get a massage!

Massages, like mindfulness or meditation are supposed to be a perfect way to relax and relieve anxiety and stress, but seriously, have you met me before?

My track record with both mindfulness and meditation have never been met with much success for me and usually do the complete opposite of what they are meant for and now I guess I may as well add massage to that list too.

It was the perfect setting for a massage; the lights were dim, there was a subtle aroma in the air, soothing music playing in the background and the massage therapist was both gentle and calming. So what could possibly go wrong? 

I have no ‘F’ ing idea to be perfectly honest with you but as soon as the massage began and for the next 50 minutes or so I felt like I was going to suffocate (and not just because of my mask). 

My thoughts were racing all over the damn map and my mind was filled with such chaos. There was no real pattern or focus to speak of, just complete disarray. I tried several times to relax my body but my mind was having none of that nonsense.  

I needed to find a way to distract myself and so I tried some of my go-to techniques and tools I’ve learned throughout my journey but nothing seemed to be working. I felt myself becoming more and more vulnerable in a “fight or flight” state of mind which only kept escalating when I quickly realized that fleeing the situation was likely not an option.

So I continued to lay there feeling very helpless with tears in my eyes, trying to estimate how much time I still had left all the while shouting at my mind to just shut the ‘F’ up and let my body cherish this beautiful gift I received from my kids!

#massage #massagetherapy #anxiety #fightorflight #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #meditation #mindfulness #therapeutic #selfcare #selflove