Category: motivation

I Am Grateful Today For:

Things could always be worse. At least you have your health. You have so much to be grateful for.

These are just a few of the many phrases I’ve heard spoken to me, or about others over the course of my journey these last 6+ years but as a person living with a Major Depressive Disorder like I do, I find myself especially confused as to how much worse I’m actually supposed to feel?

Hearing someone tell you that things could always be worse is belittling their feelings and experiences, it’s shaming them and will leave them exploding with guilt. Hearing these words may also leave someone second guessing their illness and therefore living silently in fear of exposing it which may also lead them to the belief that they don’t matter.

Yes I am blessed that I am both capable and able to walk and talk and breathe and feel and see and smell and hear and taste all the beauty that surrounds me, but as a person who is battling a mental illness, being told that “at least you have your health” hurts very deeply because our Mental Health is just as critical to our well being as our physical health is and those words are also a very disheartening reminder to us all as to how much work is still left to be done to help end the stigma; Mental Health is Health.

But I think what hurts me the most sometimes is when someone who is suffering with depression or anxiety is questioned as to whether or not they feel gratitude. I practice gratitude in my daily life and I am very much aware of all the things for which I am most grateful for. The feelings and behavioural changes though that are associated with a depressed or anxious mind cannot simply be cured by practicing gratitude, but it can definitely help with the process.

It’s Thanksgiving weekend (in Canada) which is the time of year we set aside to celebrate being thankful and grateful for what we have in our lives and to recognize the genorosity and kindness that has been bestowed upon us since the previous year. Well this year, more than ever before, it may be very difficult to recognize or appreciate those silver linings (no explanation necessary).

I can honestly say that this has truly been the worst year ever for me since my journey began. The Pandemic and my illness have both played a huge role in that forgone conclusion but so have several other personal issues, many of which I have never disclosed to this public forum, but still I am so grateful for so much and wanted to share some of that here with you today.

I am grateful for:

Books

Nature walks and hiking

Bubble baths

My weekly therapy

Arts and Crafts

Television 

Diet Coke and Ice Capps

Flowers

Things that make me laugh 

Romantic comedies that make me cry

My creative soul

A warm and sunny day

My weighted blanket 

Social Media

My Blog that allows me to share my story

Being given a voice

Kindness and empathy

My compassion

My imperfections 

Forgiveness 

Animals 

Being born and raised in Canada 

My undeniable support system

Strangers who have become my friends 

My incredible friends who see me beyond my illness and stand by me no matter what

My large extended family of cousins, aunts and uncles whom I never get to see but who love me just the same 

My big brother who I know will always protect me 

My inlaws and my many beautiful nieces and nephews

My mother in law who is always there to cheer me on

Maggie, for appreciating a good cuddle and belly rub

My 3 beautiful children who have stolen my heart and taught me the true meaning of resilience and unconditional love 

And to my Soulmate and best friend Rich, I am beyond grateful for your protection and for always seeing my inner beauty and who continues to make me feel desired and loved

What are you most grateful for today?

#happythanksgiving #grateful #gratitude #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealthishealth #mentalillnessawarenessweek 

The Social Dilemma

Mental Illness Awareness Week Continues:

Have you watched the Netflix Documentary “The Social Dilemma” yet? You should check it out if you haven’t already!

Do you ever unplug in order to recharge your body and mind? Do you think that you would be able to not check your phone for 24 hours, an entire weekend or how about a full week? How about Social Media?

We all know the many perks that technology has afforded us, but we also know its many harmful effects as well.

Research shows that the average “Apple” user checks their phone approximately 80 times per day and it has been proven to disrupt our sleep ✅✅✅, our focus ✅✅✅, our ability to engage in real time social interactions ✅✅✅, our motivation ✅✅✅ and our Mental Health ✅✅✅ as well.

Each one of those checkmarks tell a piece of my story. How many checks would you give to yourself?

So, who thinks they’d be up to the challenge? 

#thesocialdilemma #unplugged #mentalhealthishealth #youareenough #smartphones #socialmedia

The Positive Side Of A Selfie

Taking a selfie these days seems to be one of the biggest growing phenomenons since the creation of the Smartphone itself and statistics show that women between the ages of 16 and 25 are spending (on average) five hours per week taking them. 

Although the average age for taking selfies may be women between 16 and 25 years old, they are certainly not alone. Selfies have become a form of self-expression and a great way to present one”self” to the world, no matter what your age or gender is. 

We choose to take selfies most often for a feeling of instant gratification, to make personal connections with others, to boost our self-esteem, to gain positive feedback and to express one’s own creativity. 

Over the last many years I have shied away from having my picture taken as much as humanly possible (I much prefer to be the photographer if you haven’t noticed!), so the thought of me taking a selfie is like next to nil!

But today is one of those very rare occasions where I decided to try and step outside my comfort zone (way out) and try for even just one moment to feel the “positive side of a selfie” and embrace what the world sees in me in order to show you my new sweatshirt I made.

The words I chose to use are a deep and meaningful reminder to me as I continue to try and fight this battle and it’s a true expression of hope to the many women everywhere who are also struggling on their own journey right now or who have fought their way through one; whether it be physical or mental.

I created this shirt in recognition of Mental Illness Awareness Week and I chose the colour pink in honour of October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month. 

#selfies #prettyinpink #breastcancerawarenessmonth #mentalillnessawarenessweek #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #endthestigmatogether #youarenotalone #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocateforchange #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation

Wishful Thinking- The Long And Winding Road To Menopause

***I wonder how many men will read this!***


Seriously, like what the f*ck? I figured I was well on my way, just minding my own business, no complaints and thinking “Wow, what’s all the hype about cause this thing called Peri-Menopause ain’t so bad”, but then BAM, outta nowhere my so called “friend” stopped by for a very unwelcomed visit.

OK, so maybe it wasn’t completely outta nowhere but it’s been 6 months already since her last visit and it was probably more like wishful thinking on my part that we had parted ways for good!  But if I had to venture a more realistic guess as to why I haven’t seen nor heard from her in all these months, I figure she was just trying to keep to proper social distancing practices. 

But uninvited or not, I could feel her coming from miles away days before her arrival this week. It’s a feeling you never forget, and for anyone who ever questioned whether PMS (Pre-Menstral Syndrome) is real or not, I’m here to share with you that it is.

PMS does not affect all women in the same way and for many women, they may only experience some minor discomfort each month. For me though, long before I was ever diagnosed with Depression, I suffered with an array of emotional (and physical) symptoms before my “friend” would pay me a visit which is why I knew she was on her way again.

The physical side of PMS really sucks, but for me who already deals with so much emotional upset in my day to day life having the added emotional unrest makes it that much more difficult and often scary for me to handle. 

As I said at the start of my blog, I thought I was well on my way to an easy, almost flawless transition into Menopause even though I was still at least 6 months away from a true victory, but then again, I should have known better because although my hormones are ready, I knew I probably couldn’t escape that easily, that is, not without experiencing at least one hot flash along the way!

Feel free to share your journey.

#pms #menopause #thechange #perimenopause #postmenopause #moodswings #depression #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough 

Yom Kippur is about…

Today is considered to be the holiest and most important day of the year in the Jewish faith. It’s a day where many Jews fast and while doing so are encouraged to atone for any wrongdoings and ask others for forgiveness in order to repair the wrongdoings from the past year. 

But whether or not today you are observing this holiest of holidays or maybe it’s just another “Manic Monday” to you, take some time today to reflect not just on the wrongdoings you may have caused others but to reflect on the wrongdoings you have also done to yourself too because Yom Kippur is also about introspection and looking inside of your own mental and emotional state as well. Too often the person we find we need to atone to or ask forgiveness from the most is staring right at us in the mirror. 

#forgiveness #manicmonday #motivationalmonday #yomkippur #meaningfulfast #selfcare #mentalwellness #selflove #mentalhealth #introspection #reflection #atonement 

Happy 18th Birthday Rachel

My baby is 18 today and in the Jewish religion the number 18 is very significant and meaningful. In Hebrew “18” is pronounced “Chai” (‘Hi’) and when translated to English, it the means “life”; so I thought it was only fitting to remind you today how on this day 18 years ago, you made our “life” complete (it says so right there in your birth announcement).

This past year has been anything but easy yet I find myself in absolute awe of you and all that you have accomplished despite it being so challenging and met with so many obstacles and disappointment.  

But as you enter into this next chapter on your journey today that we like to call “Adulthood” just remember that it’s okay to look back on your past, but just don’t stare at it too long. Hold on tight and let your creativity and curiosity continue to guide you as the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Your dad and I are both so proud of the beautiful, smart, adventurous and artistic young woman you are becoming and we are truly mesmerized by your determination and resilience as we watch you work your butt off to keep making all your dreams come true.

Wishing you all the happiness in the world today and always.

I love you to the moon and back! ❤🤗😘

#foreverandaday #daddysgirl #happybirthday #birthdaygirl #babysister #eighteen #life #familymatters #celebrate #adulting #neverstopdreaming #dreamscancometrue #futureinteriordesigner #youareenough #rach #rachy #fluxy #littleflux 

The Five Stages Of “Covid” Grief


Throughout the Pandemic I have followed all the necessary precautions set out by the Government, by Science and by our Health Officials and although it may come as a big surprise to many of you but for the most part the Pandemic itself has not intensified my symptoms of Depression and Anxiety; infact in some ways it’s done just the opposite (I will save that for a later blog). 

My steady decline in my Mental Health over the last while has truly had very little to do with the Pandemic itself and much more to do with many other personal factors that were already there long before Covid-19 was ever a thing.

And although I have not allowed all the fear mongering or blatant disrespect, intolerance and judgment towards one another that I see every time I open up my Social Media feeds control my emotions I have grown more and more anxious lately wondering if life will ever feel “normal” again.

As I look back on the last 6 plus months I feel as though the Pandemic has taken us through many different stages, and when I examine those stages closely I can see that they are the same 5 stages a person will often go through when grieving a loss and for months now we have all been grieving the loss of life in some form or another.

The 5 stages of grief which can easily be transferred to life during a Pandemic are as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness & Depression and Acceptance.

Way way back at the end of 2019 the world watched and listened to what was unfolding in China and for several months prior to it reaching the rest of the Globe, if we can all be honest here for just one second, how many of us actually watched in “denial” while clinging to a false, “preferable reality” that this virus wasn’t really going to affect our lives. 

And even as it crept closer and closer to us, we were still very much in “denial” as to the kind of impact it was going to have on our lives, but boy oh boy, it didn’t take long before our “denial” turned to “anger”.

We quickly (and rightfully so) became very frustrated and began to put blame on anyone and everyone we could. We angrily wondered how the fuck this could have happened to us and who would of let this happen to us all the while as we sat at home in self-isolation.

Then, as more and more information from the Government, Science and Health Officials came to light we entered into the “bargaining” stage of grief and started our negotiations with the experts. “So you’re telling me that if I stay home or stay 6 feet apart from anyone outside of my bubble or I wear a mask when social distancing is problematic or I use hand sanitizer and wash my hands constantly then after 14 days in quarantine our life can go back to normal, right?” 

Well we all know now that it’s alot more complex than that and our “bargaining” and negotiation skills have fallen short, which after months of trying to make the best of this very shitty situation our denial, our anger and our bargaining skills have turned into a deep “sadness” or “depression” for many people around the Globe.

Many of us have lost so much during this Pandemic and many of us have reached a point where their sadness or depression makes them feel as though this is a losing battle, that all our efforts are hopeless. It’s also made us question an inevitable future and our own mortality too.

But there is still one final stage of grief and it’s probably the most important one of all. If we are to find the strength to move forward and learn how to navigate life in our new “normal” then we must first learn “acceptance” of it. Collectively we need to figure out ways to proceed both cautiously and safely because “acceptance” will give us the power to control whatever lies ahead.

We all cope with grief in our own way and in our own time. We may not all go through each of the 5 stages, and maybe none of them at all but no matter your process we all need to remember that we are all in this together. 

#fivestagesofgrief #denial #anger #bargaining #sadness #acceptance #showkindness #wereallinthistogether #strongertogether #covid19 #pandemic #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #wearamask #washyourhands #sixfeet

Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?  I have found myself pondering this question quite a lot, especially lately as I continue to battle many difficult setbacks in my life right now. Many of the setbacks I’ve been battling of late effect the wellbeing of my family too but many more of these setbacks have also led me to the brink of suicide for several weeks now.

According to the Greek Philosopher Aristotle everything does happen for a reason, always. He says that “Every
experience in your life is designed to shape you and help you grow into the highest and mightiest version of yourself.”

Sometimes though when you are in the throes of a particularly difficult or painful period in your life it can be really hard to understand its purpose or to find any positive meaning behind it. 

With the help of my wonderful therapist I have learned so much about myself in the last few years and I have gained a much better understanding of my past as well which has in turn given me the courage to let go of a lot of old wounds in order to heal.

I’ve been able to create an overall picture of myself in my head as I find the strength to let go of some of those wounds that have caused me great pain in my life and it is beginning to make perfect sense now. 

And over the last couple of years I have also been taught many valuable lessons amongst all the chaos and sadness through quiet introspection.  I have begun to accept that everything may very well happen for a reason but that it’s not always so easy to embrace it all of the time even though I know in my heart that it has been “designed to shape you and help you grow into the highest and mightiest version of yourself.”

So are you a believer?

#everythinghappensforareason #greekphilospher #aristotle #findingmypurpose #myjourney #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #endthestigmatogether #nationalsuicidepreventionawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalillness 

Man Plans, And God Laughs

The other day I posted a blog titled “Socially Distanced Holiday Traditions” where I talked about how difficult the holidays have become for me over the last many years and how this year many of those social pressures, obligations and expectations that so often make it difficult for me to enjoy the holidays in the first place had been decided for me due to Covid-19. 

Sadly, it almost felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could actually take in the beauty of some of our holiday traditions this year without all the added anxiety from too many social pressures, obligations and expectations. 

I felt way more in control and much less guilty than in holidays past and I was also looking forward to spending some (socially distanced) quality time with other family too, even if it meant having to freeze our asses off in the crisp Fall-like weather in order to do so.

But none of that ended up happening because just hours after posting my blog the other morning, Jacob came home from work feeling sick for the second time in just over a week (after being perfectly fine only hours earlier). This time though he had many more flu-like symptoms than the last time. He complained of body aches, chills, a dry cough and he felt warm to the touch so off he went again for yet another Covid test and then we waited, and waited some more in anticipation of his results while he lay locked away (again), alone in his room in the basement for what felt like an eternity (I’m pretty sure though it felt even longer for Jacob).

It was hard to think positively (or to think of much else) knowing what the outcome could be and knowing just how shitty he felt (I lay awake that entire first night convincing myself that I too had Covid! #anxietysucks). It was the longest 48 hours ever but thankfully once again his results came back negative. 

The whole situation made me think of the Yiddish adage “Man Plans, and God Laughs” and just how much life is truly so unpredictable and how quickly unexpected changes can occur in your life; big or small (which is basically the journey I’ve been on for 6 years now!).

I had the best intentions and the best laid plans for the first time in many years when it came to a holiday celebration and as I mentioned above I was actually looking forward to a much less overwhelming Rosh Hashanah this year. In the end it may of still turned out to be another very overwhelming holiday while we waited for Jacob’s results but at least we got to enjoy some quiet family time together (with Jacob on Facetime) and lots of delicious festive food (I think Jacob is secretly starting to enjoy being waited on hand and foot 🙂 even if the first chance he got to be released from what’s beginning to feel like a dungeon he bolted for the nearest exit up the stairs and to the kitchen!).

#shanatova #roshhashanah #happynewyear #youareenough #manplansandgodlaughs #goawaycovid #familymatters #itsgonnabealongwinter #wearyourmask #washyourhands #togetherapart #secondwave #socialdistancing

Happy 21st Birthday Hannah

Happy 21st birthday Hannah

I know this wasn’t what you had hoped for or how you had planned to spend your 21st birthday this year but your resilience to overcome setbacks and challenges when faced with them is truly amazing and awe-inspiring (and of course being the easy going middle child that you are definitely helps too!!).

You have a heart of gold which shines through in everything you do. We are so proud of the beautiful, kindhearted young woman you have become and your dad and I can’t wait to see where your journey takes you next.  ❤

#weloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #middlechild #hanny #flux #hannahbanana #hannahmontana #hurricanehannah #twentyone #abirthdaytoremember #keepshining #happybirthday #proudmama #youareenough