My Velveteen Rabbit

Did you have a favourite blankie or stuffed animal growing up? Did you sleep with it every night and take it with you everywhere you went? Did you feel a sense of panic if it was suddenly out of your reach? Was it loved so much that it became “real”?

One of my favourite children’s books growing up was “The Velveteen Rabbit”, a story that I passed down to my own children when they were very young hoping they would fall in love with it as much as I did and one day I hope that my grandchildren and great grandchildren will too. 

The story was originally published in 1922 but it never seems to grow old. It’s a story of a young boy who receives many presents one Christmas morning including a beautiful stuffed Velveteen Rabbit.  But the boy doesn’t take to the rabbit right away as he had so many new and shiny toys to play with all at once, until one day his nanny grabs the Velveteen Rabbit off the shelf for him to sleep with.

The rabbit had longed for this moment and had only one wish in mind which was to “become”. And “become” he did. The boy grew so attached to the rabbit that eventually “most of his hair had been loved off, his eyes dropped out and his joints became loose and very shabby”. It was at that moment that the Velveteen Rabbit knew he had finally become “real”.

As a young child I had my own “Velveteen Rabbit” only he wasn’t actually a rabbit but instead a fluffy gray haired dog who wore a big red plaid hat atop his head. Throughout my childhood and into my transition into adulthood that stuffed dog gave me a great sense of safety, predictability and comfort; something I know millions of children around the world during this past year have looked for more than ever before. 

He “became” so real that his fur was also loved off, his eyes dropped out and his joints became loose and shabby too. He lost his big red plaid hat at some point over the course of my childhood and my grandma replaced it by knitting him a special red and white bow to wear around his wobbly neck to keep him warm. 

His name was Sniffer and he saw me through the worst of times in my life and the best of times as well (he even made a surprise appearance at my wedding thanks to my brother!). A stuffed animal like Sniffer who becomes “real” are so much more than any old toy in a child’s toy box because when they “become” they teach a child about compassion, they teach a child how to love and they can teach a child to be gentle towards others. They also open up a world of imagination and pretend play for a child by giving them a name, a voice and a personality.  

Sniffer did all that and more for me and nowadays he sits comfortably on a shelf in my closet as he is pretty old and fragile. He is also pretty much the only memory I have left from my childhood (a story for another time and place) so I will never just toss him away. 

Just knowing he is there if ever I need him gives me a sense of comfort and ease in an anxious moment. His sentimental value is also both soothing and calming in times of distress. I guess sometimes we all just need a trusting hug or cuddle from an old familiar inanimate object to give us a feeling that we too have “become” because once you “reach that point then no matter what happens to you, you can always be true to yourself” too.

Did you have a special toy or object that brought you comfort? Do you still have it today?

#becomingreal #stuffedanimals #comfort #sentimental #thevelveteenrabbit #youareenough #youarenotalone #childandyouthmentalhealth #mentalhealthishealth #childrensliterature

Less Is More This Holiday Season

As my kids were growing up they were always super excited in anticipation of the first night of Chanukah and they especially looked forward to spending time with family and friends throughout the “eight crazy nights”, lighting the Menorah, making holiday crafts, eating and baking lots of traditional Chanukah treats, exchanging presents and of course receiving them too. 

When they were younger we often gifted them with a small token gift each night of Chanukah after we lit the candles (not to worry, there were plenty of bigger presents to go around too). It may have seemed like they were super silly gifts, but seeing the excitement and joy light up their faces as they tore the wrapping paper from their new Dora the Explorer toothbrush or their funky new Chanukah pencil set is a feeling that will never grow old as a parent.

Tonight as we begin the celebration of Chanukah 2020 we will continue as always to honour the holiday by lighting the Menorah each night while enjoying the same traditional treats like sufganiyah (jelly donuts), homemade cookies and homemade latkes as well that smell up our clothes and home for days and days, but always totally worth it. 

But this year the holiday season, whether it be Chanukah, Christmas or any other holiday traditions you celebrate are going to once again in good old 2020 fashion feel a whole lot different from years past. 

Many of our traditions, celebrations or even vacations with friends and loved ones won’t be taking place this year and that is going to create a great sense of disappointment and a feeling of loss for many children and adults alike. 

Maybe we can all try to create some new traditions or find different ways of celebrating the holidays instead this year as we focus our attention on the general theme of 2020 which is that “less is more”. 

Maybe we can take some comfort in a more simplistic holiday season instead this year where we share our favourite memories of holidays past over a zoom call with loved ones or make holiday crafts to hang outside our door to brighten up the neighborhood or donate a toy to a child less fortunate.

However it is you choose to celebrate this year or as “grim” as the holiday season may feel for so many let us all be reminded that it is still the “season of giving” and the “season of miracles”.

And to all of us who will be lighting that first Chanukah candle tonight let it bring a “festival of light”, hope and unity for everyone around the world because that is truly all that matters this holiday season.  

#happychanukah #happyholidays #memories #traditions #familytraditions #newtraditions #tistheseason #lightthemenorah #eightcrazynights #festivaloflights #seasonofgiving #seasonofmiracles #santaclausiscomingtotown #togetherapart #lessismore #homefortheholidays #watchahallmarkmovie #youareenough #youarenotalone #checkonyourlovedones #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealthishealth  

Sleep Is Beyond Overrated

Yesterday I was feeling a bit under the weather and BEYOND exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep but as physically exhausted as I felt all day I knew that as soon as I were to get into bed that all bets would be off. So I decided to take something to help me fall asleep because I needed to sleep BEYOND badly. 

I’ve been prescribed sleeping pills in the past but like all other medications I’ve tried they really never worked properly and within days I would build up a tolerance to them anyways. This did eventually lead me to start abusing some of my prescribed meds, taking upwards of 8 to 10 pills a day, just so I could feel numb and maybe get a few solid hours of sleep at night.  

Well that didn’t end well at all on so many levels and once it was discovered that I had been stashing away certain medications in my home Rich began having to hide all my prescriptions and distributing them to me every day and I guess it’s a good thing that I have also since been flagged from being prescribed certain medications all together unless under proper supervision.

But that’s okay because they never really helped much anyways and so nowadays when I do take something for sleep I go for more of a natural remedy instead. I fight with myself to take anything most nights because truthfully they don’t really help much either.  

It’s almost 4 am as I am writing this and I should be fast asleep since I was so BEYOND physically exhausted yesterday and I did take a sleep aid before I got into bed but my case in point, sleep remedies don’t work for me.

Ok maybe I’m lying a bit because after taking something to help me fall asleep last night I did in fact fall asleep within an hour of taking it and I got a solid 1 hour of sleep!!! 1 whole glorious hour of sleep! And then I woke up and have been up since before 11 pm, which is about the same time most of you reading this were just about to doze off to dreamland for the night! 

I’m starting to think that sleep is kinda, sorta beyond overrated anyways? 😢😢😢

#sleeplessnights #beyondexhausted #insomnia #youareenough #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #suicidalthoughts #sleepingpills #cbdoil #mentalexhaustion #physicalexhaustion

Giving Tuesday

Today is “Giving Tuesday” which has become a recognized day of giving all across the Globe. It takes place on the first Tuesday after Black Friday and is a day for people to give back and/or volunteer for their favourite causes and Non-Profits.

“Giving Tuesday” is also the official kick-off to the holiday season, better known as the “Season of Giving”.

December is about making human connections and bringing good will and simple joy to others, however this December is sadly going to look and feel a whole lot different than in years past for much of the world.

So as we begin this final stretch of 2020 today (yay!) let’s all start by spreading as much hope and kindness as is humanly possible to others during the month ahead, and of course don’t forget to keep some of it for yourself as well. Remember that “no act of kindness is ever too small”.

http://www.givingtuesday.ca

#givingtuesday #spreadkindness #givehopetoothers #youareenough #selfcare #selflove #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones #togetherapart #wereallinthistogether #strongertogether #FU2020

Taking A Page Out Of My Story

“Then gradually day by day my life began to change. And the mommy I once knew and loved became very sad and strange.” 

This could be any one of our children’s voices. It wasn’t too long ago infact that this was my own children’s voices being echoed after finding themselves scared and unsure while struggling to cope with and understand their feelings as they watched their mother become a stranger in their home.

Covid-19 has added an immense amount of pressures and liabilities on millions of parents and families alike and many more are now finding themselves struggling with their own mental health issues, especially that of Anxiety and Depression.

I’ve said it many times before how my children were the inspiration for writing my book. It was through their strength and resilience that I was able to find a way to share their voices with other children who may also be in need of the comfort in knowing that they are not alone while learning to cope with their own feelings and to understand that they are safe, loved and most of all not to blame for their parent’s illness.

“Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go? is not only a heartwarming story of one family’s journey but it’s also a voice for millions of children everywhere.

To find out how you can get a copy of my book please message me or email me at:  youthareenough@gmail.com 

#wheredidmommyssmilego #childrensbook #author #blogger #advocate #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #familymatters 

Sometimes You Just Need A Good Cry

It doesn’t take much to make me cry and today was no exception. I felt a lot of tension and anger and sadness and frustration building up inside of me yesterday which carried over into the wee hours of the night and eventually turned into a full blown self-hating “Party For One” somewhere after midnight. 

Everything in my life right now feels like it’s coming unhinged and I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m sitting in my car as I write this, the doors are locked and I’m feeling trapped, without any way to escape.

I can feel the chaos of my life around me and it’s taking over my entire body. I am shaking in fear as the tears begin to well up in my eyes. I find the note in my phone that I wrote to myself late last night during my self-hating “Party For One” and the slow build up of tears quickly turns to a waterfall of emotions. 

I’m even more exhausted now while trying to read my note than I was when I first wrote it late last night and suddenly my eyes have become blurred from all the tears.

I put away my note and try to concentrate on my breathing instead. I can feel my heart palpitations and shakiness start to slow down with every breath I take and soon the tears begin to slow down as well.

Sometimes a good cry is all you need in order to help release your distress, calm yourself down, regulate your emotions and distract you from all the self-hate you have built up in your heart (and thank you to a good friend who happened to call me at just the right moment).

#tearsarehealing #itsalrighttocry #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #suicideprevention #blogger #masksoff 

A Thanksgiving Parody

@theholdernessfamily have been a great source of laughter and comfort for me over the last many months.  

Their videos are always so creative, entertaining, nostalgic and often carry with it a strong and meaningful message.

The Holderness family is so relatable to so many of us who are also just desperately trying to survive and navigate their way through day to day life during a Global Pandemic in the best and safest way possible. 

I know we are all missing our loved ones and have had to sacrifice so much this year (and I don’t believe that closing small businesses and retail stores as they have done so in parts of Ontario this week is necessarily the answer but then again do we really know what the right answer is anymore?).

This latest parody video holds a super powerful message and not just for our American friends and family who are busy preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving this week, but for everyone around the Globe who so urgently wants to be with their friends and other family members.

The good news however is that there is an end in sight, so for now lets all do our part to keep each other safe by continuing to socially distance and wear a mask.  

Follow The Holderness Family on Facebook and Instagram; you won’t be disappointed and Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate. 

ENJOY

#staysafe #aerosmith #parody #laughter #laughuntilyoucry #covidfatigue #2020sucks #theholdernessfamily #wereallinthistogether #wearamask #happythanksgiving #youareenough

Words of Encouragement

Waking up to this beautiful note this morning on Facebook messenger is a very illuminating reminder to me as to why I continue to write about and share my story with you.

Every time I receive personal messages like this one from friends (new or old), acquaintances and even strangers alike it gives me the strength and courage to keep doing what I do in order to help end the stigma and it further validates for me just how important it is to be completely honest with yourself about your own struggles and to be as open as possible with others as well.

I’ve said it many, many, many times before but if sharing my story as openly and honestly as I can will help make a difference in someone else’s life, will impact someone else’s journey in a positive light or will start a difficult conversation with a loved one then I will continue to do so.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Laurie for taking the time to reach out to me today, it truly meant so much.

I can still so clearly remember the day you trusted in me and shared with such raw emotions the story of your brother’s suicide and even though it was only about 13 years ago it wasn’t a conversation I had ever had before with anyone.

Society and stigma have come a long way since you lost your beautiful brother 18 years ago but there is still so much work to be done and I truly appreciate your kindness and support and wanted to share your words in hopes that someone else reading this today will find their inner strength to keep the conversation going.

#youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #endthestigmatogether #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #speakyourtruth #advocate #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #suicideprevention

Loving Me Back

I’m not loving myself too much these days, but that of course is nothing new to most of you reading this. 

Every time I look in the mirror I don’t see that loving reflection, the one that should be staring back at me with wide open arms eagerly awaiting to embrace me like you see in this picture. 

But why should it when all my inner critic keeps telling me is that I’m not worthy enough to love myself, I’m not good enough to love myself and I’m not deserving enough to love myself.

My heart bursts with so much love for so many others, in fact, I find it quite easy to love others and that love runs very deep and very far but when I look in the mirror all I see is a silhouette of a woman who is no longer recognizable and who is no longer lovable. 

I know that the love I feel for others is mutually returned by so so many people and even though I can’t see my own self-worth, I am so incredibly blessed that you all still do. 

I also know that I don’t need to love myself in order to be loved, even if it’s a good idea to and would be most beneficial to my own health and wellness. 

But maybe if I could find the same love and acceptance for myself as I have for so many others it would give me the courage to walk away from those who don’t see my value or know my worth in order to help make room in my heart to confidently walk towards that mirror with my arms opened wide, deservedly and ready to embrace the crap out of that unrecognizable, unlovable silhouette on the other side.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, reach for help immediately: Suicide Prevention Services Hotline: 1-833-456-4566

I love you all❤

#embraceyourself #selflove #selfworth #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocate #youarenotalone #loveyourselffirst #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #suicideawareness https://youareenough712.wordpress.com 

“Too Much”

I’m feeling very emotionally defeated today. I believe in being a truth teller and truth be told, I’m not okay. 

Do you ever feel like it’s all just way too much? Do you ever feel like you are overwhelmed by too much choice, by too much conflict and  disagreements, by too much anxiety provoking situations, by too much noise in your head, by too much noise around you, by too much stimuli, by too much bad news or by too much that you can’t seem to control?

Yesterday was a pretty “normal” Saturday given that we are living in pretty abnormal times. I tried my darndest to escape my “too much” even though my day may not have started until after Noon, which truth be told, is not abnormal for me. Mornings are really tough for me because well, truth be told again, my nights are even tougher.

Once I finally did get moving, Rich came with me to do a few quick errands (which is about all I can handle these days) and then we met up with our friends for a very welcomed, yet crisp mid afternoon walk through a nearby forest (I think the #summerofrich may be officially closed for the season).

When we got back home I read a few pages from my new book and then sifted through an overwhelming amount of messages on Facebook and Instagram from women inquiring about some makeup and beauty products I’m currently selling. 

We then had dinner with the kids and ended the day by watching a silly Netflix original movie (it was just one week ago when we were still enjoying a Saturday night backyard visit with friends instead of watching silly Netflix original movies; and truth be told, it’s gonna be a long winter- insert sad emoji here). 

Although there were several moments throughout my day where I was feeling like life was just “too much”, I didn’t actually admit defeat until the house got quiet and the “too much” turned to anxiety, panic and lots of tears.

Life is a never-ending roller coaster, a perfectly crafted metaphor I’ve used many times before but when the loops, the twists and the sharp turns become “too much”, the ride itself is no longer enjoyable. 

I can’t remember the last time I slept more than 3 hours straight (I’m being quite generous here when I say 3 hours straight because it’s way closer to 2 hours) or when I just naturally drifted off to sleep without a sudden jolt of worry or racing thoughts in my head that quickly brings me right back to a state of wakefulness. The unceasing fatigue and insomnia just continues to add a whole other layer to declaring defeat when the roller coaster ride feels like it’s way “too much”.

It’s dark and rainy outside today, I’m still lying in bed and nothing feels too motivating right now to change that. Today feels all “too much”.

What do you do when you feel like life is “too much”? 

#toomuch #feelingdefeated #insomnia #mentalfatigue #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #suicideprevention #suicideawareness