Last night we watched the movie “The Last Blockbuster” on Netflix (a bit ironic I have to say). 

It’s a Documentary about the demise of the Blockbuster Franchise (and how they once turned down an offer to buy Netflix; boy do I pity the fool now!). It also highlighted the very last store still in existence today in Bend, Oregon. 

To be honest I was never a regular customer of Blockbuster but boy oh boy did this movie ever bring back like a Gazillion or more memories from my childhood and young adult life; so much so that I kept trying to pause the movie in order to share some of those exciting highlights with the kids and Rich as they popped into my head but if you can believe it, they were more interested in watching the movie than listening to more of my silly (and often tearful) nostalgia!

Seriously though, I would’ve thought my kids could’ve at least pretended to show some interest in my stories, I mean like after all, their parents actually met while working together in a videostore and what about my husband, I would’ve thought he’d have been all ears too seeing as he met his future bride over 30 years ago at a videostore as well!!!

They’re just lucky that they’d already gone to their rooms after the movie was over or I may have tried to take them with me on another nostalgic trip down memory lane when, shortly after the movie ended I became aware through Social Media that my favourite (or a very close second to Judy Blume) children’s book author from my childhood Beverly Cleary had just passed away at 104 years young. Boy did they sure dodge a bullet that time!

What triggers nostalgia in you?

#thelastblockbuster #memories #nostalgia #videostores #videoflicks #dvds #vcrs #newreleases #popcorn #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #ripbeverlycleary #judyblume #childrensbookauthors

“Too Much”

I’m feeling very emotionally defeated today. I believe in being a truth teller and truth be told, I’m not okay. 

Do you ever feel like it’s all just way too much? Do you ever feel like you are overwhelmed by too much choice, by too much conflict and  disagreements, by too much anxiety provoking situations, by too much noise in your head, by too much noise around you, by too much stimuli, by too much bad news or by too much that you can’t seem to control?

Yesterday was a pretty “normal” Saturday given that we are living in pretty abnormal times. I tried my darndest to escape my “too much” even though my day may not have started until after Noon, which truth be told, is not abnormal for me. Mornings are really tough for me because well, truth be told again, my nights are even tougher.

Once I finally did get moving, Rich came with me to do a few quick errands (which is about all I can handle these days) and then we met up with our friends for a very welcomed, yet crisp mid afternoon walk through a nearby forest (I think the #summerofrich may be officially closed for the season).

When we got back home I read a few pages from my new book and then sifted through an overwhelming amount of messages on Facebook and Instagram from women inquiring about some makeup and beauty products I’m currently selling. 

We then had dinner with the kids and ended the day by watching a silly Netflix original movie (it was just one week ago when we were still enjoying a Saturday night backyard visit with friends instead of watching silly Netflix original movies; and truth be told, it’s gonna be a long winter- insert sad emoji here). 

Although there were several moments throughout my day where I was feeling like life was just “too much”, I didn’t actually admit defeat until the house got quiet and the “too much” turned to anxiety, panic and lots of tears.

Life is a never-ending roller coaster, a perfectly crafted metaphor I’ve used many times before but when the loops, the twists and the sharp turns become “too much”, the ride itself is no longer enjoyable. 

I can’t remember the last time I slept more than 3 hours straight (I’m being quite generous here when I say 3 hours straight because it’s way closer to 2 hours) or when I just naturally drifted off to sleep without a sudden jolt of worry or racing thoughts in my head that quickly brings me right back to a state of wakefulness. The unceasing fatigue and insomnia just continues to add a whole other layer to declaring defeat when the roller coaster ride feels like it’s way “too much”.

It’s dark and rainy outside today, I’m still lying in bed and nothing feels too motivating right now to change that. Today feels all “too much”.

What do you do when you feel like life is “too much”? 

#toomuch #feelingdefeated #insomnia #mentalfatigue #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #suicideprevention #suicideawareness 

The Kids Will Be Okay; But Will You?

There is still so much uncertainty right now pertaining to the rest of the current school year and for 2 of my kids this isn’t really an issue given that my son is done school already and one daughter is just completing her last few weeks of her 3rd year of University which is now being done all online, but then there is my youngest daughter who is just a few short months away from her High School Graduation and it’s beyond heartbreaking to think that she could miss out on the best and most defining moments of her High School career.

March Break is now officially over for us Ontarions and early this morning my daughter should have been returning home from her Graduation trip to Punta Cana with her friends, but instead she is at home unable to return to school for another 2 weeks, but whose kidding who, it’s going to be much longer than that and there has been quite a bit of buzz over the last few days that school could actually be cancelled for the remainder of the year.

As of right now there has not been any concrete plan put into place for this very possible and very devastating scenario, the one where my daughter doesn’t get to go to her High School Prom or attend her Graduation Ceremony but ya at least she has the accessibility to finish up her school year online if need be. 
But not every child can do so, in fact many children and their families don’t have computer or internet access in their home and have always relied on the available and free resources from our schools and libraries.

And right now many parents are panicking and rightfully so, but can we just take a step back for a moment (we have nothing better to do right now anyways). We as parents are under a tremendous amount of stress, overwhelm and anxiety about how they are going to be able to “homeschool” their children when the reality is, we aren’t meant to homeschool our kids unless that was the path you had already chosen for them. And an even bigger reality right now is that if school is to be cancelled for the remainder of the school year we honestly have so much more to be worried about than learning fractions or Shakespeare (he needs to be scraped from the curriculum all together!).

I really don’t think I need to tell you what it means if this pandemic continues right through to the summer. Right now we need to support each other as parents and remember that many parents may be doing this parenting and social distancing thing alone or maybe they are coping with the stressors that come along with having a child with special needs or maybe they are new to Canada and haven’t yet grasped the English language or maybe they are dealing with some physical or emotional issues. 

Whatever it is that someone else may be going through we need to stop judging each other. Whatever way you are able to get through today and tomorrow and the day after that, remember that you are a good parent and doing the best you can to survive these unprecedented times. 

So for now while we wait for what’s to come in the next few weeks try to focus on some kind of routine, but one which allows room for lots of flexibility and lots of outdoor recess and naptime. Now is as good a time as ever to slow down because we ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. Also let’s remember that our main objective as parents and human beings right now is to keep you and your family safe as best you can.

There will be so many opportunities for teachable moments throughout the day and maybe it will happen while you’re baking cookies, laughing at a TV show or taking a walk outside or maybe while you’re playing a game or painting a picture. Homeschooling needs to be about self-care which as I said above is much more important right now than fractions (and for sure Shakespeare; sorry to my Shakespeare fans). 

So considering my illness feels like it’s hit an iceberg and is causing me to suffer with daily headaches to boot, I will continue to try my best to be the best parent I know how by ensuring that my kids all get an A+ for doing their part in watching way too much Netflix while they help to flatten the curve.

#flattenthecurve #homeschooling #supporteachother #parenting #family #familymatters #youarenotalone #youareenough #covid19 #coronavirus #selfcare #togetherapart #pandemic #wewillneverbethesame #quarantine #netflixandchill #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

I Am Not Ok With This

May be triggering ***

I just finished watching a new series on Netflix called “I Am Not Ok With This”. I watched it because I had read an article about it recently and how it delves into the reality of what it feels like to be left behind following a loved one’s suicide.  I rarely watch Netflix series because to be honest I tape so much crap already that I honestly just can’t, even though there is so much more I’m missing out on but between reality TV, true crime shows, comedies and talk shows; seriously I don’t sleep as it is. 

Ok back to the reason I started writing this blog. When something catches my eye like this new series did I will invest in it. For me it’s almost like doing research for a school paper or news article. It was I believe 7 episodes in total and they were less than a half an hour each so definitely a Netflix and chill kinda series. It centered around a quirky teen who lives with her little brother and mom who works like 60 hours a week to make ends meet after their husband/father takes his life earlier that year.  The show is a dark dramedy and reminded me of a Quentin Tarantino film meets The Breakfast Club meets Carrie. Ya it was dark and every movie about teenagers trying to figure out life combined.

The series is based on a book, what a surprise! It does not necessarily centre around the father’s suicide but yet at the same time it does because the main character Syd is having a hard time grieving and unable to find any closure from her dad leaving her the way he did, and without a note. 

The writers show her devastation, anger and confusion by giving Syd superpowers which becomes her way of dealing with her emotions and destroying some of the pain and anger that is overwhelming her. Even through its quirkiness I could feel her pain and anger and her frustration and sadness when she says things like “did he think I wouldn’t need him around?” She speaks about feeling helpless for not being able to help him and asks the most painful question of all, “when will it ever get easier?”
Yes I heard the message loud and clear even through falling trees, thrown bowling balls and heads exploding (part of her super powers and definitely very Quentin Tarantino like). I heard where Syd was coming from. I saw the pain and destruction suicide of a loved one causes on a family.  My heart felt the heartbreak. I get it, I understand it, I just wish sometimes I could understand why my depression speaks a very different language in my head.

#depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #suicide #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #netflix #iamnotokwiththis #netflixandchill 

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