The Puppet Master

I know it’s really difficult for many of you to truly understand the depths of what depression and anxiety can do to a person’s mind.

It plays tricks on you.

Some days may feel lighter or brighter than others and for a moment, however brief it is, you may even forget about your illness.

Some days you are able to step outside of your darkness and pain just long enough to experience some moments of genuine joy and happiness. 

It’s as though you are playing a character role but as soon as the curtain closes you step back into real life. 

You all saw the pictures I posted the other day from my weekend away with my family (just in case you missed them here they are again: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2021/06/20/unwrapping-the-gift-of-family-time/).

You can see from these pictures that I experienced many, many treasured and genuine moments of joy and happiness over the weekend. 

I will always be forever grateful for everything my kids did for me this past weekend, ensuring that I felt those moments of genuine joy and happiness, which I did.

Nothing will ever erase those feelings even when my mind tries to trick me into believing otherwise. 

Yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me. The curtain closed abruptly on those feelings of joy and happiness and I crashed hard, real hard. 

The darkness and pain is still surging through my veins today from many of the triggers I experienced yesterday afternoon and evening (none of which I am comfortable sharing at the moment). 

As I lie in bed writing this, curled up in a cocoon underneath my weighted blanket and unable to face my final hours in my 40’s I am feeling very overwhelmed. I am confused. I am angry. I am sad. I am anxious. I am scared and to be perfectly honest I am all cried out at the moment. 

This is just some of the many depths of depression and anxiety. You see the moments of joy and happiness in my life and wonder how I can experience them if I still struggle with depression. I totally get why it may be so difficult and confusing to understand it, but that’s what depression does, its puppet master finds immense pleasure in playing tricks on your mind.

#momentsofjoy #momentsofhappiness #playingtricks #puppetmaster #depression #anxiety #overwhelm #suicideawareness #selfcare #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalillness #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #yourmentalhealthmatters #thedepthsofdepression

Monday Motivation: Summertime Self-Care Ideas

Today is the first full day of summer and it just so happens to also be “World Naked Hiking Day” too. 

Summertime for many of us often means more time to enjoy the daylight hours, more time to relax and more time for adventure. 

Summer is also the perfect season to refocus our energy on our mental and physical health which may have been lacking over the previous months as well.

So I’ve created a list of some very simple ideas for ways in which you can incorporate the all too important self-care into your summertime routine. 

1. Go for a long hike or a walk in nature (bring lots of bug spray if you decide to go naked!)

2. Use sidewalk chalk

3. Run through a sprinkler

4. Do yoga outside

5. Pack a blanket and enjoy a picnic in the park

6. Roast marshmallows 

7. Visit a farmer’s market

8. Watch the sun rise

9. Go out for ice cream 

10. Star gaze

11. Bird watch

12. Take an evening stroll at sunset

13. Play with water balloons

14. Have a backyard barbecue with friends and family

15. Make a playlist of music that reminds you of summer when you were a kid

16. Play with bubbles

17. Make lemonade out of lemons

18. Enjoy a good book

19. Drink lots of water

20. Take a road trip

21. Get lots of Vitamin D

22. Bake your favourite summertime treat 

23. Dance in the rain

24. Keep a journal of your summertime self-care

25. Discover a new hobby or reinvent an old one

26. Set new goals

Feel free to add anything I may have missed.

What do you look most forward to about summer?

#selfcare #mondaymotivation #summertimeselfcare #firstdayofsummer #summerishere #worldnakedhikingday #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #yourmentalhealthmatters #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #bekindtoyourself #beinthemoment #takecareofyourmentalhealth #nature #summerofrich 

Unwrapping The Gift Of Family Time

My illness has made me feel so out of control too many times to count.

It’s a very scary feeling. 

I don’t fair well with chaos and disorder.

I need to cross every “t” and dot every “i” in everything I do. 

I make lists and I check them twice (well its probably closer to a dozen times).

When I feel like I’m losing control over a situation I become extremely overwhelmed.

I think much of my obsessive and compulsive behaviours when it comes to control stem from my childhood, a time when I never truly felt like I had any control over my own life, nor given free reign to make my own decisions or mistakes. 

This weekend was meant for my family and I to celebrate ME. 

They organized everything, leaving no stone unturned (or meal and snack unplanned either). 

However, leading up to the weekend my need to take control overwhelmed me. 

But this weekend was not meant for me to get overwhelmed. 

It was meant for me to sit back, relax, be in the moment and not get caught up in every little detail. 

The kids and Rich could see the  overwhelm surrounding me throughout the week.

I tried my darndest to remove myself from any of the chaos and disorder. 

They reassured me over and over again.

“Mom, don’t worry, we’ve got this!” was repeated on a daily basis.

And boy were they were right. 

They didn’t miss a beat.

No stone went left unturned.

Every “t” was crossed and every “i” dotted. 

Words cannot begin to describe how much this weekend truly meant to me or how truly appreciative and grateful I am for the love my family. 

They may not always “get” me and that’s OK because they “get” what truly matters.

Memories were made to last a lifetime this weekend, laughter was in abundance and I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect gift than the gift of quality time with my perfectly imperfect family.

#iloveyoutothemoonandback #wevegotthis #perfectlyimperfect #familymatters #familyfirst #youareenough #cottagelife #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #nature #hiking #kahshelake #lakeofhealingwaters #funinthesun #turningfifty #birthdaygetaway #agiftoftime #peaceful #therapeutic #campfire #smores #summerofrich #happyfathersday #selfcare #blessed

We Have Arrived

“The Gift of Family Time” has begun (See my original post a few weeks ago in case you missed it: The Gift of Family Time (https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2021/05/26/the-gift-of-family-time/)

#thegiftoffamilytime #theperfectgift #birthdaygetaway #almostfifty #agiftoftime #familymatters #familyfirst #cottagelife #theweekend #therapeutic #selfcare #perspective #mindfulness #nature #inthemoment #youareenough #yourmentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #summerofrich #fathersdayweekend #iloveyoutothemoonandback

Good Mental Health is a Balancing Act

I’m overwhelmed. 

No I’m like freaking beyond overwhelmed right now. 

I’ve reached my tipping point and I’m finding it real challenging to keep my balance in check.

Good mental health is a balancing act. 

It takes a lot of trial and error. 

I know my weaknesses.

I know my limitations.

I know what makes me happy. 

I struggle to accept help from others.

I struggle to set boundaries. 

I struggle to say no.

I’m overwhelmed.

No I’m like freaking beyond overwhelmed right now. 

I’ve reached my tipping point and I’m finding it real challenging to keep my balance in check.

Balancing one’s mental health is “learning to find a way to do the things we have to do and the things we want to do without changing the hours in the day.”

I can’t find my balance right now. I’m tired.

I’m feeling hopeless.

Quick to anger.

Anxious.

Guilt.

Sadness. 

I’m an organizer, a fixer, a multi-tasker. 

But I can’t concentrate.

My brain is scattered.

I can’t complete a simple task.

I’m overwhelmed. 

No I’m like freaking beyond overwhelmed right now. 

I’ve reached my tipping point and I’m finding it real challenging to keep my balance in check.

Good mental health is a balancing act. 

It’s not something that can be achieved in a day.

My mental health depends on it and so does my mental wellness.

I’m deserving of both. So are you. 

But it may take a lot of trial and error in order to get there. 

How do you balance your mental health and wellness?

#mentalhealth #mondaymotivation #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #balancingact #overwhelm #vulnerability #itsoktonotbeok #yourmentalhealthmatters #youareenough #selfcare #hopelessness #suicideprevention #blogger #trialanderror

Happy Graduation Hannah

Tonight we celebrated Hannah’s Graduation from Ryerson University.

Her continued dedication, hard work, determination and commitment to succeed over the past four years not only earned Hannah a Degree in Communications but it also earned her a very well deserved placement on the Dean’s List for one last time this semester. 

Dad and I couldn’t be more proud of all that you have accomplished and we can’t wait to see what awaits you this coming Fall (but first stop, CAMP!!!!) as you embark on the next chapter of your journey at Humber College in Event Management.

We know that whatever path you choose in life you are certain to shine.

~Your education is a dress rehearsal for a life that is yours to lead ~ Nora Ephron

Don’t ever stop being you🥰❤

#happygraduation #mazeltov #hannahbanana #proudparents #greatjob #classof2021 #neverstopbeingyou #ryersonuniversity #humbercollege #eventmanagement #communications #youdidit #ouryouthmatter #weloveyoutothemoonandback #youareenough

Happy 26th Anniversary To My Beshert

Twenty six years ago today we stood before our family and friends and made a lifelong promise to one another. It was a promise to become partners and to love each other unconditionally, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

It was a promise of friendship, a promise of commitment, a promise of forgiveness, a promise of kindness, a promise of laughter, a promise of honesty, a promise of trust and a promise of patience.

We may have weathered many storms since then and we may have tested many of those promises too but still, twenty six years later there is no one else in the world I would rather weather any storm with than with you.

Thank you for keeping your promise to me; especially during the storms.

I love you to the moon and back, forever and a day!

#happyanniversary #twentysix #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #youareenough #strongertogether #familymatters #weddingvows #weddingbells #promises #vows #weatherthestorms #mrandmrs #insicknessandinhealth #summerofrich

Friendship First

It was 30 years ago today that Rich and I went out on our first “official” date. 

We had already been working together (he was my boss) for the better part of a year but our timing and circumstances just hadn’t quite aligned before then. 

But maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing, maybe it was how it was meant to be and maybe it’s how it should be because during the time leading up to our first “official” date we were building a genuine friendship. 

We were getting to know each other, trusting and confiding in one another and learning things about each other that we may not have otherwise been given the opportunity to do.

By developing a true friendship and bond first before jumping right into a relationship took away all of our exceptions. 

I can barely recall most days anymore what I did 5 minutes ago yet I can still remember every last moment of our first “official” date.

And maybe it’s because we could truly be ourselves around each other and not have to pretend to be someone we weren’t. 

Or maybe it’s that friendship we developed first, the one with no strings attached that has helped us to grow together as a couple and has also enabled us to support one another through the most difficult and challenging times that were still yet to come.

I’d love to hear some stories from your best and worst first dates. 

#firstdates #dinnerandamovie #twentysixyearsmarriedthisfriday #thirtyyearsago #wheredidthetimego #friendship #whattrulymatters #unbreakablebond #youareenough #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mondaymotivation #nostalgia

First Shipment

The first shipment of my “Class of 2021” Graduation lawn signs have just arrived and I couldn’t wait to install the very first one on my own front lawn and show off how proud I am of my “Awesome Grad”.

And thanks to the incredible generosity and support of so many families and friends in the community (and beyond) I have sold close to 200 signs thus far and I am looking forward to delivering each and every one of them to so many other “Awesome Graduates” and proud family and friends. Just knowing that we are all working together to achieve the same goal of helping all children and adolescents in the GTHA have better access to more affordable and attainable Mental Health services and supports that they so deserve warms my heart. 

It also just so happens that today is “National Child and Youth Mental Health Day” (May 7, 2021) so what better way to celebrate today than to help brighten up our neighborhoods, start some caring, stigma-free conversations in the community and let young people everywhere feel seen, heard and supported. 

If you would like to honour a very deserving “Class of 2021” Graduate in your life or help make a difference in the lives of so many other young people who may be feeling vulnerable and alone right now please email me at: youthareenough@gmail.com. 

*Proceeds to be donated to Youth Mental Health programs*

#nationalchildandyouthmentalhealthday #childrensmentalhealthawarenessweek #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #strongertogether #payitforward #mygraduate #middlechild #proudmama #classof2021 #ouryouthmatter #endthestigmatogether  #graduationday #youareenough #staysafe #empowerment #empathy #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #suicideprevention  #suicideawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones

2021 Graduate Campaign

As many of you know, last spring I created a series of lawn signs to help honour our 2020 graduates after receiving the devastating news that my daughter’s high school prom and graduation ceremony were both cancelled. 

The initiative quickly grew in abundance and at the end of 6 short weeks I had hand delivered somewhere in the ballpark of 700 signs to the front lawns (and porches) of so many deserving Graduates across the GTHA from Pre-K to Post-Graduate education. 

With the help of so many generous people in our amazing communities together we raised over $10,000 for Kids Help Phone which is why I have decided to launch my campaign again this spring. 

Our class of 2021 (including my other daughter who is just days away from earning her undergraduate degree in Communications) are all feeling the same disappointment, anger, loneliness, overwhelm and sadness as so many deserving graduates did just one year ago. 

I don’t need to tell you just how difficult this past year has been on our youth especially, many of whom are now struggling with debilitating anxiety and depression issues along with other mental health concerns due to the devastation and impact of the Pandemic. 

Our youth need to know that it’s okay to not be okay and that they are not alone which is why I have also decided this year to spread the wealth around by donating the proceeds to several youth mental health initiatives instead of just the one I did last year as the need to support our youth mental health programs is so much greater than ever before. 

I look forward to brightening up our neighborhoods soon.

#graduationday #grads #classof2021 #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones #lawnsigns #2021grads #youareenough #ouryouthmatter #payitforward #strongertogether