Haters Gonna Hate


As of the end of day today I, along with my Co-Pilot Rich will have delivered approximately 300 lawn signs (give or take a few) across the Greater Toronto Area (and beyond) and we still have lots more to go. It’s been an incredibly overwhelming experience for me so far but more importantly it’s been an incredibly successful and rewarding one too. 

Every time I drop off a sign on someone’s front lawn (or porch) honouring one (or more) of our “Class of 2020” Graduates I have either been lucky enough to witness the surprise and gratitude on their face myself when they first see the sign or shortly thereafter I receive some of the most amazing and heartfelt messages and pictures of both support and appreciation from the recipient’s family where I find myself imagining the moment instead.

Either way I can tell you that it feels amazing knowing I have in some small way made a young person smile (and even do cartwheels). But yesterday someone tried to knock me down and when you’re already feeling vulnerable, it basically leaves you completely deflated (see blog: “Yesterday”; May 23, 2020)
Shortly after I delivered one sign in particular yesterday a woman messaged me to say how disappointed she was at the size of the sign (insert SMH) and then continued by saying how the sign looked much bigger in the photo that was taken for our local newspaper (SMH again). I politely replied to her that I’m sorry she felt that way but I guess the editors of the paper purposely enlarged the photo of the sign to get the readers attention (I’m also pretty sure there’s a name for that, however I’m no expert in the field of Marketing and Advertising). 

I guess that now I know for the next time there is a Global Pandemic and our kids have to endure more loss and disappointment in their lives I would insist that there be a Legal Disclaimer attached to any pictures in the paper saying “Size May Vary”. 

I continued to tell “The Hater” that the lawn signs are all a standard size and if you are to compare them to every other company lawn sign in your neighborhood it is the same size and maybe even a bit bigger than others. But I also told “The Hater” that the point of the sign was not for its size but rather a small tribute to their child (or children) who are missing out on so much in their lives right now. I also told her that sadly she has forgotten what these signs were meant to represent in the first place and that I have only received kindness and support from 300 other families thanking me for doing what I am doing for such a great cause (SMH). @kidshelpphone

I know I shouldn’t let this “Hater” take up space in my head or try to knock me down. You can’t please everyone all of the time and some people get satisfaction from being hurtful and what’s even worse is that some people live with so much hate in their hearts which is just so sad, but besides all that, haven’t we always been taught that “Size doesn’t matter”!!! (SMFH)

#kindness #kindnessmatters #graduationday #lawnsigns #classof2020 #ouryouthmatter #hatersgonnahate #youareenough #nowords #shakemyhead #smh @bellletstalk 

We’re All In Different Boats


Even though we may all be weathering the same storm together does not mean that we are doing so from the same boat. Some of us may feel like a castaway on a deserted island with a broken raft and no paddle to steer us home while others may feel like they are peacefully sailing through a remote Tropical Island in a big Yacht straight out of “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous”.

Some of us are enjoying this time to slowly paddle our boat on a private lake and breathe in the fresh air and see our reflection on the water and actually like what we see, but for many more of us we may just be trying to brave the heavy waves on the ocean without capsizing our boat and praying we don’t fall into the shark pit below.

For many of us we are all alone in our boat, and the murky water surrounding us feels empty and the skies above us are dark and then you suddenly look across the way from you and through the fog you can see another boat in the distance filled with the love of a family, singing and dancing without a cloud in the sky above them.

For many of us right now we don’t have the means to fix the holes in our boat and it feels like we are sinking very fast without having a life preserver to keep our head above the water while others are still able to put their feet up on deck and use this time to map out their next adventure, a relaxing sail around the world. And then there are those who have no time to dock their motorboat right now because they are too busy working to help the rest of us try and stay afloat.

Yes we are all in different boats and sailing on very different journeys but we still share the same land and water which is why now would be the perfect time for all of us to anchor our boats next to one another (6 feet apart of course), not so we can compare them, not so we can judge them but so we can unite together as we weather the storm. 

#bekind #weatherthestorm #youareenough #wereallinthistogether #strongertogether #kindnessiskey  ##mentalhealthawarenessmonth #covid19 #selfcare #virtualhugs #checkonyourlovedones 

Life Is Cruel Sometimes

This Pandemic has changed the way for which we live our lives (forever) and it’s also changed the way for which we die as well. In just a few short days this week I’ve witnessed several friends and loved ones having to face losing a loved one or watch their loved one battle sickness and disease from afar. 

If witnessing a loved one having to battle an illness or even death wasn’t hard or traumatic enough before Covid-19 now it is just unimaginably cruel and almost punishable as a crime as they are now being forced to do so all alone. 

Life…and death are still happening all around us every single day and more often than not it is unrelated to Covid-19 even if we are being led to believe otherwise which makes it that much more difficult to understand how so many people are now being forced to battle life… and death all by themselves.

Our new reality may also be leaving many loved ones feeling an added sense of guilt, powerlessness and helplessness as they can’t physically be with their loved one or hold a proper funeral for them if need be or be by their side to hold their hand, connect with them emotionally, comfort them or even to be comforted.

It’s weeks like this one that really make you see just how cruel life can be sometimes, it’s also a reality check as to just how real this virus is and it’s definitely a gentle reminder for anyone who may need it of what truly matters in life… and death.

#sendingbighugs #virtualhugs #lifeordeath #connection #fuckcovid #lifeiscruel #youareenough #youarenotalone #togetherapart #strongertogether #family #friendship #whattrulymatters 

Even Superheroes Fall Down

*May Be Triggering*

I’m sure that many of you reading this have heard about the recent deaths by Suicide of several Frontline Workers in the news.  Even before there was such a thing as Covid-19 certain occupations have always been at greater risk for experiencing Mental Health challenges such as PTSD or Suicidal tendencies.  Among them are of course some of our bravest and most courageous Paramedics, Police Officers and Firefighters who are exposed to the most traumatic events or circumstances imaginable.  

Now we must sadly add to the list of occupations to which PTSD and Suicide rates will likely soar in the months ahead given that the rise has already begun. It may not happen all at once, in fact, many of the Frontline Workers and First Responders could experience an “aftershock” of the Pandemic when life starts to settle down and get back to “normal” (a term I use very loosely these days).  

But for many other Healthcare professionals and First Responders they are in the here and now of the Pandemic and even though they may be our Superheroes they are also human beings first, being faced with extreme and unprecedented situations. Many of these brave men and women are carrying with them a very heavy overload through every long and gruelling shift they work and beyond which can also leave them with very little time to be able to release the traumatic events from their minds before moving onto the next one.

Most people who choose an occupation in Healthcare or as a First Responder were probably drawn to their profession because they wanted to help others and protect them from suffering or pain but now with the inordinate amount of death they are facing each day it is taking a further toll on their Mental Health and Wellbeing. For many of these Healthcare professionals and First Responders they are beginning to feel a heavy burden on them when they are unable to save a life, or they may be feeling powerless or defeated due to working with limited resources in many places around the world and many, many more are just simply burnt-out no matter how strong others may perceive them to be.

So our Superheroes need to be taken care of more than ever before. They need to know that it’s just as brave and courageous to take time for themselves whenever they are not working as they would take care of their patients. They need to make sure to practice setting healthy boundaries and to ensure that they stay grounded and mindful each day and of course they may need a helpful reminder that it’s okay to not be okay and that it’s more than okay to ask for help. If you know a Frontline worker or First Responder or are lucky enough to love a Frontline Worker or First Responder go check on them now and for the rest of you leave a heart emoji in the comments to honour our Superheroes.

if you are in crisis and need support go to your nearest hospital or call your local distress center for help.

#frontlineworkers #firstresponders #courage #bravery #suicide #suicideprevention #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #checkonyourlovedones #masksofff #ptsd #mentalhealth #selfcare #mentalillness #itsoktonotbeok #strongertogether #togetherapart #staysafe #stayhome #flattenthecurve #physicaldistance #bekind #parmedics #firefighters #policeofficers #healthcareprofessionals #doctors #nurses

Keeping it Real

*May be triggering to some* 

I had a really rough night and I’m so thankful that I had my husband and my pup (who turns 9 tomorrow) with me to keep me safe and get me through the night, especially knowing just how many people are alone right now. 
So much has changed in all of our lives over the last month and I’m pretty sure we are all having some rough days and nights but the one thing that hasn’t changed for me since this crisis began is that I still have the same mental illness I did before it started. 

I’m still suffering with chronic and treatment resistant depression, severe anxiety and suicidal ideations every damn day and all that seems to have changed for me over the course of the last month is that many, if not most of my symptoms have become exacerbated. 

It’s more important than ever to take care of our mental health and to make it a priority. Yet I’m feeling less and less inclined to do so anymore and more and more guilty for being sick with each passing day.

Oh the fucking guilt, it’s such a huge burden to carry. I feel invisible right now and I need to keep reminding myself that I’ve tried and that having a mental illness is not my fault. I need to keep reminding myself that I did not choose to have a mental illness and I need to stop apologizing for it even though the entire world may be experiencing a Pandemic right now. 

I could really use a hug, how about you? 

#checkonyourlovedones #masksofff #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #itsoktonotbeok #startaconversation #suicide #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #noshame #yourmentalhealthmatters #stateofemergency #pandemic #overwhelm #panicattack 

Things Change, People Can Too

Two years ago this coming July I wrote a blog titled “Distress Centers, Demi Lovato & Doug Ford” that I wanted to share with you again today because I feel like it is quite relevant to our life right now. A lot has changed since I first wrote this blog including my reference to being a smoker for over 30 years because as you all know by now, I no longer am! 

Something else that has changed since writing this blog on July 29, 2018 was my great dislike at the time for our then newly elected Premier of Ontario; Doug Ford, but over the last six weeks he has really grown on me ALOT as he continues everyday to prove to the people of Ontario (and Canada) what the true definition of a leader and a mensch are.

He has stepped up to the plate and  gone above and beyond what’s in his actual job description and shows his genuine concern and compassion “for the people”.  I can’t say for sure I will continue to feel the same way about him after the crisis is finally over but for now I don’t think we could ask for a better man (or woman) for the job.

Something else that this particular blog touches upon is addiction, our mental health and asking for help. Our mental health is imperative right now and figuring out ways to ensure that we take the very best care of both our bodies and minds. 

I fear that more and more people are going to come through this Pandemic with new or worsening addiction and mental health issues, both young and old. And being in quarantine many may not realize that if they are feeling vulnerable, alone or scared that help is just a text or phone call away. 

But taking that first step to reach out to someone can feel next to impossible for many, but will also be the greatest thing that you do for yourself so if you are feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed and need to talk to someone, Kids Help Phone and 310-COPE are just two of many helplines that are available to you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; they are the definition of an essential service!

https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2018/07/29/distress-centers-demi-lovato-doug-ford

#dougford #demilovato #kidshelpphone #helplines #ourpremier #essentialservices #addiction #mentalillness #mentalhealth #selfcare #ichooseme #youarenotalone #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #masksoff #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #endthestigmatogether 

Late Night Radio

I just finished pre recording a segment for tonight’s radio show The Late Shift with Jason Agnew on 1010 talk radio. It’s been a while since I have done an interview or given a talk as so many recent and upcoming events I had scheduled were cancelled.

I know there are so many people who are suffering right now with Depression and Anxiety and that many turn to the comfort of late night talk radio. If I can help just one person listening tonight feel less afraid or less alone it will warm my heart.

If you can’t sleep tonight tune in around 3am. It’s broadcast throughout Canada.

Please continue to follow my journey at https://youareenough712.wordpress.com and do not hesitate to reach out to me if you ever need someone to listen. Xoxo

#iheartradio #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #covid19 #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #youmatter #bellmedia #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #bellletstalk #wecanallmakeadifference #checkonyourlovedones #togetherapart #stayhome #flattenthecurve

Where Will You Be Next Year


Tonight, as we gather around the table for our Seder, you may be feeling a bit sad or overwhelmed as you look around the room missing loved ones that you long to be with right now.

Traditionally at the close of the Passover Seder we sing or read the phrase (depends how drunk you are) from the Haggadah “Next Year In Jerusalem”  which signifies a Jewish person’s experience of living in exile and their desire to see the Temple rebuilt in Jerusalem. And the symbolism here (and throughout the entire story of Passover) to what is happening right now around the world (See blog “Why Is This Night Different?”; April 1, 2020) is really quite surreal.  

The state of the world has made me see this holiday through a completely different lens which may have only taken me close to 49 years and a world wide Pandemic to truly appreciate and understand the importance of Passover and in light of what is going on around the world I hope that when you reach the end of your Seder tonight and read (or sing) the words “Next Year In Jerusalem” that you know that you do not need to physically be in “Jerusalem” but instead you should see Jerusalem as a representation of hope and possibility, of peace and opportunity and a great reminder that we have overcome so much adversity and will do so again. 

“Next Year In Jerusalem” may we all be in the presence of our loved ones wherever that may be in the world; in good health and happiness.

Wishing everyone who celebrates a happy and meaningful Passover. 

#passover #sedar #whyisthisnightdifferent #plagues #family #traditions #haggadah #feast #youareenough #stayhome #wereallinthistogether #flattenthecurve #socialdistancing #covid19 #togetherapart 

World Health Day

Today is World Health Day and in its entire history today’s celebration couldn’t be more fitting than ever before. World Health Day is an initiative that raises awareness about the overall health and wellbeing of people around the world which is why today feels très importante! The theme of this year’s #worldhealthday is in support of nurses and midwives who have been the unsung heroes of Covid-19 by sacrificing their own health and wellbeing in order to ensure that we can all live in a healthier, safer world. Feel free to give a shoutout here to a special healthcare worker in your life!

#thankyou #grateful #gratitude #unsungheroes #nurses #midwives #healthcare #essentialworkers #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #physicalhealth #physicalwellness #youareenough #stayhome #flattenthecurve

The Anniversary Effect

Today marks six years since my whole world began to crumble and as each Anniversary comes around the pain and sadness from that fateful day, April 4, 2014 still feels like a knife is being slowly twisted deeper into my heart. I can recall the events of that day as though they were yesterday and I shared them all with you in a blog titled “April 4, 2014: It’s Been Five Long Years”, exactly one year ago today.

As each Anniversary approaches I feel that initial sense of pain and sadness all over again and I begin to site the “would’ves”, the “should’ves” and the “could’ves” one by one over and over and over again in order to figure out if somehow there would’ve, should’ve or could’ve been a different outcome, one that didn’t lead me down a path where six years later I would still be living with the daily pain and sadness associated with Anxiety, Depression and Suicidal Ideations. 

Anniversaries are supposed to be celebrated, right? Well not all Anniversaries feel like a celebration and whether it’s the Anniversary of a bad break-up, the Anniversary of a traumatic event in your life or the Anniversary of the death of a loved one it can easily trigger pain and sadness.  This actually has a name for it; it’s called “The Anniversary Effect” and is defined as “a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.”

This year with the approach of my sixth year Anniversary date it’s brought with it a lot of extra intensity given the current and uncertain state of the world right now. It’s left me feeling even further trapped in my thoughts and crippled by so many emotions with an added bonus of battling headaches almost daily. I’m finding it really difficult to get out of bed, to follow any sort of routine, to be motivated and to not cry at every single fucking thing. 

I’m trying to find ways to distract myself and find something to help ease the pain and sadness I’m feeling today (Covid-19 memes seem to do the trick so feel free to pass any along). Maybe today will include trying to reflect back on the past six years at some moments that have brought me happiness or maybe by trying to find some hope in what truly feels hopeless right now or maybe by looking at the “what ifs” of tomorrow and feeling less afraid of them.

But however I choose to spend today, whether or not it’s in bed or whether or not it’s trying to follow a routine or whether or not I feel completely unmotivated or whether or not I cry at every fucking little thing I’ve also been reminded today that each Anniversary I’m still writing about definitely would, definitely should and definitely is an Anniversary to celebrate. Thanks for the reminder; I may need it again tomorrow.