Jacob called in sick to work the other day, something he has rarely done in the past but he just wasn’t feeling well. He told us he was feeling really run down, he had a case of laryngitis and he also displayed some other mild cold-like symptoms as well. If this had been 6 months ago we would have probably just given him some Tylenol or Cold and Flu medicine and sent him and his “man cold” back to bed but instead we sent him to go get a Covid test to put all of our minds at ease.
We can no longer just simply dismiss exhaustion or other cold and flu-like symptoms as nothing more than the “common cold”. For almost 24 hours we kept him isolated to his room in the basement while awaiting his results. We left food and water for him outside his bedroom door like you would that of a prisoner (and Hannah made him a big bowl of ice cream for dessert too) and we lay in wait with a feeling of panic until he got his results.
While we waited we also needed to discuss in great length what the possibility of a positive test would mean for the five of us and for anyone else Jacob had been in contact with over the last week or so.
It felt scary and very real. His test results THANKFULLY came back negative, but as we head into the cooler weather now and with the cold and flu season upon us, this is going to become the reality for more and more of us in the coming months and from the several stories I have seen on Social Media just one day into the start of the new school year for many of our children who were being sent home due to having runny noses, our “new norm” is certain to only add to an already very long and uncertain Fall and Winter season ahead.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. Every 40 seconds a life is lost around the world to suicide and that is just not acceptable.
It is more important than ever before that we keep talking about suicide because the more we talk about suicide, the more we encourage others to as well. The more we talk about suicide, the less alone someone may feel. The more we talk about suicide, the more change we can make happen. The more we talk about suicide the more lives we can save.
Talking about suicide may not be easy and can also be very uncomfortable (trust me I know) but it’s relevant and it’s a conversation we need to keep having; not just for today but every single day. Talking about suicide may help bring a glimmer of hope or relief to someone’s pain and desperation or even become the light into their darkness.
Collectively these efforts are all key to suicide prevention. Suicide can be prevented.
It’s been thirteen months now since I first launched my children’s book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” which was a dream come true for me and had it not been for my illness, I can almost guarantee you that it may never have happened; nor would I have found myself pursuing my love of writing, advocacy or helping others either.
But about seven weeks ago that dream which I had worked so hard to make come true for some eighteen months prior all came to a crashing halt in an instant. I wrote a Blog at the time titled “A Labour of Love” where I explained how one evening back in July I found out (purely by accident) that the seemingly well established (twenty six years in business), highly recommended Publishing company that I used to self-publish my book had vanished without a trace with not even so much as a heads up to its clients.
I was left feeling completely defeated and it has taken a huge toll on my health and safety over the last many weeks. Not only did they close their doors for good (which I may have felt empathy for had they handled it bravely) they also disconnected any and all hope of contacting them and to add even more salt to the wound they also took with them my remaining inventory/and very generous Grant money I had received in good faith by a well known and very prominent Mental Health Foundation. So completely defeated is an understatement as to what this has done to my health and the future of my book.
I still have some copies of my book in my personal possession (so feel free to contact me if you would like a copy!). However last week I had to make the very difficult decision to close down my account on Amazon because the publisher was who held most of my inventory/money in order to replenish the Amazon site and well it seemed pointless to keep my account open without having books to actually sell.
So what now? Well now I have to start over by having my book re-published somewhere else (even though my current state of mind has been telling me to just give it up). And why does my mind keep telling me to just give it up? Well without going into great detail, the long and short of it is that right now I don’t have any extra funds that it would take to re-publish my book and at this moment in time is a cost that I cannot afford.
About a month or so ago I began exploring and researching some opportunities that I could do in order for me to make some extra income to help my family out right now (my husband lost his job close to 7 months ago) and to also work toward my goal of re-publishing my book as well. As many of you know I have an entrepreneurial spirit in me and I love to sell many different products over the years but I knew that in order to ensure success I would need a product that brings me passion and purpose. I knew I needed to find something that could add value to my advocacy and I knew I needed to find something that would inspire me on my journey toward wellness.
That was when I found Origami Owl, a jewelry company that completely aligns with my journey. They have a strong sense of community and their mission is to empower women of all ages and to help make a difference in the lives of others. They sell lockets and charms that help tell your story, they have an Empowerment Collection that have inspiring messages of hope, a program and mission called Force For Good which motivates us to do good and the profits from this collection are donated to charities from all over Canada and the US including Autism, Domestic Abuse and Breast Cancer. They have a young entrepreneur program as well that helps young women between 11 and 17 years old to aspire and dream and most recently one of those young entrepreneurs created her own charm to add to the collection called “You Are Loved” and is a semicolon intertwined in a heart which represents Suicide Prevention and 100% of the proceeds go to support Suicide Prevention and Awareness.
And if all this wasn’t enough reason for me to join Origami Owl, Disney has just partnered with them and will be launching a collection later this month (if you know me well, you will know how much I LOVE Disney and especially MICKEY MOUSE.
I have attached several pictures but there are 100’s more pieces available so please feel free to check out my website: https://kimfluxgold.origamiowl.ca and thank you as always for your continued love and encouragement along my journey.
Yesterday I wrote an article that talked about September being National Self-Care Awareness Month but September is also National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month; a Campaign which focuses on bringing awareness about Mental Health promotion and suicide prevention.
This year’s theme “You Are Not Alone” is such an important message (especially now more than ever) for anyone who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide like I am right now or for those who may have lost a loved one to suicide to know that it’s okay to not be okay and that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it the most.
It’s also a message letting someone know that if they are struggling with thoughts of suicide that there is always support available to them and that the more open we are to expressing our feelings to others, the less stigma there will be.
As you know, I talk very openly and as honestly as I possibly can about my own very raw and personal struggles with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I focus a great deal on ensuring that anyone who is suffering with a mental illness or who knows someone that is will feel less alone in their suffering.
This past week has been an extremely difficult one for me and my family as I have been struggling more than ever before with the thought of suicide but given the outpouring of supportive messages, phone calls and visits I’ve received since the days following my visit to emerg, I know that I am not alone and that no matter what happens, neither is my family.
I also know from the many personal messages I receive each and every week from individuals who may have resonated with something I wrote or may be seeking support or guidance for themselves or their loved one who is struggling with their mental health that when I speak my truth, it is giving someone else permission to do the same.
And that right there is the exact reason why I began sharing my journey with you all. Not for pity, not for attention and definitely not to be judged but pure and simple to let you know that you are never alone.
***If you or someone you know is in crisis please call 1-833-456-4566***
Thank you Hannah for giving me the most meaningful and symbolic gift tonight and for making it feel truly extra special by sharing in this moment with me.
As most of you know, the words “You Are Enough” have become my personal mantra throughout most of my journey. It’s a positive affirmation that motivates and inspires myself and others to be who you are; on purpose and with purpose. It’s a gentle reminder to us all that “You Are Enough” just as you are, even when a broken wing may make it difficult to fly sometimes.
Many people only see a tattoo as being skin deep but for me the significance of our tattoo (and my first tattoo I got 4 years ago 😉 goes much much deeper.
The words “You Are Enough” are now permanently etched in our skin (and are expressed through my own handwriting) and will always and forever be a valuable and visible persuasion for both Hannah and myself as well as anyone else seeing it who may need a soft-spoken and kindhearted reminder somedays that “You Are Enough” because you are already you!
Rachel has been hard at work prepping her new classroom before the start of the Fall semester and her first term in University. It may not be the ideal situation or one that many of us would have chosen for our children but to quote the Schmuck himself (AKA: The President of The United States) “It is what it is!”
So for now Rachel is trying to make the best of a pretty shitty situation by creating her own oasis in our living room and claiming it as her new workspace and art studio, starting by adding a fresh coat of paint to the walls.
A fresh coat of paint can be beneficial to our mental wellness and can bring with it a calming effect and a sense of comfort and ease. Having a clean and orderly space, reducing the amount of clutter in it and being surrounded by bright, natural lighting can also become a healing sanctuary for our mental wellbeing.
I’m just not so sure that Maggie is thrilled with Rachel trying to take over her favorite spot in the house where she sits on her throne and keeps a close watch on the goings on outside but that’s for the two of them to work out!
It’s been well over a week since I’ve sat down to write anything. Many times when you see a post or blog of mine on my news feeds there is a good chance it had been written well in advance of that day. The truth is I’m having a real hard time expressing myself lately and I’ve just been trying to hold it together.
My thoughts have become very clouded by a darkness of emotional unrest that is completely overpowering me. I feel like I’m standing on the ledge of the tallest skyscraper in the world; I’m alone and scared as I listen to the sounds of the oncoming traffic down below. I have butterflies in my stomach, desperation in my eyes, my heart is beating super fast, I feel nauseous and dizzy and then suddenly I awake in a panic.
I’m relieved for a moment as I try to get my barings and then a feeling of sadness and despair quickly overcomes me.
When you feel like you are barely holding on for dear life like I do right now and trying desperately not to lose your grip while standing on that ledge can make for some very burdensome days and some even more exhausting and insufferable nights.
I ask myself in that moment of relief how can I find the strength to keep going when my motivation to do so is fading fast? I ask myself in that same moment how can I find the strength to keep fighting when I’m in so much pain and feel so hopeless? I ask myself in that moment how can I find the strength to keep moving forward when my heart is aching so much? And I ask myself in that moment where can I find my inner strength?
What helps you find your inner strength?
**if you or someone you know is in emotional crisis or suicidal please call: 1-833-456-4566**
As human beings we have an innate need to seek the approval of others but when doing so we often end up sacrificing our own needs, our own beliefs, our own opinions and our own values.
We sometimes engage in such behavior because we want so much to keep the peace or reduce our level of anxiety, or maybe we worry about being criticized by our loved ones (and even strangers) or maybe we want so badly to impress others; as humans we want to please others and we want more than anything to just be “liked”.
But over time our need to seek the approval of others may eventually turn to disappointment, missed opportunities and even resentment. When we are always seeking the approval of others we forget who we are or what we are truly capable of which can in many cases like my own, turn into Depression.
I’m slowly learning with time (and therapy!) the importance of loving myself first, above all else and that it’s okay to let others down. I spent a great deal of my childhood and young adult life feeling very restricted and controlled. I never felt “good” enough in my parent’s eyes or free to express my “true authentic self” which are some of the many reasons why I am always having to second guess myself and why I fear failure so much or have a difficult time saying “NO” to others and it’s likely the reason why I get so easily overwhelmed.
I started reading a new book titled “Stop Checking Your Likes”. Many of you will instinctively think that it’s a book about Social Media but it’s really not. But although it may not be a book devoted to Social Media in of itself the reality is that this is where so many people seek out approval these days in order to feel accepted, confident and “liked”.
The author’s intention in her book is more about teaching her readers how to walk away from the “likes” of others and start focusing on “liking” ourselves instead in order to stop sacrificing our own needs, our own beliefs, our own opinions and our own values and start learning how to validate ourselves with more confidence, compassion and with the greatest of ease.
You’ve probably heard the saying before “You can’t please all the people all the time.” It’s nearly impossible for anyone to be able to please everyone at the same time because we are all unique individuals with our own unique set of expectations, experiences and perceptions and that’s perfectly okay.
This fall will be the first time in almost 20 years that I won’t have a child in my home entering a new school year in the Pre to K, Primary or Secondary School system. Both of my daughters fate were determined for them several months ago as the Post Secondary Educational systems all made the decision early on to begin the upcoming school year mostly online, but right now many other anxious Parents, Teachers, Administrators, Support Staff and children are eagerly awaiting their own fate as to whether or not schools will reopen, will continue online or will do a combination of both.
As a parent I am quite torn with the decision that was predetermined for my girls months ago and especially for my youngest daughter who has already lost so much in her graduating year from High School to now not be able to experience the excitement and comradary that comes along with this next milestone in her life.
Sadly there is no right or wrong, risk-free decision as to whether or not or even how our kids can safely return to the classroom this fall or if they should continue their studies online, nor am I here to debate it either way but I know that when the decision is finally announced there will be plenty of Parents, Teachers, Administrators, Support Staff and children cheering in support of the decision and many more yelling with rage.
Whatever decision is made (there will be no clear winner or loser), just remember that everyone has a right to their own opinion and even if that opinion differs from yours that no one has the right to judge you for that. We’re all in this together but as I said before we will never be able to please everyone all of the time.
Therefore it is more important than ever, no matter what the outcome is, that we focus our attention on keeping our children (and family’s) mental health and wellness in check above all else right now which may very likely look a whole lot different for each of us as our expectations, our experiences and our perceptions are all unique to us, and guess what; that’s perfectly okay.
Today we got an early start to the day and drove up north (Jacob joined us for dinner after work 🧒) to spend the day at our friend’s cottage, something very familiar to us by now as we have been going there since our kids were very little.
Today’s visit came at a time when getting away from it all was critical for me as I mentioned the other day (Blog “Give Me A Break”; July 13, 2020). I have desperately needed to take a Mental Health break and a change of scenery is certainly a great benefit for your mental health.
Getting away from it all, even for the day can significantly help reduce your level of stress and calm your mind; and spending the day outdoors in the warm summer sun by the water, listening to the sound of the waves rolling by is definitely a perfect way to relax your body as well (and spending time with loved ones is just an added bonus).
YouAreEnough 
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