Category: Mental Health

The sudden passing of Betty White on New Year’s Eve day left me really emotional (but to be fair though, everything gets me emotional!). 

No one can argue that she had lived a very full and meaningful life, one which she has so humbly noted many times throughout her long life that she considered herself to be “the luckiest broad on two feet” and that she also lived with no regrets (and lots of animals!)

But still, her adoring fans, including myself (like who here didn’t love her role in the Golden Girls!) weren’t ready to say goodbye to her when the news broke just three weeks shy of her 100th birthday; a day which so many of us had been awaiting in anticipation of to help honour and celebrate her incredible life and achievements.

It’s really hard to imagine, even for someone as iconic as Betty White is, who lived such a fulfilling life could live without having any regrets though? I mean that’s pretty remarkable. 

My illness has sparked a long list of regrets in my life, many of which have only made it that much more difficult for me to live a fulfilling, happier life right now.

I regret all the times I haven’t been able to enjoy the present moment, or taken more chances. 

I regret all the times I haven’t trusted enough in myself, or had the strength to keep moving forward when things get too hard or days feel too much. 

I regret all the times I’ve been unable to recognize my self worth (and it’s alot), or didn’t stand up for myself more by being honest when faced with judgmental people in my life. 

I regret all the times I haven’t told someone how they’ve made me feel, or have cared too much about what others have thought of me.

I know I’m not alone but when I began delving deeper into Betty White’s remarkable life and legacy through a closer lens over the last couple of days I can now see more clearly just how many important lessons we can takeaway from her very long and very well-intentioned life that she lived without regrets. 

She was a trailblazer who broke down so many incredibe barriers in her lifetime (especially for women). 

She taught us that by staying active both in our body and mind can help keep you feeling young and without regret.

She taught us that finding a passion or many passions in life and pursuing them can keep you feeling young and without regret. 

She taught us that perseverance can keep you feeling young and without regret. 

She taught us that change, especially when trying to keep up with the fast paced and ever-changing world we live in today can keep you feeling young and without regret.

She also taught us that no matter how many times in life we may need to pivot or change with the times that always giving it your all can definitely keep you feeling young and without regret.

These are just a few of my own takeaways from what Betty has taught the world but she herself has often shared her own true secret with  journalists and the public as to what it truly takes to keep her feeling young and live such a full and meaningful life with no regrets and her answer was simple; having “kindness and consideration of somebody besides yourself” is all you really need (and vodka; she’s a comedian afterall!).

As I said at the start, her death made me really emotional and even though she was just weeks away from her 100th birthday, it just felt so sudden and shocking. We all felt as though she was going to live forever. But I’m going to read what I’ve written here today over and over again as I try and put my best foot forward into the start of 2022 knowing that showing both kindness and consideration towards others is a big part of who I already am and it’s one regret I will never have, nor apologize for.

What has Betty White taught you? 

Do you live with any regrets in life?

#bettywhite #liveforeverinourhearts #rip #regrets #secrettokeepingyoung #goldengirls #hotincleveland #marytylermoore #kindnessandconsideration #passion #lifelessons #warrior #mentalhealth #wellness #longlife #youarenotalone

Happy new year and thank you.

You are not alone xoxo

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=227666982859629&id=100000734852540

This year honestly feels like a blur. 

We collectively came into 2021 feeling hopeful.

Vaccines were on the horizon and there was a sense of promise sifting through the murky air that life would soon be getting back to normal again, very soon. We could almost taste it and boy did it taste ever so sweet and savory.

But boy were we all so sorely mistaken. 

By late Spring though we slowly began taking a few baby steps towards normalcy again as more and more people did the right thing and got their vaccines and many of us even tried dipping a toe or two in the water too. 

We felt like we had a bit of a safety net below us now. We saw it as an opportunity and gave us that feeling of hope we were so longing for…right up until mid Fall that is. We did however short lived as it was, get a sneak peek into what “normal” could one day look like (which I still have faith it will again) and it felt both soothing and necessary but as the year quickly comes to a close many of us are now left feeling like we have re-entered the Twighlight Zone of March 2020. 

I’ve, interestingly enough, with all of my overwhelming lists of anxieties and fears that I live with on a daily basis have managed for the most part not to allow Covid-19 to add to it. I believe in science, I have been triple vaccinated, I’ve followed all the necessary and life-saving protocols since day one and although Covid-19 did bust down our front door a few weeks ago I was still able to see first hand the effectiveness and necessity of vaccines and protocols.

It’s no secret that I’ve been living in survival mode for almost 8 years and I think it’s safe to say that many more of us have been living in a similar place for the better part of two years now; and with pretty damn good reason.

But I can’t keep trying to survive or merely exist year after year. It’s clearly not working and I’ve been close to the edge of giving up too many times to count by now and just as recent as this past week. 

I need to somehow learn how to thrive and flourish, not just survive and more than anything else in the world.

For myself but not by myself. 

Thriving is having both the ability and the mindset to do whatever drives you to be or to do. It’s believing that you have a purpose and being able to see beyond one’s own limitations no matter what they are or how they were determined. 

I don’t set New Year’s Resolutions for myself as they are most certain to fail everytime but as I slowly become more and more attuned lately with my past and finding ways to overcome it is allowing me the room I need to set an intention to bring what I have learned with me into 2022 in order to help me thrive. 

I plan to start by taking the words of the late, great Maya Angelou with me wherever I go.

In her own words: “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

What are some things that help you thrive?

I just want to also take this opportunity today to say a special thank you to all of you for continuing to follow my journey and for walking beside me throughout what has been my toughest year yet. (Feel free to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or my Blog: youareenough712.wordpress.com 

You truly inspire me by your kindness, your meaningful words and your continued encouragement.  

Wishing you all a very happy, healthy, safe and thriving New Year.

#survivalmode #thriving #solong2021 #2022 #newyear #intentions #fuckyoucovid #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youarenotalone #youareenough #startaconversation #checkonyourlovedones #itsoktonotbeok #mayaangelou

Depression doesn’t take a day off for weekends, holidays or birthdays.

Whether it’s a festive time of year or maybe it’s your birthday or even just a long weekend where work and other commitments feel far less overwhelming for a moment doesn’t mean that a person who is battling an illness like Depression should or can just suddenly feel happy. 

In fact many of these occasions which most people choose to honour or can’t wait to celebrate can become an even lonelier and more triggering time of the week or year for many others. 

We all remember the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”, right? I bet you even started singing a few lines in your head as you read this. Ya it’s got quite a catchy tune doesn’t it? If only it was that easy for everyone to just “be” happy then everything would always be okay.

A person’s feeling of happiness unfortunately though can’t be dictated to someone battling Depression just because well, it’s Christmas or their birthday or a long weekend and so telling them they should”be” happy or to cheer up or have some fun because it’s Christmas afterall, it’s a long weekend afterall, it’s your birthday afterall can feel very dismissive to their struggles and their personal mental health journey. It is far more complex than being sad.

Many individuals battling Depression may also look to the outside world like they have it all; a successful career, a beautiful home or a loving family so it often begs the question: Why aren’t you happy? Why can’t you just choose to be happy?

That I can tell you firsthand will only escalate the level of guilt even more for the individual who is battling Depression and just trying to do their best to get through another holiday, another birthday or another weekend.

The simple answer here is that one does not equate to the other. 

It just weighs you down further. 

Wishing everyone peace, love and light this holiday season. Choose kindness and empathy.

*If you are having a tough time getting through today or this long weekend or maybe you are feeling triggered or alone or isolated please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to* Stay Safe everyone.

#yourmentalhealthmatters #youmatter #youarenotalone #mentalhealth #holidaytime #choosekindness #Depression #mentalwellness #reachouttoyourlovedones #checkonyourstrongfriends 

I’d forgotten just how calming and therapeutic it is to play with playdoh.

#notjustforkids #playdoh #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #anxiety #therapeutic #calming #yourmentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #selfcare

I had a really bad reaction to a very promising product I was gifted to try last week. 

I’ve spent the better part of a week now recuperating from the severe physical pain and mental anguish it has caused me. It once again proved to me that not only has my mind failed me over and over again in the past 7 plus years but so too has my body as it feels as though my body rejects every single medication and product I try time and time again (even the all natural remedies) along with every treatment I endure as well.

I stated in a recent post, while experiencing excruciating pain that by pure definition, I am a pretty bad ass mother fucking warrior; something I will argue though (see: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2021/12/19/warrior/); but I guess there must be some truth to it. 

Upon completion of my last Ketamine treatment a few weeks ago, I completely collapsed. I shattered into a million pieces. I declared defeat. My anxiety continues to increase (if that’s even possible). My feelings of guilt have become exasperated and my thoughts of suicide have deepened.

But remember, I’m a warrior so every time I’m presented with another new or innovative opportunity to try, anything that may give me that glimmer of hope, I go for it, with caution of course and with lots and lots of research as well. 

And with each new opportunity, including the one I was given most recently I keep an open mind and really try to stay positive which is why I have recently agreed to try another Psychedelic remedy once again. 

Many months ago while in the process of starting my Ketamine treatments my Psychiatrist told me that he was working on a Clinical Research Trial for Psilocybin, aka “Magic Mushrooms”. It was still months away from getting underway at the time he first mentioned it to me but since he has come back from his two month leave of absence at the beginning of December it is now ready to begin and he would like very much for me to be part of the study; the first one of its kind to be approved in Canada. 

Psilocybin is a controlled substance and a chemical compound found in some types of mushrooms. Studies have shown that it may be an effective method to treat Treatment Resistant Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal thoughts and behaviours. 

I may just be a glutton for punishment or maybe I truly am a warrior. 

Magic Mushrooms (which I tried twice several years ago in a capsule form) are said to be even more intense of an experience than Ketamine but is also said to be more of a mind revealing experience as opposed to mind altering like with Ketamine which may help me to reveal things that I have blocked from my mind or have been locked away.

I have already started the process to be accepted into the trial which began with an hour and a half phone call 2 weeks ago with a researcher from the team who patiently went through a series of questions with me to ensure that I was even a candidate for the trial. Upon speaking with my Psychiatrist again a couple of days ago he was prepared to sign off on my results in order to put me in the queue of potential participants. He hopes I can start in mid to late February. 

Being that it is a research trial, my participation will involve 6 months of screening, full examination prior to start, weekly follow up visits or phone calls and blood work done periodically but the actual treatment itself is only one time (which is what led me to agree to it) on a Saturday (hopefully in February) and will take between 8 to 10 hours to complete with a post dose follow up the very next day, lasting for approximately another 4 hours.

Unlike with my Ketamine treatment I will be followed much more closely by 2 separate Psychiatrists. I will be setting intentions with a therapist on site prior to the start of treatment as well and they will also be closely monitoring me throughout the entire day of experience. 

I need to deal with my past. I want to learn how to live again and achieve some new insight into my future and quality of life. 

I want to one day be able to shout from the rooftops that I am a pretty bad ass mother fucking warrior and truly believe it.

#psilocybin #research #clinicaltrial #badass #warrior #sayalittleprayer #looktowardthefuture #magicmushrooms #treatmentresistantdepression #anxiety #suicideprevention #itsoktonotbeok #youareenough #yourmentalhealthmatters #psychedelics #warriorprincess 

I’ve spent a great deal of my time in recent days reflecting on the past year as it quickly begins its descent into the New Year.

My mind has been blanketed in a fog. 

I’ve been in a lot pain (for another time). 

I feel like I failed yet again this week on my road to recovery (also for another time). 

I’m just so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Does that make me weak?

A good friend sent me this quote today as a reminder. 

She called me a warrior. 

I argued her point of view. Then I looked up its definition.

I found this. A warrior is often used to describe someone who is strong and doesn’t give up easily. 

I guess that makes me a pretty bad ass mother fucking warrior. 

I wanted to share this quote with my tribe of wounded warriors out there who, as you also begin to reflect on your 2021 highlight reel, to gently remind yourself that if the only thing you did this past year was survive this battle while wearing your armour of steel, then you my friend are a pretty bad ass warrior too.

#youareenough #youmatter #battlewounds #yourmentalhealthmatters #youarenotalone #mentalhealth #mentalillness #badass #warrior #tribe #sicknotweak #itsoktonotbeok #strength #depression #anxiety #survival #suicideawareness 

We all have fears/phobias, some are just more manageable than others.

Growing up I had several fears and phobias which followed me right into adulthood; fear of flying and a fear of heights still top that list today. As far as fears/phobias go though, they don’t seem so out of the ordinary right? 

They certainly don’t control my everyday living, that’s for sure, which is why when I suddenly developed a severe and debilitating mental health  disorder much later in life, delving into my childhood for some answers has since become a very necessary part of my healing and recovery, as difficult as that is. 

My fear of flying/heights feel quite miniscule nowadays in comparison to the list of fears that now control my daily thoughts and my ability to function. 

I know that I give way too much power to my fears. I’m the first to admit it. I know that I have a very wild imagination. I admit it. I know that I watch way too many episodes of true crime stories on Dateline and 48 hours. I can admit that too. And I can also admit that many of my fears are often irrational.

Admitting we have fears can make us vulnerable. It’s scary sometimes to do so and it can also be a very complex process; one that (without realizing it) may have been highly influenced by some of our earliest memories and relationships. 

Over the past few years I have become so much more aware of just how much some of those early memories and relationships in my life may have actually led to my overwhelming fears.

I’ve come to understand through extensive talk therapy and even my most recent use of Ketamine which often brought me right back to my childhood during my sessions (and maybe with genuine intention and probably by no fault of her own) that growing up with a VERY overprotective, overbearing and overcontrolling mom (the true definition of what we now label as “Helicopter Parenting”) has played a big role in how much fear controls my day to day life and the effects and long-term consequences it’s had on my mental and emotional well-being.  

Being a “Helicopter Parent” will likely “backfire” and many studies have shown that it CAN have a lasting mental and emotional affect on a child. It may have taken me over two decades until it truly overcame me but being raised by an overprotective, overcontrolling and overbearing parent has been a contributing factor in hindering my autonomy and sense of self-worth over time, it’s overwhelmed me with a huge fear of failure and my decision making abilities. It’s caused me to develop a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem as well as the ability to build proper coping skills. I also now live with a strong belief that I was robbed of developing the ability to truly discover who I am or what drives me.

I hid behind it and tried desperately to hide from it once I reached adulthood. I pretended it didn’t exist for so long and even tried to laugh it off at times when I would recall some of the painful memories but in my subconscious mind I solemnly swore to myself that once I had kids of my own I would never be that kind of parent, a parent that is, who constantly hovers over their child, not allowing them the freedom to express themselves freely and monitors their every move.

And I kept that promise until I couldn’t hide from my past anymore or pretend it never existed and by the time I was deep in the throes of my illness I began to see cycles forming and my style of parenting quickly mimicking patterns of Fear-Based Parenting.

It’s hard to parent. It’s even harder when you give all your power over to fear. I’m very conscious of my fears and patterns of behaviour which leaves room for very open and honest dialogue with my kids in order to create reasonable and healthy boundaries. It’s imperative to a child’s mental health and overall well-being that we let them “fall” and “scrap their knees”. We need to give them space to grow and leave them room to flourish on their own so they learn to challenge themselves more with each new “fall” or “scraped knee”. We need to let them know that it’s okay to have fears and that it’s okay if they fail. Allowing them to feel their own sense of autonomy and accomplishments will build self-confidence and teach them how to place their own bandaid on their scraped knee when they fall but giving them the reassurance still that you will always be close by just incase their fall breaks a bone or two along the way.

#helicopterparenting #fears #phobias #childhood #itsoktonotbeok #youareenough #youarenotalone #fearbasedparenting #scrapedknees #autonomy #overprotectiveparenting #control #selfconfidence #selfworth #healthyboundaries #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #suicideawareness #mentalillness

I’m really not okay. 

Haven’t been for several weeks now. 

My nights have been especially hard. 

On a good night when I take something to help me sleep (which I prefer not to do every night as I become immune quite easily) it still takes me 3, maybe even 4 hours until it finally kicks in,  giving me a few solid hours where I’m not catastrophing over everything in my mind.

My continuous struggle with shutting off my brain at night has left me even more irritable during the day lately and my family have been left carrying the brunt of it (they would like to send me away!). 

I am trying to manage my late night  triggers, unwanted thoughts and better sleep hygiene by practicing deep breathing or grounding exercises, distracting myself with my repetoire of reality TV shows I watch, texting with friends and recently I’ve begun removing myself from my bed and sleeping on the couch instead some nights, hoping that the change of scenery will alleviate some of my triggers and help to calm my thoughts or change my focus. 

Last night as I lay awake on the couch awaiting my sleeping pill to finally kick in (I took it at 10 pm and it was now almost 2 am) I wondered to myself if everyone else lies in bed at night overthinking everything, telling themselves that they aren’t good enough, that they are helpless, that they are a burden to be around; thinking they too are the only one in the whole wide world feeling restless, waiting on impending doom, night terrors or panic to set in with each racing thought they encounter.

These thoughts and feelings seem to have become completely natural to me and as normal as any other monotonous bedtime routine. So natural and normal that I’ve convinced myself that there isn’t possibly anything else others could be thinking about late at night as they drift off to dreamland. 

On a sidenote, I did get on the treadmill and worked out this morning for the first time in FOREVER. It’s nowhere near as fun as hiking for me but maybe, just maybe, if possible a small win nonetheless. 

What helps you shut off your brain at night?  

#anxiety #depression #mindfulexercises #triggers #sleeplessnights #dreamland #treadmill #exercises #smallwins #shuttingoffmybrain #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonobeok

Two years ago today I achieved a goal I never could have dreamed possible. I had been invited to sit on a panel of a National Television Morning Talk Show; Global TV’s “The Morning Show” during their Parenting Playbook session to discuss my recently published children’s book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” and the importance of opening up conversations with children about a parent’s Depression. 

It was both terrifying and exciting. 

I did it!

But I fell apart right after. I’d been working non-stop for several months leading up to that day by trying to get my book into as many hands as possible including parents, caregivers, teachers, mental health advocates and Healthcare professionals caring for individuals who are dealing with mental health struggles. 

My book was receiving lots of attention both locally and Nationally and I still had many more wonderful upcoming projects and events to look forward to but I was overwhelmed and so I decided after the show was over that I needed to take a break, just until the new year which was only a few weeks away anyways. 

Little did I know what lay ahead and how much was about to go wrong, beginning just one day into that new year. The year 2020.

(My apologies in advance if I’m repeating myself to many of you who are reading this but I just wanted to catch up any newcomers to my page as well. So here goes). 

By January 2nd of 2020 I found myself in bed with a concussion for the better part of the month after a fainting episode that seemed to have been brought on by an early morning panic attack. By March (as you all know) we were in the throes of a Pandemic that led to many of my upcoming events (some of which I’d already had to reschedule while healing from my concussion) being switched to Zoom, postponed or cancelled all together (especially school and community ones) and then without even an ounce of warning that July I discovered, just by some dumb luck, that my publisher had closed his doors after 35 years in the business, literally disappearing into thin air and taking with him my inventory for my Amazon account (which I had to shut down immediately) along with a large sum of Grant money that I had so humbly received from a very prominent Mental Health Foundation before publication.

I was crushed and felt completely defeated. The thought of having to start over and republish my book was just too much. I stopped caring for a while and felt like what’s the point? 

Although I have yet to afford the ability to republish my book I was fortunate enough however that the publisher had sent me 100’s of copies of my book (from MY Grant money) when it was first published which has allowed me to continue to spread my message to many until such time when I can republish it; unfortunately though it’s been on a much smaller scale as I am now the only point of contact.

That crushing feeling and agonizing sense of defeat has continued to follow me now for the better part of eighteen months. With one obstacle after another I’ve found it extremely difficult to tackle my growing list of any new or potential leads (shout out to Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber; two of my favourite mental health advocates!).

Today however as I look back on that day two years ago and remember it fondly, I’m reminding myself how proud I was of my accomplishment on that day and how much meaning my book has brought to so many individuals and their families. It’s given me some strength as well to begin to try and tackle some of the many avenues I still have yet to explore. I also need to keep reminding myself of how hard I worked to finish writing my book, including the many hours spent working with my amazing illustrator and the determination it took to ensure it made an impact on the lives of others as well.

As I slowly begin to read through my list again tonight I will not be focusing my attention on the end goal but instead I need to look more closely at the small, yet very significant steps taken in order for me to get there.

#twoyearsago #smallgoals #smallish #globaltv #parentingplaybook #themorningshow #childrensbook #author #blogger #writer #mentalhealthadvocate #accomplishments #todolist #youarenotalone #youareenough #strength #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #throwbackthursday