I Can’t Be the Only One?

I’m really not okay. 

Haven’t been for several weeks now. 

My nights have been especially hard. 

On a good night when I take something to help me sleep (which I prefer not to do every night as I become immune quite easily) it still takes me 3, maybe even 4 hours until it finally kicks in,  giving me a few solid hours where I’m not catastrophing over everything in my mind.

My continuous struggle with shutting off my brain at night has left me even more irritable during the day lately and my family have been left carrying the brunt of it (they would like to send me away!). 

I am trying to manage my late night  triggers, unwanted thoughts and better sleep hygiene by practicing deep breathing or grounding exercises, distracting myself with my repetoire of reality TV shows I watch, texting with friends and recently I’ve begun removing myself from my bed and sleeping on the couch instead some nights, hoping that the change of scenery will alleviate some of my triggers and help to calm my thoughts or change my focus. 

Last night as I lay awake on the couch awaiting my sleeping pill to finally kick in (I took it at 10 pm and it was now almost 2 am) I wondered to myself if everyone else lies in bed at night overthinking everything, telling themselves that they aren’t good enough, that they are helpless, that they are a burden to be around; thinking they too are the only one in the whole wide world feeling restless, waiting on impending doom, night terrors or panic to set in with each racing thought they encounter.

These thoughts and feelings seem to have become completely natural to me and as normal as any other monotonous bedtime routine. So natural and normal that I’ve convinced myself that there isn’t possibly anything else others could be thinking about late at night as they drift off to dreamland. 

On a sidenote, I did get on the treadmill and worked out this morning for the first time in FOREVER. It’s nowhere near as fun as hiking for me but maybe, just maybe, if possible a small win nonetheless. 

What helps you shut off your brain at night?  

#anxiety #depression #mindfulexercises #triggers #sleeplessnights #dreamland #treadmill #exercises #smallwins #shuttingoffmybrain #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonobeok

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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