Tag: mental wellness

Less Is More This Holiday Season

As my kids were growing up they were always super excited in anticipation of the first night of Chanukah and they especially looked forward to spending time with family and friends throughout the “eight crazy nights”, lighting the Menorah, making holiday crafts, eating and baking lots of traditional Chanukah treats, exchanging presents and of course receiving them too. 

When they were younger we often gifted them with a small token gift each night of Chanukah after we lit the candles (not to worry, there were plenty of bigger presents to go around too). It may have seemed like they were super silly gifts, but seeing the excitement and joy light up their faces as they tore the wrapping paper from their new Dora the Explorer toothbrush or their funky new Chanukah pencil set is a feeling that will never grow old as a parent.

Tonight as we begin the celebration of Chanukah 2020 we will continue as always to honour the holiday by lighting the Menorah each night while enjoying the same traditional treats like sufganiyah (jelly donuts), homemade cookies and homemade latkes as well that smell up our clothes and home for days and days, but always totally worth it. 

But this year the holiday season, whether it be Chanukah, Christmas or any other holiday traditions you celebrate are going to once again in good old 2020 fashion feel a whole lot different from years past. 

Many of our traditions, celebrations or even vacations with friends and loved ones won’t be taking place this year and that is going to create a great sense of disappointment and a feeling of loss for many children and adults alike. 

Maybe we can all try to create some new traditions or find different ways of celebrating the holidays instead this year as we focus our attention on the general theme of 2020 which is that “less is more”. 

Maybe we can take some comfort in a more simplistic holiday season instead this year where we share our favourite memories of holidays past over a zoom call with loved ones or make holiday crafts to hang outside our door to brighten up the neighborhood or donate a toy to a child less fortunate.

However it is you choose to celebrate this year or as “grim” as the holiday season may feel for so many let us all be reminded that it is still the “season of giving” and the “season of miracles”.

And to all of us who will be lighting that first Chanukah candle tonight let it bring a “festival of light”, hope and unity for everyone around the world because that is truly all that matters this holiday season.  

#happychanukah #happyholidays #memories #traditions #familytraditions #newtraditions #tistheseason #lightthemenorah #eightcrazynights #festivaloflights #seasonofgiving #seasonofmiracles #santaclausiscomingtotown #togetherapart #lessismore #homefortheholidays #watchahallmarkmovie #youareenough #youarenotalone #checkonyourlovedones #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealthishealth  

NOONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS – VALUABLE LESSONS LEARNED FROM 2020

It was one year ago today when I made my very first ever appearance on a National Television Morning Talk Show. It felt like a dream come true for me, but as soon as it was all over I collapsed from mental exhaustion. 

Leading up to that day I had been working my ass off nonstop for several months ensuring that my new children’s book got into as many hands as I possibly could imagine but when the show ended and I arrived home, I felt a sense of defeat and decided that I needed to take a step back from my whirlwind tour. 

I had intended it to be a short break, just until the new year which by now was only a few weeks away and just long enough to get my mojo back but what came next noone could have ever predicted because way before the Pandemic hit in mid March my life took several other unforeseen turns. 

New Year’s Day 2020 came quickly and as I had promised myself a few weeks earlier I began organizing my calendar for some new and exciting upcoming events on my “book tour” and I also began looking at what other avenues I wanted to explore in the coming months ahead as well. But no sooner was it than 24 hours later when I found myself in bed for the better part of January with a concussion caused by numerous fainting episodes on the early morning hours of January 2nd. 

I soon became further defeated and on a downward spiral as I lay in bed feeling dizzy, exhausted and headachy, cancelling events and trying to reschedule others, most of which never ended up taking place at all because, well we all know the answer to that. 

Many more unforeseen events and unfortunate mishaps continued to unfold in my life over the course of last winter and before I knew it I had not fulfilled one promise to myself from the previous December day when I decided I needed to take that short break.

But who knew what was waiting for us just around the corner right at the exact moment I was finally ready to get back to where I had left off all those months earlier, who could have possibly known? Noone could because noone truly knows what the future holds. 

But there we all were, together, facing so much uncertainty and unknown and nowadays we spend so much of our time fearful of the “not knowing” and as someone who lives her life with a major depressive disorder and severe anxiety I’m not quite sure if the not knowing what the future holds (depression) is worse than always trying to predict it (anxiety).

My illness has caused me to look to my past with many regrets and when I look to my future it feels very purposeless and uncertain. But I know I’m not alone in my feelings of an uncertain future especially after what we and the rest of the world have been living through for the last nine months or longer.

2020 has become the year that nobody could have ever predicted and has crippled so many people with fear and uncertainty of what their future’s hold and has also created a sense of powerlessness in so many more, even those amongst us who may have once enjoyed a lifestyle of risk taking or living unpredictable lives.

This year has sucked big time for all of us. If I hadn’t already before 2020 hit, I have for certain by now lost so much faith in the kind of hopeful future that lies in wait for me and I am pretty certain that I have felt defeated more times than I think is humanly possible this year alone but as the year quickly comes to a close I can’t help but take note of the many valuable life lessons we have (hopefully) all learned as well.

Some of my thoughts: 

Our relationships with family and friends must take precedence over all else 

We are never to busy to make time for the people and things that matter the most to us and we must stop using it as an excuse

Taking care of our health needs to be a top priority 

We CAN actually live without many of the “things” we once thought we “must” have in our lives in order to live a more fulfilling life 

Saving money for a “rainy day” is imperative 

It’s okay to take time to stop and smell the roses 

Our definition of who is an essential worker has changed. Honour and respect them all equally as they continue to tirelessly (and with very little pay for some) take great pride in and care for all of us each and every single day

We are all human beings and we all deserve to be treated as equals

Our mental health really, really matters

What else would you add to my list?

#ayearinreview #livinginuncertaintimes #nooneknowswhatthefutureholds #wheredidmommyssmilego #writer #blogger #author #advocate #lessonslearned #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth

Not Suicide. Not Today.

*May Be Triggering To Some*

CAMH (which is Canada’s leading hospital in Mental Health, Suicide Prevention and Research) has developed a new campaign that focuses on today by giving hope for a better tomorrow. 

I feel like I am knee deep in quicksand today and I find myself drawn in by this video. Hearing the words “Not Suicide. Not Today.” repeated over and over again may not seem like much to some people but for someone like myself who is struggling to breathe right now as the quicksand pushes me deeper below the surface and my thoughts of suicide keep urging me to end my life, listening to these words are serving as a gentle reminder that maybe it’s not actually my life I wish to end but just my life in this very moment instead. 

“Not Today” means not now and “when we all say ‘Not Today’ together, it’s easier to say it when we’re alone.”

I’ve attached the video below for anyone else who may need to hear these words today too 🤗❤

Thank you for always supporting my journey and reminding me “Not Today”.

#notsuicidenottoday #motivationmonday #wheredidmommyssmilego #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #endthestigmatogether #camh #mentalhealthishealth #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #suicideprevention #suicideawareness 

A Poem: On A Downward Spiral

*Warning: May be triggering to some*

When you feel like you’re on a downward spiral, And your passive thoughts have turned suicidal.

When you feel like you’re on a downward spiral, And in need of a life vest as a means to survival. 

When you feel like you’re on a downward spiral, And the images you see are so painful and vile.

When you feel like you’re on a downward spiral, And all you can wish for is strength and revival. 

When you feel like you’re on a downward spiral, But know deep in your heart that suicide is final. 

When you feel like you’re on a downward spiral, Your triggers are real, there’s just no denial. 

When you feel like you’re on a downward spiral, But keep some hope in your heart that your words will go viral. 

#depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #suicidalthoughts #suicideawareness #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #adownwardspiral 

Sleep Is Beyond Overrated

Yesterday I was feeling a bit under the weather and BEYOND exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep but as physically exhausted as I felt all day I knew that as soon as I were to get into bed that all bets would be off. So I decided to take something to help me fall asleep because I needed to sleep BEYOND badly. 

I’ve been prescribed sleeping pills in the past but like all other medications I’ve tried they really never worked properly and within days I would build up a tolerance to them anyways. This did eventually lead me to start abusing some of my prescribed meds, taking upwards of 8 to 10 pills a day, just so I could feel numb and maybe get a few solid hours of sleep at night.  

Well that didn’t end well at all on so many levels and once it was discovered that I had been stashing away certain medications in my home Rich began having to hide all my prescriptions and distributing them to me every day and I guess it’s a good thing that I have also since been flagged from being prescribed certain medications all together unless under proper supervision.

But that’s okay because they never really helped much anyways and so nowadays when I do take something for sleep I go for more of a natural remedy instead. I fight with myself to take anything most nights because truthfully they don’t really help much either.  

It’s almost 4 am as I am writing this and I should be fast asleep since I was so BEYOND physically exhausted yesterday and I did take a sleep aid before I got into bed but my case in point, sleep remedies don’t work for me.

Ok maybe I’m lying a bit because after taking something to help me fall asleep last night I did in fact fall asleep within an hour of taking it and I got a solid 1 hour of sleep!!! 1 whole glorious hour of sleep! And then I woke up and have been up since before 11 pm, which is about the same time most of you reading this were just about to doze off to dreamland for the night! 

I’m starting to think that sleep is kinda, sorta beyond overrated anyways? 😢😢😢

#sleeplessnights #beyondexhausted #insomnia #youareenough #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #suicidalthoughts #sleepingpills #cbdoil #mentalexhaustion #physicalexhaustion

Puzzled

I finally finished this puzzle tonight. I’m pretty sure it was the most challenging puzzle I’ve ever done in my whole life.

My girls had so thoughtfully bought me this puzzle a couple of weeks ago knowing just how much I enjoy doing them and it’d been a while since I’d done one but then almost immediately upon opening up the box I became quite overwhelmed by it.

Normally I have no problem organizing the pieces of any size puzzle and then I excitedly like to get started right away but this time around I became easily frustrated right from the very beginning. 

Puzzles usually take me at most a few days to complete but suddenly this time around I also found myself adding additional anxiety to my day everytime I looked at it and began pressuring myself to get it done RIGHT NOW, or else.

I’m not really sure why I always put so much undue pressure on myself for just about every single “piece” of my life, it really is quite “puzzling” to say the very least but in any case I was determined to complete the darn thing no matter what it took or even how long it did because I knew how rewarding it would feel by doing so.

#puzzled #youareenough #gingerbreadhouses #candycanes #goals #perseverancepaysoff

Giving Tuesday

Today is “Giving Tuesday” which has become a recognized day of giving all across the Globe. It takes place on the first Tuesday after Black Friday and is a day for people to give back and/or volunteer for their favourite causes and Non-Profits.

“Giving Tuesday” is also the official kick-off to the holiday season, better known as the “Season of Giving”.

December is about making human connections and bringing good will and simple joy to others, however this December is sadly going to look and feel a whole lot different than in years past for much of the world.

So as we begin this final stretch of 2020 today (yay!) let’s all start by spreading as much hope and kindness as is humanly possible to others during the month ahead, and of course don’t forget to keep some of it for yourself as well. Remember that “no act of kindness is ever too small”.

http://www.givingtuesday.ca

#givingtuesday #spreadkindness #givehopetoothers #youareenough #selfcare #selflove #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones #togetherapart #wereallinthistogether #strongertogether #FU2020

Imperfectly Perfect

My illness lies to me all the damn time but it’s so hard not to believe its vicious lies after everything we’ve been through together in the past six and a half years. 

One such lie that it repeats over and over and over again is how much of a burden I am to my family and how much better off they would be without me. 

It constantly triggers countless negative thoughts and emotions in my head that pull me in a million different directions which can strike at any moment, especially during the dark and lonely nights. 

Last night I shared with you one of the most meaningful and proudest moments any parent could ever imagine. A moment that should prove to all the untruths once and for all that my illness is nothing more than a big fat liar because I must be loved, I must be needed and I must truly be cherished.

When we first become parents we aim for perfection and we strive to provide for our kids a near perfect life, but how realistic is that really when we live in such an imperfect world? 

And truth be told, there is nothing wrong with being an imperfect parent, infact being such is actually perfectly perfect even if my illness tries to tell me otherwise. 

I have been overwhelmed with so much emotion since Jacob unveiled his tattoo to us last night. My kids have been living in a pretty imperfect place for the better part of six years now and although my illness keeps telling me that I am a burden to my family and that they are better off without me this gift from Jacob has shown me that being “good enough” or being “imperfect” may just be the greatest and most perfectly perfect gift you can ever give to a child after all.

#mythreereasonswhy #empathyandkindness #mygreatestloves #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #thegreatestgiftofall #itsoktonotbeok  #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #imperfectlyperfect #youareenough #youarenotalone 

A Boy And His Mom

My heart is overflowing tonight. There are no words to describe how I am feeling right now.

This is Jacob’s latest tattoo that he got yesterday. The picture was originally taken while on a family vacation in Washington D.C nine years ago during the week of his 13th birthday (but he swapped out the Washington Monument for the C.N Tower).

Thank you for this incredibly meaningful and very moving gesture. You are always so full of surprises. 🤗🥰

#imnotcryingyourecrying #soproudofyou #justaboyandhismom #arealmensch #anunbreakablebond #youareenough #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #myfirstborn #piranhatattoo

Taking A Page Out Of My Story

“Then gradually day by day my life began to change. And the mommy I once knew and loved became very sad and strange.” 

This could be any one of our children’s voices. It wasn’t too long ago infact that this was my own children’s voices being echoed after finding themselves scared and unsure while struggling to cope with and understand their feelings as they watched their mother become a stranger in their home.

Covid-19 has added an immense amount of pressures and liabilities on millions of parents and families alike and many more are now finding themselves struggling with their own mental health issues, especially that of Anxiety and Depression.

I’ve said it many times before how my children were the inspiration for writing my book. It was through their strength and resilience that I was able to find a way to share their voices with other children who may also be in need of the comfort in knowing that they are not alone while learning to cope with their own feelings and to understand that they are safe, loved and most of all not to blame for their parent’s illness.

“Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go? is not only a heartwarming story of one family’s journey but it’s also a voice for millions of children everywhere.

To find out how you can get a copy of my book please message me or email me at:  youthareenough@gmail.com 

#wheredidmommyssmilego #childrensbook #author #blogger #advocate #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #familymatters