Tag: journaling

Life Is F’ing Hard

For the better part of six years now I have found myself wondering most days “Why is life so hard?” and over time (I’m guessing just in the last four months alone) it has probably crossed your mind many times as well. We are all human beings after all and we will all fall on hard times in our lifetime after all and we all go through our own emotional rollercoasters through different stages of our life after all; it’s what makes us human after all! 

At any given moment when life becomes too hard we may need a little extra support and guidance to get us through which is when it’s most important to remember that it’s okay to rely on others for help and it’s more than okay to ask. Some days/nights when I am experiencing a particularly acute and dire episode of negative emotions (crazy amount lately) I will often allow my mind to wander to my super social supports (support can come from many different kinds of people and places). Just thinking about them and knowing that they are there for me in case I need to reach out can provide me with a level of comfort to help get me through in the moment because ignoring our negative emotions or trying to avoid facing our hard times head on will not make them go away. In fact from what I have learned over time will only create further despair and mental anguish. One of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn to accept over the last six years is that it’s all part of our journey and talking through it can really help you better understand your feelings. 

I have also learned over the last couple of years that making self-care a top priority is one of necessity when life is especially hard. For me that includes writing and journaling, reading a good (self-help) book, doing a puzzle, taking a warm bubble bath, texting with a friend or going for a hike or a long walk. Since the onset of Covid-19 Rich and I have tried to prioritize taking long walks every day and exploring our neighbourhood. Until recently when the temperatures weren’t so crazy hot and humid we would go for an hour or two walk during the day but have recently moved it to the evenings. I’ve even found getting caught in the rain sometimes an added bonus! 

What do you do to take care of you in hard times? What do you find works best?


#lifeishard #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocate #selfcare #ichooseme #youarenotalone #findyoursupportsystem #family #friendship #therapy #kindness #itsthejourneynotthedestination #masksoff #checkonyourlovedones 

Dear Diary

How many of you reading this remember keeping a secret diary hidden locked away underneath your mattress in your tween/teenage years? Boy what would I give to read those right now. 

I haven’t kept a diary for probably over 30 years now but since my journey began 6 years ago I have spent many hours expressing my inner most thoughts and oftentimes in the good ole fashioned way using a pen and paper. 

I recently took some time to reread one particular journal that I had kept during my very first in-patient hospital stay some 5.5 years ago and while I was reading it I suddenly realized just how important journaling can be. 

Journaling can help you create a relationship of sorts with your mind. It can help you to attain your goals, it can give you a clearer view of the world around you and may help you to make important connections between your thoughts and behaviors. 

Right now we are all probably dealing with some thoughts and feelings that we have never felt before and it’s completely understandable and 100 percent valid. Maybe now would be the perfect time to dust off that old diary or start a new journal. 

Think of it as a creative activity which can definitely be quite cathartic. It will make you more aware of your thoughts and behaviors and even help you sort out some new perspectives and shift a negative mindset to a more positive one.

I have been encouraging my whole family to start journaling at least once a day (it’s a great tool for everyone, even your preschoolers can draw their feelings). Let it be the place to leave your stressors behind, let it give you a sense of gratitude, let it be your voice to help guide you through this moment in time and let it be your history book; the one that will be talked about and shared for generations to come.  

#deardiary #diary #journaling #creativity #creativebrain #youareenough #gratitude #perspective #thoughts #feelings #behaviours #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #covid19 #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #selfcare #youmatter 

One With Nature

Socially distancing

On one of our daily and much needed walks recently we ventured upon a nearby pond. It was certainly far from picturesque; the small beach area was littered with tons of garbage and there was a baseball bat laying in the grassy meadow near to the pond that I presumed was evidence left behind from a brutal murder! (*When you suffer with severe anxiety and you love writing stories and you watch way too much Dateline and 48 Hours you will soon discover that you have a pretty wild imagination*).

But through that same wild imagination I have discovered a place that is peaceful and calm. I have found myself drawn to this place, I have found my mind wandering off to this place during difficult moments in my day (and there are plenty), I have found myself imagining what it will soon look like when the April showers blossom into May flowers and the leaves return to the naked trees and I have also found myself wanting to visit it every day since. 

Now is the perfect time for everyone to discover just how beautiful and valuable nature truly is. Now that the world has slowed down it’s the perfect time to let nature inspire you and see how spirited it truly is. And maybe as we all take the time to discover nature for what it truly is then maybe we will all be able to rediscover our own beauty and value that may be hiding deep within us.

#nature #beauty #peace #calm #summerofrichcoronastyle #getoutside #theairisfresher #spirited #growth #slowdown #timetosmelltheroses #dailywalks #youareenough #anxiety #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfcare #discover #rediscover #mindfulness #picturesque #togetherapart #sociallydistancing #eventheducksare @dateline @48hours 

Late Night Radio

I just finished pre recording a segment for tonight’s radio show The Late Shift with Jason Agnew on 1010 talk radio. It’s been a while since I have done an interview or given a talk as so many recent and upcoming events I had scheduled were cancelled.

I know there are so many people who are suffering right now with Depression and Anxiety and that many turn to the comfort of late night talk radio. If I can help just one person listening tonight feel less afraid or less alone it will warm my heart.

If you can’t sleep tonight tune in around 3am. It’s broadcast throughout Canada.

Please continue to follow my journey at https://youareenough712.wordpress.com and do not hesitate to reach out to me if you ever need someone to listen. Xoxo

#iheartradio #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #covid19 #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #youmatter #bellmedia #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #bellletstalk #wecanallmakeadifference #checkonyourlovedones #togetherapart #stayhome #flattenthecurve

The Anniversary Effect

Today marks six years since my whole world began to crumble and as each Anniversary comes around the pain and sadness from that fateful day, April 4, 2014 still feels like a knife is being slowly twisted deeper into my heart. I can recall the events of that day as though they were yesterday and I shared them all with you in a blog titled “April 4, 2014: It’s Been Five Long Years”, exactly one year ago today.

As each Anniversary approaches I feel that initial sense of pain and sadness all over again and I begin to site the “would’ves”, the “should’ves” and the “could’ves” one by one over and over and over again in order to figure out if somehow there would’ve, should’ve or could’ve been a different outcome, one that didn’t lead me down a path where six years later I would still be living with the daily pain and sadness associated with Anxiety, Depression and Suicidal Ideations. 

Anniversaries are supposed to be celebrated, right? Well not all Anniversaries feel like a celebration and whether it’s the Anniversary of a bad break-up, the Anniversary of a traumatic event in your life or the Anniversary of the death of a loved one it can easily trigger pain and sadness.  This actually has a name for it; it’s called “The Anniversary Effect” and is defined as “a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.”

This year with the approach of my sixth year Anniversary date it’s brought with it a lot of extra intensity given the current and uncertain state of the world right now. It’s left me feeling even further trapped in my thoughts and crippled by so many emotions with an added bonus of battling headaches almost daily. I’m finding it really difficult to get out of bed, to follow any sort of routine, to be motivated and to not cry at every single fucking thing. 

I’m trying to find ways to distract myself and find something to help ease the pain and sadness I’m feeling today (Covid-19 memes seem to do the trick so feel free to pass any along). Maybe today will include trying to reflect back on the past six years at some moments that have brought me happiness or maybe by trying to find some hope in what truly feels hopeless right now or maybe by looking at the “what ifs” of tomorrow and feeling less afraid of them.

But however I choose to spend today, whether or not it’s in bed or whether or not it’s trying to follow a routine or whether or not I feel completely unmotivated or whether or not I cry at every fucking little thing I’ve also been reminded today that each Anniversary I’m still writing about definitely would, definitely should and definitely is an Anniversary to celebrate. Thanks for the reminder; I may need it again tomorrow.

Make A Wish

What a perfect distraction to have arrive in my mailbox today from my old friend Esther who has truly been such an amazing support for me over the last few years, even though she no longer lives in Toronto. She also knew how much I’ve been admiring all her fun Cricut designs she’s been doing at home lately and so she went out of her way to put a big smile on my face by personalizing these two great tote bags just for me. 

The first tote she replicated the Logo I use for my blog site along with my signature #hashtags #youareenough and #endthestigma as well and then finished it off with the silhouettes from the central part of my Logo which of course signifies my 3 kiddies. 

The second tote displays a valuable and inspiring quote which is so incredibly essential to all of our lives right now and one of my favorites. “Some see a weed, Some see a wish” is about being open to seeing the positive in every unexpected situation. No matter how much we plan for in our lifetime, there will always be times when things don’t always go as planned and it’s times like these when finding the positive can help us to feel hopeful and help us believe that everything will be ok. 

It’s something I know I need to work on in my day to day life and now more than ever so thank you again Esther for this simple and very important reminder and of course for your friendship and kindness. I will proudly use these totes to store all of my arts and craft supplies and projects for now.

P.S I owe you and Anna a French braiding lesson when this is all over! 

@officialcricut #iwantonesobad #crafts #crafty #artprojects #friendship #kindness #bekind #checkonyourlovedones #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfcare #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #makeawish #itsoktonotbeok #endthestigmatogether #flattenthecurve #unitedasone

Sticking To Routine

Rich is a definite creature of habit and routine is very important to him (he’s definitely not alone in his thinking in our home as I am sure is the case in many homes around the world). Having his routine disrupted has been an unfortunate reality for him several times over the last few years but now more than ever. Keeping a somewhat “normal” routine may be nearly impossible to do right now for many of us. Are you finding it difficult to stick to your routine? What are you doing to try and keep to a somewhat “normal” routine? Do you find it is helping maintain your mental wellness? Would love for you to share some of your thoughts.

#selfcare #routine #habits #mentalhealth #ichooseme #youarenotalone #bekindtoyourself #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #covid19 #coronavirus #flattenthecurve

A Beautiful “Pick Me Up”

A beautiful “pick me up” email I received today on what feels otherwise very sombering. I always love receiving emails from Amazon informing me that I’ve just sold a book, but when I see that one person/organization bought 5 at one time makes my heart overflow with joy.

#wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #author #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #blogger #advocate #mentalillness #mentalhealth #depression #family

Life is a Gamble

Boy did I pick the wrong decade to quit smoking. I came very close to caving today, probably the closest I’ve come in the 2 months since quitting. My mental health has gotten the best of me. I went to the store today where I’ve been buying my cigarettes for years, the woman working behind the counter asked me how I am doing and of course the tears began flowing down my cheeks as I stood there staring right through her at the shelving of cigarettes mounted to the wall above her head. I wiped away my tears, took a deep breath and decided maybe winning the lottery was a better choice for me today instead.

#ourluckhastochange #lottomax #olg #lottery #addictions #cravings #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #covid19 #coronavirus #anxiety #depression #masksoff #smokefree #sixtytwodays

Love Thy Neighbour


Envy

I was speaking with someone the other day about how overwhelmed, disconnected and alone she is feeling. I listened as she opened up to me about how she is struggling with so much self-doubt in her every day life when it comes to her role as a mom, a wife, a daughter and friend (pretty much me on a daily basis). She continued to open up to me by telling me that she has become quite envious of her neighbour’s life. Before letting me know her reasons for feeling so envious of her neighbour she prefaced it by saying that she felt embarrassed for even thinking this way, and especially for saying it out loud. But we should never have to apologize for our feelings and there is certainly no right or wrong way of doing so.

Depression can be triggered by so many different emotions and I bet most of you would never think that envy could be part of that list, but it most definitely is and it most definitely can be both toxic and detrimental to our mental health and wellness even if it is a very normal human emotion.

She explained to me (not that she needed to) that her kitchen window and her neighbour’s kitchen window are across from one another and that she has a bird’s eye view into her neighbour’s life. What she sees through her kitchen window on a daily basis is how much love and support the matriarch of the family (who is a stay-at-home mom) has in her life whether it be from her husband who prepares dinners to her nanny helping her with her kids or from her sister who often drops by for a visit; just because.

Envy as you know is a cross between jealousy and anger and it assumes that someone else’s life is way better than our own. It is “the art of counting another’s blessings” instead of being grateful for what we already have in our life which creates jealousy or anger toward that someone else. Envy can also caste a shadow over our own successes and accomplishments and often draws many conclusions or untruths about others, so for an individual like myself who suffers with Depression and Anxiety, it only raises the bar for feeling even more inadequate than usual. 

We may think that we know what’s going on in someone else’s “kitchen” which can bring about feelings of self-doubt and self-hatred and question our own self-worth on a whole new level but it’s all just another big fat lie that our illness tells us. Everyone struggles at something or with something and nobody’s life is perfect. What we see when we peek through that window when no one is watching will probably tell a much different story. I have said this time and time again, even the most famous and wealthiest people on this planet have struggles and that all the money and all the luxuries in the world cannot and will never fix that.

I encouraged my friend that now would be the perfect time to start journaling more as she has been wanting to do so and says she finds that it helps her sort through so many of her emotions when she puts her thoughts and feelings down on paper (I can’t agree more). I also mentioned to her that maybe while she is journaling it’s probably best if she dims the lights and close the drapes in her kitchen!

#lovethyneighbor #envy #selfcare #selfworth #ichooseme #masksoff #youareenough #startaconversation #youarenotalone #checkonyourstrongfriends #bekindtoyourself #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #journaling #blogging