Tag: help

Focus On The Journey


If you haven’t kinda noticed by now (but I thought it seemed pretty obvious lol), I don’t tend to post pictures of myself very often and the simple truth is that when I see myself on the other side of the camera I get completely freaked out. What I see in front of me and what the rest of you may see tell two very different stories. 

What I see in front of me is someone who is lost, someone who is full of fear and self-doubt, someone who has been broken for far too long, someone who is worthless or not good enough, someone who is overwhelmed 99% of the time and someone who is complete and utterly defeated right now. 

My journey over the last 6 years has been hard and I tend to lose my focus a lot, probably because it’s just so easy to get side tracked along the way from your destination when someone is always looking directly at you in the mirror and seeing the ugly truth about you even if others may try and tell you it’s all just lies. 

My illness prefers to believe the lies though and would much rather just accept the negative rhetoric than believe that I am worthy or capable. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said; “Life is a journey, not a destination” which is something I need to remind myself of often and now more than ever. I need to also remember that our life’s journey is filled with many days, months or even years of pictures that seem too out of focus to see beyond our struggles and heartaches but it may actually be those pictures that help us find some of our greatest destinations along the way.

#itsajourney #youareenough #focusonthejourney #itsnotaboutthedestination #followtheyellowbrickroad #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #beyou 

Why Bother?

It’s hard to believe that we are already 6 months in to 2020 (time sure does fly when you’re having fun!) For most of you reading this you are probably thinking, fun? What fun? Ya, ya I know, it has not been much fun at all to say the very least and over the last few days I’ve spent a great amount of time reflecting on the first half of the year (see blog yesterday: A Labour of Love) and now I am trying to figure out what my life looks like moving into the second half of the year or which direction I will go.

I have learned a lot (an awful lot) about myself, others and life in general since the New Year began and so many days in the past 6 months I have found myself going to bed thinking “Why Bother?” And as I continue to figure my journey toward personal growth I will somehow find the direction I need to go.

What direction do you want to go from here? What have you learned so far in 2020?

Please continue to follow my journey at: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com

#whybother #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #twentytwentyvision #personalgrowth #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression  #anxiety #masksoff #suicide #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

Another Happy Graduate

When I receive pictures like these ones it completely warms my heart. Today a group of amazing Teachers and EA’s surprised some of their “Awesome Grads” from Our Lady of Victory School in Toronto with a small Graduation ceremony outside their homes toting presents, balloons and a “Class of 2020” Graduation lawn sign.

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but a smile is worth a million more.

#graduationday #grads #classof2020 #ouryouthmatter #strongertogether #smiles #togetherapart #wereallinthistogether #mentalhealth #youareenough #youarenotalone #bekind #kindnessmatters #thankyou @kidshelpphone @boorola

Singing The Birthday Blues

 

So tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be turning 49 so no big milestone or anything of the sort but still it’s a birthday nonetheless and birthdays are meant to be celebrated. 

Age has never been a “thing” for me and to be honest it still isn’t, not even as reality sets in that in 1 year from now I will be leaving my 40’s behind forever and entering into a whole new decade.

Yet for more than half of my birthdays in my 40’s, up to and including tomorrow, the anticipation leading up to my birthday and the actual day of have been super hard for me. 
For many people living with Depression, birthdays are hard enough to deal with but the thought of spending your birthday in quarantine adds a whole other layer of sadness and anxiety to the birthday blues. And what’s overwhelming me even more about my birthday this year are the extraordinary expectations that have come along with having a Covid-19 birthday celebration. 

Millions and millions of people have celebrated their birthdays in quarantine already, both young and old alike and I’ve heard the same sentiments echoed from so many who have said that it was one of their best if not the BEST birthdays they’ve ever had.

Whether it’s the parades of cars driving by their home, the zoom parties, the serenades of happy birthday being heard from miles away, the bouquets of balloons and gigantic signs set out on their front lawns letting everyone in the neighborhood know that it’s your birthday, the homemade cards and giant cookiegrams being made with extra love, the presents left for them by the curb (who doesn’t love presents) and the extra meaningful and socially distant visits on their driveways have all helped turn an otherwise somber birthday into the most beautiful of days. 

It sounds pretty picture perfect doesn’t it? I mean like just knowing how far your loved ones are willing to go in order to make sure that your already very memorable birthday does not go unnoticed is super awesome, right? But what if the pressure to make an otherwise somber birthday the BEST one ever is just simply too much for you to handle right now?

Concentration

I’m tired, actually let me rephrase that; I’m exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for days right now and my eyes are burning (well maybe that’s from my allergies!). I have trouble finishing a sentence or even finding the words to finish a sentence sometimes which could also be why I haven’t been able to write for several days. My level of concentration is at the bare minimum and I feel as though I have the attention span of a toddler. I not only have a difficult time putting together a full sentence without getting overwhelmed but I find that I am forgetting my thoughts while I’m in the middle of them. If I don’t write everything down right away, even the simplest or most mundane thoughts, you might as well just forget about it cuz I will for sure.

Focusing and concentrating on life has been incredibly difficult for me over the last many years, especially since I did ECT several years ago for my depression (which basically did nothing more than fry my brain), my ability to take in information and retain it has grown increasingly more impaired over time. I’ve always thrived on being able to multitask and was always up for any challenge but nowadays I need complete silence or next to no distraction to do most things anymore, including driving and watching TV. I find I need silence in order to talk my way through whatever task, activity or conversation I am involved in (even technologically) because otherwise there is a good chance I will miscomprehend it, misunderstand it, miss important information or stray far from the intended focus or destination.

I’m wrapping up my Initiative this weekend (for real this time) as the last bit of orders get delivered to me later today and once that is all said and done maybe as I refuel my tank I should start with a simple, mundane activity to help increase my ability to concentrate more; do you think concentrating on my tan could work?

I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying


It’s been a very overwhelming week for me with a lot of mixed emotions. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts and emotions with you, along with a handful of the 100’s of special messages I’ve received over the last several weeks and a short video that the management team at Kids Help Phone sent me as a small token of thanks and appreciation. 

But I truly couldn’t have done any of this alone and as I wrap up my “Class of 2020” Graduation Initiative and reflect back on the last 6 weeks I want to make sure that I say thank you to everyone who helped make this Campaign the incredible success that it was. I will start by saying thank you to the nearly 700 young graduates whose smiles and gratitude have been forever captured upon first sight of their front lawn, their front window or even their schoolyard playground decorated with a sign honouring their efforts and a reflection of a time in their lives that acknowledges so much more than a feeling of loss and sadness but of a time in their life when they became warriors and battled through the loss and sadness with such resilience and strength.

Thank you to the 100’s of parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends who made sure that their special Graduate’s efforts did not go unnoticed starting from Kindergarten all the way up to Medical School Graduations. And another thank you as well to all of you for acknowledging the incredible efforts of Kids Help Phone with your generous donations which helped raise $10,000 and ensure that more young people feel less alone.

I also want to say thank to Josh Benezrah for making sure that each and every sign that I ordered was printed and delivered to me with lots and lots of TLC. And to my amazing friend Shawna Smoke who once again helped turn my vision into a reality. You are uber talented. 

And last but not least, to Rich who deserves an extra special thank you by giving a whole new meaning to the phrase “going the extra mile” as he spent the last month putting 100’s and 100’s of extra kilometers on his car, schlepping me to the ends of the earth some days, making sure each sign was perfectly in place on every lawn and letting me scream and cry whenever necessary!

You have all shown me the true meaning of teamwork. Please take a moment to watch the video from @KidsHelpPhone and if you would still like to make a donation you can do so at: youthareenough@gmail.com

https://www.dropbox.com/s/lhefdd0whkgbbqd/Thank you so much – NYC.mp4?dl=0

#keepdreaming #reachforthestars #nextchapter #graduationday #grads #classof2020 #ouryouthmatter #strongertogether #wereallinthistogether #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #thankyou #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #selfcare #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence 

Can We Just Agree To Disagree?


The Coronavirus has brought out a whole batshit crazy amount of fear and anger in people all around the world and the amount of judgment and hate I’ve seen and heard (especially on social media) has been fricken shocking and jaw dropping at times to say the very least. 

It’s been a very long (almost) 3 months for all of us and is still filled with so much uncertainty which can understandably make it that much more scary. It’s basically all anyone ever talks about and it often feels like we are all centerstage at a worldwide Political debate taking on our fiercest opponent. 

The Pandemic has drawn many lines in the sand and now as the parameters of the lockdown/quarantine begin to ease, it may be time for all of us to just agree to disagree. 

Let’s try and show kindness to one another as we figure out what is best for ourselves and our loved ones right now. Let’s do so without instilling fear or passing judgment on to each other because we all have our own stories and our own unique circumstances and we all have our own reasons why; and that is perfectly okay, in fact it’s more than ok.

Don’t let others pressure you to do something your not comfortable with or quite ready for yet, but in return, please show kindness and respect to those that are more comfortable or ready. You are not walking in anyone else’s shoes but your own.

Even the strongest people you know have in someway been mentally impacted by this crisis and no matter what our story is, our circumstances are or our reasons why, we have all been forever changed by what has happened to us, but the one thing that can never change and the one thing that can be the difference for so many of us right now is if we all remember to just be kind.

#bekind #kindness #kindnessmatters #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #wereallinthistogether #strongertogether #agreetodisagree #fear #anger #judgmentfreezone #weallhaveourownreasonswhy #youareenough #choosekindness #covid19 #coronavirus #pandemic #overwhelm #vulnerability 

Signed, Sealed & Delivered


While on route today delivering more lawn signs I made an extra special stop to the home of one of the Managers of Kids Help Phone to drop off an envelope with a cheque in it for just under $8000. 
Like so many others right now, the staff at Kids Help Phone are adjusting to a new way of life by having to work from home (and for the foreseeable future) in order to help flatten the curve and stop the spread of Covid-19 but I didn’t want to have to wait several more months for Kids Help Phone to reap the benefits of the 100’s of generous donations I’ve received and so the kind young gentleman (who I’ve been in constant contact with since the start of my “Class of 2020” Graduate Initiative) offered to have me drop it off to him to ensure it got into the right hands now.

We spoke for a little bit outside his home (and 2 meters apart!) and he shared with me some of his goals he is working towards right now for our youth during Covid-19 and beyond and how much donations like this can help turn these goals into a reality. 

I told him that I will have another cheque for him in a couple of weeks once I wrap up my campaign which is officially winding down this weekend as my mental health is taking a toll right now from it, but as of this evening I am very close to doubling my original goal of $5000 and ya that’s pretty cool with me.

*Feel free to reach out to me before Sunday night to honour a “Class of 2020” Graduate! And if you or anyone you know is feeling sad or angry or frustrated or scared please reach out to Kids Help Phone 24/7. They are now servicing all children, youth, frontline  workers and even adults.  

#kidsmentalhealthmatters #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #courage #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #kindnessmatters #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #suicide #ouryouthmatter #strongertogether #togetherapart #staysafe #stayhome @kidshelpphone @bellletstalk 

National Say Something Nice Day

It’s National “Say Something Nice Day” today! Today is a gentle reminder that we always need to use kind words and show kindness and empathy toward one another every day. We’ve all heard the saying “Practice makes perfect” right? So today I dare you to say something nice to someone or about someone and that you continue to practice doing so each and every day moving foward to ensure we help make a better tomorrow.

There is also another saying that we have heard from a very young age which is “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Words can cut deep and once they are said they can’t be taken back so please choose your words carefully because our words matter.

And while you’re at it maybe you could drop off a jar of olives and a hazelnut cake to someone who needs a smile, a kind word or a gentle reminder that they matter because today is also National Olive Day and National Hazelnut Cake Day too! 

#killtwobirdswithonestone #antibullying #areyouupforthechallenge #saysomethingniceday #wordsmatter #weallmatter #youareenough #bekinder #payitforward

Will The Cravings Ever Stop?

It’s been a hundred and thirty something days since I’ve had a cigarette, not a hundred and thirty something days since I’ve desired a cigarette but a hundred and thirty something days since I last smoked one. There are many days (and nights) that go by now where I barely even think about smoking anymore but the days that I do are fucking hell and last night was probably the worst I’ve experienced, even more so than the first few days after I quit back in January. You all remember January; that cold, dark, dreary month of the year that we all wish we could go back in time to right now. Boy what I’d give to go back there now in a heartbeat, with my concussion and all!

Last night I had a panic attack which only exasperated the exhaustion and overwhelm I was already experiencing and I suddenly felt like a junkie who would do just about anything to get their next “fix”. If you have ever suffered with an addiction of any kind before (drug, alcohol, gambling etc) you can relate to how out of control I felt from my “need” to smoke NOW. I begged Rich to get me a pack of cigarettes and I began envisioning myself sitting on my front porch enjoying the beautiful spring air and thinking that having just 1 cigarette wouldn’t be a big deal at all. 

It’s nights like this that have me thinking I will never be free of cigarettes. But then again is there really a specific timeline as to how long it should take a smoker of over 30 years to fully stop having the desire to smoke?

#iquit #smokefree #youareenough #panicattack #anxiety #depression #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #ahundredandthirtysomethingdays #nonsmoker #cravings