Tag: challenge

Singing The Birthday Blues

 

So tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be turning 49 so no big milestone or anything of the sort but still it’s a birthday nonetheless and birthdays are meant to be celebrated. 

Age has never been a “thing” for me and to be honest it still isn’t, not even as reality sets in that in 1 year from now I will be leaving my 40’s behind forever and entering into a whole new decade.

Yet for more than half of my birthdays in my 40’s, up to and including tomorrow, the anticipation leading up to my birthday and the actual day of have been super hard for me. 
For many people living with Depression, birthdays are hard enough to deal with but the thought of spending your birthday in quarantine adds a whole other layer of sadness and anxiety to the birthday blues. And what’s overwhelming me even more about my birthday this year are the extraordinary expectations that have come along with having a Covid-19 birthday celebration. 

Millions and millions of people have celebrated their birthdays in quarantine already, both young and old alike and I’ve heard the same sentiments echoed from so many who have said that it was one of their best if not the BEST birthdays they’ve ever had.

Whether it’s the parades of cars driving by their home, the zoom parties, the serenades of happy birthday being heard from miles away, the bouquets of balloons and gigantic signs set out on their front lawns letting everyone in the neighborhood know that it’s your birthday, the homemade cards and giant cookiegrams being made with extra love, the presents left for them by the curb (who doesn’t love presents) and the extra meaningful and socially distant visits on their driveways have all helped turn an otherwise somber birthday into the most beautiful of days. 

It sounds pretty picture perfect doesn’t it? I mean like just knowing how far your loved ones are willing to go in order to make sure that your already very memorable birthday does not go unnoticed is super awesome, right? But what if the pressure to make an otherwise somber birthday the BEST one ever is just simply too much for you to handle right now?

Concentration

I’m tired, actually let me rephrase that; I’m exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for days right now and my eyes are burning (well maybe that’s from my allergies!). I have trouble finishing a sentence or even finding the words to finish a sentence sometimes which could also be why I haven’t been able to write for several days. My level of concentration is at the bare minimum and I feel as though I have the attention span of a toddler. I not only have a difficult time putting together a full sentence without getting overwhelmed but I find that I am forgetting my thoughts while I’m in the middle of them. If I don’t write everything down right away, even the simplest or most mundane thoughts, you might as well just forget about it cuz I will for sure.

Focusing and concentrating on life has been incredibly difficult for me over the last many years, especially since I did ECT several years ago for my depression (which basically did nothing more than fry my brain), my ability to take in information and retain it has grown increasingly more impaired over time. I’ve always thrived on being able to multitask and was always up for any challenge but nowadays I need complete silence or next to no distraction to do most things anymore, including driving and watching TV. I find I need silence in order to talk my way through whatever task, activity or conversation I am involved in (even technologically) because otherwise there is a good chance I will miscomprehend it, misunderstand it, miss important information or stray far from the intended focus or destination.

I’m wrapping up my Initiative this weekend (for real this time) as the last bit of orders get delivered to me later today and once that is all said and done maybe as I refuel my tank I should start with a simple, mundane activity to help increase my ability to concentrate more; do you think concentrating on my tan could work?

Thankful and Blessed

Today I was so honored to receive an amazing and much appreciated nomination from my very dear friend Sheri Epstein and my very new friend Belora Cotnareanu whom I am so blessed to have both of these strong and supportive ladies in my life. I was nominated in a group that was formed just a couple of months ago called “Creative Cooking During Corona” by  Cheryl Obrant who’s love of food and community has since brought together almost 10,000 like-minded individuals who share recipes and build each other up! See below:

CELEBRATING WOMEN  #top10

“Is there someone in your life, or even yourself, who has really done something unique and special during these past few months??
Stepped up in an incredible way, given back to others, come up with a unique or innovative business idea……Overcome challenges or adversities and deserves to be Spotlighted and recognized???
TODAY WE FEATURE THE 10th OF OUR #TOP10 a double nomination by Sheri Epstein and Belora Cotnareanu – thank you ladies and we share with you the amazing Kim Newman Fluxgold

Here is the story shared by Sheri and supported by Belora

Kim Fluxgold has suffered from severely debilitating depression for the past 6-7 years. She has tried many things to help her “get better” nothing has made a difference. Although her depression has often made her feel like giving up she doesn’t!

Each day she tries to cope with the challenges of daily life of being a wife and a mother, which in itself is difficult enough. But… on top of that she has made a commitment to helping others who are suffering like she is. Kim writes a blog entitled, You Are Enough, and she even authored and published a book for children, “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go” to help parents explain depression to young children.

Then the shut down happened and Kim became very concerned for all the grade 12 students who were losing out on the things that mark the end of high school. As a mother of a grade 12 student (as I am also) she knew that this shut down wasn’t just about losing out on part-time jobs and march break plans, but also losing out on prom, graduation, summer plans, moving into residence, frosh week, etc.

As well, she was and is very worried that all this loss could cause many of our children profound sadness, feelings of grief, and depression. Kim wanted to do something to show our graduates –all our graduates – that we are  proud of them and that we honour them.
So Kim designed these wonderful lawn signs and all proceeds from the signs are being donated to Kids Help Phone, which is seeing an increase in calls since the shut down.

Kim did all the advertising for the signs, had them made, and then delivered each one personally (with her family members helping with driving and schlepping) to each grad.

This has put many miles on her car as she has travelled all around the GTA putting smiles on grads’ faces. To date she has raised about $10,000 for Kids Help Phone. I would say that this is pretty amazing for anyone to do but for someone who struggles each day with depression this is AWESOME!

Kim is most deserving any and all accolades that she gets (even if she often doesn’t feel that she is worthy of them).

WHAT AN AMAZING STORY!!!!!!!!!  SO PROUD OF YOU KIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

#womensupportingwomen #empowerment #bekind #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #blessed






Stop The Presses

I placed my final order of signs first thing this morning which will be printed and then delivered later this week. I knew a week ago that I needed to wrap up my Initiative for the sake of my mental health but as I wrote in my blog last week “How Can I Say No?” I struggle a great deal with saying No.

Yesterday the emails were still pouring in non-stop; and even as I took some much needed time for myself to go for a hike I panicked at the thought of all the emails I would have to return when I got home. And knowing that I was taking my final orders that day made the panic worsen at how I could possibly get back to everyone on time. 

I did get back to everyone and when I told them it was to be my final night to take any new orders, everyone responded very quickly but it still didn’t help the fact that I would be letting many others down who would continue to contact me today, tomorrow or even next week. 

I knew going in that my Campaign would only be short term but now as the school year is beginning to wind down I feel like I am letting so many people down and disappointing so many others by simply saying No. 

I truly never imagined 5 or 6 weeks ago that my little idea would take on a life of its own, a life that has now exceeded every expectation I had and crushed every goal I made; but then why do I feel so guilty, why do I feel like it’s never enough or that I should be doing more?

There is still time to contribute to my Class of 2020 Graduate Initiative and help make a difference in a child/youth’s life. Please feel free to make a donation at: youthareenough@gmail.com.

All of the proceeds will go to @KidsHelpPhone 

Continue to follow my journey at:https://youareenough712.wordpress.com 

#lifewithdepression #lifewithanxiety #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #guiltfree #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #itsoktonotbeok #negativeselftalk #selfcare  #ichooseme #youarenotalone #graduationday #grads #classof2020 #ouryouthmatter #lawnsigns 

A Mitzvah

I have a really hard time accepting help from others, that is everyone except for maybe Rich. What does that exactly mean though; well it means that if I allow someone to help me or do something nice for me then that would mean that I’m weak and incapable of doing it myself, right? And wouldn’t it also mean that I’m a failure too?

I know that most people only offer their help without any ulterior motives in mind and that for every 1 person whose willingness to help others may have ill intentions in mind I also know that there are ten more people who are wanting to show their support or lend a helping hand because they genuinely want to help and it actually gives them great joy when doing so.

In the Jewish faith this would be considered a “Mitzvah” or in the English translation it is considered to be a “good deed” to help someone with a conscious act or emphasis on kindness and empathy.

Throughout my journey I have had no shortage of kindness and empathy or heartfelt sentiments being offered up to me and my family at any given time but it’s always hard for me to let others help me and most of the time I honestly can’t even explain the reason why. 

I know my illness has a lot to do with it as I am constantly telling myself that I’m weak, I’m incapable, I’m a failure, I’m unworthy, I’m undeserving and I’m useless. I feel as though I have no control over my life whatsoever and then to allow others to help me feels like I am giving up complete control all together and making me feel even more vulnerable. Oh and my favourite of course is the guilty feeling I get when someone does something kind for me. 

Over the last few weeks and even more so this week I have recieved an abundance of kindness from loved ones, acquaintances and even strangers, offering to help me in whatever capacity they can with my Initiative. Maybe now would be the perfect time for me to embrace the moment and give others the opportunity to feel the same way I feel every time I brighten up a young person’s day!!

#mitzvah #kindness #kindnessmatters #empathy #joy #helpinghands #youareenough #noshame #endthestigmatogether #youarenotalone 

Who’s Counting?

It’s been 4 Months, 121 Days, 2,907 Hours, 174,240 Minutes and 10,454,400 Seconds (give or take!) since I smoked my last cigarette; but who’s counting? 🚬🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🙋‍♀️

#thelongestfourmonthsever #concussion #quitsmoking #coldturkey #smokefree #covid19 #coronavirus #mentalhealth #physicalhealth #youareenough #istillcraveiteveryday #holdingmyselfaccountable

Be A Voice, Not An Echo


I love my new decorative piece that I now display in my home as an important reminder to me. It’s original quote by Albert Einstein can be left up to the interpretation of each individual who reads his words; it truly depends on how you need to interpret them. 

Finding my voice has been a daily struggle for me for six years now because to me finding my voice has meant being able to step outside of my comfort zone, it’s meant finding a way to be courageous and brave, it’s meant finding a way to make a difference in someone’s life, it’s meant finding a way to be open and honest, it’s meant finding a way to challenge myself, it’s meant finding my own path and it’s meant finding my purpose. 

Since I began writing my blog close to four years ago now and sharing my journey with the world I have slowly begun to uncover parts of my voice and ignite my passion with openness and honesty. I never felt brave or courageous enough to have my own voice before, especially as a child and young adult, and it always felt safest to just stay within my comfort zone. 

Over the last 3 plus years I have spent much of my time trying to find a way to step outside of that comfort zone in order to challenge myself, in order to find my own path (even if it may be a bit off course) and in order to find my purpose. 

Maybe I’m just like Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz”, maybe I’ve had the power all of my life and didn’t even know it. Maybe my illness has given me the strength to be a voice to help make a difference in someone else’s life and to give others who may need it most, the courage to “echo” my words and actions while they too discover their own voice. 

#letsendthestigmatogether #youareenough #youarenotalone #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #masksoff #suicide #beavoice #itsoktonotbeok @soloparatigifts

Today is National Child & Youth Mental Health Day

Today is National Child & Youth Mental Health Day and what better time than right in the midst of a Pandemic to bring awareness to and acknowledgment of the thousands of young people and families who are in need of mental health support more than ever before. 

Statistics show (in Canada) that almost 40 to 50 percent of all visits made to the Pediatrician’s office are due to mental health issues and that Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 10 to 24 year olds. And lastly 70 percent of all mental health challenges usually begin around childhood and adolescence. My greatest fear right now is seeing those statistics soar even more than they already have in the coming months or years because of our current crisis.

These statistics are proof that we still have plenty of work ahead of us and that we desperately need to build caring and emotional connections with our young people to help them through their worries and fears, help them stay positive and hopeful during this time and beyond and help ensure that both their bodies and minds stay healthy too.

I have spoken to so many parents over the last several years regarding our children and mental health in general. These conversations are so important to have because they reassure us that we are not alone and over the last couple of weeks since I began working on my initiative to honour our “Class of 2020” Graduates it’s very clear that we truly are not alone in this fight.

Our kid’s are having to deal with stuff right now that is beyond our comprehension as parents and caregivers. They have lost so much (like beyond our comprehension) and we as parents need to keep an open dialogue and ensure that our kids know that when they are feeling anxious or scared or lonely or angry or frustrated that it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to have these feelings and we need to let them have these feelings and that even the most resilient kids are going to sometimes feel anxious or lonely or scared or angry or frustrated too and we need to keep an even closer eye on them!

But the more ways we can find to build those caring and emotional connections with our kids right now could really help make a difference in their lives while in quarantine. Simple acts of kindness or even our body language can go a very long way to putting a smile on a child’s face (no matter their age). 

Try making them a favorite meal, pull out the old photo albums from when they were babies, make a Tik Tok video together, read them an extra long story at bedtime, make a fort in the living room with them and let them sleep in it, play a board game or do a puzzle together and of course hug them tight. 

I have received a number of messages over the past couple of days from parents thanking me for helping to put a smile on their “Class of 2020” Graduate’s face and it warms my heart knowing that we can all make a child smile by building caring and emotional connections.

How many ways can you make your child smile today?

#icareaboutyou #may7icare #icare #childandyouthmentalhealthday #mentalhealthweek #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #startaconversation #staysafe #masksoff #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca 

We’re All In Different Boats


Even though we may all be weathering the same storm together does not mean that we are doing so from the same boat. Some of us may feel like a castaway on a deserted island with a broken raft and no paddle to steer us home while others may feel like they are peacefully sailing through a remote Tropical Island in a big Yacht straight out of “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous”.

Some of us are enjoying this time to slowly paddle our boat on a private lake and breathe in the fresh air and see our reflection on the water and actually like what we see, but for many more of us we may just be trying to brave the heavy waves on the ocean without capsizing our boat and praying we don’t fall into the shark pit below.

For many of us we are all alone in our boat, and the murky water surrounding us feels empty and the skies above us are dark and then you suddenly look across the way from you and through the fog you can see another boat in the distance filled with the love of a family, singing and dancing without a cloud in the sky above them.

For many of us right now we don’t have the means to fix the holes in our boat and it feels like we are sinking very fast without having a life preserver to keep our head above the water while others are still able to put their feet up on deck and use this time to map out their next adventure, a relaxing sail around the world. And then there are those who have no time to dock their motorboat right now because they are too busy working to help the rest of us try and stay afloat.

Yes we are all in different boats and sailing on very different journeys but we still share the same land and water which is why now would be the perfect time for all of us to anchor our boats next to one another (6 feet apart of course), not so we can compare them, not so we can judge them but so we can unite together as we weather the storm. 

#bekind #weatherthestorm #youareenough #wereallinthistogether #strongertogether #kindnessiskey  ##mentalhealthawarenessmonth #covid19 #selfcare #virtualhugs #checkonyourlovedones 

Mental Health And Covid-19

Recently I’ve received several notifications that my “STATS” are “booming” on my WordPress (blog) site YouAreEnough (https://youareenough712.wordpress.com). The last time I had such a huge spike in stats like this was on Christmas Day and although I have a great sense of pride knowing that people are reading my posts and hopefully finding some comfort in them, I also know that many more are finding my posts because they may be feeling more vulnerable than usual or overwhelmed due to our current world crisis. 

Today on the news it was reported that there has been an increase of more than 40% of people suffering with Mental Health challenges in Canada over the last month especially anxiety related. That is some super scary and super alarming statistics but not surprising at all.  For most of society we are living in unprecedented times and not only facing a super scary and super alarming economical downfall but a super psychological one as well.

Being forced into quarantine has no doubt caused a wide range of psychological fear and worry for even the most seemingly high functioning members of society. If nothing else, being in lockdown can cause an individual to have low mood swings or irritability for sure but mix in some insomnia with a dose of physical exhaustion, anger, anxiety and depression and suddenly you have a whole different crisis on hand.

I am surprisingly quite calm when it comes to the fear that I myself or a loved one will contract the virus itself so for me and many others the increase in psychological issues stem mainly from the uncertainty that lies ahead and when we will begin to resume our daily life again and more importantly; How?  For many individuals it’s also not having their regular support systems nearby whether it’s support from a loved one or being able to go to their office every day or maybe for others it’s not having access to places like the public library or the school yard where they feel most safe.

But whatever the reasons are that are causing a surge in Mental Health issues right now just remember that you are not alone. I encourage you to reach out to someone you feel comfortable talking to whether it’s a mental health professional or a trusted confidant or someone who understands what you are feeling and while you’re at it, make sure you are getting fresh air everyday if you can and try keeping to as regular a routine as possible however that may look.

#covid19 #pandemic #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocate #stats #youareenough #noshame #startaconversation #youarenotalone #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #depression #family #anxiety #masksoff #checkonyourlovedones #togetherapart #stayhome #flattenthecurve #physicaldistance