I’m all set to share my journey tonight with a lovely group of ladies from Na’amat Canada. I am honoured to have been invited to speak tonight and to be given another opportunity to spread awareness for mental health, to educate others about mental illness and suicide prevention, to continue opening up important conversations and to ensure that someone listening feel less alone.
Na’amat Canada is a volunteer non-profit Jewish organization for women whose main focus is to help improve the lives of women, children and families living in Israel and Canada.
Na’amat is spread out amongst 9 countries and has been empowering women to fight for equal treatment to men at home, in the workplace and the community at large through education and advocacy for nearly 100 years now.
As tomorrow marks the 47th annual “International Woman’s Day”, I am feeling empowered as I prepare to share my story and continue to spread my advocacy with the hope to inspire more women to celebrate their worth and achievements. #advocate #blogger #childrensbookauthor #youareenough
The Coronavirus (aka Covid-19) had made its way into Canada and the stockpiling of toilet paper and bottled water had now become a phenomenon for most of the country and much of the free world.
The store shelves were bare yet no one truly even understood the depth or magnitude of what was about to hit us just one short week later. Looking back now, ensuring that we had enough toilet paper in our homes to last us during a “potential” two week quarantine was probably the very least of our concerns.
***side note*** I have to say that after re-reading this blog two years later, I, for the most part have continued to stay quite grounded and rational throughout the past 2 years in regards to Covid. I only wish that my anxiety and panic pertaining to every other aspect of my life could actually do the same thing.
I put myself out there, like WAY out there by choosing to share my journey with you.
Many of you may not always understand every part of my journey and likewise I may not always understand every piece of yours as well but hey, that’s okay.
In fact it’s more than okay. What’s most important is that we all share a common sense of kindness and empathy toward one another because sadly, so many of us have lost their sense of compassion and empathy somewhere along the way, especially over the past two years, others may choose to show kindness and empathy when it’s most convenient or beneficial to them and if truth be told, many have never had it to begin with and likely never will.
Katie Meyer, 22 was a star athlete, captain and goaltender for Stanford University’s soccer team when she took her life on Tuesday.
Her parents, in shock and completely heartbroken spoke through their tears early this morning on the “Today Show” about their daughter’s suicide. Her mom was donning Katie’s red hoodie so she could feel close to her. Katie was last seen wearing that same sweatshirt on Instagram just days earlier and it still had her scent on it. Their emotions were so raw.
Katie was a perfectionist, a high achiever, a true leader and was set to graduate Stanford this spring with honours.
Her parents spoke to Katie on Facetime from her dorm room just hours before she took her own life. They said she sounded happy, excited and that she was in great spirits. That was Katie, always smiling.
Her family, her school community and her many friends have been left confused and in disbelief today as they try to make sense of what led Katie to such a tragedy; afterall, she was always smiling. According to her parents, she had been facing an undisclosed disciplinary action at Stanford after coming to the aid and defending a teammate on campus during an incident some time ago. Fear over a recent email from the disciplinary board pertaining to the incident may have possibly triggered Katie (her parents have not seen the email yet) but still believe there were other signs that they missed too. She had also been receiving an overwhelming amount of retaliation from school administration and other students over the incident. She helped someone who was being bullied and in turn became a victim of bullying herself.
Katie had accomplished so much in her short life including leading her team to victory at the 2019 NCAA women’s soccer title. She had a very bright and promising future ahead of her. But we need to stop assuming that the elite athletes, the honour roll students, the perfectionists, the leaders and the children who are always smiling are just fine because the grim stats are showing otherwise.
Her parent’s purpose of giving an interview this morning was in hopes of starting conversations about opening up better lines of communication between schools and parents. They feel as though they missed an opportunity to step in and help their daughter.
Except in the eyes of the law when a person reaches the age of 18 they are considered to be an adult. But we cannot lose our focus here. We need to remember that our brains are still developing when we reach “adulthood” and are not considered to be fully developed until around the age of 25.
Yes, maybe our kids become less dependent on us as they once were when they reach “18” but they are still learning and growing and in need of guidance, especially given that the rational part of their brain is what’s still developing and can easily hinder good judgment, decision-making and awareness of long term consequences and unfortunately at the same time when you become an “adult” many of our privileges as parents quickly become hindered too, making it that much more difficult to help advocate for them when needed, especially surrounding their mental health.
Parents need to ensure that no matter what age their child is that they always feel emotionally safe and easy for them to open up to someone they trust and yes maybe institutions such as Colleges and Universities should also have an obligation to be more proactive in certain situations in order to prevent such tragedies like this one from happening again.
Keep the conversation going, keep talking about mental health with your kids, keep ensuring that they know that it’s okay to not be okay, keep teaching your children how to cope in difficult situations, keep showing them love and give them space and encouragement and keep giving them permission to fail because perfection is unattainable and will only suffocate their ability to grow.
“We need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.” ~Desmond Tutu
RIP Katie
If you or someone you love is struggling please call: Canada Suicide Prevention Service, 1.833.456.4566 or Kids Help Phone, 1.800.668.6868 or check your local listings.
***SPOILER ALERT: THE AMAZING RACE (TAR) FINALE*** (you’ve been warned)
It was well after 1 AM last night as I lay in bed and began to cry.
But for once they were actually tears of joy.
I was watching the season finale of “The Amazing Race” at the time (which due to Covid took nearly two years to complete). I’d been totally invested all season long, week after week, anxiously awaiting to see if my favourite team; internet sensations Kim and Penn Holderness would take home the grand prize of one million dollars (they were the only reason I wanted to watch this season of TAR which I hadn’t seen in many years).
With the end drawing near and seeing just how close they actually were to the finish line, neck and neck with just one other team, they beat the odds and became the oldest team to ever win TAR (they’re in their mid 40’s lol).
As they crossed the threshold, running excitedly toward their well deserved victory I was suddenly so overcome with emotion while at the same time I was also trying not to wake Rich up. I did however wake Maggie though who’d been snuggled up beside me. She quickly came to comfort me as I lay there in awe, tears streaming down my face, repeatedly whispering, “Omg, omg they won!!!!
I honestly can’t pinpoint one particular reason why I have become totally obsessed with Kim and Penn Holderness ever since discovering their Facebook page at the start of the Pandemic.
And maybe it was just that. Maybe they came into my life at just the right time when laughter and distractions from the real world were most needed. I find myself incessantly talking about them to Rich and the kids during many a family dinners, as though they were our close friends.
Their daily doses of laughter and distractions from the real world bring a smile to my face everyday alongside their millions of other faithful viewers. They are so raw and so very real in their attempt to tackle important topics and issues of everyday life head on but do so in such an entertaining way with their very silly and oftentimes thought provoking parodies, skits and vlogs.
They have helped so many people feel less alone by opening up in their book “Everybody Fights” (which was released last year and I highly recommend reading) by giving the world an inside peek into the messy side of marriage, letting the world know that marriage is hard work but totally worth it.
But probably the one thing that makes me especially obsessed with Kim and Penn is their willingness to share their personal mental health struggles with the world and how they use their platform for a greater purpose not just with their honest and open dialogue on their social media pages but throughout their entire journey on TAR as well while encountering and conquering so many of their fears and shortcomings due to their personal mental health struggles; particularly Kim’s persistent struggles with anxiety and Penn’s daily battle with Adhd.
I, like so many others can relate to them in so many ways which is why I was cheering them on from the moment the race began as I would a real friend!
Thank you for continuing to entertain us as we get through to the other side of the Pandemic, thank you for using your platform for a greater purpose, thank you for showing us the true meaning of what a supportive partner looks like and the true definition of teamwork, thank you for setting the world on fire with your truth, thank you for sharing your authentic selves with the world, thank you for normalizing conversations surrounding mental illness and thank you for lending your voices to those who may need it the most.
Being able to share your stories makes you both warriors in my eyes because you just never know who may be watching or listening and who may need your light, your warmth or your inner strength in that very moment.
Congratulations to the Holderness Family. What a truly “AMAZING” accomplishment!
*Here is the video they released early this morning highlighting their grand adventure. I especially loved seeing the reaction from their kids who only found out their parents had won while watching the finale together last night at the cast party in a theater filled with their family and friends (I cried all over again!)
Every so often I like to reshare a past blog I’ve written which I feel have the most impactful messages attached to them and as my audience continues to grow (which I am truly grateful for) I want to ensure that these messages never go unheard or unseen. This is one of them.
Hello. My name is Kim and I suffer with a Major Depressive and severe Anxiety Disorder. This is the face of someone who struggles with depression and anxiety every single day.
I’d even go so far as to call me a poster child for depression and anxiety.
But I can put on a face, any face you want for that matter.
I can smile and laugh and act silly and I’m pretty funny too.
If you didn’t know me, you may never “know”. You may never know by just looking at me on the outside that depression and anxiety are controlling me from the inside.
But underneath that big smile or silly child-like behaviour is someone who feels completely broken, who doubts her own self-worth, who wonders why she is adored by so many and who fights to stay alive each and every day.
I am not alone. I know I am not alone and I bet you see faces just like mine everywhere you go, possibly right inside your own family unit or staring back at you in the mirror.
You never know who may be suffering in silence, quietly fighting their own battle or smiling through their pain.
So be gentle, be kind, be loving to each other because you just never know who is smiling at you through their darkness.
Thank you for continuing to share in my journey. It means the world to me. xoxo
They bring a smile to my face. Their beauty brings me joy.
I love nothing more than to fill a vase with freshly cut Sunflowers in my home.
They emit a positive energy and add warmth to any room.
When I smell the scent from a Sunflower I breathe in a sense of comfort and ease.
Sunflowers symbolize unwavering convictions and unconditional love.
When I am surrounded by Sunflowers I feel resilient and unbreakable.
For everything that a Sunflower symbolizes it seems only fitting that they are considered to be the National Flower of Ukraine with their tall stalky stature and big yellow petals they bring with them a message of strength as they radiate off the sun.
In 1996 when Ukraine gave up their nuclear weapons in favour of world peace, Sunflower seeds were instead planted at the missle base to signify hope and peace for generations to come.
A few days ago a brave Ukrainian woman offered an armed Russian soldier a handful of Sunflower seeds and told him to place them in his pocket so that when he dies on Ukraine soil at least Sunflowers will continue to bloom.
Sunflowers are warriors much like the people of Ukraine.
And just like Sunflowers which never stand alone, the world stands together in solidarity with Ukraine.
I received a “tentative” date earlier today for my first dose (and hopefully only dose!) of Psilocybin (aka Magic Mushrooms) to be administered on April 2, 2022, taking between 8 to 10 hours in length. There will be one final assessment done the week prior as well as a follow up appointment the day after it is administered lasting approximately another 3 to 4 hours along with a mix of virtual and in-person meetings throughout the next 6 months.
But because I will be participating in a Clinical Research Trial, these dates could randomly change on a moment’s notice due to some logistics of how the study is conducted (science is like really not my forte so I couldn’t even begin to tell you how this stuff works 😑!).
People say to me all the time, “Kim, it will get better, I promise you it will.”, and although it’s always very well intentioned, it’s still really, really hard to believe it most days after everything I’ve already been through. Yet for almost 8 years now there’s been a small part of me that somehow finds the strength to keep putting in the work so that one day I can prove everyone right even if the hardest part of my journey has been believing I’m even worth it.
So as I set sail once again and row out into more choppy and uncharted waters on this next leg of my journey I will keep trying to remind myself that “you can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~ Christopher Columbus ❤️
YouAreEnough 
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