YouAreEnough

My mental health has been in the toilet.  


It all came to a head the other night and my depression was winning the battle. 

The “why” doesn’t really matter now.


I felt completely lost and alone.

Depression still follows me everywhere I go. 


Some days may feel lighter than others, but when the hard days far outweigh the “good” ones, it’s really difficult to remember how a good day feels, especially of late.


Some may wonder, can a depressed person actually have a “good” day? Can they feel normal, at times?


For me, a “good” day may include feeling less of a burden to my loved ones. 


For me, a “good” day may find my mind somewhat quieter. 


For me, a “good” day I am able to count my blessings and know that I have many.


For me, a “good” day I feel like I’m less of a failure and instead proud of all that I have accomplished. 


For me, a “good” day I can get through a trigger without it taking a tremendous toll on my body. 

For me, a “good” day my heart truly believes that I am loved and needed.


For me, a “good” day doesn’t consist of constant thoughts of how much I hate myself. 


For me, a “good” day is laughing with friends and not having to fake it.


For me, a “good” day is when my thoughts aren’t completely consumed by guilt.


For me, a “good” day is when the easy things feel easy and the hard things don’t feel so hard.


For me, a “good” day feels like life can almost be worth living. 


Today I finally took a long, deep breath for the first time in days as Rich and I explored the beauty of the Fall season on a #summerofrich hike. It was a great distraction. I pushed myself through the pain I’m in today after I tripped and fell yesterday afternoon outside my office (like I need more pain 🙄) which has since left me feeling further bruised, battered, swollen, and unsure if I have possibly fractured my elbow 😵‍💫.

We all need to embrace the good days, or for someone like me, it’s more about learning how to embrace the good moments. 

Be gentle and kind to everyone, including yourself, for we are all battling something. 


#gooddays #inthemoment #begentle #bekind #weareallbattlingsomething #selfcare #selfcompassion #depression #youarenotalone #beauty #brucetrail #nature #hiking #mymedicine #youareenough #mentalhealth #breathe #battered #bruised #gogentleonyourself #suicideawareness #embracethemoments 

Is a gentle reminder…

To be mindful of each other.

To pay attention with intention.

To be aware of other people’s feelings.

To be in tune with your body and mind.

To embrace being imperfectly perfect.

To embrace others’ imperfections, too.

To practice selfcare.

To be loving to yourself and others.

To give yourself grace.

And to never, ever forget that kindness is free…

#kindnessisfree #selfcare #bemindful #imperfectlyperfect #agentlereminder @agentlereminderproject #youarenotalone #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selflove #compassion #love #whattheworldneedsnow #youareenough

I’m not fine…


There, I said it. 


And I know you can too.


“I’m fine” is the most commonly told lie we tell both ourselves and others, especially when asked the simple and seemingly straightforward question, “How are you doing?”. 


I am not afraid to admit that life is feeling really, really hard right now for me, both mentally and physically, but if I’ve learned anything by now from my nearly 10 year battle with Treatment Resistant Depression, debilitating Anxiety and daily thoughts of Suicide it’s that it’s really more than okay to say the words out loud; “Actually, today I am not FINE.


When we answer someone with the words, “I’m fine”, and we are clearly not fine, what we are really expressing to them is that “less is more” and that “simplicity” is appreciated over “complexity”. Sometimes, though, it’s just not enough and that even if the truth hurts, the stigma hurts more.


If you are not F.I.N.E (Feelings I’m Not Expressing) right now, please know that you are not alone. We are all just human beings afterall and we shouldn’t have to run from our feelings or be afraid of them. When we find the strength to admit the words, “I’m not fine” aloud while we are in the most pain or in our darkest moments, you may truly be pleasantly surprised by just how many people will show up.


**A gentle reminder: Check on your friends and loved ones, even the strong ones, the busy ones, the happy ones, and the ones who seem “F.I.N.E”!**


*youareenough712.wordpress.com


#imfine #itsoktonotbeok #itsoktoaskforhelp #imnotok #youarenotalone #youareenough #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #endthestigmatogether #findyourtribe #feelingsimnotexpressing 

This picture of me hugging Jacob oh so tight showed up in my Facebook memories today. It brought tears to my eyes. 


It was taken 2 years ago today while standing outside of Toronto Pearson airport just before he departed on his very first trip to Israel to attend the wedding of his girlfriend’s sister who lives there. He has already been back twice more since then, including this past June.


Both Hannah and Rachel have also experienced their first trips to Israel since that picture was taken as well. I had the very same emotions when they departed too (see pics).

I shared a blog with you a few months back that I’d written and titled “Maybe One Day” while Rachel was in Israel this past Spring. She’d spent close to 2 months there on an organized youth trip for 10 days, followed by an internship program for credit towards her University Degree in Interior Design. 

I, myself have never been to Israel. The combination of a crippling fear of flying and an overwhelming anxiety since I was a young child about going to Israel due to everything I’d ever seen on the news or read about Israel, I scratched it off my bucket list years ago.

But having lived vicariously through my children’s travels to Israel over the past 2 years, and especially after seeing the glow in Rachel’s eyes and the huge smiles on her face, like I’d never seen before, with every picture she shared with us during her travels there in the Spring, Israel quickly became a place I wanted to see, maybe one day, too, with my very own eyes and experience firsthand what everyone has tried so hard to help me understand all these years. 

I began researching organizations who offer women’s trips to Israel. I was finally ready to feel that indescribable connection to my heritage firsthand, see its beautiful landscape and architecture, learn about its incredible history in real time, its religious importance, fascinating culture and people, delicious food and amazing shopping that I’ve always heard so much about. 

With everything going on in Israel right now, you are probably thinking that I’ve once again scratched this goal back off my bucket list, but I haven’t. Now may not be the time, but Israel will be waiting there for me when the time is right and I know in my heart that it will be even stronger and better than ever.


#Israel #Homeland #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalwellness #maybeoneday #bucketlist #shabbatshalom #memories #myreasonswhy #travel #youareenough #fears #anxiety #United #standstrong 

I am not a religious person by any means, but I am a spiritual one. 


Shabbat gives us an opportunity to rest, rejuvenate and reconnect with both ourselves and our loved ones. 


I cannot remember the last time I lit the Shabbos candles, but tonight I felt an overwhelming urge to do so and thought it would be a perfect way to end a very difficult week by bridging a connection to my family and friends who are also suffering right now, but mostly I wanted to bring some love and light and peace to all my “brothers” and “sisters” in Israel. 


As I lit the candles tonight I recited the prayer for the State of Israel. 


Our prayers matter.


I would love for everyone reading this to please take a moment to recite the prayer with me because no matter which God or Spiritual Leader you turn to for comfort and guidance, it doesn’t really matter. What truly does matter is our prayers, staying connected with our loved ones and being united by human kindness.


“Our Father in Heaven, Rock and Redeemer of Israel, bless the State of Israel, the first manifestation of the approach of our redemption. Shield it with Your lovingkindness, envelop it in Your peace, and bestow Your light and truth upon its leaders, ministers and advisors, and grace them with Your good counsel. Strengthen the hands of those who defend our holy land, grant them deliverance, and adorn them in a mantle of victory. Draw our hearts together to revere and venerate Your name and to observe all the precepts of Your Torah and send us quickly the Messiah son of David, agent of Your vindication, to redeem those who await Your deliverance.” Amen


Am Yisrael Chai


#shabbatshalom #shabboscandles #peace #loveandlight #unity #humanity #kindness #connection #prayers #stateofisrael #candles #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #spirituality #rejuvenation #comfort #guidance

The world is feeling very dark right now.

So many of us are struggling with an overwhelming sense of grief and anger and sadness and fear and anxiety and helplessness in this time of uncertainty and horror, just trying to move through it in our own way. 

I wish we were able to let go of the guilt and judgment weighing heavily on our hearts for thinking that we must act or be a certain way and allow others to process their feelings in their own way too. 

But the overwhelming feelings of grief and anger and sadness and fear and anxiety and helplessness are too powerful. I get it.

So tonight, I am sending each and every one of you a virtual hug instead to let you know that you are not alone and that it’s ok to feel your feelings, even the joyful ones. 

I hope my hug is felt around the world and as I close my eyes tonight, that I will feel your warm embrace right back. 

I also wanted to share the sparkle of love and light luminating from my dangling evil eye earring (see pic) and pray that it helps you cultivate some inner peace and feeling of protection from all the uncertainty and horror in the world right now.

#evileye #virtualhug #protection #loveandlight #itsoktofeelyourfeelings #youarenotalone #youareenough #mentalhealth #takecareofyou #checkonyourlovedones 

Today, Oct 10th is World Mental Health Day.

“World Mental Health Day” is a day to talk about mental health and to show everyone that our mental health matters. Mental health is a universal human right and this year’s theme: Mental Health in an unequal world; Bridging disparities and inclusion seems more fitting than ever now. 

I’m at a loss and have been feeling very helpless and numb the last few days with what is going on in Israel since Saturday and it’s affecting my mental health greatly. I know I am not alone in my thoughts. 

There will never be justification for ANY innocent person to be tortured, raped, kidnapped or murdered. No human being in the world can ever justify terrorism. 

I have loved ones whose close family members live in Israel. I also have friends of mine, as do my kids, who are there at the moment too, living in fear. 

As I said earlier, I am at a loss right now and I feel completely helpless and numb. I’m writing this while at work today as I am unable to focus on much else. I am also feeling a great sense of guilt for not being able to join my children or friends at the peace rally that was held in our city last night because of my overwhelming fears and panic I have of being situated in large crowds.

The current events in Israel and Gaza are impacting people all over the world on many different levels. This morning Jacob arrived at his job site, a new condo development he is working at to find the walls smeared with swastikas and other hate intended graffitti against Jews. He informed his company right away as well as the development company to which this was targeted was also informed, and action was taken right away. #ifyouseesomethingsaysomething.

Please remember that it is ok not to be ok. I encourage anyone and everyone to ensure that you take care of your mental health, find ways to centre yourself, disconnect from your devices and media when needed and be sure to ask for help if you need to as well. You are not alone.

And also remember as well, that we are strong, we are united and we will prevail. 

#worldmentalhealthday #itsoktonotbeok #wewillprevail #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #Israel #itsoktoaskforhelp #youarenotalone #peace #strong #nojustification #united #solidarity #standtogether 

This memory showed up in my Facebook memories this morning. Four years later and what, at the time was just weeks after my children’s book was first published, is still one of several events and interviews I’ve participated in that has felt most meaningful and purposeful to me.

I had been asked to be a panelist at this event at a local library called Community Conversations where I was to speak about Mental Illness and Stigma. In preparation for the event I was sent a series of 4 questions beforehand on the topic of stigma in which I would be asked to discuss in front of the group along with giving a short bio about my journey, followed up by a Q & A from the audience at the very end.  

One by one each panelist discussed their views on (1) the harmful effects of the Stigma surrounding mental illness, (2) the most commonly held stereotypes about mentally ill people, (3) our strategies on how we as a society can help diminish the Stigma and (4) our thoughts on the important and urgent need for more access and funding to better educate the public about mental illness in order to increase understanding and empathy. 

I still remember how anxious and overwhelmed I was all day leading up to the event, right up until I sat in my big, comfy chair waiting for it to begin. I sat there looking around the room as the other panelists and guests arrived one by one and the anxiety and overwhelm just kept building. My head filled with so many negative thoughts. I felt like I was going to explode!

I wanted to run. No amount of breathing or grounding exercises seemed to be slowing down what was going on inside my body and mind either, but then the Moderator started to introduce the panel of guest speakers and when I started to tell my story to a room full of strangers all my anxiety and overwhelm seemed to dissipate.

I remember feeling a sense of belonging and that by sharing my story and speaking from my heart on a topic I have grown to have so much passion and understanding for and knowing that I could possibly help someone in that room feel less alone, feel like it’s ok to not be ok or feel a sense of comfort from within their own community made all the anxiety and overwhelm all worthwhile. 

Everyone in attendance had their own reason for being there. Some were mental health educators and professionals, some were mental health advocates, some were there looking for some guidance for their own mental wellness and some may have been there to seek advice on behalf of a loved one in need of support. 

I met some truly wonderful people that evening, many of whom I have since collaborated on several other projects with.

But whatever everyone’s reason were for being there, they all had a story to tell, we all have a story to tell and we definitely need more evenings like this one so that more and more people can have a safe space to feel like they can start telling their own stories and know that someone is listening. I know I want to hear it; how about you?

#memories #mentalillness #mentalhealth #stigma #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #choosekindness #itsoktonotbeok #startaconversation #educationiskey #dontsufferinsilence #speakyourtruth #courage #wheredidmommyssmilego #author #childrensbook #advocate #blogger

We were hoping to catch a glimpse of the salmon migrating upstream today, so we headed to a trail for a #summerofrich adventure where they’d recently been spotted. 

It started raining as soon as we got there. 

There was a cool breeze in the air. I finally felt ready for sweater weather. 

We walked toward the river, saw a father and son fishing, as well as a couple of salmon swimming underwater. 

The touch of the rain on my skin felt so freeing and exhilarating. 

I could’ve stood there for hours. 

I felt a sense of calmness surround me from the smell of the rain.

Listening to the sound of the rapidly moving water brought with it a soothing connection to nature.

We didn’t spend long there but just long enough to allow myself to be in the moment while letting go, or better yet, “washing away” some of my negative emotions.

Click here to feel my connection to nature today. https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyHKmCgORqx/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

#theriver #salmonmigrating #lettinggo #washingaway #negativeemotions #inthemoment #connectiontonature #smelloftherain #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #mentalwellness #fallweather #sweaterweather #exhilarating #freeing #creditriver #youareenough #mentalillnessawarenessweek

I have a very difficult time disconnecting after work, weekends included. 


Work literally consumes my mind day and night. 


It’s been a huge adjustment for me having to go back to work full-time after a nearly 9 year hiatus. I certainly wasn’t prepared for it mentally, and then add to that, all my physical health struggles I’ve also been dealing with over the last 18 months, it’s left me feeling beyond exhausted and overwhelmed. 


I wasn’t expecting work to be this hard, especially since I had already worked here some 15 years ago. But so much has changed in the world since then though, technology being a big one and, well, we really can’t ignore the elephant in the room; that back then I was both physically and mentally able. 


I don’t leave time in my day for a lunch break as I am too busy and leaving on time at the end of my workday, well, what’s that like. I’ve been told time and time again from family and friends, and especially my therapist that whatever may feel so pressing in the moment will still be there tomorrow (or on Monday) and that when my day is done I need to shut off my computer and shut off my mind as well.


But, now, almost a year in, I have yet to allow myself the ability to do so. The guilt is consuming me. I have what feels like fifty things a day to do on my to-do-list and if I leave even one thing unfinished at the end of the day all I end up doing is spending my free time thinking about everything I am coming back in to do the next day so I may as well get it all done now!


I continue to try and train my brain to give me some grace as well as learn ways to separate my life between my workday and personal time.


I knew coming in to work this morning that my office was closing at noon today as it does before every long weekend. I made a conscious effort that no matter what felt pressing that today I was finally going to allow myself to take advantage of that perk for the first time since starting here. Noon came and went very quickly, but by 2 p.m., after dealing with an urgent matter, I shut off my computer, satisfied that I had completed enough off my to-do-list for the day and left. Still though, I felt panicked as to what Tuesday morning would look like but once I got into my car and started my drive home, the guilt drifted away and a smile filled its place instead as I began to think about what truly matters in my life and all the special plans I have going on this coming Thanksgiving weekend. A weekend that will be filled with lots of family time, love, selfcare, a very special celebration, and tons of gratitude. 


Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all my Canadian friends and family. I hope it will also be filled with family, love, selfcare, celebration, and tons of gratitude, too.


#Thanksgiving #worklifebalance #shuttingoff #gratitude #love #familymatters #celebration #ohcanada #disconnecting #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #longweekend #mentalillness #depression #anxiety #physicalhealth #guilt #grace #selfcare #mentalillnessawarenessweek #youareenough