What the world needs now is love, sweet love…and kindness.
Today is “World Kindness Day”.
The world needs kindness more than ever right now so as you go about your day today inspire kindness, spread kindness and make kindness the norm.
We can all spread kindness and love. Celebrate today by spreading that kindness and love onto someone else, and don’t forget to leave some for yourself too because a simple act of kindness can go a very long way!
Today, we took to the trails for a much needed mental health break and #summerofrich adventure not too far from home.
Tomorrow is Rich’s birthday.
The last nine birthdays he has celebrated have been spent loving someone battling Depression. One such birthday he even had to go so far as to ask my Psychiatrist during a hospital stay for special permission to sign me out of the hospital for a couple of hours so that we could go for a quick dinner nearby to celebrate.
Loving someone with Depression is NOT easy. Being a caregiver to someone with Depression is NOT fun. You want so desperately to try and fix them, but you can’t. You feel helpless in everything you do and just pray that your words, your kind gestures, or maybe even your hugs will be enough to make everything better, but it won’t.
Nothing they do seems to make a difference. Their words, their kind gestures, and even their warm hugs only go so far when someone is battling a debilitating illness such as Depression.
Depression changes everything, including relationships. It builds walls around people and between them too. Rich has probably heard it all by now from outsiders looking in over the past nine years. Everything from “Man, I don’t know how you do it!”, to “You must be a real Saint!”, to my most favourite one of all, “Are you gonna leave her?”
Yup I’ve been a burden for the last nine plus years, and that’s my honest truth. I am continually apologizing to Rich for being such a burden to him and our family, and I probably tell him ten times a week how much better off he would be if I was “gone”.
He doesn’t see it that way, though, and just tries his best to always listen to me.
It’s not easy, nor fun.
Loving someone with Depression takes great strength. It means constantly having to listen or bare witness to many shocking and very upsetting things that they may say or do.
But still, Rich lets me talk.
He’s not perfect, but who is? He’s made mistakes along the way, he feels rejected at times and he gets frustrated and angry at other times but he acknowledges my pain, he validates it and although he may not always understand it, it’s what loving someone unconditionally means. It’s often a very thankless job!
If you love someone with Depression don’t be afraid to ask them what they need most from you right now. I can assure you it’s probably just knowing that you are there, sitting beside them in that darkened tunnel, silently listening to them, allowing them to speak their truth without feeling judged or pushed and letting them know that no matter how long it takes, you will still be there waiting for them when they do find their way out of that darkened tunnel.
I am beyond grateful knowing that I have that someone in my life. He definitely deserves to be celebrated tomorrow and every day in between.
I had no real expectations about how my day would play out, I just knew I wanted a day for myself, by myself, to decompress.
Which I did.
But, still I managed to beat myself up for thinking I should’ve been more productive even with selfcare being top of mind throughout the whole time which even included a visit to my therapist at the end of the day.
As I said in my post yesterday, taking one day off from work for a mental health break isn’t going to unburden the significant amount of heaviness in my life right now, I’m still glad I finally did it.
Today I am overwhelmed trying to catch up from being off one day, but I have set up my own little zen garden on my desk, next to me, to help reduce my level of stress and give me a feeling of tranquility, calmness and peace moving forward.
I’m taking a much needed mental health break from work today.
Prioritizing self care over work is essential when we have the flu, but why doesn’t it seem to feel that way when it comes to our mental health?
Taking a mental health day has been top of mind for me since the beginning of summer, but I just kept allowing the guilt to consume me, making one excuse after another to myself as to why it never felt like the right time. I’ve needed this day off, to decompress, ALONE. A day to myself to relax my mind and calm my nervous system. A day to do anything I want to or nothing at all. A day to try and center myself. A day to reflect and refocus. A day to give my anxiety and burnout some relief. A day to just take a brief pause from all my emotional distress.
I have a certain number of “sick/personal” days allocated to me from work so why the heck shouldn’t I use them? It’s not like I’m able to carry them over into the next calendar year or be paid out for them if not taken.
So about a week or two ago I made a promise to myself that November 1st would finally be the day. My choosing of this particular day was methodically thought out and included a look at everyone else’s schedules in my home as well. I wanted to wait until October was over so I could make sure to wrap up any loose ends for the month, and, I also thought that since November 1st landed in the middle of a work week, it would still allow me a couple of days following to catch up before the weekend.
I wasn’t going to let guilt stand in my way this time, and besides, I was all out of excuses.
While I know that one day isn’t going to unburden me from the significant amount of heaviness in my life right now but maybe it will be enough to at least help to boost my level of motivation which has been certainly lacking of late. Maybe my mental, emotional and physical health will even thank me for it later.
A gentle reminder…your mental health matters. Make yourself a priority and never feel guilty for taking care of YOU. No more excuses.
The Torah explicitly states that people of Jewish faith are forbidden from getting tattoos and if you choose to do so then you would be limited from participating in many of their religious practices and rituals, including being buried in a Jewish cemetery.
On a hot summer day back in July of 2015, a year and a bit into my mental health journey and before the #summerofrich was even a thing, Rich and I were casually strolling through Kensington Market, enjoying a quiet Saturday afternoon together while the kids were all away at camp when we passed by a tattoo parlour. I had been thinking for some time about getting a tattoo for the first time in my life. I was 44. I’d been holding onto a photo in my phone, which I had created, and felt it symbolized a piece of who I am and would be a beautiful reminder of what is most sacred in my life.
I went for it. I got the tattoo with Rich’s encouragement.
I decided to place my first tattoo on my left shoulder blade and although it’s tiny and only visible on a hot summer day when I am wearing a tank top or bathing suit, it’s truly meaningful to me which is what I believe a tattoo should be (I’ve gotten 2 more since, each one representing another piece of who I am and have shared their importance with you many times since).
It’s a “Chai” which I added a dot on top of in order to also make a semicolon symbol as well.
“Chai” is a Hebrew word that when translated to English simply means “Life” but also possesses a numerical significance in the Jewish religion as well. It represents the number “18” which has become a longstanding Jewish tradition of gifting, contributing or donating in increments of $18. It is also considered a Mitzvah (a good deed in English) meaning “a gift of life”.
Along with its meaning of life it also carries many symbolic principles too, including kindness, thoughtfulness and selflessness which are three of the greatest characteristics a person can hold during their time here on earth. So you see, my tattoo has a lot of meaning behind it and is a permanent reminder of my daily struggle to continue living and the importance to continue sharing my story with you.
You see, a semicolon is not just any ole punctuation mark that an author would use to end a sentence, it instead indicates a brief pause, and for me that brief pause is a symbol of my life and the need to catch my breath in order to continue the rest of my story. We are all authors to our own stories and it’s ok if you need to take a pause between sentences.
My semicolon which is etched in ink on my shoulder forever has also become a symbol of great strength for me and its significance that my story isn’t over quite yet either.
The Jewish community is struggling immensely right now, many of whom are wanting to find meaningful ways to shout out in solidarity to the rest of the world that they are Jewish and proud as f*ck of it. Some have even been using their Facebook feeds to ask the question, would it be acceptable to get a tattoo as a way to express my feelings and still honour my faith?
Tattoos were once used to dehumanize us as Jewish people but over time they have become more and more of an accepted symbol of beauty, reflection and even reclamation.
To say that many people have been more critical than ever in the world right now would be an understatement. I came across this quote recently by Eleanor Roosevelt and I think it is a perfect way to answer their question;
“Do what you feel in your heart is right, for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
Expect criticism no matter what you do, but don’t allow it to derail your decisions. Resist the urge to criticize other people’s opinions and actions. It’s okay to feel deeply with your heart and not worry about what others think is right for you so long as you do it with kindness, thoughtfulness and selflessness.
Last year, as soon as Matthew Perry’s memoir was released I had to read it. He began his opening paragraph in the book by introducing himself, writing, “Hi, my name is Matthew, although you may know me by another name. My friends call me Matty. And I should be dead.”
After reading his book, I can honestly say, that was an understatement.
He fought many demons throughout his life, struggling with addiction, ptsd and depression for the better part of 30 years. Although staying sober had become his main focus over the last many years, it was still a daily battle and a lifetime one at that for anyone who has ever been caught in the web of addiction can tell you, but he was on the right path, which makes the news of his sudden passing all the more tragic.
I wrote a blog after I read his memoir and thought I would share it again.
Thank you Matthew for being such an inspiration and a true “F.R.I.E.N.D” to so many.
Our relationship began as co-workers some 10 months ago when I started my new job, but over time, it has blossomed into a cherished friendship.
We talk about everything and support each other in our individual challenges and encourage one another’s personal growth.
I know that many of you reading this have been struggling of late to maintain some of your relationships with your non-Jewish friends, often feeling unsupported by their silence. It hurts.
But one thing to remember here is that no matter what, we need to keep talking, keep sharing our pain and keep educating the world because although they may not completely understand everything, many of them ARE listening.
Nearing the end of my conversation last night with my friend, it turned to the unsanctioned, anti-Israel walk-outs scheduled to take place this afternoon at many High Schools across the Greater Toronto Area during 4th period classes. Her daughter’s school included.
My friend lives in an area of the city which is quite populated with people of Muslim faith; which they are not, but many of her daughter’s friends are.
And although her friends may not be in support of the war, or representative of the purely evil Hamas terrorist group, they too are suffering in their own pain for the innocent Palestinian civilians and may believe that by walking out today with their peers they are showing their solidarity for them.
My friend’s daughter chose to stay home from school today after a very open and honest dialog with her mom; my cherished friend.
She is 15 and has compassion for her friends but she is also extremely empathetic to the suffering that the Jewish people, both in Israel and around the world are going through right now and could not bring herself to go against her friends or the people of Israel.
Had she gone to school today and walked out due to peer pressure from her friends or instead decided to take a stand for Israel by staying seated, there would be no winning for her. Being 15 is not easy and choosing to stay home from school today could not have been an easy decision either. I admire her strength and courage. To me she is not staying silent by any means. I heard her message loud and clear.
Yesterday when one of my girls arrived home mid day she noticed a large square shaped rock, almost like a brick, with a big blue dot painted on it laying on our porch step as she neared the walkway.
We’ve never seen this rock before which seemed to have been intentionally placed there.
If this had been 3 weeks ago or more, my mind would not have wandered to where it did. But being Jewish right now and witnessing the unspeakable horrors going on in Israel, along with the increasing escalation of hate crimes and antisemitism in our city, this suddenly felt personal and quite scary.
With our fears and anxiety mounting, Rich and I decided to take a walk around our neighborhood after dinner, particularly to our surrounding Jewish neighbour’s homes who face our house; all of whom have cameras (our home is actually on a corner lot so we had several options).
Unfortunately we do not have cameras installed outside our home, but that is all about to change, as Rich ordered one immediately following the incident and we are just waiting for our Electrician son to come by to install it for us!
One of our kind neighbours immediately pulled up the footage from the day on his phone and we were able to see that there was a truck situated near our home in the late morning hours. We could tell it was some type of city truck but it was difficult to read the wording on it.
When we got back home I called our city’s emergency after hours hotline and explained the situation, hoping to put our minds at ease. The young man on the phone told me that even if it were city trucks out marking watermains or cleaning sewers they would not do so on a brick and then leave it on our steps.
That’s not what I needed to hear.
Blue is the standard colour code used for marking areas around sewers and watermains but are usually drawn as lines on the grass or with arrows pointing to a specific area near to the watermains or sewers. This was neither. Instead it was a big blue dot randomly placed on a rock which just so happens to also be the exact same colour blue that represents Israel.
We called the non-emergency police unit after my call to the city to once again try and put my mind at ease. They came to our home late last night. They told us that there was nothing they could do and asked us to report to them anytime if we witness any other suspicious behaviors or if we notice something happening in the moment so they can send out a patrol car and hopefully catch someone in the act. They also told us to get a camera installed as soon as possible. I only wish we’d had cameras outside our home yesterday as we could’ve had a direct view and not one that was blocked by a truck.
But either way and whether or not this was just an innocent misunderstanding by city workers (which we are still looking into) or if it was possibly an intimidation tactic on someone’s part, or my paranoia, the one thing we must all do right now is to stay super vigilant and alert of ours and our neighbour’s surroundings.
And please remember, if you see something, say something no matter how big or small you may think it may seem.
Am Yisrael Chai
*Update…our city council reps did their own investigating after I’d written this blog and sent me a message. We also reported the incident to the Jewish Federation security.
Today is being honoured as a “Global Day of Loving-Kindness”.
I was quickly reminded this morning of a very famous quote by the one and only TV icon Mister Rogers, who once said;
“Look for the helpers. You will always find people that are helping.”
I know that many of us would certainly agree that we have been very fortunate to witness this firsthand over the past couple of weeks with the overwhelming amount of loving and kind people around the globe doing whatever they can to #standwithisrael with both their generosity and support.
Showing love and kindness towards others is a proven way to boost our spirit and morale and find some goodness during scary times in our lives. It can also give us a glimmer of hope when we #fighthatewithlove while in the throes of such uncertain times like the ones we are currently facing.
It’s often easiest though for many to criticize others and focus in on all the evil and wrongdoings going on around us instead of looking at ways in which we too can change the world by becoming one of those incredible helpers ourselves.
Loving-Kindness is one of the greatest gifts we can bestow upon another human being and “no act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted.” ~ Aesop.
So today, on this “Global Day of Loving-Kindness” let’s all find ways in which we can change the world with some Loving-Kindness. It doesn’t take much to “create a better world through kindness rather than violence.”
A smile to a stranger, a compliment to a loved one, a text to a friend letting them know we are thinking of them, a warm meal to a sick or elderly neighbour, a charitable donation if you are able or even a bag of old clothes or other items to a family in need can go a very, very long way.
YouAreEnough 
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