Category: youth

NOONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS – VALUABLE LESSONS LEARNED FROM 2020

It was one year ago today when I made my very first ever appearance on a National Television Morning Talk Show. It felt like a dream come true for me, but as soon as it was all over I collapsed from mental exhaustion. 

Leading up to that day I had been working my ass off nonstop for several months ensuring that my new children’s book got into as many hands as I possibly could imagine but when the show ended and I arrived home, I felt a sense of defeat and decided that I needed to take a step back from my whirlwind tour. 

I had intended it to be a short break, just until the new year which by now was only a few weeks away and just long enough to get my mojo back but what came next noone could have ever predicted because way before the Pandemic hit in mid March my life took several other unforeseen turns. 

New Year’s Day 2020 came quickly and as I had promised myself a few weeks earlier I began organizing my calendar for some new and exciting upcoming events on my “book tour” and I also began looking at what other avenues I wanted to explore in the coming months ahead as well. But no sooner was it than 24 hours later when I found myself in bed for the better part of January with a concussion caused by numerous fainting episodes on the early morning hours of January 2nd. 

I soon became further defeated and on a downward spiral as I lay in bed feeling dizzy, exhausted and headachy, cancelling events and trying to reschedule others, most of which never ended up taking place at all because, well we all know the answer to that. 

Many more unforeseen events and unfortunate mishaps continued to unfold in my life over the course of last winter and before I knew it I had not fulfilled one promise to myself from the previous December day when I decided I needed to take that short break.

But who knew what was waiting for us just around the corner right at the exact moment I was finally ready to get back to where I had left off all those months earlier, who could have possibly known? Noone could because noone truly knows what the future holds. 

But there we all were, together, facing so much uncertainty and unknown and nowadays we spend so much of our time fearful of the “not knowing” and as someone who lives her life with a major depressive disorder and severe anxiety I’m not quite sure if the not knowing what the future holds (depression) is worse than always trying to predict it (anxiety).

My illness has caused me to look to my past with many regrets and when I look to my future it feels very purposeless and uncertain. But I know I’m not alone in my feelings of an uncertain future especially after what we and the rest of the world have been living through for the last nine months or longer.

2020 has become the year that nobody could have ever predicted and has crippled so many people with fear and uncertainty of what their future’s hold and has also created a sense of powerlessness in so many more, even those amongst us who may have once enjoyed a lifestyle of risk taking or living unpredictable lives.

This year has sucked big time for all of us. If I hadn’t already before 2020 hit, I have for certain by now lost so much faith in the kind of hopeful future that lies in wait for me and I am pretty certain that I have felt defeated more times than I think is humanly possible this year alone but as the year quickly comes to a close I can’t help but take note of the many valuable life lessons we have (hopefully) all learned as well.

Some of my thoughts: 

Our relationships with family and friends must take precedence over all else 

We are never to busy to make time for the people and things that matter the most to us and we must stop using it as an excuse

Taking care of our health needs to be a top priority 

We CAN actually live without many of the “things” we once thought we “must” have in our lives in order to live a more fulfilling life 

Saving money for a “rainy day” is imperative 

It’s okay to take time to stop and smell the roses 

Our definition of who is an essential worker has changed. Honour and respect them all equally as they continue to tirelessly (and with very little pay for some) take great pride in and care for all of us each and every single day

We are all human beings and we all deserve to be treated as equals

Our mental health really, really matters

What else would you add to my list?

#ayearinreview #livinginuncertaintimes #nooneknowswhatthefutureholds #wheredidmommyssmilego #writer #blogger #author #advocate #lessonslearned #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth

Imperfectly Perfect

My illness lies to me all the damn time but it’s so hard not to believe its vicious lies after everything we’ve been through together in the past six and a half years. 

One such lie that it repeats over and over and over again is how much of a burden I am to my family and how much better off they would be without me. 

It constantly triggers countless negative thoughts and emotions in my head that pull me in a million different directions which can strike at any moment, especially during the dark and lonely nights. 

Last night I shared with you one of the most meaningful and proudest moments any parent could ever imagine. A moment that should prove to all the untruths once and for all that my illness is nothing more than a big fat liar because I must be loved, I must be needed and I must truly be cherished.

When we first become parents we aim for perfection and we strive to provide for our kids a near perfect life, but how realistic is that really when we live in such an imperfect world? 

And truth be told, there is nothing wrong with being an imperfect parent, infact being such is actually perfectly perfect even if my illness tries to tell me otherwise. 

I have been overwhelmed with so much emotion since Jacob unveiled his tattoo to us last night. My kids have been living in a pretty imperfect place for the better part of six years now and although my illness keeps telling me that I am a burden to my family and that they are better off without me this gift from Jacob has shown me that being “good enough” or being “imperfect” may just be the greatest and most perfectly perfect gift you can ever give to a child after all.

#mythreereasonswhy #empathyandkindness #mygreatestloves #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #thegreatestgiftofall #itsoktonotbeok  #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #imperfectlyperfect #youareenough #youarenotalone 

A Boy And His Mom

My heart is overflowing tonight. There are no words to describe how I am feeling right now.

This is Jacob’s latest tattoo that he got yesterday. The picture was originally taken while on a family vacation in Washington D.C nine years ago during the week of his 13th birthday (but he swapped out the Washington Monument for the C.N Tower).

Thank you for this incredibly meaningful and very moving gesture. You are always so full of surprises. 🤗🥰

#imnotcryingyourecrying #soproudofyou #justaboyandhismom #arealmensch #anunbreakablebond #youareenough #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #myfirstborn #piranhatattoo

Taking A Page Out Of My Story

“Then gradually day by day my life began to change. And the mommy I once knew and loved became very sad and strange.” 

This could be any one of our children’s voices. It wasn’t too long ago infact that this was my own children’s voices being echoed after finding themselves scared and unsure while struggling to cope with and understand their feelings as they watched their mother become a stranger in their home.

Covid-19 has added an immense amount of pressures and liabilities on millions of parents and families alike and many more are now finding themselves struggling with their own mental health issues, especially that of Anxiety and Depression.

I’ve said it many times before how my children were the inspiration for writing my book. It was through their strength and resilience that I was able to find a way to share their voices with other children who may also be in need of the comfort in knowing that they are not alone while learning to cope with their own feelings and to understand that they are safe, loved and most of all not to blame for their parent’s illness.

“Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go? is not only a heartwarming story of one family’s journey but it’s also a voice for millions of children everywhere.

To find out how you can get a copy of my book please message me or email me at:  youthareenough@gmail.com 

#wheredidmommyssmilego #childrensbook #author #blogger #advocate #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #familymatters 

High School Graduation…Finally

Just 2 weeks shy of completing her first semester at Ryerson University in Interior Design, Rachel officially graduated from High School tonight!

It may not have been in the traditional way that we had hoped for but we are extremely proud of all of her accomplishments during her time in High School just the same.

*Ontario Scholar
*Specialist High Skills Major~Arts & Culture
*French Academic Certification

#soproudofyou #highschoolgraduatefinally #FU2020 #virtualgraduation #movingforward #resiliency #perservarance #milestones #inthehistorybooks #onwardandupward #youareenough

You’ll always be my babies ❤

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been” ~ Mark Twain

#youareenough #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #tbthursday

Happy Birthday Mickey

Let’s all take a moment today to wish the world’s most recognizable character and the most lovable mouse on earth a very happy 92nd birthday.

I have always been a really big fan of Mickey Mouse’ (like ginormous) and that feeling has never waivered.

To me Mickey Mouse embodies all that is good in the world. He is a symbol of family, friendship and fun. He welcomes and accepts everyone he meets into his home (which just so happens to be the most magical place on earth) with a warm embrace.

He brings smiles of joy to millions of faces, both young and old alike and he believes that no dream is impossible and that “if you can dream it, you can do it!” 

Let’s celebrate and appreciate Mickey today for all of his amazing and special attributes that he has brought to the world over the last 92 years and all that he represents because we could sure use as many warm embraces (virtually for now) and welcoming smiles (under your mask) more than ever before right about now.

I wish I could be with him to celebrate today; how about you?

What are your most cherished memories of Mickey and/or the Magic Kingdom?

#happybirthdaymickeymouse #mickeyandminnieforever #waltdisney  #dreamtheimpossible #disneyworld #magickingdom #dream #family #friendship #cherishedmemories #mentalwellness #youareenough #origamiowl

**The jewelry featured in pics are from the new Disney Collection at Origami Owl** https://kimfluxgold.origamiowl.ca

Unsinkable

A big thank you to Founder @silkenlaumann (four-time Canadian Olympian Rower) and @unsinkablestories for sharing my story with your audience. 

Unsinkable is a Not-For-Profit Organization whose mission is to “connect and empower people to achieve better mental, physical and spiritual health”. They “share stories, amplify voices and offer a community of support, resources and programs built with your wellbeing in mind”.

Feel free to follow them and their youth chapter (@unsinkableyouth) on Instagram and Facebook where my story is also featured: https://weareunsinkable.com/finding-my-purpose/ 

Here is my story below!

FINDING MY PURPOSE

It’s been a pretty bumpy few weeks for me which kind of feels like being on a roller coaster of
emotions with many steep slopes and sharp twists and turns and has caused me so much pain
and anguish leading to a mixture of scary and intrusive thoughts. The thing is though, I’m used
to it by now because you see, I’ve been on this same roller coaster ride for the last six and a
half years which equates to 2,372 days, 56,928 hours and approximately 3,415,680 minutes (so it’s no wonder why I feel nauseous all time).

It began on a beautiful Spring day in early April, 2014 when I headed out the door for work that
Friday morning. It started out like any other seemingly normal weekday, but by five o’clock that
afternoon my entire world came crumbling down and I have been trying to put the pieces of my
life back together ever since.

That Friday morning, April 4, 2014, I was doing what I had been doing for several months; heading to a job that I hated. A job that made me doubt my self-worth. A job that
made me uncomfortable. A job that made me question my integrity. A job that made me
compromise my morals. A job that made me feel unsafe and a job that made me feel like I no
longer had any purpose. Ok so it wasn’t so much the job itself that did all that, but in actuality it
was a boss who did.

I was so excited when I started working for him earlier that year and I thought I had finally found
a job that I could build into a thriving career but instead I fell head first into his trap (stupid,
stupid me) and on April 4, 2014 after he asked me to do something that I felt was both morally
and ethically wrong I packed up my belongings one last time and high-tailed it out of there. I got
into my car shaking and completely terrified and by this point in time, completely broken and defeated. I drove around for hours on end as my entire family and many of my friends frantically drove around the city looking for me because the last thing I did after I left my office that
afternoon was text my husband telling him I wanted to kill myself before turning off my phone.

It was on that day that I lost my will to live. It was on that day that I became overwhelmed and
hopeless. It was on that day that I felt worthless. It was on that day that I realized I was a failure in every sense of the word and it was on that day that I discovered just how much of a burden I truly was. Something inside of me snapped that day or so it might’ve seemed like at the time, but what I didn’t know then was I had truly been suffering in silence for a very long time and didn’t even know it.

I have since learned so much about myself through the help of my wonderful therapist (who I
have been seeing now for almost 3 years on a weekly basis) as I slowly began to delve further
into my past with her and I now have a much greater understanding of my pain and suffering.

I’ve come to realize over the past few years through my weekly therapy sessions that many of
the regrets I’ve had in my lifetime or the wrong paths I should never have taken or the lack of
empathy and guidance I had during my formative years led me to that very moment. Over time
these emotions built up inside of me and finally broke me that day back in April, 2014 which very
soon after, led to my diagnosis of Major Depression and Severe Anxiety and a roller coaster of a
journey toward Mental Wellness ever since.

My journey has been long and burdensome which has included daily thoughts of suicide,
several attempts of suicide, numerous hospital stays (one of which was over three months in
length). I’ve tried over twenty different concoctions of medication, all of which caused severe physical and mental side effects and a weight gain of 100 pounds, at which time I needed to
stop taking traditional medications all together and was further diagnosed with Treatment
Resistant Depression. 

I completed 8 sessions of ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) back in 2015 during a hospital stay which proved to be unsuccessful and has left me with memory loss and other issues as well. Some other attempts at treatment have also included Ketamine through a
clinical trial, Neurofeedback, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and the list goes on and on.

During my very first hospital admission back in the fall of 2014 I began to journal daily and I fell
in love with it. I’d forgotten just how much I loved to write as a child and teenager and eventually
through my writing I started to share my story on Social Media which I eventually turned into a
Blog called YouAreEnough. Right away I received an overwhelming amount of support by so
bravely sharing my journey and it has allowed me to identify my purpose along the way. 

I’ve been given a voice (one that I do not take for granted) to help others understand that Mental
Illness is not a weakness and has also allowed me the opportunity to become an advocate for
change and help reduce the Stigma that still surrounds Mental Illness today.

Continuing to share my journey on a very regular basis has felt triumphant and has shown so
many individuals that it’s okay to not be okay, giving them permission to start important
conversations themselves about their own struggles with Mental Illness. My story has also
allowed many individuals and their loved ones some much needed strength and courage to ask for help and to feel less alone.

Last summer I took my love of writing and my passion for helping others one step further by
self-publishing one of my pieces of writing into a children’s book which helps guide parents,
caregivers and loved ones how to help children cope with and understand their feelings when
someone they love is suffering with Depression. It is titled “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” and it’s a labour of love. It’s a story that affects millions of families each and every day, including my
own.

My children are now 22, 21 and 18 years old but six and a half years ago when I first became ill
they needed more than anything to know that they were not to blame in any way for my illness
and that they were safe and loved no matter what. The story was written (in rhyme) through the
eyes of a young girl who like millions of other children may need to hear that they too are not to blame for their loved one’s illness and that more than anything, they are safe and loved no matter what, which are the three vows I promise to keep to my own children until the end of
time.

Everyday is a learning curve for someone like myself and their loved ones when battling a
Mental Illness and finding the right strategies and tools to help get me through the difficult
moments in my day and reach mental wellness are imperative. I have had to accept the fact, as
difficult as it is to follow through with sometimes, that taking care of myself first and creating
healthy boundaries will help to minimize many of the stressors in my daily life. 

Self-Care is not selfish, in fact, it’s selfless. I have learned that for me self-care includes writing, journaling, taking bubble baths, going for long walks, finding a safe place when I am feeling unsafe, always keeping open communication with loved ones as to my thoughts and feelings and having a great therapist to talk to on a regular basis who can give me important tools and resources to help with my daily struggles.

These strategies and tools allow me the strength to continue to fight but there are many, many
other ways for individuals to make self-care an important part of their daily lives as well and
below are just a few more to add to my list above:
Regular exercise
Proper diet
Practicing good hygiene
Getting a good night sleep
Escaping in a good book
Staying away from drugs and alcohol
Reaching out to a loved one

Bio: Kim Fluxgold lives in Vaughan, Ontario with her husband, 3 children and her precious dog.
She is a Blogger, the Author of the children’s book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” and
Mental Health Advocate. You can continue to follow her journey at:
youareenough712.wordpress.com or on her Instagram (www.intstagram.com/kimfluxgold) and Facebook pages. If you would like more information about her book please email her at kimfluxgold@gmail.com.

#unsinkable #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #endthestigmatogether #ouryouthmatter #strongertogether #myjourney #author #blogger #advocate #wheredidmommyssmilego

It’s Movember: Change The Conversation

Today we welcome in the month of November and the good news is that means there are only 60 more days left until this year from hell will finally be over! But today also marks the beginning of Movember which also means that for the next 30 days men from all around the world will be growing a moustache in honour of their fellow men everywhere.  

Movember, which originated in Australia is now a celebrated movement that raises awareness and funds for men’s health issues but more specifically; Prostate Cancer, Testicular Cancer, Depression and Suicide.

As we watch men’s moustaches grow we are paving the way towards critical and possibly life saving conversations to occur and reminding men of the importance of early cancer detection, making time for annual check-ups, getting more active and essentially decreasing the amount of preventable deaths. 

From a young age some boys are taught (whether it be culturally, generationally or socially) that a “real man” shouldn’t cry, that a “real man” can’t show fear, that being compassionate is somehow a character flaw and that acting anything less than a tough guy is a sign of weakness. 

These untruths only feed more and more into the many toxic masculine aggressions and can also lead many men towards feelings of “self-reliance and emotional repression”,  both of which can very likely produce an increase in mental health problems such as Depression and Suicide.  

A man with such toxic character traits may also make it much less likely that they will seek medical and/or psycholgical help for themselves and could therefore lead to a much shorter life span. 

When I came upon this picture the other day (see attached) of the soon to be “President of the United States!!!” and his son Hunter Biden, I saw a picture of courage and strength, I saw a picture of acceptance and understanding, I saw a picture of forgiveness and I saw an unconditional love between a father and his son. 

This picture went viral but sadly it did so for all the wrong reasons. Some individuals (to remain nameless) mocked and shamed this portrait as a toxic portrayal of how a “real man” should act and they are sending a very misguided and scary message to the world; especially to the most vulnerable and most impressionable young men among us. 

I wish they could see what I see when I look at this picture and I wish that they could see how having the gift of a strong male role model in a young boy’s life could set the bar higher towards a society where men are embraced for their vulnerability instead of their toughness.  We could sure use more men like that in the world right now.

Let’s “change the face of men’s health” (Movember’s motto) and squash the stereotypes by supporting and encouraging all men to see this picture through that same lens.

#changetheconversation #endingthestigma #movember #changethefaceofmenshealth #youareenough #noshame #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #joebidenforpresident #iwishicouldvote

Happy Covid-Halloween

Halloween, like every other holiday or celebration since March is going to look and feel, well, in Halloween terms, something like that of a “Ghost Town” around here tonight.

The Government and Health Officials in Ontario have “strongly recommended” that anyone living in a “hotspot” area (which I do) refrain from taking your little “Witches and Goblins” door-to-door Trick or Treating this year or give out candy as well (and just to add further salt to the wound, it’s finally on a Saturday night!!!).

Well even though my 3 little “Pumpkins” may be young adults now and well past the “battiness” of Trick or Treating, I can’t help but feel a “haunting” sense of sadness today mixed with a “monstrous” dose of nostalgia. 

Have a sweet and sugar-coated Halloween today everyone, however it is you may be celebrating! 👻🍫

**Feel free to share some of your favourite Halloween memories and pics!

#covidhalloween #makethebestofit #youcanstilleatcandy #halloween2020 #fullmoon  #totrickortreat #staysafe  #mentalhealthishealth #kidsjustwannahavefun #ourkidsmentalhealthmatters #simplertimes #memories #youareenough