Category: writing

It’s Still Raining On Prom Night

I wrote this blog a year ago today (https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2020/04/18/its-raining-on-prom-night-2020) after learning that Rachel’s High School Prom and Graduation ceremony had been officially cancelled. As I read it again this morning I started to cry.

I felt a flood of emotions come over me when it hit me that nothing has really changed since then and to be perfectly honest, it actually feels a thousand times worse right now. 

My girls are both less than ten days away from finishing their school years; Rachel being in her first year of University for Interior Design and Hannah is about to earn her four year Undergraduate Degree in Communications. 

To say I am proud of these two young ladies would be an understatement. They have both worked their butts off this year despite the many challenges and limitations they’ve had to face by having to work completely remotely, completely online; and completely from home. 

Rachel was robbed once again of so many exciting new experiences from the start of her University career. Instead she has spent the past year at home learning new skills, building and creating incredible projects and making new friends from across the world all from our living room floor (which she turned into her own personal art studio last summer before the start of the school year). 

And now Hannah too has been robbed of so many of her own  opportunities, rites of passage and exciting new experiences that would normally accompany her throughout this, her graduating year. 

But they did it! It hasn’t been easy or fair or kind at times and it’s been so painful and mentally exhausting to watch as a parent at other times. But like so many of us who have lost so much over the past year, its ok to acknowledge their pain from the disappointment and anger and frustration and sadness that they have had to endure; that we have all had to endure. 

In a way, I guess we have all been experiencing a steep learning curve this past year, just so desperately trying to forge our way forward.

#anotheryear #firstyear #graduation #classof2020 #classof2021 #learningcurves #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #yourmentalhealthmatters #university #interiordesign #communications #wereallinthistogether #bekindtoyourself

It’s National Husband Appreciation Day!

I know I don’t say it nearly enough just how much I truly appreciate you Rich, and everything you do for me. 

Your commitment and dedication to our family (which includes Maggie of course!) is immeasurable. 

You go above and beyond.

Always looking out for us.

Always putting the needs of your family above your own.

Always willing to watch romantic comedies with me (just thought I’d slip that one in!).

Always ensuring that we are well fed and have clean clothes to wear.

And so much more…

You are the one constant in my life.

The one I can always count on.

My biggest cheerleader. 

I am so grateful 

and lucky 

and thankful 

and beyond appreciative to have you in my life; in our lives. 

I know I don’t “need” some silly “National Holiday” or Birthday or Anniversary or even Father’s Day to remind me to tell you just how truly valued and loved you are but it certainly never hurts either because lets all be honest here for a moment; staying present takes a lot of effort. 

We often lose sight of what’s right in front of us and forget how important it is to pause just long enough to appreciate someone else’s presence in our lives and focus on the things that really matter most to us right here and right now.

I guess hashtag #summerofrich isn’t proof enough of how much I really do appreciate you? 🤔🤣😁❤

What do you appreciate most about your spouse or significant other?

FYI: Wife Appreciation Day is Sept.19th!

#nationalhusbandappreciationday #spouses #marriage #ittakeswork #itsworthit #grateful #blessed #bepresentinthemoment #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mindfulness #youareenough #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday 

Inspire Always

Thank you @marciaagius for creating @_inspirealways; such an awe-inspiring, safe space to highlight women and share in their strength and vulnerability.

Follow them on Instagram to read my story being featured today and to meet some pretty amazing women too!

#inspirealways #strength #women #empowerment #selfcompassion #youareenough #youarenotalone #bekindtoyourself #mentalhealthmatters

Happy 10th Birthday Maggie

Oh how I love thee; let me count the ways…

I love the way you roll over for a belly rub every time someone is near. 

I love the way you run and hide when I say I need to brush you. 

I love the way you sit beside me at the dinner table with a “please sir can I have some more?” look in your big brown eyes. 

I love the way you come running as soon as you hear someone unwrap a piece of cheese, even if you are upstairs in a deep slumber. 

I love the way you chase away the bunnies and squirrels in the backyard.

I love the way you get so excited when we take you on a car ride (until you realize you may be going to the vet or groomer!)

I love the way you hide all your bones under our pillows or in the laundry basket thinking no one will ever find your clever hiding spots.  

I love the way you get so excited when it’s time to go for a walk unless of course it’s snowing or rainy or windy outside!

I love the way you have a gazillion toys but only want to play with the same two.

I love the way you get camera shy and turn your head away when someone tries to take a selfie with you.

I love the way you snuggle up beside me at night, leaving no room for me to move in my king size bed. 

I love the way you jump onto daddy’s pillow every morning as soon as he gets out of bed. 

I love the way you peer out the window, always on the lookout for an Amazon delivery or to bark at the neighborhood dogs as they pass by.

I love all the ways you engage in our conversations and know just when I need some extra TLC. 

I love the way your brother and sisters still vie for your attention every single day or when you cuddle with them on the couch.

And I love the way your tail wags uncontrollably as you jump to the sky and screech in excitement when you see daddy pull up to the driveway or open the front door. 

I could go on and on all day about all your silly antics. You bring so much joy to our lives and have been a constant source of unconditional love, emotional support and healing to us all. I ruff you to the moon and back, forever and a day.

P.S. wait til you see what we’re having for supper tonight! 🥩

#happybirthday #tenyearsyoung #dogsarefamily #adogspurpose #shesmorethanjustadog #weloveyoutothemoonandback #maggie #princessmaggie #maggilicious #spoiledrotten

Words On Bathroom Walls

Last night Rich and I watched a movie on Netflix called “Words On Bathroom Walls” which is based on a book.

I cried. A lot. 

My intention for the evening was to find a wholesome, mushy, lovey-dovey kinda romantic comedy to watch. It was gonna be a perfect distraction. I mean come on, who doesn’t love a good romantic comedy?? Well I’d probably have to start with Rich!! And now I know it was all just a rouse back when he was courting me!

As I began flipping through our endless options of wholesome, mushy, lovey-dovey kinda romantic comedies to watch I happened upon a movie that really caught my eye; and his too. 

It had romance but it had a whole lot of substance too.

It was a movie about a boy named Adam who is diagnosed with Schizophrenia in his senior year of high school which he struggles to keep a secret from his new love interest at his new school.

“Schizophrenia is a serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling”. (MAYO CLINIC)

For much of the movie we live inside Adam’s mind as he desperately tries to fight off his distortions from reality with medical intervention and therapy. We witness both the visual and audible effects of Schizophrenia come to life in the form of a black funnel cloud and deep threatening voices. You could see the distress and fear in his eyes and you could empathize with his pain and sadness.

I battle mental illness every day and even though I can’t tell you what it’s actually like to suffer with Schizophrenia I can tell you that many of his experiences and symptoms really resonated with me. Like alot.

Just like Adam’s character in the movie I too struggle with distortions from reality, I too struggle with extremely disordered thinking and behaviors, I too struggle with being diagnosed as treatment resistant, and I too have struggled for many years with a no win situation while experimenting with one concoction of medication after another which only caused me further mental and physical impairment.

But just like Adam’s character in the movie, I too have also learnt alot from my illness. Just like Adam’s character I too have learned over time that even though I have an illness, I am not my illness, nor should I ever be defined by it. And just like Adam’s character I too have learned over time how important it is to let others into my life and to share my thoughts and experiences with them because in the end I too have learned that by doing so people may really surprise you. And in a really good way.

The movie was genuine, sensitive, compassionate, insightful and real. It shed a very important and bright light on Schizophrenia and mental illness in general which is all too often seen in a very dark and vilified way. 

#wordsonbathroomwalls #twothumbsup #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #choosekindness #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #yourmentalhealthmatters #schizophrenia #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalillness #selfcare #acceptance

Give it Your Best Shot Too!

Today I gave it my best “shot” at helping to stop the spread of Covid-19.

Today I gave it my best “shot” at protecting myself and those around me against serious complications from the Covid-19 virus.

It was a feeling like no other and although I am filled with overwhelming emotions right now (the tears began to flow as I pulled into the parking lot), I’ll be ready for my second dose when my turn comes at the end of July so go ahead and “hit me with your best shot”, hit me baby one more time”! 💉 #patbenatar #britneyspears

#grateful #givingitmybestshot #giveityourbestshottoo #vaccine #covidvaccine #herdimmunity #doyourpart #hitmebabyonemoretime #hitmewithyourbestshot #youareenough #youmatter #wereallinthistogether  #strongertogether #overwhelmedwithemotion

A Quick Rant: A Fairer, Healthier World, My Ass

Today is World Health Day. Its campaign has become a day of recognition around the Globe since 1948 and was first created by the World Health Organization (WHO), a name that has become increasingly more and more familiar to all of us since the Pandemic started. 

This year’s campaign is focused on building a “fairer, healthier world” for everyone but living in Canada right now it doesn’t feel fair at all.

The vaccine rollout in Ontario (and Canada) has been a complete and utter disaster (imo) and I can’t believe that I am actually about to say this after what we have all witnessed over the past year in the United States but I am beyond envious of all my friends and family living south of the border right now as I witness the success of how their vaccines are being rolled out (and Israel, well they deserve a fricken gold star!). 

Earlier this morning both Rich and I were able to book appointments to get vaccinated simply because the Government has now deemed our postal code a “hot spot” along with several others in our region which has afforded us and anyone else in these select few areas who are between the ages of 45 and 59 years old to do so as well. 

I’m not gonna lie, once we both received our confirmation emails with our appointment times set in place I became super emotional (surprise, surprise there were actual tears) that this was actually about to happen.

I am beyond grateful to be given this opportunity and I feel that it is my duty to get vaccinated when my time comes in order to help stop the spread of Covid-19; but I’m angry all at the same time.

I’m angry that teachers and admin staff have not been prioritized to receive a vaccination first or the factory workers, grocery store clerks, wait staff in restaurants, construction workers, immune compromised individuals, those in more marginalized communities, the 20 something year olds who have been blamed most for spreading the virus and everyone else who works in an essential service and CANNOT work from home.

I just hope that soon enough all Canadians (and many other parts of the world) can celebrate World  Health Day together by actually building a fairer, healthier (and more united) world to live in.

Ok, Rant over

#worldhealthday #vaccinations #vaccinerollout #ohcanada  #ourgovernmenthasfailedus #weallmatter #anotherlockdown #covidfatigue #staysafe #covid19 #coronavirus #pandemic #wearamask #overwhelm #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocate @fordnationdougford @justinpjtrudeau @celliottability @slecce

Zoomed in With Hadassah-WIZO

Thank you so much Rochelle for inviting me to speak to your Hadassah chapter tonight about my mental health journey. (Hadassah-WIZO is a “leading Jewish philanthropic organization dedicated to the causes of health, child welfare, education and youth aliyah in Israel”. Jewish women around the world liaise with other women in their community and volunteer for these worthy causes; myself included many years ago.)

I am truly so very appreciative for the opportunity and for the especially warm welcome by everyone. 

It was nearly a year ago now since we had to postpone my “in person” speaking engagement last May due to Covid-19. You did however at the time present me with an alternate option to speak to your group on Zoom instead. 

But to be perfectly honest I barely even knew what the heck Zoom was a year ago let alone how to navigate my way through it. 

The concept was so new to me (I had only just participated in my very first Zoom call ever during our Passover Sedar weeks before this which my kids had set up).

Presenting myself over Zoom felt very overwhelming and intimidating and so we decided that it was best to wait until they resumed their meetings again in the Fall when life would be back to “normal” and I could attend “in person”. 

Well as I look back now at our conversation last spring it seems we may have both been a bit too overconfident in our assumptions seeing as it is now one year later and life is still so far from “normal”.

But the good news is that I’ve had plenty of time to practice and learn many new skills since then which now includes navigating my way around Zoom.

It’s still a very far reach outside my comfort zone and I will certainly never claim to be an expert in the field any time soon but since this is as normal as life is gonna be for who the f*@k knows at this point I will take every opportunity I’m given to continue sharing my story with others, to keep educating people about depression and anxiety, to keep opening up important conversations about mental illness, to keep spreading awareness about suicide prevention and to help ensure that someone listening feel less alone. 

What is one new skill you have learned this past year?

#hadassahwizo #zoom #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalillness #blogger #author #advocate #wheredidmommyssmilego #purpose #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #yourmentalhealthmatters 

It Was Seven Years Ago Today: What My Illness Has Both Taken From Me And Taught Me Too

It was seven years ago today that I uttered the words “I want to die” for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that I felt hopeless and alone for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that my life no longer felt purposeful for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that I felt broken for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that I felt unlovable for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that I lost my way for the very first time.

It was seven years ago today that I felt like the world was better off without me for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that I felt an abundance of sadness and shame come over me for the very first time. 

It was seven years ago today that my life was about to change forever and I felt too powerless and helpless to stop it.

It was seven years ago today that I peered outside my bedroom window hoping to find myself somewhere out there.

It was seven years ago today that suddenly I felt a disconnect from the person I once was and with each passing year she seems to fade further and further from my mind.

But someone new emerged in her place that day instead and even though she still feels all those same emotions today that she did seven years ago her new identity has taught her so much more than she ever thought imaginable about both herself and others. 

Her new identity has learned to embrace the difficult moments as a way to grow and co-exist with herself.

Her new identity has learned how to create more meaning in her life.

Her new identity has learned ways to stop running from herself by using the anchor she has been given when she needs a break. 

Her new identity has learned to recognize the pain and suffering in others with heartfelt compassion, empathy and kindness through the acceptance of her own pain and suffering.

Her new identity has learned how to ask for help and how to advocate for those who aren’t quite able to yet. 

Her new identity has found her voice, one that she no longer takes for granted. 

Her new identity has become stronger and more resilient than she truly realizes or gives herself enough credit for. 

Her new identity has learned the importance of making self-care her number one priority.

Her new identity has learned how to set limits and enforce healthy boundaries which has in turn created deeper, more meaningful bonds with the people in her life.

And she is grateful. Not for all that she has necessarily lost since that very first day seven years ago but for all that she has gained and learned since then. And it’s alot.

#itwassevenyearsagotoday #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfdiscovery #selfcare #depression #anxiety #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #yourmentalhealthmatters #checkonyourlovedones #bekindtoyourself #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #endthestigmatogether  

It’s a New Month

It’s a new month.

A blank slate.

Clear your head.

Write it down.

Fill the pages.

Make a commitment to your journey.

Trigger introspection.

Manifest your goal.

Give it a purpose.

Declare your intention.

What is one intention you have in mind for the month ahead?

#liveeachdaywithintention #april #selfcare #selflove #selfdiscovery #manifestyourgoals #settinggoals #declareyourintention #blankslate