Category: kindness

I Am Grateful Today For:

Things could always be worse. At least you have your health. You have so much to be grateful for.

These are just a few of the many phrases I’ve heard spoken to me, or about others over the course of my journey these last 6+ years but as a person living with a Major Depressive Disorder like I do, I find myself especially confused as to how much worse I’m actually supposed to feel?

Hearing someone tell you that things could always be worse is belittling their feelings and experiences, it’s shaming them and will leave them exploding with guilt. Hearing these words may also leave someone second guessing their illness and therefore living silently in fear of exposing it which may also lead them to the belief that they don’t matter.

Yes I am blessed that I am both capable and able to walk and talk and breathe and feel and see and smell and hear and taste all the beauty that surrounds me, but as a person who is battling a mental illness, being told that “at least you have your health” hurts very deeply because our Mental Health is just as critical to our well being as our physical health is and those words are also a very disheartening reminder to us all as to how much work is still left to be done to help end the stigma; Mental Health is Health.

But I think what hurts me the most sometimes is when someone who is suffering with depression or anxiety is questioned as to whether or not they feel gratitude. I practice gratitude in my daily life and I am very much aware of all the things for which I am most grateful for. The feelings and behavioural changes though that are associated with a depressed or anxious mind cannot simply be cured by practicing gratitude, but it can definitely help with the process.

It’s Thanksgiving weekend (in Canada) which is the time of year we set aside to celebrate being thankful and grateful for what we have in our lives and to recognize the genorosity and kindness that has been bestowed upon us since the previous year. Well this year, more than ever before, it may be very difficult to recognize or appreciate those silver linings (no explanation necessary).

I can honestly say that this has truly been the worst year ever for me since my journey began. The Pandemic and my illness have both played a huge role in that forgone conclusion but so have several other personal issues, many of which I have never disclosed to this public forum, but still I am so grateful for so much and wanted to share some of that here with you today.

I am grateful for:

Books

Nature walks and hiking

Bubble baths

My weekly therapy

Arts and Crafts

Television 

Diet Coke and Ice Capps

Flowers

Things that make me laugh 

Romantic comedies that make me cry

My creative soul

A warm and sunny day

My weighted blanket 

Social Media

My Blog that allows me to share my story

Being given a voice

Kindness and empathy

My compassion

My imperfections 

Forgiveness 

Animals 

Being born and raised in Canada 

My undeniable support system

Strangers who have become my friends 

My incredible friends who see me beyond my illness and stand by me no matter what

My large extended family of cousins, aunts and uncles whom I never get to see but who love me just the same 

My big brother who I know will always protect me 

My inlaws and my many beautiful nieces and nephews

My mother in law who is always there to cheer me on

Maggie, for appreciating a good cuddle and belly rub

My 3 beautiful children who have stolen my heart and taught me the true meaning of resilience and unconditional love 

And to my Soulmate and best friend Rich, I am beyond grateful for your protection and for always seeing my inner beauty and who continues to make me feel desired and loved

What are you most grateful for today?

#happythanksgiving #grateful #gratitude #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealthishealth #mentalillnessawarenessweek 

The Positive Side Of A Selfie

Taking a selfie these days seems to be one of the biggest growing phenomenons since the creation of the Smartphone itself and statistics show that women between the ages of 16 and 25 are spending (on average) five hours per week taking them. 

Although the average age for taking selfies may be women between 16 and 25 years old, they are certainly not alone. Selfies have become a form of self-expression and a great way to present one”self” to the world, no matter what your age or gender is. 

We choose to take selfies most often for a feeling of instant gratification, to make personal connections with others, to boost our self-esteem, to gain positive feedback and to express one’s own creativity. 

Over the last many years I have shied away from having my picture taken as much as humanly possible (I much prefer to be the photographer if you haven’t noticed!), so the thought of me taking a selfie is like next to nil!

But today is one of those very rare occasions where I decided to try and step outside my comfort zone (way out) and try for even just one moment to feel the “positive side of a selfie” and embrace what the world sees in me in order to show you my new sweatshirt I made.

The words I chose to use are a deep and meaningful reminder to me as I continue to try and fight this battle and it’s a true expression of hope to the many women everywhere who are also struggling on their own journey right now or who have fought their way through one; whether it be physical or mental.

I created this shirt in recognition of Mental Illness Awareness Week and I chose the colour pink in honour of October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month. 

#selfies #prettyinpink #breastcancerawarenessmonth #mentalillnessawarenessweek #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #endthestigmatogether #youarenotalone #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocateforchange #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation

Happy 18th Birthday Rachel

My baby is 18 today and in the Jewish religion the number 18 is very significant and meaningful. In Hebrew “18” is pronounced “Chai” (‘Hi’) and when translated to English, it the means “life”; so I thought it was only fitting to remind you today how on this day 18 years ago, you made our “life” complete (it says so right there in your birth announcement).

This past year has been anything but easy yet I find myself in absolute awe of you and all that you have accomplished despite it being so challenging and met with so many obstacles and disappointment.  

But as you enter into this next chapter on your journey today that we like to call “Adulthood” just remember that it’s okay to look back on your past, but just don’t stare at it too long. Hold on tight and let your creativity and curiosity continue to guide you as the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Your dad and I are both so proud of the beautiful, smart, adventurous and artistic young woman you are becoming and we are truly mesmerized by your determination and resilience as we watch you work your butt off to keep making all your dreams come true.

Wishing you all the happiness in the world today and always.

I love you to the moon and back! ❤🤗😘

#foreverandaday #daddysgirl #happybirthday #birthdaygirl #babysister #eighteen #life #familymatters #celebrate #adulting #neverstopdreaming #dreamscancometrue #futureinteriordesigner #youareenough #rach #rachy #fluxy #littleflux 

The Five Stages Of “Covid” Grief


Throughout the Pandemic I have followed all the necessary precautions set out by the Government, by Science and by our Health Officials and although it may come as a big surprise to many of you but for the most part the Pandemic itself has not intensified my symptoms of Depression and Anxiety; infact in some ways it’s done just the opposite (I will save that for a later blog). 

My steady decline in my Mental Health over the last while has truly had very little to do with the Pandemic itself and much more to do with many other personal factors that were already there long before Covid-19 was ever a thing.

And although I have not allowed all the fear mongering or blatant disrespect, intolerance and judgment towards one another that I see every time I open up my Social Media feeds control my emotions I have grown more and more anxious lately wondering if life will ever feel “normal” again.

As I look back on the last 6 plus months I feel as though the Pandemic has taken us through many different stages, and when I examine those stages closely I can see that they are the same 5 stages a person will often go through when grieving a loss and for months now we have all been grieving the loss of life in some form or another.

The 5 stages of grief which can easily be transferred to life during a Pandemic are as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness & Depression and Acceptance.

Way way back at the end of 2019 the world watched and listened to what was unfolding in China and for several months prior to it reaching the rest of the Globe, if we can all be honest here for just one second, how many of us actually watched in “denial” while clinging to a false, “preferable reality” that this virus wasn’t really going to affect our lives. 

And even as it crept closer and closer to us, we were still very much in “denial” as to the kind of impact it was going to have on our lives, but boy oh boy, it didn’t take long before our “denial” turned to “anger”.

We quickly (and rightfully so) became very frustrated and began to put blame on anyone and everyone we could. We angrily wondered how the fuck this could have happened to us and who would of let this happen to us all the while as we sat at home in self-isolation.

Then, as more and more information from the Government, Science and Health Officials came to light we entered into the “bargaining” stage of grief and started our negotiations with the experts. “So you’re telling me that if I stay home or stay 6 feet apart from anyone outside of my bubble or I wear a mask when social distancing is problematic or I use hand sanitizer and wash my hands constantly then after 14 days in quarantine our life can go back to normal, right?” 

Well we all know now that it’s alot more complex than that and our “bargaining” and negotiation skills have fallen short, which after months of trying to make the best of this very shitty situation our denial, our anger and our bargaining skills have turned into a deep “sadness” or “depression” for many people around the Globe.

Many of us have lost so much during this Pandemic and many of us have reached a point where their sadness or depression makes them feel as though this is a losing battle, that all our efforts are hopeless. It’s also made us question an inevitable future and our own mortality too.

But there is still one final stage of grief and it’s probably the most important one of all. If we are to find the strength to move forward and learn how to navigate life in our new “normal” then we must first learn “acceptance” of it. Collectively we need to figure out ways to proceed both cautiously and safely because “acceptance” will give us the power to control whatever lies ahead.

We all cope with grief in our own way and in our own time. We may not all go through each of the 5 stages, and maybe none of them at all but no matter your process we all need to remember that we are all in this together. 

#fivestagesofgrief #denial #anger #bargaining #sadness #acceptance #showkindness #wereallinthistogether #strongertogether #covid19 #pandemic #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #wearamask #washyourhands #sixfeet

Man Plans, And God Laughs

The other day I posted a blog titled “Socially Distanced Holiday Traditions” where I talked about how difficult the holidays have become for me over the last many years and how this year many of those social pressures, obligations and expectations that so often make it difficult for me to enjoy the holidays in the first place had been decided for me due to Covid-19. 

Sadly, it almost felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could actually take in the beauty of some of our holiday traditions this year without all the added anxiety from too many social pressures, obligations and expectations. 

I felt way more in control and much less guilty than in holidays past and I was also looking forward to spending some (socially distanced) quality time with other family too, even if it meant having to freeze our asses off in the crisp Fall-like weather in order to do so.

But none of that ended up happening because just hours after posting my blog the other morning, Jacob came home from work feeling sick for the second time in just over a week (after being perfectly fine only hours earlier). This time though he had many more flu-like symptoms than the last time. He complained of body aches, chills, a dry cough and he felt warm to the touch so off he went again for yet another Covid test and then we waited, and waited some more in anticipation of his results while he lay locked away (again), alone in his room in the basement for what felt like an eternity (I’m pretty sure though it felt even longer for Jacob).

It was hard to think positively (or to think of much else) knowing what the outcome could be and knowing just how shitty he felt (I lay awake that entire first night convincing myself that I too had Covid! #anxietysucks). It was the longest 48 hours ever but thankfully once again his results came back negative. 

The whole situation made me think of the Yiddish adage “Man Plans, and God Laughs” and just how much life is truly so unpredictable and how quickly unexpected changes can occur in your life; big or small (which is basically the journey I’ve been on for 6 years now!).

I had the best intentions and the best laid plans for the first time in many years when it came to a holiday celebration and as I mentioned above I was actually looking forward to a much less overwhelming Rosh Hashanah this year. In the end it may of still turned out to be another very overwhelming holiday while we waited for Jacob’s results but at least we got to enjoy some quiet family time together (with Jacob on Facetime) and lots of delicious festive food (I think Jacob is secretly starting to enjoy being waited on hand and foot 🙂 even if the first chance he got to be released from what’s beginning to feel like a dungeon he bolted for the nearest exit up the stairs and to the kitchen!).

#shanatova #roshhashanah #happynewyear #youareenough #manplansandgodlaughs #goawaycovid #familymatters #itsgonnabealongwinter #wearyourmask #washyourhands #togetherapart #secondwave #socialdistancing

What’s Your Personality Type?

My cousin sent me this personality quiz and asked me to partake in it. I told her that I feel like I have two personalities; one being the person I was before I got sick and the latter being the person whom I have become since. So I decided I should take the test twice. I started off by taking the test as the person I feel I am today and then I went back and took the test again thinking about the person I used to be; the person whom I feel no longer exists.

The results of the first test showed my personality type as that of an Advocate. An Advocate, according to Webster’s dictionary is defined as “a person who pleads anothers cause, or who speaks or writes in support of something” and according to the test itself is also someone who is “quiet and mystical, yet very inspiring” which are all traits that I have aspired to become over the last many years so I’d say the test was pretty accurate thus far.

When I went back and did my second test I answered the questions while having to think back to what I felt best represented my personality 6+ years ago. It revealed that I had the personality type of an “Entertainer”. Some of the traits of an “Entertainer” (according to this test) would be described as someone who is “extroverted, feeling, engaging in life eagerly and very social.”

All of which were true once again and although I miss many parts of my personality that depression and anxiety have stolen from me, on the other hand I also know that it has allowed me to explore a side of me that would never have been possible otherwise.

What personality type are you?
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

#personalitytest #perspective #beyou #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #personalitytraits #advocate #entertainer #endthestigmatogether #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #suicideprevention #nationalsuicidepreventionawarenessmonth

Socially Distanced Holiday Traditions

 

For many Jews around the world tomorrow night marks the start of the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashana) which has traditionally been a time for celebrating with our family, friends and community but we all know that this year the holidays (much like Passover and Easter were in the Spring) are going to look and feel a whole lot different which can and will likely cause many people to feel the “holiday blues”.

I mean who can really blame anyone by this point for feeling “blue” (regardless of your religious beliefs or faith), seeing as it’s now been more than 6 months since we have been able to “traditionally” celebrate squat with our family, friends and community. 

Over the last many years, holiday gatherings and celebrations of any kind have been incredibly difficult for me and whether it’s the social pressures, the obligations or the expectations that come along with it, together they all just seem to exacerbate these feelings further.

Depression brings with it a high level of discomfort that is truly unexplainable to many who have never experienced it before. This is also where having a severe anxiety disorder comes into play and when you mix the two together it can make life feel pretty lethal sometimes. 

We will still be celebrating the holidays this year just with a lot less social pressures, a lot less obligations and a lot less expectations than usual and for me this is somewhat of a relief which I know may sound selfish to some. 

We will bring in the New Year as always and still with many of our same traditions as always but just at a more socially Covid accepted distance but still just as meaningful and sweet.

Wishing everyone celebrating (however that may be) a very happy, safe and healthy New Year.

#happynewyear #roshhashana #backyardcelebrations #traditions #socialdistancing #togetherapart #youareenough #mentalillness #mentalhealth #checkonyourlovedones #healthyboundaries #mentalwellness #holidayblues #shanatova

Happy 21st Birthday Hannah

Happy 21st birthday Hannah

I know this wasn’t what you had hoped for or how you had planned to spend your 21st birthday this year but your resilience to overcome setbacks and challenges when faced with them is truly amazing and awe-inspiring (and of course being the easy going middle child that you are definitely helps too!!).

You have a heart of gold which shines through in everything you do. We are so proud of the beautiful, kindhearted young woman you have become and your dad and I can’t wait to see where your journey takes you next.  ❤

#weloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #middlechild #hanny #flux #hannahbanana #hannahmontana #hurricanehannah #twentyone #abirthdaytoremember #keepshining #happybirthday #proudmama #youareenough

A Little Monday Morning Motivation

This was a nice email to receive first thing on a Monday morning.

I’ve had one goal in mind ever since I began sharing my journey with you which was to become a voice for change by letting you know that you are not alone, that it’s okay to not be okay and that by lending my voice to others I could help give someone else the same strength and courage to find their own voice too.

#speakyourtruth #blogger #author #wheredidmommyssmilego #masksoff #findyourvoice #mondaymotivation #youmatter #beunapolegetic #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #womenempoweringwomen #youareenough #noshame #startaconversation #lendahand #dontsufferinsilence #beyourself #endthestigmatogether #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocateforchange #depression #anxiety #suicideprevention #nationalsuicidepreventionawarenessmonth #thegreatcanadianwoman

Dip Your Toe In The Water

Yesterday morning I went to an aqua fit class which I have been doing very regularly throughout the summer months, but until yesterday I hadn’t been to class for a couple of weeks.  It was to be one of our last classes of the season and afterwards we were invited to stay for the afternoon relaxing by the pool, enjoying each other’s company and feasting on a delicious catered lunch hosted by my friend whose pool we have so graciously been using all summer long.

There was a chill in the air yesterday morning, something we hadn’t felt before then but it is September after all and to be expected.  I wasn’t sure when I awoke yesterday morning if I could find the strength to push myself to get to the class at all as I had not had a good night the evening before; and knowing just how crisp the air felt, I lay in bed filled with anxiety, curled up under my weighted blanket until about 20 minutes before class was to begin, telling myself all the reasons I shouldn’t go. It’s not like this was anything new to me, I go through this crazy babble and negative self-talk every single time I leave my home, even when it’s something I know I will likely enjoy. 

Well I made it to class as you already know even though I was a few minutes late and when I arrived everyone was in the pool warming up but I took my time to ensure the best and most successful outcome. I slowly and cautiously approached the water and then I gently dipped my toe in the water (as though it was my first time ever getting into a pool) to check the temperature.  

We’ve all heard the saying “Dip your toe in the water” before and yesterday I both literally and figuratively did just that. I more often than not have to tread very lightly in everything I do because I can (and do) easily get overwhelmed and become very vulnerable whenever I try and push myself too much or take on too much all at once which just winds up sabotaging my health and wellness further. Some days may be easier than others to push through my depression and anxiety (but not lately) and having learned the art of how to fake it til I make it or smile through my pain can sometimes give me the strength to “dive right in” like I did yesterday (thanks also to Jenn for making the water super warm).

#dipyourtoeinthewater #diverightin #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #blogger #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #bekindtoyourself #swimming #aquafit #friends