Category: Distress

Neurofeedback Results; My Brain is Stuck & Exhausted

It’s been just over a week since I went for my Neurofeedback Assessment and had scheduled my follow up appointment for today.  It gave me an entire week to talk myself out of going to the appointment, ruminating and incessantly telling myself “what’s the point?”  In my mind this is just going to be another failed attempt at my recovery, another reason for self-doubt and another cause to lose more hope.  But the problem was that I had scheduled the appointment specifically around my husband’s work schedule so that he could come with me which basically meant that there was no turning back.

Upon arriving at the clinic we met with one of the resident psychologists in a room with a very large tv screen on the wall that had larger than life pictures of my brain patterns on it.  He first began by presenting us with a great deal of clinical psychological and neuroscience mumble jumble information which too was displayed on the tv screen. Some of the information brought back memories of psychology 101 in University, but much of it went way over my head.  Once he switched focus to the screens which centered on my own personal results and were clearly labeled (for us regular folk) did it begin to sink in.

The results essentially showed that my brain is stuck and exhausted!  I could have told you that but probably not in such clinical terms! My “z-scores” (google it, I’m too exhausted to even try to explain properly) which indicates how many “standard deviations” an element is from the mean showed to be far greater than the norm in every category (too many categories to list).  They could also see from my brain patterns several reasons why traditional treatment with anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications have not been successful.

All of the results in their eyes were a “win-win” for potential success using Neurofeedback training to help with my recovery.  As they had mentioned last week to me they would like to start with 10 sessions and then re-evaluate my progress with 2 additional brain scans and compare them to the original results to see how I am doing in a clinical sense at that point.  They originally felt 2 sessions a week would be okay but upon calculation of the results they would prefer I try and start with 3 a week instead (which is very overwhelming).

Of course having my husband with me today meant that these appointments were to be on the calendar before leaving the clinic because my overwhelming hesitation and lack of decision making skills he saw on my face would have resulted in me walking out of there ruminating and incessantly telling myself “what’s the point?” right through to the New Year.  But instead, as of right now, Saturday January 5, 2019 has officially become my new “New Year’s Day”.

All I Want For Christmas…

Okay so maybe I don’t actually celebrate Christmas but who amongst us that doesn’t hasn’t at one time or another in their lives dreamt that they did?  I’m pretty sure that at some point in your childhood you wished that you were baking cookies for Santa Claus and leaving them for him to enjoy with a tall glass of milk or maybe you’ve dreamt of waking up on Christmas morning and running downstairs to open all the beautifully wrapped presents underneath the perfectly decorated tree that Santa left for you while you lay all snug in your bed.

But here’s the truth though, no matter how much many of us may exude with happiness and good cheer during the holiday season or get caught up in the Hollywood fantasies, only seeing the world around them in the colours green and red, there are many, many more of us who only see this time of year in the colour blue.  It doesn’t mean that you are by any means a “Scrooge”, it most likely means that the holiday season may intensify your already fragile being. And even though I don’t celebrate Christmas I find that this time of the year is particularly triggering for me so you can only imagine how someone like myself who is suffering with depression and anxiety may feel when they are in the throes of it all.

This time of the year places a lot of increased and sometimes unrealistic demands on people both emotionally and financially and many of us succumb to the pressure of it all leaving little to no time to take care of ourselves.  And then there are those of us who may also be feeling especially lonely and vulnerable as well.

For me my triggers aren’t necessarily about the increased obligations or the financial demands, it’s more about an inner loneliness and vulnerability amplified by the sights and sounds of the holiday season that precipitate many happy and sad memories and emotions.

Either way, if someone you know is suffering with depression and anxiety this holiday season make sure to show them extra kindness, reassurance and understanding.  Help them by acknowledging their feelings (not ignoring them) and be cognizant as to how difficult it may be for them to commit to or participate in the overwhelming, pre-planned commitments with family and friends.

If they aren’t able to be with you for the holidays make sure to reach out to them in other ways and letting them know you are thinking of them.  And remember that if they do join in on some of the festivities and are seemingly enjoying themselves it does not take away from the fact that like myself, they too are probably “smiling through their depression” (see blog; When Depression Smiles, June 10, 2018) and still in need of that extra kindness, reassurance and understanding.

We have all heard the saying before “Christmas is the season of giving, not receiving”.  And giving someone a small token of your love who may be suffering during the holiday season or maybe even a small gift that shows that extra bit of kindness or reassurance and understanding can really help them transition through it a little bit easier and a little bit more comfortably.  So why not try a token or gift that shows all that and more; a token or gift of self-care. This may include; an inspiring adult colouring book; a massage; some essential oils or lotions to help relax the mind and body; some beautifully scented candles; a salt lamp; a journal or book of healing or maybe even a comfy pair of pyjamas or fluffy socks.  And I bet that as you are reading this Santa and his elves are busy at the North Pole right now wrapping up lots of these presents for your loved ones helping to make this holiday season a little bit brighter and a little bit gentler for everyone.

Should I Keep Writing?

As if the last few weeks have not been difficult and confusing enough for me while I continue to question and contemplate every aspect of my life right down to my own self-worth and reasons to live to then suddenly and unexpectedly become the victim of a very unwelcomed, unsolicited and totally disturbing message of a sexual nature from someone I once considered a friend.

Upon first glance I thought I had been hacked until I re-read the content of the message a few more times and realized it was 100 percent real and I was in complete and utter shock. I was afraid and embarrassed to show it to my husband for fear of what he would do upon reading it, but after becoming so visibly shaken and totally upset it was difficult for me not to share it.

The definition of sexual harassment can encompass many things and included in that definition are “unwanted messages, or materials of a sexual nature, unwanted sexual teasing, jokes, remarks and questions about a person’s personal sex life, as well as sexual comments, sexual innuendos or stories and asking someone about their sexual fantasies, preferences or history”. These are only a glimpse into the many interpretations of what falls under the definition of sexual harassment but I chose to just share with you the ones that have affected me directly.

Since I began sharing my journey with you as openly and honestly as I can 2 years ago (yup time flies) it has been met with a lot of mixed emotions on my part. My hope from the very beginning was that in sharing my experiences with you I would be able to help others who may be struggling in silence (or at a whisper) to feel less alone, to feel that it’s okay to not be okay, to feel like someone is listening, to feel like someone understands them and to feel like they can start talking above that whisper. And as difficult as it has been for me to share many of my most intimate thoughts and feelings with you, I know that I have accomplished my mission by the outpouring of messages I receive each week. And I also know that together we are helping to end the stigma surrounding mental illness.

Writing has forced me to see and feel things I could have never imagined before I began blogging, much of which has been positive and some of which has not. Before I began blogging I would journal a lot for myself (which is a very therapeutic exercise) and I still do so today by keeping track of things that I feel I cannot share with others. However my intentions for writing my blog seem to have somehow been misconstrued by someone this week as their right to give me uninvited, hurtful, distasteful and disturbing “advice”.

I have now spent the last few days questioning everything I say, everything I feel and everything I write. Did my blogging somehow elicit this behaviour or did I somehow “ask” for “it” by the content I discuss? Maybe I’m being too sensitive? Maybe I deserved it? Why am I feeling so ashamed and embarrassed and guilty? Why can’t I just get over it and move on, as it’s over, it’s been dealt with and yet here I am writing about how maybe I shouldn’t write again for fear of being taken advantage of again or for fear that I am harming others or for fear that people are misreading, misinterpreting or misunderstanding my intentions? Why does everything always seem to hurt so badly?

Dr. Phil Update

In several of my blogs and posts to Social Media recently I have made mention of Dr. Phil and a plea for his help in finding me a suitable and alternative treatment plan to the many I have already tried and yes in my own words “failed” at.

What my husband and I have both witnessed and experienced in the last couple of weeks has put me at my all-time lowest point since my journey began nearly 5 years ago.  The worthlessness and hopelessness I feel right now after being told by several mental health professionals recently that unless I want to take a “pill” there is nothing more they can do for me.  But you know who would never tell me that, you guessed it; Dr. Phil because he believes in treating each unique individual and not the overall disease (and not just in cases of depression).

I have no shame in telling you that for many years now I have had my PVR set to tape Dr. Phil daily (trust me I’ve admitted a lot worse things to you before).  My husband dozes off several nights a week to the soothing sound of Dr. Phil’s voice. (LOL) I know there are a lot of skeptics and critics out there when it comes to Dr. Phil but I truly believe that he along with his team of experts have helped countless individuals and families with some very serious and sometimes life-threatening struggles over the last 17 years on air.

As I have mentioned as well in some of my most recent blogs is that I have been researching and consulting with many alternative treatment programs and services much of which stem from the education I have received watching Dr. Phil and his team of experts and much of which doesn’t exist in Canada but is slowly making its way cross the border.

To be honest just in case you were wondering, I never really saw myself actually going on the Dr. Phil Show as a guest and really my shoutouts and pleas were mostly in jest (and a cry for help) but because I have the most incredible support from friends and strangers alike my chance to be on his show felt very close to becoming a reality this week.  A friend of mine had recently met a gentleman who was in town visiting their mutual friend and when she heard my plea’s she immediately reached out to her friend’s friend who lives in LA and happens to be amongst the Hollywood limelight. As soon as she told him my story, without hesitation he made one phone call and that phone call happened to be to his good friend and one of Dr. Phil’s producers.

Upon hearing this I immediately felt like I was gonna puke because this seemingly innocent plea was quickly turning into a reality.  His friend and producer told him that he would be more than happy to personally “walk my letter right to the powers that be”. He then told him that although I have a powerful story to tell and one that would pull at Dr. Phil’s heartstrings it really isn’t the right genre for it.

For those of you who do watch Dr. Phil (whether you care to admit it or not) his show in the world of tabloid Talk Show’s is what they call a “conflict show” and although there is plenty of conflict in my life when it comes to my treatment and recovery, there is no definitive conflict among those closest to me who may in some way be trying to interfere in my care or may be a detriment to ensuring I get the best care possible.  I guess I should be thankful that my husband and I don’t belong on an episode of Jerry Springer throwing furniture at each other!

So I’m sorry to disappoint all of my supporters and “fans” but there will be no physical appearance for me on The Dr. Phil Show (not unless we can ham it up for the audience), but the thing is Dr. Phil has subconsciously been helping me from the backstage so to speak. It’s because of him that I have been spending several weeks and months researching and educating myself in the world of science and in the world of alternative medicine and treatments.  As I said before, Dr. Phil believes in training and healing the brain and works very closely with his mentor Dr. Lawlis who has proven time and time again that it’s not only possible but more than probable to do so as well.

So tomorrow my husband and I will be taking Dr. Phil’s advice along with our endless research on healing the brain to the next level as we sit down for a consultation with a Neurofeedback specialist.  I will keep you posted.

NEGATIVE ONLINE REVIEWS; TWO THUMBS DOWN

Before making a big purchase (or any size for that matter) for something like a brand new car, or before booking your dream vacation you’ve been saving up for all year or even before deciding to spend $50 at the movies on the latest blockbuster release that you’ve been anxiously waiting to see for months; many of us turn to the internet first to check out their online reviews.

It’s our natural instinct and frankly our prerogative to do so especially nowadays when with just the click of a button you have the whole world at your fingertips.  Also, who wouldn’t want to read some reviews first before deciding whether or not this is the right product or service for you, especially when you may potentially be about to spend a lot of your hard earned money on it.  But what happens when those reviews turn out to be mostly negative ones?

It’s every businesses nightmare, getting negative feedback from dissatisfied customers, clients or even patients.  An online review has the potential to destroy a business in that same click of a button that we use to seek out those comments, but at the same time they may also have the potential to help a business to flourish too.  So who do you listen to?

When scrolling through and reading each comment we are more likely to re-read the negative ones and trust them to be more credible even if we want so badly to believe the positive ones as well, but we often become clouded by all the negativity.  Online reviews are very subjective and circumstantial for no two people are the same and no two experiences are the exact same either so it’s always best to have an open mind while reading them.

The thing is my mind only sees, feels and hears negativity and this week I have been researching and consulting with many potential inpatient treatment centers and other services only to become more and more overwhelmed as I sift through the 100’s of reviews.  I want so badly to believe in that one positive review, the one that could potentially save my life but instead I only see the possibility for failure.

I’ve tried reading between the lines or only reading reviews that are prevalent to my situation but many of these reviews I actually know to have the potential to be true as I have experienced some of it with my own two eyes.  It’s very easy to post a review and how do I know if that one raving 5 star review isn’t from the director or owner’s own mother; like come on, you know you would do it for your own kid anyday! But when you continue to see a lot of commonalities in the tone of the comments, good or bad, it becomes more confusing, more frustrating and even more overwhelming.

I have been literally hanging on by the end of my rope the last couple of weeks and feeling completely helpless at this point and these reviews of potential life-changing treatments and services (most of which are not in Canada and would cost a lot of money, even the ones in Canada would too) has been all I can focus on right now which of course just sets me up for further anxiety and sadness.

So I’m putting it out there and asking you for your input and I beg the question (literally); which reviews do you believe and which ones do you take with a grain of salt?  I mean I’ve read enough horrible reviews on restaurants or blockbuster movies only to come out of them having thoroughly enjoyed my experience, but none of that is gonna lead to a healthier, happier me.

DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS

I second guess every aspect of my life, I’m apprehensive about everything I do or say and I most definitely can’t make a decision if my life depended on it, which for me these days feels like it actually may.

Every day we probably face having to make 100’s of decisions, many of which may be in our subconscious.  Some mornings we might wake up and wonder which pair of shoes should I choose to wear with my new outfit today or maybe we can’t decide whether or not we should make chicken or hamburgers for dinner and sometimes we may find ourselves debating between which Netflix series we should start binge watching next.

Of course none of these decisions I mentioned are in any way life threatening to you or your loved ones and are actually quite frivolous to most of us, but when you suffer with depression and anxiety like I do even the most microscopic decisions can seem catastrophic.

Decision-making is a form of problem-solving which is a very important skill to have in helping us reach the best possible resolution or at least an adequate one but for me it can be pure torture mostly due to my negative self-talk, indecisiveness and fear.  I can best describe my decision-making skills to being that of a contestant on the popular game show “Let’s Make A Deal” where he or she is offered a notable prize by the host but then must make the decision as to whether or not they walk away with that prize or trade it in for what is hidden behind curtain number 1, 2 or 3.  Not knowing whether or not their decision to “roll the dice” may afford them with an even better prize like a trip to Hawaii, they are often seen walking away with such disappointment when they end up choosing the curtain with nothing more than a pet donkey behind it.

That is exactly how I feel each and every time I need to make a decision, I feel like an ass!  I feel like every decision I make is the wrong one, clouded by harmful and pessimistic thinking and that my poor judgement will have some kind of a future negative impact on me and whomever may be involved.  It can be the simplest decision that I need to make and it will still cause me pain, confusion and panic which is why I often leave the decision-making process up to others to avoid the overwhelming regret that overpowers me.

Sometimes I try to just go with my first instinct too but quickly the negative self-talk, indecisiveness and fear set in.  This past week has been extremely overwhelming and I am now faced with having to make some pretty “big” life altering decisions which is only creating more anxiety and further sadness for me.  My cognitive ability to perceive or to read information clearly is fogged by irrational thoughts, poor judgment and the inability to think about anything other than failure. So I’m asking for your help in my decision-making process which is ‘do you think I should go this way or that way?’

I Don’t Think I Can Get More Honest Than This

I DON’T THINK I CAN BE MORE HONEST THAN THIS

*Sensitive and Triggering Content*

I did something the other day that I shouldn’t have.  I ingested something the other day that I shouldn’t have (a lot of something).  But let me explain myself first, you see I had a very good reason to, even if you don’t believe that could possibly be true, but you see, my illness made me do it.

Less than 24 hours earlier I found myself going through the motions yet again in another hospital emergency room, the one hospital that I had been trying to avoid as it is the one that I have spent close to 5 months in throughout my journey and I have many triggering panic attacks from my time there (but lucky for me I have lost an entire month of my memory due to having electric shock therapy during one of those stays).  The triggers can be as simple as a smell or even some type of noise but as I discovered about a week ago it can even be associated with certain elevators, the kind that is that actually vocalizes which floor you are arriving at.

The hospital was of course quite busy and we had to wait a while to register but once I did so I was accompanied to a quieter area in the emergency room.  I know the drill very well by now. Once inside the room my anxiety went from zero to a hundred within minutes (well I am never really ever entirely at zero when it comes to my anxiety).  I had agreed prior to going there that maybe it was the best option for me as I was very familiar with the hospital and I knew what to expect but in those first brief moments sitting in the room I realized I was wrong and every single one of those triggers came flooding through my body.  The smells, the noises, the recent fear of those elevators, the nurses I despise and the reality that they have been unsuccessful in helping me before.

I know, I know, it’s not about all that, it’s about my safety, but I didn’t care, it’s too anxiety provoking.  The nurse who was under my care felt the panic in my bones and made me promise to at least stay to talk with the doctor and so I did.  I spoke with him for quite a while, he listened and asked a lot of questions, none that I haven’t heard a million times before. I answered all of his questions honestly and then told him I honestly need to go home and he agreed to let me go, even after telling him I had active thoughts of harming myself.  He did do one other thing though before letting me leave, he called the outpatient crisis department to set me up with one of their psychiatrists to meet with later in the week, but you see when they called me I was told that since I am no longer on medication and will not even entertain the thought of taking one more medication again due to the 20 others I’ve tried and failed at miserably, they will not see me (which is basically the only thing the inpatient department would have tried to do as well).

So now we arrive back to Wednesday afternoon, an afternoon where I had a migraine from spending the entire night before crying and realizing that I will never get better, that I am a failure and helpless and that there is nothing else that can be done for me unless I can afford private institutions where they don’t push medication but instead help you heal your brain with other methods, most of which don’t exist in Canada.  So that was when I did something I shouldn’t have and that is when I ingested something I shouldn’t have.

The pain was just too unbearable, all my effort I’ve put into to healing, all for what?  The thing is, nothing happened, even my migraine didn’t go away and I felt like a failure yet again so I carried on as business as usual for most of the night until the pain in my stomach became excruciating and the nausea insufferable which is when my husband realized what I had done, called poison control and carted me off to the nearby emergency room where I was treated and then eventually put on a mental health hold for up to 72 hours in another room, surrounded by security guards with only a hospital gown and cold bed to lay my head on while I anxiously awaited for morning until I could see the psychiatrist and get me the fuck out of there.

They gave me something to sleep, but I only slept for an hour and a half and just kept watching for the crisis team to arrive.  They eventually did, not even quite sure what time it was because I had no phone or clock, but I was thankful when they did. This hospital, along with the one I was at the night before, have a great deal of history on me in file so at least we could skip most of the preliminary questions this time.  I spoke honestly once again (although this time was post active suicidal thoughts) and once again I said I just need to go home. They too discussed the whole medicine part of their job as that is what hospitals in Ontario do. We discussed how I am desperately trying to pursue alternative treatments and they fully supported it and told me I should find somewhere to go in the States.

So home is where I am for now, and last night I did the even more unthinkable (Not in a harmful way this time), my husband and I reached out to @Dr.Phil’s team.  Yup desperate times call for desperate measures. My husband has already picked out his suit and happy socks he wants to wear when he gets the call, and when my kids find out about this I’m pretty sure they will probably go into hiding, well maybe after a trip to L.A that is!

Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART

Before I begin I first need to tell you all just how grateful I am for all the love and support I have received over the past few days, not only toward me but toward my husband as well. I know that I have had an amazing support system standing behind me since day one and also by many who have entered my life since but this week I am beyond overwhelmed by the kindness of others. I have received so many encouraging and heartfelt messages both privately and on Social Media and I have placed each and every one of them deep inside my heart. I have been contacted by and visited with so many new and old friends (including my babysitter from when I was still living in Montreal as a young child). I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart even though words cannot truly express how much it has all really meant to me.

I am sure by now you may also realize that the last few days have been by far some of the worst days I’ve encountered throughout my journey. What I experienced the other night from our Healthcare System has left me feeling even further broken and scarred and has managed to take away what little hope I may have had left. But the worst part of it all for me is seeing the impact it has had on my husband who has also been left pretty darn broken and scarred himself.

I do not have the strength to go to the hospital even if it is being strongly “encouraged” and would mean giving my loved ones a sense of relief and security knowing that I am in a safe place. I truly feel like there is no point in going through the motions anymore as I know what is awaiting me on the other side including further panic, trauma and heartache. As I sit here writing this I am trying desperately to figure out what is really best for me right now. As someone who was diagnosed with Treatment Resistant Depression several years ago it has only made my journey that much more exhausting because there truly isn’t a conventional medication or treatment that I haven’t tried and all other avenues seem to be met with so many roadblocks. Being diagnosed with Treatment Resistant Depression basically means that a person with a major depressive disorder does not respond to typical medication and treatments used to manage or control depression.

I have told many of you through my writing about what my recovery has looked like for the past 4.5 years starting with the over 20 medications I have tried all of which have done nothing less than destroy me physically and leave me feeling no sense of relief mentally. I have been kept in several hospitals for 1 night, 2 weeks and over 3 months at a time where I have been pumped with more and more medication (all of which I stopped taking about 2 years ago), I’ve had Electric Shock Therapy (ECT) and I have even been a guinea pig for research on the effects that Ketamine can have to help ease the symptoms of Depression.

During these years I have also been involved in many group therapies and programs (which have sincerely taught me several useful skills, but not a cure) and I have also tried acupuncture, meditation, mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and much more, but through all of the above treatments/medications etc, traditional talk therapy has been the one constant in my life and I must mention that it has been the most helpful tool for me over this past year since finally finding a therapist who I am comfortable with.

So you can probably imagine now why someone such as myself would continue to feel hopeless, worthless and 100 percent discouraged because after years of continually making the effort to find that one treatment that may give me some sort of relief or that may stop me from fighting with those intrusive thoughts in my head there comes a time when you feel completely demoralized and defeated for fear that you will never get better.

As I stated earlier I am sitting here writing while I continue to struggle to figure out what I need right now and more importantly what I don’t need. I have spent the better part of the last few days asking myself that very question over and over and over again and I am so thankful knowing I have a safe place to turn to when I need to talk but I also know that our Healthcare System is failing so many people who are suffering with a mental illness and my heart and soul feel totally crushed knowing that it can’t give me what I need right now. Instead I find myself searching for alternative treatment programs that can treat my needs as an individual and not as a disorder but they too seem so unattainable for me and way beyond my reach or pocket book (So Dr. Phil if you’re reading this, I could use your help with some of your connections right about now!).

Hi My Name Is Kim and I Am An Empath

HI MY NAME IS KIM AND I AM AN EMPATH

*Very Sensitive Content*

I have always been a particularly sensitive person.  I have always been one to overthink and overanalyze just about every aspect of my life.  I have always paid very close attention to detail and I am an extremely well organized individual. I have also always been very intuitive to other people’s moods, behaviours and actions.  Hi my name is Kim and I am an empath.

An empath is someone who will experience the world through their great intuition and most often will consume and absorb other people’s emotions and/or physical pain as their own much more deeply than others because they are highly sensitive individuals.  These traits can lead a seemingly happy person straight into the path of anxiety, depression and other mental health challenges when they become too overwhelmed with other people’s emotions.

As I have mentioned recently my mental health has become much more concerning for many of my loved ones and I am beginning to see it too.  I am also seeing that many of these heightened concerns stem from trying to find my own truth and they also stem from being an empath. Being an empath can create a world where you are always feeling the emotions and energy of others which only leaves you time to be happy when others around you are happy.  For me, being an empath can easily drain me when I am surrounded by negative people as well, also leaving me more exhausted than usual for no reason at all.

An empath will also do for others or feel drawn to help others far more quickly than they would for themselves letting themselves forget the importance of creating healthy boundaries.  They will often feel things before they actually happen or jump to conclusions unnecessarily allowing them to take responsibility for way too much, even things beyond their control or reach.  They have a difficult time letting go, they often lack self-confidence or self-esteem and care greatly about what others think while at the same time, carrying everyone else’s energy on their very weighted down shoulders.

These thoughts and emotions have become extremely agonizing, powerful and intense lately leaving me with an overwhelming desire, one that I will only leave to your imagination for now.   I know in reality that I can’t save the world, or more specifically, those that I love the most and that right now in order for me to feel more mentally stable I first need to find ways in which to try and save myself.  But my mantra of “I choose me” is one that seems to have fallen by the wayside recently and when feeling completely depleted as I do now, the thought of using that oxygen mask on myself first in order to help others seems quite fictitious even though it may be proven to be essential.

Oh and creating those healthy boundaries, they too have gone right out the window as well.  Saying no to people is harder than you think and surrounding yourself with toxic people that know no boundaries will only drain your own emotional needs even further.  I need to practice how to release and separate my own emotions from someone else’s which is also not as easy as one may think but can be done and maybe if I start slowly like by turning off CNN or stop obsessing over the latest updates from Dateline and 48 Hours it can be successfully accomplished.

You see, being an empath or a highly sensitive person is not necessarily a bad thing, but often brings with it a very powerful and overwhelming imbalance in one’s life which needs to be managed delicately to ensure that in order to help empower others you must first learn how to empower yourself.

How Many Hugs Have You Had Today?

HOW MANY HUGS HAVE YOU HAD TODAY?

By now I’m sure you’ve all heard the Huggies commercial many times over relaying the message to its viewers about the importance of hugging.  I’m also pretty sure that as you are reading this that you may have even started singing the lyrics to the song in your head. Huggies is sending out a very captivating and compelling message to their viewers and consumers alike through the power of advertising, letting everyone watching know that “we all need a hug in the morning and one at the end of the day, and as many as possible squeezed in between to keep life’s troubles at bay.”  It finishes off by telling us that “it’s my belief that for instant relief, a hug is the best cure of all.”

Before this Huggies campaign ever began though, another individual from Australia started a social movement that involved holding up a large sign which simply read “Free Hugs”.  He carried this sign with him in very large open spaces encouraging strangers to give and receive hugs from one another after a random hug from a stranger made an immense impact on a depressive period in his life. The outcome was incredible and this random act of kindness got him international attention, a youtube video produced and even a guest appearance on the Oprah show.

The reason that such advertisements and campaigns which I have mentioned above work so well is because there is actual scientific proof that a hug is good for you.  From the moment that a baby is born we begin to create a bond with them in the form of a hug which can help strengthen their immune system and brain development while building the foundation for an intimate, loving and safe environment.

Hugging may begin at birth but you never outgrow it.  Hugs become a part of our everyday lives right up until the day that we die.  We give hugs to one another to show our happiness or excitement towards one another and many of us appreciate a welcomed hug when we are in need of comfort or feeling sad.  It is probably the most universally used non-verbal gesture around spanning across every culture, every environment and every language; and the best part of all is that they are free.

Whether someone is feeling happy or sad a hug has so many health benefits (but in this day in age it’s often best to ask someone for permission to hug them if you are not in close relation to them!).  A hug can help to relieve someone’s pain & suffering, help to dissipate their fear or anxiety, help to reduce their feelings of loneliness or isolation, help to reduce someone’s high blood pressure and help to bring an overall sense of security and happiness to a person’s well-being.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me, a day that I haven’t felt in quite a long time, a day too hard to open up about at the moment and a day where I really needed a hug.  But I am not always one to welcome a hug because I find sometimes it makes me feel very claustrophobic when someone is touching me and at the same time I can get extremely emotional.  I find my mind begin to race when I receive a hug from someone, especially if that someone is a close friend or family member. Yet like yesterday when I needed a hug the most, and by allowing for that much needed hug to occur I immediately realized how important a hug truly is and how much a hug can truly benefit a person’s self-worth, a person feeling so hopeless and defeated can feel a sense of calm, and the longer the hug, the better.

According to Jack Canfield who is a renowned motivational speaker and probably best known as author of the “Chicken Soup For The Soul” books says (through research) that “People need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs for maintenance and 12 hugs for growth.”   This seems like a worthy enough experiment for everyone to try (especially in the sad state of the world right now), one that shouldn’t be too difficult to accomplish and really there is absolutely no harm in it, only healthy and hearty benefits. So happy hugging everyone!