Category: chronic pain

Put Your Heart On The Line


It’s Monday today which is probably the most dreaded day of the entire week but maybe we are too quick to overlook all of it’s good qualities too. Mondays may be blue or manic or even hated by many but Mondays also signify a day filled with endless possibilites, new beginnings, new adventures and a day for bringing hope.
But today may not feel like a “normal” Monday for many of us.

It may no longer be in competition for the most dreaded day of the week anymore because right now every day feels like Monday and right now Mondays don’t feel much like a day filled with endless possibilities, new beginnings, new adventures or a day for bringing hope either and for many more of us this coming week may feel just like a typical dreaded Monday morning.

The week ahead for millions and millions of us should be filled with family, traditions, religious rituals, food (and lots of it), maybe a day or two off from school and work and for some of us it may even have included a visit from a furry life size bunny rabbit. 

But instead of being all of that and more we are left with a feeling of emptiness, sadness, anger and frustration knowing that we will not be able to celebrate those traditions and religious rituals with family or friends this year and if you were to ask most kids and adults today where they wish they were right now I bet they’d tell you in school or at work and ya those visits from the Easter bunny and the traditional Easter Egg Hunts will be missed my many young ones around the globe.

So today probably is one of those dreaded Mondays, but well deserved this time and one which also deserves hitting the snooze button a few dozen times on and one in which many of us may need a Mental Health Check In for. And whether or not you are doing really great ❤ right now or you are having a really hard time 💙 like myself please don’t hesitate to reach out for support 💜.  Put our hearts out on the line today and remember we’re all in this together.

#manicmondays #bluemonday #everydayismonday #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #checkonyourstrongfriends #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #wereallinthistogether #passover #easter #happyholidays #zoom #youareenough #covid19 #coronavirus #stayhome #flattenthecurve #socialdistancing #togetherapart 

It’s Okay To Cry Over Spilt Milk


Last night I had a meltdown of epic proportions. I knew that it being my 6 year Anniversary since the onset of my illness yesterday (See blog “The Anniversary Effect”; April 4, 2020) that it wasn’t gonna be an easy day. But I did just what any good doctor would order me to do and got out of bed (eventually), took a 2 hour walk through my neighborhood and then treated myself to a warm bubble bath when we got home. 

But like clockwork everything changed without a moment’s notice and almost as soon as I stepped out of the bathtub I found myself crying over “spilt milk” again, even if most of what I was crying over wasn’t really worth getting upset about at all; but you see, the truth is, it really feels like there is plenty of spilt milk to cry over these days.

At any given moment we may find ourselves feeling sad, scared, disappointed, angry, worried, distracted, exhausted, restless, short tempered or impatient (did I cover enough adjectives?). I find that since first becoming ill my patience has become next to nil which can often stir up plenty of other emotions quickly. And now with each passing day I’m pretty sure that most of us are finding ourselves losing their patience too in some way or another or with someone or another. In other words, we are all starting to get on each other’s nerves.

It’s ok if you’re not quite ready to admit to it yet though and since there is no real guidebook for us to follow on how we should feel during a Pandemic, we all get a free pass. So with no Playbook or guidelines to follow on how we should react or be feeling right now let me reassure you that whatever the heck you are feeling is perfectly valid. 

Even if you’re living with June Cleaver from “Leave It To Beaver” we are all learning together how to coexist with others on a much different level than we were before and you may be feeling very claustrophobic, frustrated, on edge and downright snappy toward one another as we test each other’s patience and deal with each other’s anxieties and ever changing moods. 

It’s hard, it’s super fucking hard right now but “we’re all in this together” and the one thing that is gonna make this nightmare just a tad bit easier is ensuring that we all work together as a team, within our individual homes, and create a Playbook with your home team. (I really do miss sports)

This experience is no doubt gonna change us all and we are all going to have to make some changes in order to get through this Pandemic together and maybe a good place to start is by developing a “Playbook” for your home team and make sure it includes several “strategies” and “plays” that can help reduce some of your household stressors and anxieties. 

Ask your teammates what you need from them right now and moving forward to help make this time together more successful and remember that it’s still ok to cry over spilt milk while figuring it out, but by figuring it out together hopefully we will create some stronger, more adhesive family units by the time this is all over.

So what are some things you need in your Playbook?

#wereallinthistogether #family #playbook #teamwork #teammates #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #anxiety #depression #spiltmilk #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #checkonyourstrongfriends #covid19 #coronavirus #togetherapart #flattenthecurve #socialdistancing #unitedasone 

The Anniversary Effect

Today marks six years since my whole world began to crumble and as each Anniversary comes around the pain and sadness from that fateful day, April 4, 2014 still feels like a knife is being slowly twisted deeper into my heart. I can recall the events of that day as though they were yesterday and I shared them all with you in a blog titled “April 4, 2014: It’s Been Five Long Years”, exactly one year ago today.

As each Anniversary approaches I feel that initial sense of pain and sadness all over again and I begin to site the “would’ves”, the “should’ves” and the “could’ves” one by one over and over and over again in order to figure out if somehow there would’ve, should’ve or could’ve been a different outcome, one that didn’t lead me down a path where six years later I would still be living with the daily pain and sadness associated with Anxiety, Depression and Suicidal Ideations. 

Anniversaries are supposed to be celebrated, right? Well not all Anniversaries feel like a celebration and whether it’s the Anniversary of a bad break-up, the Anniversary of a traumatic event in your life or the Anniversary of the death of a loved one it can easily trigger pain and sadness.  This actually has a name for it; it’s called “The Anniversary Effect” and is defined as “a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.”

This year with the approach of my sixth year Anniversary date it’s brought with it a lot of extra intensity given the current and uncertain state of the world right now. It’s left me feeling even further trapped in my thoughts and crippled by so many emotions with an added bonus of battling headaches almost daily. I’m finding it really difficult to get out of bed, to follow any sort of routine, to be motivated and to not cry at every single fucking thing. 

I’m trying to find ways to distract myself and find something to help ease the pain and sadness I’m feeling today (Covid-19 memes seem to do the trick so feel free to pass any along). Maybe today will include trying to reflect back on the past six years at some moments that have brought me happiness or maybe by trying to find some hope in what truly feels hopeless right now or maybe by looking at the “what ifs” of tomorrow and feeling less afraid of them.

But however I choose to spend today, whether or not it’s in bed or whether or not it’s trying to follow a routine or whether or not I feel completely unmotivated or whether or not I cry at every fucking little thing I’ve also been reminded today that each Anniversary I’m still writing about definitely would, definitely should and definitely is an Anniversary to celebrate. Thanks for the reminder; I may need it again tomorrow.

Colouring The Adult Way

Today’s mood is brought to you by the letters F*U*C* and K*. Colouring isn’t just for kids. It’s an amazing way to de-stress, stimulate our brain activity, work on our fine motor skills and can generate overall health and wellness. Look at the one I plan to tackle next because swearing at times like this are totally acceptable and very necessary!

#fuckoff #getoutofmyface #getthefuckoutofmyway #fuckcovid19 #colouring #mentalwellness #coronavirus #mentalhealth #selfcare #ichooseme #youarenotalone #togetherapart #flattenthecurve #unitedasone

Suicide During A Pandemic

*May Be Triggering*

The impact that Covid-19 has had on the world is immeasurable and unprecedented and these uncertain times have left much of the world feeling very helpless and very often hopeless. 

For 6 years now I myself have been living with daily feelings of helplessness and hopelessness but not because of Covid-19 but instead due to Depression and Anxiety and the combination of those feelings is what often leads me to having daily thoughts of Suicide, none of which has changed because of Covid-19. 

To be perfectly honest there are some days lately that those feelings are even more overwhelmingly hard to ignore and I know that I’m not alone in how I’m feeling because whether or not you were suffering with Depression, Anxiety or thoughts of Suicide before Covid-19, many, many more people are suffering with one or more of these symptoms now and many, many many more will continue to suffer well after this is all over and we begin to piece our lives back together. 

There are so many reasons why so many people’s mental health and safety are sure to be impacted from the Coronavirus and so many reasons why there could be a surge in suicidal deaths in the coming months. 

Whether it’s from having to self-isolate alone, or the impact of being quarantined with family that could increase our thoughts of Suicide. Or maybe it could be due to our heightened anxiety from fear of financial struggles or a loss of a job that can lead to Depression or thoughts of Suicide. Or some of us may become super fearful of losing a loved one to Coronavirus or spend our days worrying incessantly about contracting the virus itself. 

For some of us it may be from having a change in our routine, worry that the Pandemic will never end or simply that we have less activity in our life right now and way more time for negative thinking to occur. 

I won’t go into detail about where my thoughts are at the moment and whether it’s just one factor or all of them that are affecting my mental state during the Pandemic, but I will say again and again, I know I am not alone which is why it is imperative that we keep checking up on each other regularly regardless of how strong you think someone is because they may just be the one who is suddenly feeling the most helpless or hopeless of us all.

If you or someone you know is in crisis please call: Kids Help Phone: 1 800 668-6868 or Canada Suicide Prevention: 1 833 456-4566 and as always I am hear to lend an ear.


#suicide #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #pandemic #overwhelm #helpless #hopeless #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #checkonyourstrongfriends #checkonyourlovedones 

Make A Wish

What a perfect distraction to have arrive in my mailbox today from my old friend Esther who has truly been such an amazing support for me over the last few years, even though she no longer lives in Toronto. She also knew how much I’ve been admiring all her fun Cricut designs she’s been doing at home lately and so she went out of her way to put a big smile on my face by personalizing these two great tote bags just for me. 

The first tote she replicated the Logo I use for my blog site along with my signature #hashtags #youareenough and #endthestigma as well and then finished it off with the silhouettes from the central part of my Logo which of course signifies my 3 kiddies. 

The second tote displays a valuable and inspiring quote which is so incredibly essential to all of our lives right now and one of my favorites. “Some see a weed, Some see a wish” is about being open to seeing the positive in every unexpected situation. No matter how much we plan for in our lifetime, there will always be times when things don’t always go as planned and it’s times like these when finding the positive can help us to feel hopeful and help us believe that everything will be ok. 

It’s something I know I need to work on in my day to day life and now more than ever so thank you again Esther for this simple and very important reminder and of course for your friendship and kindness. I will proudly use these totes to store all of my arts and craft supplies and projects for now.

P.S I owe you and Anna a French braiding lesson when this is all over! 

@officialcricut #iwantonesobad #crafts #crafty #artprojects #friendship #kindness #bekind #checkonyourlovedones #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfcare #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #makeawish #itsoktonotbeok #endthestigmatogether #flattenthecurve #unitedasone

The Kids Will Be Okay; But Will You?


There is still so much uncertainty right now pertaining to the rest of the current school year and for 2 of my kids this isn’t really an issue given that my son is done school already and one daughter is just completing her last few weeks of her 3rd year of University which is now being done all online, but then there is my youngest daughter who is just a few short months away from her High School Graduation and it’s beyond heartbreaking to think that she could miss out on the best and most defining moments of her High School career.

March Break is now officially over for us Ontarions and early this morning my daughter should have been returning home from her Graduation trip to Punta Cana with her friends, but instead she is at home unable to return to school for another 2 weeks, but whose kidding who, it’s going to be much longer than that and there has been quite a bit of buzz over the last few days that school could actually be cancelled for the remainder of the year.

As of right now there has not been any concrete plan put into place for this very possible and very devastating scenario, the one where my daughter doesn’t get to go to her High School Prom or attend her Graduation Ceremony but ya at least she has the accessibility to finish up her school year online if need be. 
But not every child can do so, in fact many children and their families don’t have computer or internet access in their home and have always relied on the available and free resources from our schools and libraries.

And right now many parents are panicking and rightfully so, but can we just take a step back for a moment (we have nothing better to do right now anyways). We as parents are under a tremendous amount of stress, overwhelm and anxiety about how they are going to be able to “homeschool” their children when the reality is, we aren’t meant to homeschool our kids unless that was the path you had already chosen for them. And an even bigger reality right now is that if school is to be cancelled for the remainder of the school year we honestly have so much more to be worried about than learning fractions or Shakespeare (he needs to be scraped from the curriculum all together!).

I really don’t think I need to tell you what it means if this pandemic continues right through to the summer. Right now we need to support each other as parents and remember that many parents may be doing this parenting and social distancing thing alone or maybe they are coping with the stressors that come along with having a child with special needs or maybe they are new to Canada and haven’t yet grasped the English language or maybe they are dealing with some physical or emotional issues. 

Whatever it is that someone else may be going through we need to stop judging each other. Whatever way you are able to get through today and tomorrow and the day after that, remember that you are a good parent and doing the best you can to survive these unprecedented times. 

So for now while we wait for what’s to come in the next few weeks try to focus on some kind of routine, but one which allows room for lots of flexibility and lots of outdoor recess and naptime. Now is as good a time as ever to slow down because we ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. Also let’s remember that our main objective as parents and human beings right now is to keep you and your family safe as best you can.

There will be so many opportunities for teachable moments throughout the day and maybe it will happen while you’re baking cookies, laughing at a TV show or taking a walk outside or maybe while you’re playing a game or painting a picture. Homeschooling needs to be about self-care which as I said above is much more important right now than fractions (and for sure Shakespeare; sorry to my Shakespeare fans). 

So considering my illness feels like it’s hit an iceberg and is causing me to suffer with daily headaches to boot, I will continue to try my best to be the best parent I know how by ensuring that my kids all get an A+ for doing their part in watching way too much Netflix while they help to flatten the curve.

#flattenthecurve #homeschooling #supporteachother #parenting #family #familymatters #youarenotalone #youareenough #covid19 #coronavirus #selfcare #togetherapart #pandemic #wewillneverbethesame #quarantine #netflixandchill #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

Inspiring Each Other

It’s moments like these that give meaning and purpose to my life. I very often receive private messages like these, many of whom are total strangers. It truly warms my heart to know that my story is helping others on their own journey or that my journey is bringing some  comfort to others. But just know that even though I may inspire you, you truly inspired me even more ❤

#purpose #grateful #inspiringeachother #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #kindness #blogger #masksoff #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence  #courage #childrensbook #author #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

The Big 5-0

Fifty days smoke-free today! 50 is a pretty big number don’t ya think? But I’m not gonna lie, the road to get here has not been an easy one. There has been an exorbitant amount of overwhelm in my life over the last 50 days. Many days I’ve wanted to “quit” quitting smoking, many days I’ve walked by second hand smoke and inhaled it, only dreaming of lighting up myself but the cravings are getting less and less each day and so too are my triggers.

Addiction of any kind is difficult to maneuver and is a constant battle; kudos to everyone who conquers their quest every single day. I don’t know if there will ever be a day where I don’t think about smoking but for today I choose to crush my cravings and not give into temptation!

So for today can I get a Woot Woot or a high five please!! 👐🤜🤛🙌✊

#fiftydays #nextgoalonehundreddays #smokefree #crushyourcravings #iquit #youareenough #ichooseme #addictions #highfive #wootwoot

Beauty and the Beast


It’s no secret that I love all things Disney. Growing up I owned so much Disney apparel and accessories and I especially loved my gigantic Mickey Mouse phone that I spent hours and hours talking on (yes it would be an antique by today’s standard). I loved drawing Disney characters and I even hand made my own Monster’s Inc t-shirts as lootbags for Jacob’s 4th birthday party which was his latest obsession at the time. I made sure my kids fell in love with Disney movies and still to this day, I would choose a Disney theme park or Disney cruise over an all inclusive anyday (maybe in Paris next time though) and Disney was even a common theme at our wedding from our first dance to Aladdin’s hit song “A Whole New World” to the ceramic Mickey and Minnie Mouse bride and groom that donned the top of our wedding cake (which has since smashed to pieces and if I were in any way superstitious I’d be second guessing how we are less than 3 months away from celebrating our 25th anniversary).

Yes I have always had a bit of an obsession with all things Disney throughout my lifetime and although it’s a lot more subtle these days, it’s always something I try to incorporate into my life still, including the fact that the only collection of movies I still own in VHS tapes are Disney ones. I also love doing Disney themed puzzles whenever I can and my recent completion of Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorites because well, Beauty and the Beast is one of my all time favorite Disney movies.  

Disney has a magical way of teaching us so many valuable life lessons and I think the reason I love Beauty and the Beast so much is because of those valuable life lessons; lessons that are not only important to teach our children but most adults could benefit from a  refresher course in as well.
Beauty and the Beast teaches us about the power of love and kindness and the importance of inner beauty. Many of us often need to be reminded that beauty is not about having a pretty face but that true beauty, the kind of beauty that teaches us about the power of love and kindness, comes from inside.

What makes this movie stand out above most other Disney movies and one of the many reasons I love it so much is how it portrays women as strong and ambitious. It shows young girls that it’s okay to have dreams and desires and that it’s also more than okay to be different. 

This timeless classic allows each and every one of us to embrace our imperfections and reminds us (as cliche as it sounds) to never judge a book by its cover. I see so much of me in Belle; from feeling hopeless and judged and sad and alone to letting the world see her compassionate heart, to finding the ability to be true to herself and for of course finding her prince charming! I think I may have to a have a VHS and chill day this weekend! Who wants to bring the popcorn and VCR??? 

#doesanyonehaveavcrstill #disney #beautyiswithin #puzzles #ravensburger #beautyandthebeast #mickeymouse #mickeyandminnie  #aladdin #awholenewworld #monstersinc #princecharming #youareenough #empowerment #bekind #kindnessmatters #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #itsoktonotbeok #differentisgood 
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