Category: Change

Love Thy Neighbour


Envy

I was speaking with someone the other day about how overwhelmed, disconnected and alone she is feeling. I listened as she opened up to me about how she is struggling with so much self-doubt in her every day life when it comes to her role as a mom, a wife, a daughter and friend (pretty much me on a daily basis). She continued to open up to me by telling me that she has become quite envious of her neighbour’s life. Before letting me know her reasons for feeling so envious of her neighbour she prefaced it by saying that she felt embarrassed for even thinking this way, and especially for saying it out loud. But we should never have to apologize for our feelings and there is certainly no right or wrong way of doing so.

Depression can be triggered by so many different emotions and I bet most of you would never think that envy could be part of that list, but it most definitely is and it most definitely can be both toxic and detrimental to our mental health and wellness even if it is a very normal human emotion.

She explained to me (not that she needed to) that her kitchen window and her neighbour’s kitchen window are across from one another and that she has a bird’s eye view into her neighbour’s life. What she sees through her kitchen window on a daily basis is how much love and support the matriarch of the family (who is a stay-at-home mom) has in her life whether it be from her husband who prepares dinners to her nanny helping her with her kids or from her sister who often drops by for a visit; just because.

Envy as you know is a cross between jealousy and anger and it assumes that someone else’s life is way better than our own. It is “the art of counting another’s blessings” instead of being grateful for what we already have in our life which creates jealousy or anger toward that someone else. Envy can also caste a shadow over our own successes and accomplishments and often draws many conclusions or untruths about others, so for an individual like myself who suffers with Depression and Anxiety, it only raises the bar for feeling even more inadequate than usual. 

We may think that we know what’s going on in someone else’s “kitchen” which can bring about feelings of self-doubt and self-hatred and question our own self-worth on a whole new level but it’s all just another big fat lie that our illness tells us. Everyone struggles at something or with something and nobody’s life is perfect. What we see when we peek through that window when no one is watching will probably tell a much different story. I have said this time and time again, even the most famous and wealthiest people on this planet have struggles and that all the money and all the luxuries in the world cannot and will never fix that.

I encouraged my friend that now would be the perfect time to start journaling more as she has been wanting to do so and says she finds that it helps her sort through so many of her emotions when she puts her thoughts and feelings down on paper (I can’t agree more). I also mentioned to her that maybe while she is journaling it’s probably best if she dims the lights and close the drapes in her kitchen!

#lovethyneighbor #envy #selfcare #selfworth #ichooseme #masksoff #youareenough #startaconversation #youarenotalone #checkonyourstrongfriends #bekindtoyourself #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #journaling #blogging

International Women’s Day

You don’t need someone to bring you flowers, you can pick them for yourself! Who deserves the title of super-HER-o in your life?

#happyinternationalwomensday #youareenough #equality #wearebrave #wearestrong #beyou #empowerment #beempowered  #bekindtoyourself #chooseselfcare #selflove #ichooseme #metoo #imperfectlyperfect #justbecause

Inspiring Each Other

It’s moments like these that give meaning and purpose to my life. I very often receive private messages like these, many of whom are total strangers. It truly warms my heart to know that my story is helping others on their own journey or that my journey is bringing some  comfort to others. But just know that even though I may inspire you, you truly inspired me even more ❤

#purpose #grateful #inspiringeachother #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #kindness #blogger #masksoff #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence  #courage #childrensbook #author #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

An Evening of Spiritual Healing

I often have very good intentions by setting my mind on a task or by making a plan to do something in advance but then my illness tries to make other plans for me instead and last night was no exception. I was determined however to not let my illness stop me from attending a Healing Service at a Synagogue in Toronto that I’ve had in my calendar for the last couple of months and thanks to Rich I made it. We had originally planned to attend the January service but unfortunately it was just a few days after my concussion happened and so I made a promise to myself that I would make it to the next one, which was last night. 

The Healing Services are part of the Centre for Spiritual Well-Being at the Synagogue and are meant to help those of us who “feel broken, turn to our tradition for strength and renewal” and “enrich our lives and strive for a sense well-being.”

Along my journey I have had the privilege of meeting many incredible people, some of whom have left an everlasting impact on my life in some way or another and the Rabbi leading  the Healing Services has quickly become one of those incredible people for whom have left an everlasting impact on my life. She is a true Spiritual Leader with so much empathy and kindness in her heart.

I am not a religious person by any means, in fact if you follow my blogs religiously (that is what I call a play on words!) you will know that both my husband and I have struggled to find a place for God in our lives over the last several years but since meeting Rabbi Fryer Bodzin this past fall I have definitely found a place in my heart for Spiritual Healing. 

Spiritual Healing (which is not defined by one religion or by one God) is more about finding a connection to something greater than ourselves and could be in a form of friendship, or being part of a community or even by a higher power. Spiritual Healing can help revitalize both our body and mind and also help us to find more meaning and purpose in our life.

I felt a sense of belonging last night, I felt a sense of friendship last night, I felt a sense of community last night and I even felt a sense of a higher power last night; a very loving and caring one as we delved into “The Mindful Way To Happiness”. 

With Purim being less than a week away the Healing Service tied into the spirit of the holiday and the meaning behind the month of Adar which is the month in which Purim takes place on the Jewish Calendar. When you think of Purim you can’t help but feel happy and the month of Adar is meant for us to  “increase in joy and happiness”.  

I spent the evening listening and being mindful. I took comfort in hearing stories of other people’s healing. I heard reflections of how to face adversity and fear in the face, how important it is to seize the moment and how pursuing our dreams is key to finding happiness, something which has been a very big struggle for me along my journey.

I chose to sit quietly and just observe last night, soaking it all in because I quickly became overwhelmed with emotion and found myself fighting back tears for the better part of the evening. But as the evening was coming to a close and Rabbi Fryer Bodzin led us through one last exercise, a mindfulness one, she had me smiling from ear to ear.
 
#spiritualhealing #healing #rabbi #spiritualleader #purim #adar #spring #joyful #happiness #mindfulness #kindness #empathy #bethtzedeccongregation #youareenough #mentalillness #wellbeing #mentalwellness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #depression #anxiety 

The Big 5-0

Fifty days smoke-free today! 50 is a pretty big number don’t ya think? But I’m not gonna lie, the road to get here has not been an easy one. There has been an exorbitant amount of overwhelm in my life over the last 50 days. Many days I’ve wanted to “quit” quitting smoking, many days I’ve walked by second hand smoke and inhaled it, only dreaming of lighting up myself but the cravings are getting less and less each day and so too are my triggers.

Addiction of any kind is difficult to maneuver and is a constant battle; kudos to everyone who conquers their quest every single day. I don’t know if there will ever be a day where I don’t think about smoking but for today I choose to crush my cravings and not give into temptation!

So for today can I get a Woot Woot or a high five please!! 👐🤜🤛🙌✊

#fiftydays #nextgoalonehundreddays #smokefree #crushyourcravings #iquit #youareenough #ichooseme #addictions #highfive #wootwoot

I Am Not Ok With This

May be triggering ***

I just finished watching a new series on Netflix called “I Am Not Ok With This”. I watched it because I had read an article about it recently and how it delves into the reality of what it feels like to be left behind following a loved one’s suicide.  I rarely watch Netflix series because to be honest I tape so much crap already that I honestly just can’t, even though there is so much more I’m missing out on but between reality TV, true crime shows, comedies and talk shows; seriously I don’t sleep as it is. 

Ok back to the reason I started writing this blog. When something catches my eye like this new series did I will invest in it. For me it’s almost like doing research for a school paper or news article. It was I believe 7 episodes in total and they were less than a half an hour each so definitely a Netflix and chill kinda series. It centered around a quirky teen who lives with her little brother and mom who works like 60 hours a week to make ends meet after their husband/father takes his life earlier that year.  The show is a dark dramedy and reminded me of a Quentin Tarantino film meets The Breakfast Club meets Carrie. Ya it was dark and every movie about teenagers trying to figure out life combined.

The series is based on a book, what a surprise! It does not necessarily centre around the father’s suicide but yet at the same time it does because the main character Syd is having a hard time grieving and unable to find any closure from her dad leaving her the way he did, and without a note. 

The writers show her devastation, anger and confusion by giving Syd superpowers which becomes her way of dealing with her emotions and destroying some of the pain and anger that is overwhelming her. Even through its quirkiness I could feel her pain and anger and her frustration and sadness when she says things like “did he think I wouldn’t need him around?” She speaks about feeling helpless for not being able to help him and asks the most painful question of all, “when will it ever get easier?”
Yes I heard the message loud and clear even through falling trees, thrown bowling balls and heads exploding (part of her super powers and definitely very Quentin Tarantino like). I heard where Syd was coming from. I saw the pain and destruction suicide of a loved one causes on a family.  My heart felt the heartbreak. I get it, I understand it, I just wish sometimes I could understand why my depression speaks a very different language in my head.

#depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #suicide #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #netflix #iamnotokwiththis #netflixandchill 

Beauty and the Beast


It’s no secret that I love all things Disney. Growing up I owned so much Disney apparel and accessories and I especially loved my gigantic Mickey Mouse phone that I spent hours and hours talking on (yes it would be an antique by today’s standard). I loved drawing Disney characters and I even hand made my own Monster’s Inc t-shirts as lootbags for Jacob’s 4th birthday party which was his latest obsession at the time. I made sure my kids fell in love with Disney movies and still to this day, I would choose a Disney theme park or Disney cruise over an all inclusive anyday (maybe in Paris next time though) and Disney was even a common theme at our wedding from our first dance to Aladdin’s hit song “A Whole New World” to the ceramic Mickey and Minnie Mouse bride and groom that donned the top of our wedding cake (which has since smashed to pieces and if I were in any way superstitious I’d be second guessing how we are less than 3 months away from celebrating our 25th anniversary).

Yes I have always had a bit of an obsession with all things Disney throughout my lifetime and although it’s a lot more subtle these days, it’s always something I try to incorporate into my life still, including the fact that the only collection of movies I still own in VHS tapes are Disney ones. I also love doing Disney themed puzzles whenever I can and my recent completion of Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorites because well, Beauty and the Beast is one of my all time favorite Disney movies.  

Disney has a magical way of teaching us so many valuable life lessons and I think the reason I love Beauty and the Beast so much is because of those valuable life lessons; lessons that are not only important to teach our children but most adults could benefit from a  refresher course in as well.
Beauty and the Beast teaches us about the power of love and kindness and the importance of inner beauty. Many of us often need to be reminded that beauty is not about having a pretty face but that true beauty, the kind of beauty that teaches us about the power of love and kindness, comes from inside.

What makes this movie stand out above most other Disney movies and one of the many reasons I love it so much is how it portrays women as strong and ambitious. It shows young girls that it’s okay to have dreams and desires and that it’s also more than okay to be different. 

This timeless classic allows each and every one of us to embrace our imperfections and reminds us (as cliche as it sounds) to never judge a book by its cover. I see so much of me in Belle; from feeling hopeless and judged and sad and alone to letting the world see her compassionate heart, to finding the ability to be true to herself and for of course finding her prince charming! I think I may have to a have a VHS and chill day this weekend! Who wants to bring the popcorn and VCR??? 

#doesanyonehaveavcrstill #disney #beautyiswithin #puzzles #ravensburger #beautyandthebeast #mickeymouse #mickeyandminnie  #aladdin #awholenewworld #monstersinc #princecharming #youareenough #empowerment #bekind #kindnessmatters #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #itsoktonotbeok #differentisgood 
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Pink Shirt Day

Today is “Pink Shirt Day” which is celebrated every year in support of anti bullying. This year’s focus is to “lift each other up” so whether you’re heading off to school or to the gym or to work today let’s all show our solidarity by wearing pink and that we lift each other up. We must take kindness to new heights today, tomorrow and every day and we must celebrate what unites us; not what divides us.

And in case you missed it please check out my blog “Zero Tolerance – Bullying Is Never Okay”; Oct 16, 2019 at: https://wp.me/p965a2-bm.

#antibullying #advocacy #pinkshirtday #campaign #lifteachotherup #showmesomepink #kindness #kindnessmatters #youareenough #bekind #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

Day 40

Day 40 smoke-free; I think a victory lap is definitely in order today!

#smokefree #iquit #nosmoking #fortydays #timeflies #victorylap #selfcare #ichooseme #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #youareenough

WHAT SHOULD I  BE WHEN I GROW UP?

What do you want to be when you grow up? Well at 48, close to 49 years old I am still searching for the answer.

When I was a child I had big dreams of becoming a veterinarian because I loved animals but the problem was I sucked at science, refused to dissect a frog and not to mention that I was way too sensitive to work with sick animals. 

At one point during my days of baton twirling I wanted to become a professional baton twirler if that’s even such a thing! But after winning the Miss Congeniality award and twirling my baton in a local Santa Claus parade I was hooked. 

Of course there was the time I dreamt of becoming a cartoonist. I had sketchbooks upon sketchbooks of cartoon characters I had created and cartoon strips to go along with them. I was pretty darn imaginative and maybe even a bit funny. 

Then there was the time I really wanted to become a hairdresser (and to be honest it’s still something I long for). I would play with my doll’s hair for hours on end, styling it and giving them some pretty cool haircuts too, that was of course until I started practicing on real human hair, (I had some pretty brave friends I must say) and I was the queen of french braiding which I still am to this day (or at least my girls think so).

Oh man the list of what I wanted to be when I grew up was endless; a model, a fashion designer, a social worker, an art therapist and even a journalist. Yes almost 49 years now and still searching for what I want to be when I grow up and feeling very inadequate in so many of my life choices but if I have learned anything along my journey over the last 6 years it’s that growth is an ever-changing process and that it’s okay to keep changing and that it’s okay keep growing and that it’s okay to keep pursuing your passions, your purpose and your reason why even if it takes a lifetime and even if you have to go through hell to get there first.

#blogger #childrensauthor #writer #childrensbook #wheredidmommyssmilego  #amazondotca #helpingothers  #advocate #purpose #mywhy #youareenough #noshame #mentalillness  #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfcare #ichooseme #dreams #goals #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone