Yesterday late afternoon and well into the evening there was a large police presence outside a home down the street from me (and are still present today). It turns out that it is the home of the fallen police officer who was ambushed yesterday afternoon by a lone gunman who walked into a Tim Hortons where officer Andrew Hong happened to be grabbing some lunch while on a quick break from a training course nearby. The gunman shot one other patron in the store as well before continuing on his shooting rampage in neighbouring communities, shooting several other innocent people and also took the life of a local mechanic shop owner (unconfirmed reports say that he was the shooter’s former boss).

We owe a debt of gratitude to Constable Andrew Hong and to all our police officers who risk their lives on the front line each and every day to serve and protect their communities. Yesterday was a stark reminder that Canada too has lost its innocence.

Officer Hong leaves behind his wife, 2 teenage children, parents and a police community in mourning.

Sending my deepest and most heartfelt condolences to both of the victim’s families, friends and fellow officers as well👮‍♂️.

#heros #senseless #ToServeandProtect #ourinnocenceislost #toronto #gtha #policeofficers #thankyouforyourservice #constableandrewhong

Yesterday was “National Make Your Bed Day”. I barely had the energy to get out of bed yesterday, nevermind make it.

One of the very first blogs I ever wrote and shared was back in 2017 titled “Make Your Bed”. I wrote it after watching a commencement speech on YouTube given by Admiral William H. McRaven, a retired U.S Navy Seal, in 2014 to the graduating class at the University of Texas and then reading the book which he later wrote where he expands further upon the 10 lessons he learned from his 6 months of grueling, demanding, tiring and debilitating Navy Seal training.

The number one lesson he learned; making your bed every single day can improve your state of mind and benefit your body too!

I wanted to reshare my original blog I wrote back in 2017 with you today as well as his truly inspiring speech he first gave in 2014, which quickly went viral (it’s close to 20 mins in length, but well worth the listen).

Spoiler alert: My kids were so inspired by the Admiral’s words after I shared his commencement speech with them back in 2017 that they began to make their beds every day since! 

#makeyourbed #inspiration #mondaymotivation #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #nationalmakeyourbedday #admiralwilliamhmcraven #navyseal #commencementspeech #lessonstoliveby

Yesterday I gave my first in-person book talk in well over two years to a very small and intimate group of people; but whether they just so happened to be very dear friends of mine or avid followers of my journey whom I’d only ever engaged with online before, their presence and support were beyond welcomed and so beyond appreciated. 

Unfortunately the authors who had been booked to speak throughout the day yesterday were not the main focus of the event itself. The large crowds of people being drawn to this event were mainly coming for the gigantic used book sale and to support their local community Church. 

I’ve learned over the last many years that doing events like this which are not solely focused on mental health can be a crap-shoot. But I am again beyond grateful and honoured to have been invited to speak yesterday and be given the opportunity to showcase my advocacy regardless because I know in my heart how important it is that I continue sharing my story and reaching as many audiences as possible even if fear and discomfort try to get in my way. 

After my book talk was over I then spent the next few hours in the Church’s community room with some of the other authors and artisans where I continued to share my story and touch other hearts with some of the patrons wandering about; one of whom shed several tears as she stood quietly reading my children’s book to herself (which she bought to pass along to a loved one). 

I was very nervous going into yesterday, I didn’t know what to expect and given the fact that I have literally been holding on by a thread for several weeks now, reaching outside of my comfort zone was hard.

But I also know that doing what’s easy and comfortable may not always be what’s best for me or anyone for that matter. The comfort zone though is where we feel most safe and in control.

More often than not I have to push myself on a daily basis to do things that I am not feeling up to doing or wanting to do but I also know that in order for me to grow I must learn to embrace the discomfort. 

I know it takes a lot of courage to leave our comfort zone and step into our fear head on, it can be a very scary place but at the same time it can also be very rewarding when you are able to find the strength to do so, leading to a growth mindset where new goals and aspirations can be achieved and purpose can be found.

For highlights (with sound) from yesterday please click link below https://www.facebook.com/reel/1588444318256649?s=yWDuG2&fs=e

“All growth starts at the end of your comfort zone” ~ TONY ROBBINS

#comfortzone #goals #aspirations #growthmindset #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #booktalk #fears #author #childrensbook #agentlereminder #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #believeinyourself #yourestrongerthanyouthink #wheredidmommyssmilego 

I am on my way to give my book talk at the Richmond Hill United Church.

Since I began sharing my journey so openly some 6 years ago, I have made myself a promise to never stop sharing my story.

I have made myself a promise to never stop educating those who are willing to listen.

I have made myself a promise to  never stop helping others understand how it feels to live with a mental illness; to feel broken, shame, hopelessness or suicidal.

I have made myself a promise that no one ever feel alone in their struggle and that they always know, no matter what, it’s okay to ask for help because you are worthy of it.

Opening up conversations about mental health and suicide saves lives.

#booktalk #endthestigmatogether #itsoktoaskforhelp #richmondhillunitedchurch #worldsuicidepreventionday #purpose #keeptalking #itsoktonotbeok #suicideprevention #createhopethroughaction #narionalsuicideawarenessmonth #nationalselfcareawarenessmonth #youarenotalone #youareenough

*Trigger Warning ⚠️*

My strength and survival are really being tested today.

Could someone please just write me a hall pass for today? 

I need a break from myself. I don’t have the strength to maneuver my way through today. I need to press the pause button on my life right now? 

I try to close my eyes, take a deep breath and imagine a place I’d rather be. It’s magical. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I’m dealing with alot all at once. I know I need to throw away the guilt and show myself more self-compassion. I know I shouldn’t feel like such a failure and burden.

I know I don’t need anyone’s permission to feel my feelings. I know I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I know my feelings are valid but then why does both my pain and limitations make me feel as though they’d be better understood if I had cancer or even a broken leg? Why does that feel so much more accepting and way more forgiving in this moment? 

I’m doing all that I can to protect my mental health today, I know that is the first sign of strength.

#strength #givemeabreak #hallpass #selfcare #breathe #suicideawareness #notsuicidenottoday #depression #mentalhealth #itsoktonotbeok #itsoktoaskforhelp #youarenotalone #youareenough #selfcompassion #acceptance #understanding

Panic attacks are sudden feelings of intense and alarming fear which can trigger very serious physical and mental reactions. 

I suffer from them often, just today as a matter of fact. 

During the onset of a panic attack a person may react with any combination of the following symptoms: intrusive thoughts, excessive worrying, irritability, loss of control, dizziness, restlessness, feeling like they are on the edge, negative thoughts, heart palpitations, difficulty breathing, inability to concentrate, nausea, stomach aches, headaches, tightness in chest, muscle tension, sweating or chills, loss of appetite, numbness, shakiness, fight or flight mode, a sense of impending doom or immediate danger. Blend them together and alarm bells go off. 

And in case you’ve ever truly wondered what it sounds like inside a panicked mind, take a listen. https://www.instagram.com/reel/CiOFmRvJ0Ze/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Give a thumbs up if you can relate.

#panicattack #soundingthealarm #sirens #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #breathe #youarenotalone #alarmbells #impendingdoom #insideapanickedmind 

I am honoured to have been invited (back in March) to speak at my first in-person event in over 2 years at the Richmond Hill United Church this coming Saturday, September 10th which also happens to be “World Suicide Prevention Day”.

There will be events and activities taking place throughout the day including thousands of used books for sale, a garden cafe for refreshments, artisans, story time and crafts for kids, music, author readings and other keynote speakers.

I am scheduled to speak from 11:30 to noon where I will discuss the importance of talking about mental illness with loved ones with openness and honestly, including our children. I will also focus on my inspiration and passion for writing “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?”; my labour of love. It’s my own personal journey but one that affects millions of families around the world each and every day.

And although I am still feeling as though I am barely holding on right now, it’s in these moments where I feel most purposeful which is why I am really looking forward to sharing my children’s book with others live and in-person and to be given the opportunity to have a Q and A afterwards. I am also looking forward to starting some important and much needed conversations, interacting with other authors and artisans and hopefully sell some books too!

I wanted to post this today as today is “National Read A Book Day”. We are living in a world that is so consumed by technology that I thought a great way to honour “National Read A Book Day”, “National Self-Care Awareness Month” and the start of a new school year for many young people is by turning the page to a new chapter.

What book(s) are you reading now?

#nationalreadabookday #worldsuicidepreventionday #nationalsuicideawarenessmonth #nationalselfcareawarenessmonth #booktalk #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #wheredidmommyssmilego #childrensbook #selfpublished #author #advocate #blogger #selfcare #turnthepage 

Statistics show that an average of 1 in 5 youth have seriously considered taking their own life in the past year alone. More than half of them consumed by online searches on the web or social media platforms for relatable information and most of whom, sadly choosing to never share their thoughts of suicide with anyone. 

I’m pretty sure that after the last 2 years many (if not most) parents are excitedly getting ready for some semblance of normalcy as the new school year gets underway, but keep in mind that there are many children who are not necessarily feeling that same abundance of excitement; and it’s not because of school itself. 

Mental health issues cause millions of kids every year to not want to be at school therefore it is crucial, now more than ever, for our school communities and classroom settings to create an open dialog around suicide and suicidal ideations by ensuring that there are enough supports in place for when they need it the most, especially for the children who may not be able to find support at home.

Let’s keep reminding ourselves that our children’s mental health is more important than anything, especially their grades; and that our kids always know that even broken crayons hold value and purpose in this world and that they can still create the most beautiful pictures with them.

What is something you feel should be taught in schools but isn’t?

Wishing all our kids, parents, teachers and school communities a successful year ahead.

#newschoolyear #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #brokencrayons #beautifulpictures #ouryothmatter #community #suicideawarenessmonth #suicideprevention #school #dontsufferinsilence #itsoktoaskforhelp #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #youareenough #imperfectlyperfect #labourday 

I’m still really struggling alot right now but it’s during our most difficult moments that we learn to appreciate the beauty and wonders in life most. 

We returned to one of my favourite spots.

It was both deliberate and intentional. 

I needed to chase waterfalls today. 

I needed to immerse myself in nature. 

I needed to wash away the pain of yesterday. 

It was empowering.

I felt invincible.

*click video link below*

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CiDuL4hp59C/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

#nationalselfcareawarenessmonth #nationalsuicideawarenessmonth #ontariohiking #nature #beauty #chasingwaterfalls #naturalwonders #wondersoftheworld #empowering #invincible #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #suicideawareness #anxiety #onemomentintime

Trigger Warning ⚠️ 

I’m home now; (in case you missed my post last night: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2022/09/01/trigger-warning/).

I am feeling both mentally and physically exhausted. 

My trip to the ER yesterday afternoon has left me feeling further confused and to be perfectly honest, even more defeated than I was 24 hours ago. 

There is so much happening in my personal life right now and for most of you reading this I have only just scratched the surface of what’s actually been going on behind closed doors for the last 5 months or more; it’s just too personal and agonizing to share. It can feel very lonely at times as well.

These added stressors in my life, whether it be from my personal journey itself or my physical and mental health, have left me completely broken once and for all. 

I am still enduring unrelenting and simply unbearable effects from the Psilocybin Research Trial I participated in back on April 2nd which continues to be a daily struggle for me due to the rarity of my diagnosis and trying to get the proper care I so desperately need right now feels almost impossible, with wait times up to a year or more to see a specialist who could possibly help me (they are very few and far between in Canada due to its rarity). I did ask the ER doctor last night if he had any other suggestions for me, then told me that their hospital is not equipped to handle my condition and that waiting on the referral which my Psychiatrist already made is probably the best route to go because it is such a specific and difficult diagnosis to treat. So I guess all I can do for now is try and hold on to the hope that the Neurologist who I last saw back in July was right when he told me that “a circuit broke in my brain on the day of my treatment and that “hopefully” it will just eventually fix itself!”

Before being released after a very tiresome night which came to an end just around midnight and with additional referrals and resources in wait, the doctor on call as well as the crisis worker whom I spoke with in great length praised me for coming in and for having the strength to seek help when I’m in crisis and knowing that when life feels too much to bare on my own they are always there to help keep me safe, which is their main priority. 

I’m slowly learning that “it’s okay if you fall apart sometimes, tacos fall apart all the time and we still love them” (I do love tacos!).

Thank you to everyone for showering me with so much love and support yesterday and for continuing to encourage me and show me I’m worth fighting for. I am truly grateful. 

#mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfcareawarenessmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #itsoktofallapart #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #itsoktoaskforhelp #whatnow #depression #treatmentresistant #friendship #support #tacos #grateful