https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid024TZDLhXmaL7n1LPToqhWto8zLCUbZnKEYtKize6G4usYSoCXLphNqgk9KWxoSAr2l&id=100000734852540&sfnsn=mo

Over the past month I’ve been working with Julie who I first told you about several weeks ago to help desensitize my overly sensitive nervous system. And although the slightest touch or noise continue to sound the alarm bells off in my body, making me want to crawl out of my skin many times a day, I am learning new techniques and have been given some great new tools to work with each session. My body is still not responding well to all of them but together we are finding a balance of what exercises, breathing techniques and holistic practices may or may not be helpful for me. 

As I’ve mentioned many times before, I have also been anxiously waiting to hear from the specialist’s office that my Psychiatrist referred me to 6 plus months ago which I still wanted to keep in my back pocket as I continue to live with this unbearable and unrelenting trauma that my body has endured since my treatment back in April. Yesterday I received a call with a follow-up email informing me that they have scheduled an appointment for me mid January. Unfortunately it’s still 2 months away and is only an initial intake appointment via zoom with the Doctor’s assistant but hey, it’s a start. 

Self-advocacy does work because had I not reached out to the specialist’s office on my own last month where the kindhearted receptionist on the other end of the line listened to my pleas and offered to put my name on their waitlist in order to prioritize my queue in the system I’d still be waiting several more months before I received this call.

In the meantime I am making small strides every day in my efforts to calm my distressing symptoms down by continuing to work regularly with Julie (the practitioner) to incorporate as many of the practices I’m learning through pelvic floor physio into my daily routine; that my body will allow of course and still with the hope that by the time I actually have a face to face appointment scheduled with the specialist sometime in the new year that I will no longer need his assistance. 

Here are a few simple but effective pelvic exercises I learned this week called “Face The Day” that have now become part of my morning routine (see video attached).

#selfcare #selfadvocacy #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #pelvicfloor #physio #facetheday #pgad #clinicaltrial #nofilter #youarenotalone #youareenough  

Let me reintroduce myself…

I am a wife to an amazing husband, a mom to 3 beautiful children and 1 sweet fur baby.

I’m a blogger, a mental health advocate and an author of a children’s book.

I am a reality TV junkie.

I don’t drink coffee but I like ice caps with skim milk.

I love hiking.

My family means the world to me.

I may be broken but it’s beautiful. Be you.

#imbrokenbutitsbeautiful #wheredidmommyssmilego #familymatters #mentalhealth #itsoktonotbeok #beyourself #hellomynameis #youareenough #hiking #icecaps #pettherapy #author #blogger #advocate #realitytv

Saturday night was such a special evening for Rich and I and the one thing that made it truly spectacular was being surrounded by genuine love and meaningful friendships, many spanning decades; ALL equally meaning the world to us.

I am very lucky to have so many incredible friendships and whether we’ve been friends for 2 years or 200 they all hold a special place in my heart, even though many may not have been included in our celebration Saturday as this was a celebration intended just for Rich, to honour Rich and HIS friendships.

Either way, at the end of a much needed reprieve from life this weekend it really got me thinking about the meaning of true friendship; that plus a recent Facebook post I happened upon that really triggered me. But after some quiet reflection last night about the Facebook post and Rich’s birthday celebration, I now understand that what had triggered me was actually a good thing.

Friends should make you feel safe and this recent post brought me back to a time not so long ago when I didn’t always believe I deserved better from some relationships in my life; it brought me back to a time where I allowed myself to feel “less than” in some of my friendships and it brought me back to a time where I often allowed myself to be talked down to or continuously gossiped about. 

It also brought me back to a time when I couldn’t see how toxic and negative these relationships truly were or that having an illness which fills me with a lack of self-worth made me believe that I didn’t deserve better. Adult friendships should never be that hard.

True friends don’t keep score and happy people don’t intentionally go around making others unhappy. They don’t belittle people or make endless fun of them to their face or behind their back either.

It’s taken me a long time to work through the sadness of how much I allowed myself to be in toxic relationships, how much I allowed myself to sit at the “mean girls” table or ride the bus with the “schoolyard bullies”. It’s been a difficult journey accepting the truth about who some people really are and I never want to let myself go back there ever again. 

Find your people. I did. Trust me, they are out there.

Would love to hear if any of this resonates with you.

#truefriendship #toxicrelationships #celebratefriendship #triggers #selfworth #mentalhealth #meaningfulrelationships #youarenotalone #findyourpeople #youareenough #reflection #healthyboundaries #acceptingthetruth

Today is an EXTRA-ordinary, UBER- special day and one that is very deserving of recognition!  

To say it’s been a difficult year for our family is truly an understatement and one that has left both Rich and myself not up for celebrating much of anything these days, including many of life’s precious moments, but last night our kids took the reins from us and together, surrounded by the love and support of some friends we got to honour and celebrate Rich on the eve of his 60th birthday; tightly embracing everything that brings us joy. 

I am so grateful each and every day for having your strength, your warm embraces, your gentle reminders, your sense of humour and your endless amount of love and support for the kids and I.

Life may not always be perfect or easy or exactly how we anticipate it to be but everytime I see you smile Rich, it truly makes my heart sing 🎶

Happy 60th birthday and many, MANY more!

I hope you had a great time last night and a fabulous day today and that all your wishes come true. 

Love you always and forever, 

Signed, Your MUCH younger wife 🤪 

P.S. A special thank you to our amazing kids who made last night possible, giving us all a night to cherish forever and for gently reminding us as well that the most precious moments in life truly are the ones spent with family and friends by your side. Looking back at the pics I took though, I do wish I’d captured more of those precious moments with my camera but I guess I was just too busy being in the moment! 

#happybirthday #imarriedanoldman #dreamoutloud #makeawish  #winterspringsummerandfallofrich #grateful #blessed #ageisjustanumber #Iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #friendship #familymatters #youareenough #makingmemories #beinginthemoment #cherishedmomemts

The last few weeks have been super challenging. 

I feel like I’m no longer worthy of ever experiencing peace or joy in my life again; or at least that’s how it feels somedays in my shoes anyways.

I’ll admit that with each added stressor in my life lately I’ve somehow turned into a raging, out of control lunatic at times. I’m pretty sure Rich has even witnessed my head spinning around a few times just like a scene straight out of “The Exorcist”.

But yesterday I felt a sense of calm come over me after life reached a new tipping point just the evening before. 

I’m still feeling very anxious today but for the first time in well over a week I’ve been able to breathe a little easier.

I can’t be exactly sure or even know how long this feeling will hold out for but either way I’m heading into the weekend with the best of intentions, focusing solely on the “now” and staying hopeful that I will breathe in as many joyful and peace filled moments as I possibly can while we celebrate “My Guy” as he enters into a new decade this Sunday!!! 

#shabbatshalom #summerofrich #senseofcalm #anxiety #birthdayweekend #celebrate #family #friends #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #peace #joy #birthdaycelebrations #anewdecade #iamworthy #iamenough #theexorcist 

Today is the 1st of November which marks the beginning of “Domestic Violence Awareness Month” as well as “Movember”. 

Both movements hold equal value and importance.

Both movements deserving of equal recognition. 

Both movements in desperate need of equal attention.

Both movements requiring critical, lifesaving conversations to occur.

Both movements asking for our support. 

Both movements asking each and every one of us to take action now.

We need our voices to be heard loud and clear in order to help educate, bring awareness, make a positive impact or change and give hope to others; many of whom may be suffering in silence by squashing stereotypes, encouraging a loved one who may not see their own self-worth and showing compassion & kindness to every single human being. 

DVAM: “Living into our values and cultivating joy.”

MOVEMBER: “Change the face of men’s health”

#domesticviolenceawarenessmonth #movember #livingintoourvaluesandcultivatingjoy #changethefaceofmenshealth #domesticviolence #suicideprevention #prostatecancer #testicularcancer #depressioninmen #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #preventingfamilyviolence #dontsufferinsilence #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #endthestigmatogether #compassion #kindness #startaconversation #hope #positivechange

Halloween is the one day of the year where it’s okay to pretend to be someone else. 

We all know that places like Facebook and Instagram have given us a platform where we can protect ourselves from our true self by allowing others to only see what we want them to see. It sometimes feels like the perfect shield to wear in order to feel acceptance and validation.

This one version of our “self” often spills over into many other parts of our true self though as well which offers us the ability to mask our real feelings and push aside our needs with the hidden belief that it is the only way for us to be able to function or survive. 

I have been dealing with a tremendous amount of emotional pain recently and to be honest I’ve been laying in bed most nights lately wishing more than anything that I could be anyone but me right now. 

But unfortunately no genie in a bottle has magically appeared yet to grant me that one wish I want more than anything right now, nor do I really believe that if I were to dress up as Aladdin for Halloween it would actually come true. 

I do know though that I’m not the only person who has ever wished they could be someone else, anyone else for that matter, even if subconsciously. I also know that although it’s okay to wish we were as happy or as successful as someone else, it’s always best to find ways to be the best version of ourselves, that is, at least for the other 364 days of the year.

Quote: “Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” ~ Judy Garland 

#Halloween #masks #trueself #bestversion #wishingiwassomeoneelse #acceptance #validation #mentalhealth #happiness 

When it’s been that kind of a week and it’s not over yet…sometimes all you need is to belt out a few good F-bombs to help cope with your overwhelming emotions.

Who else agrees 👍

#todaysvibes #fbombs #todayisbroughttoyoubytheletterf #frozen #idontgiveafanymore #mentalhealth #overwhelmed #youarenotalone #youareenough

It’s no secret that the Psilocybin treatment f’d up my entire nervous system. My body and mind have been completely traumatized by the experience and has left me (as you probably already know) with daily bouts of unbearable and seemingly unrelenting physical symptoms that also include being extremely hypersensitive to any type of touch or noise (just ask my family!).

So today during my appointment with Julie she wanted to focus on touch specifically. We spent our time together practicing ways in which I can try and rewire my brain using gentle touch while incorporating some breathing exercises and repeating affirmations to myself like “I am safe” and “you are enough” while doing so.

All types of touch (and noise) have created very unwanted and distressing memories for me from the treatment, often making my skin crawl, my entire body cringe and sending me spiraling into fight or flight mode; every time reminding me of the trauma I went through on that fateful day.

It can be as simple as a tap on the shoulder or hearing someone cough that exasperates my sensitivity to both noise and touch that I quickly begin reliving my experience or associating it with trauma. I told Julie today about one particular moment during my treatment that I feel could have caused these overwhelming reactions. They happened almost simultaneously, maybe midway through the close to 6 hours of my treatment where I lay helpless and alone, convulsing and scared. Suddenly at one point, I heard a noise in the background that wasn’t coming from the distressing music playing on the headphones in my ears. It really, really startled me. I remember lifting my eye mask away from my eyes for a moment, they were blurred and unfocused but I could see an image standing nearby. I quickly covered my eyes again and then almost immediately following, I suddenly felt someone touch my arm. I grabbed my arm, screamed and went straight into fight or flight mode. If only I could’ve escaped somehow.

Touch is meant to enrich our lives whether it’s a gentle caress of the arm, a warm embrace or even a tap on the shoulder but for close to seven months now I have developed such an aversion to it all which has severely increased my level of anxiety and making me avoid it at all costs. Noise too.

I haven’t had much proof as of yet that this treatment will help me to heal my body but in the meantime I am really enjoying learning many new techniques that I can easily put into practice in a more holistic approach to healing. 

#canttouchthis #trauma #ptsd #pgad #pelvicfloor #touch #noise #anxiety #stress #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #holisticpractices #affirmations #iamsafe #youareenough 

Yesterday Rich and I spent the afternoon rebalancing our energy on a beautiful #summerofrich; Fall edition adventure.

The summer-like temperatures, clear blue sky and fresh air allowed us to immerse ourselves in nature. It’s amazing how much beauty there is right outside your door.

Click to watch video https://www.facebook.com/reel/650932789895515?s=yWDuG2&fs=e

#ilovethesmelloffall #falledition #notacloudinthesky #fallingleaves #nature #hiking #summertemps #beauty #caterpillartobutterfly #rebalancing #humberriver #selfcare