Feeling Like I’ve Let Everyone Down

*May be triggering for some*

I’m a mess today. My life an even bigger mess right now.

I feel like I’ve let everyone around me down after countless years of living with a disease that has left me drowning in guilt and feeling like a burden to everyone I love; my kids, Rich, my friends, family and myself included.

I want so much to feel like I’m a good mom, wife and friend. I want to learn how to love myself again. 

I didn’t choose to become sick or all that has followed. 

I didn’t choose to become immersed in negative thoughts and emotions that keep me from doing so many of the wonderful things I used to enjoy or should be capable of doing.

I can’t just turn my illness on and off like a switch when I feel like it or when someone else wants me to. I can’t just think positive thoughts and it will all just go away. This lack of understanding only creates unrealistic expectations for those who are desperately trying to help or for someone like myself, desperately trying to overcome a major depressive disorder.

Depression (and anxiety) impact every corner of your life from your work life to your family life to your social life to your married life too.

I’m drowning in guilt today and feel like a burden to everyone I love. I want so much to be a good mom, wife and friend. I want to learn how to love myself again. 

I want to stop feeling like I’ve let everybody down. Including myself. 

#lettingothersdown #majordepressiondisorder #anxiety #guilt #burden #unrealisticexpectations #iwishtherewasaswitch #depressionisnotachoice #suicidalideations #youarenotalone #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

2 thoughts on “Feeling Like I’ve Let Everyone Down”

  1. i’m not sure if this will help you, but something that helps me is remembering all the little things, like if i left i would never have my dad’s chicken noodle soup, or i could never watch silly shows with my sister, again i’m not sure how much this will help but it makes me feel a lot better, and just think, you don’t find it a burden when other people do the things you do? and i really wanted to thank you, i wish more poeple saw your blog because it’s really inspiring to see someone share their weaknesses, especially as a teenager, you make me feel like even though i’m feeling down i have a future. side note: is that you in the picture? if so you’re very beautiful

    Like

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