After giving myself some time to focus on my healing and trauma from the very visible aftermath of my fall; it was time to start addressing the other half of the equation that has been lingering on the minds of many concerned friends, loved ones and my dental team.
Today I met with my family doctor to begin searching for any possible answers as to why did I faint without any warning?
Although this was by far the most devastating fainting episode I’ve ever experienced, I’m actually no stranger to fainting. Over the course of my adult life, there have been several occasions when I’ve lost consciousness. The difference is that every single one of those episodes came with warning signs, and I could always point to a likely cause; an antidepressant I was taking that caused dizziness, struggles with an eating disorder in my early twenties, a horrible bout of the flu with a very high fever, and in 2020, as many of you know, just prior to the pandemic, a severe panic attack that led to fainting four times in a matter of minutes and a concussion which followed.
This time was different.
There was no panic attack. No obvious trigger in the moment. No warning. One second I was lying down on my couch with a sudden urge to throw up, trying to make it to the bathroom, and the next thing I know, I am waking up face down on the hallway floor in a pool of blood, with injuries that changed everything.
My doctor explained that there are several possible reasons this could have happened, and the first step is a referral to a cardiologist. While I know there may be more tests, more appointments, and perhaps more waiting ahead, I also know I need to find out if there’s an underlying reason this happened. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering if, or when, it could happen again.
In the meantime, I’ve already made changes of my own. Although my diet is still limited while my mouth heals, I’m being extremely diligent about eating on a regular schedule. Because that night appeared to begin with becoming overly hungry and acid building up in my stomach which led to two episodes of vomiting earlier in the evening, I’m doing everything I can to avoid ever getting to that point again. It’s one small thing I can control while I wait for answers.
Healing isn’t just about repairing what’s broken on the outside. Sometimes it’s about having the courage to search for answers to what we can’t see. For now, I’ll keep taking things one appointment, one step, and one day at a time, trusting that each one brings me a little closer to understanding what happened that night.
YouAreEnough 