It’s been well over a week since I have done any writing. I sometimes find that I put a lot of pressure on myself when I feel I should be writing which of course only leads to so many other dysfunctional impairments in my mind. But I have a good excuse this time even if my mind is more wrapped up in guilt as usual. You see, we moved last week and as many of you know from your own personal experiences, moving can be very stressful. In fact moving is actually listed as one of the top stressors someone will experience in their lifetime. It’s right up there next to divorce, the loss of your job and the loss of a loved one.
So I’m pretty sure that you can only imagine how it affected me. You all know that I suffer with a major depressive disorder and severe anxiety but what many of you may not realize is that the concoction of both these diagnoses combined has also led to a distressing OCD disorder over the last several years and the stress leading up to our move and the days that followed only highlighted it more.
OCD for those of you who may not know stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and most often includes obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours which can become so consuming that they severely affect your daily life. OCD is actually an anxiety disorder “characterized by uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and ritualized, repetitive behaviours you feel compelled to perform.” And like any other anxiety disorder, you probably have a clear understanding that your obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours are not rational yet you are still unable to resist them.
Moving to a new home comes with several psychological and emotional stresses. It can symbolize new beginnings to many which of course would be my number one wish but for me instead it comes with fear, worry, doubt and anxiety first. My obsessive thoughts and impulses take up a great deal of my time and energy and my mind is constantly cluttered by my compulsions leading much of the time to panic and anger.
There was however an upside to our move and although it may feed right into my OCD, it also helps to release some anxiety at the same time. It may also produce a lot of chaos around me as well but at the same time it can help to release some anxiety too by having the ability to declutter and rid myself of all the toxicity from my previous residence (and there was plenty). I am also so grateful to have so many special people in my life who helped lessen some of the clutter and chaos in my mind this past week with every genuine jester and act of kindness both physically and emotionally 🙂