Tag: you are enough

The Suicide Epidemic On University And College Campuses

 

***May Be Triggering***

I try not to divulge too much information about my family as I have always said that their stories are not mine to share but today I feel like I need to share maybe a teeny bit in order for others to feel like they are not alone. 

I’ve witnessed my child breakdown in his first year of University upon coming to the realization that the program he had worked so hard to get into was not in fact what he wanted for his future.  I’ve witnessed my child begin to panic about her future 3 years into her degree upon realizing that she needs to start figuring out what she wants to do with the rest of her life sooner rather than later and I am now witnessing my child in grade 12 feverishly working day and night on several different art portfolios in order to submit them to various schools in the next 7 weeks in hopes of being accepted into her dream program for next September.

I’ve witnessed holes being punched into walls, I’ve witnessed overwhelm, I’ve witnessed sadness, I’ve witnessed anxiety and panic, I’ve witnessed silent cries for help, I’ve witnessed disappointment, I’ve witnessed frustration, I’ve witnessed fear, I’ve witnessed anger and I’ve witnessed vulnerability in the last several years.  As a parent this is truly heartbreaking when you are left feeling helpless to their pain and knowing that all you can do is try and lift them up, guide them and hope that everything will be okay even though you can’t really know for sure. 

For many of our youth today we may not be enough especially when they are living remotely in another city, province (state) or even further. Many are often too scared to ask for help for fear of being judged or ridiculed by their Professors, their peers or even their own families and for those who do find the strength to reach out for help are often being turned away because our University and Colleges don’t have enough supports in place to handle the growing epidemic on campuses both near and far.  

Over the last several years I have listened closely to other frightened and concerned parents tell me about their child’s feelings of overwhelm, their anxiety and their depressive behaviours due to the pressures and frustrations of University, many of whom may be living away from home for the first time and are also feeling vulnerable and abandoned by the lack of programs and supports in place for them. And sadly I have also read countless stories about yet another child who took their own life because they may have succumbed to that said pressure and frustration.

Our youth are under too much pressure today feeling the need to keep up with their peers and sometimes there is a huge feeling of pressure when trying to satisfy their parent’s expectations of them and of course there is the pressure from society in general who often imply that a University degree is the be all and end all. It seems like every other week I am reading another story about another suicide on our University campuses, including this past week and it is beyond devastating. 

Last month I read a news article about a University of Toronto student who had reached out for help when she was experiencing suicidal thoughts just days after news broke that another student at their sister campus had taken their life. The way in which the mental health support team handled the situation left this student feeling more like a criminal and even further traumatized when she found herself being handcuffed and arrested by the campus police for divulging the location in which she had planned to die. 

The University of Toronto just made the top 20 list of the best Universities in the world! Not just in Canada, not just in North America but the entire fricken world!! That is quite an incredible feat and although they deserve it for excelling in teaching, research and international outlook, they are more than lacking in the area of compassion for mental health.

But they are not alone as there is not enough training and support to go around for the amount of students in crisis and in need of urgent care. This student was told right before the mental health support worker called the police for fear she may harm herself or someone else that it will most likely take several months for her to see a doctor/therapist.  Something needs to be done and fast! How many more students have to die before proper support is put into place to help them? We need to do better, I know we can.
Please continue to follow my journey at: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com 
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
#itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #yourmentalhealthmatters #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #checkonyourlovedones #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #suicideprevention #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocateforchange #ouryouthdeservebetter Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Burnt-Out

BURNT-OUT

I may be all over the place today as I sit down to write this but it’s just because that’s how my mind works.  My illness causes my brain to always feel like there is a tornado swirling around in my head forcing me into a vortex without the ability to control it.  I know that I am very hard on myself and this week has been no exception.  

I have spent the past few days since making my national television debut on live TV hating myself more than ever even though I have had nothing but rave reviews; but my mind is telling me otherwise.  It’s told me that I am stupid, that people are just being nice, that I sounded like an idiot, that what I said was useless, that I didn’t get my point across the way I could have, that I made a fool of myself, that I should never have done it and that it’s time to give up on thinking that writing and publishing my book was ever a good idea to begin with.  Crazy eh?

I have been told this week by so many of you how brave I am, how courageous I am, how important it is to share my story, even the hosts of the morning show thought so, but yet here I am feeling like I am more worthless, hopeless and purposeless than ever. This week has been met with several other challenges as well which I can not share with you right now but is also a big part of what is making me need to take a step back and try to stop the vortex from pulling me right into the center of the storm.

One thing I know for certain is that the new medication I began several weeks ago is not helping me manage my illness, it in fact has done just the opposite. It’s left me with an increasingly high level of suicidal ideations, it’s left me with close to 10 pounds of weight gain even though my diet has not changed one bit and it’s left me not just tired from lack of sleep but fatigued beyond exhaustion.

Burnt-out is probably the best way to describe the way I am feeling right now and taking a step back as I mentioned is probably what I need to do which includes many of the projects I keep taking on because I have a hard time saying no. I have been trying to do too much which I also wrote about in another blog “Biting Off More Than I Can Chew” back on Sept 25, 2019 (https://youareenough712.wordpress.com) when my immune system first seemed to breakdown and now feels completely broken. 

I am also trying to fight off symptoms from the onset of osteo-arthritis and fibromyalgia (both of which I have been recently diagnosed with) and have taken an added toll on me both physically and mentally and has yet again left me searching for new treatments that don’t include medication. I have already tried changing my diet by adding certain foods and eliminating others that may cause further inflammation or pain in my body but I have had no real success and I will not take certain medications that treat fibromyalgia either as many of them are antidepressants which I have already tried for depression and failed big time.  

But my psychiatrist made a simple suggestion to me this week to get started as I begin to cleanse my body from the medication I am currently on to possibly begin another one. He told me that studies have shown that taking 1000 to 1500 mg of extra strength Tylenol every single day, 2 to 3 times a day can not only help fight off pain but may actually help with mood and anxiety as well if taken on a regular daily schedule. I even asked my good friend Dr. Google and he agreed!

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last month researching natural products that may be a better solution for both my current physical and mental state which could also help with inflammation and boost one’s immune system too and I found such products and began using them a week ago. In the first week since I have been taking them I lost close to the ten pounds I recently gained from the new medication. I’m hoping that this added bonus will soon start showing other signs of improvement to both my body and mind too but for now it seems like a step forward as I take some much needed steps back. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you that this blog would be all over the place!)

Engagement Post

Make time to take care of YOU this weekend. What will your Self-Care include? #takecareofyourself #selfcare #selflove #ichooseme #bekindtoyourself #youareenough #youmatter #mentalwellness 💜💙❤💖🧡💚💛

A Broken Mind

I’ve never broken my arm (or leg) before so I can’t actually speak from experience but I’ve been around plenty of people in my lifetime who have. When someone breaks their arm most people’s reaction is likely one of sympathy and support. People around them eagerly want to sign their cast or help ease their pain or reduce the burden from being less mobile. They are forgiven if they can’t participate in the championship game this weekend or understood if they have to cancel an upcoming engagement. And most people will happily send them their good wishes, make sure that they are doing okay and be engaged in genuine conversations about how they are feeling.
When someone is battling a mental illness far too many of us still choose to suffer in silence or feel too afraid to share their story for fear that they will be judged or ridiculed but statistics show that unless you tell someone how you are feeling their illness may go unnoticed until it is sadly too late. And because having a mental illness is still so stigmatized today it makes it that much more difficult for others to acknowledge or accept it like you would when someone is suffering with a physical challenge.
If I had chosen not to share my journey with you or publish my book, most of you reading this right now would more than likely have no idea that I struggle with a mental illness every day. I mean why would you or how could you because it’s not like I’m wearing a cast around my head. If I chose to hide my illness from the outside world I’m guessing that many people who come into contact with me in some form or another would likely look at me as someone who is lazy, anti-social, somewhat flaky or possibly even rude.
Breaking your arm is painful and burdensome and deserves to be treated with sympathy and support from others but why should someone who’s challenges or illness are not visible to the naked eye not deserve the same sympathy and support? Why is it that we don’t feel ashamed when we have a broken arm but too many people in our society still make those battling a mental illness feel very ashamed even though they too are in an enormous amount of pain? Why is it okay to forgive someone who has the limited ability to participate in activities or difficulty going out due to a physical challenge but when faced with the same limitations and more due to a mental illness are looked upon as being weak?
I wrote a blog the other day (The Climb; Oct 20, 2019) about how difficult a time I am having and the reality of it is that I am fighting with every fibre of my being to stay alive right now and if I could stabilize or actually heal my fractured mind with the aid of a bandage around my head I would. I wish that I could help more people take notice of what excruciating pain there is in living with suicidal ideations with the aid of a bandage around my head. I wish I could help more people understand how real this disease is with the aid of a bandage around my head even though there are no physical signs present but what I wish for more than anything is that it would be easier for people to engage in conversations with someone battling a mental illness who is more than a willing participant to share their story without needing to take drastic measures or having the aid of a bandage around their head to prove that they are ŕeally sick.
The reality is there is no cast to help aid in the healing process of a mental illness but there certainly are many other ways to offer support or show acceptance and love because I really wish more than anything that I or the millions of other people suffering with a mental illness could have brighter days because someone took the time to sign their cast.

The Climb

*May be triggering* if you or someone you know are in crisis please call
1-833-456-4566 (Canada)
I’ve been battling with a lot of demons in my head this week. It’s not like it’s anything new to me as I’ve been battling with these same demons non-stop for more than 5 years now but this time they seem stronger and louder than ever. Much of the time when my suicidal thoughts come and go I’m able to shut them down or sometimes if they catch me totally off guard at the most inopportune moments I can manage to change the conversation or find a distraction, but then there are the days or even weeks like this one when that all seems near impossible and near fatal for me.
I recently came upon a quote from a poet by the name of Najwa Zebian which she wrote: “These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb”. This quote has been on my mind all week as it feels like a metaphor for the demons I am battling right now for those mountains she speaks of are my suicidal thoughts and ideations that keep weighing me down and won’t allow me to climb above.
The thought of climbing that mountain is very scary and very lonely to say the least and the burden of not being able to has become so painfully overwhelming and exhausting. I keep trying to climb the mountain but then I lose my grip and it pulls me back down at full speed like an avalanche crashing through like a herd of wild animals.
One of the best things I can do for myself when the demon’s voice becomes this overpowering is to get up and walk away from it which is what Rich helped me do today. We decided to do a #summerofrich #falledition as the warm fall air and beautiful sunshine allowed us to do.
We visited High Park. What better way to try and climb that mountain than by looking at the gorgeous fall colours, walking the endless wooded trails, stopping to take in the beauty of the calming streams and ponds, breathing in the beautiful historical gardens and landscaping and being able to be up close and personal with the wildlife that lives within the park. I may not have climbed a mountain today but I certainly climbed a lot of hills.
#itsoktonotbeok #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #suicide #mentalhealth #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #checkonyourlovedones #highpark #summerofrich #falledition
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Feeling the Love

Today my depression had tipped the scale at an eleven on a scale of one to ten. So on a day when I needed to be reminded that I have to keep going and that I can’t give up I opened the mail to find this letter. It is a reminder that I will hold close to my heart knowing how much love and support I have in my life and truly the greatest friendships anyone could ever ask for. 💓💕💓💕

Crafting

Crafting or working on creative projects is an escape for me and always has been and lucky for me it also has many health benefits for your mental wellness too. Crafting is a great way for me to relieve stress by taking a break from my chronic anxiety and depression. Crafting can build self-esteem and self-confidence when you feel a sense of accomplishment or success from your achievement.
For me, part of the crafting or creating of a project itself is the excitement of planning and executing it. It’s not just about the finished product but also about the journey of getting there as well. It’s about challenging myself, learning new skills and once completed maybe even having a new knick-knack to display!
I created this piece to remind myself everyday and for anyone else who walks into my home that “you are enough”. That you were enough before you walked through my door, that you are enough now and that you will continue to be enough after. And even though I am forever believing otherwise I now have something to remind me that I am worthy, I am valued, I am accepted, I am true, I am loved and I am purposeful because I am me and that also means that you are you. #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalhealthawarenessweek #itsoktonotbeok #ichooseme #youarenotalone #bekindtoyourself #crafting #create