pandemic – Page 8 – YouAreEnough

The Anniversary Effect

Today marks six years since my whole world began to crumble and as each Anniversary comes around the pain and sadness from that fateful day, April 4, 2014 still feels like a knife is being slowly twisted deeper into my heart. I can recall the events of that day as though they were yesterday and I shared them all with you in a blog titled “April 4, 2014: It’s Been Five Long Years”, exactly one year ago today.

As each Anniversary approaches I feel that initial sense of pain and sadness all over again and I begin to site the “would’ves”, the “should’ves” and the “could’ves” one by one over and over and over again in order to figure out if somehow there would’ve, should’ve or could’ve been a different outcome, one that didn’t lead me down a path where six years later I would still be living with the daily pain and sadness associated with Anxiety, Depression and Suicidal Ideations.

Anniversaries are supposed to be celebrated, right? Well not all Anniversaries feel like a celebration and whether it’s the Anniversary of a bad break-up, the Anniversary of a traumatic event in your life or the Anniversary of the death of a loved one it can easily trigger pain and sadness. This actually has a name for it; it’s called “The Anniversary Effect” and is defined as “a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.”

This year with the approach of my sixth year Anniversary date it’s brought with it a lot of extra intensity given the current and uncertain state of the world right now. It’s left me feeling even further trapped in my thoughts and crippled by so many emotions with an added bonus of battling headaches almost daily. I’m finding it really difficult to get out of bed, to follow any sort of routine, to be motivated and to not cry at every single fucking thing.

I’m trying to find ways to distract myself and find something to help ease the pain and sadness I’m feeling today (Covid-19 memes seem to do the trick so feel free to pass any along). Maybe today will include trying to reflect back on the past six years at some moments that have brought me happiness or maybe by trying to find some hope in what truly feels hopeless right now or maybe by looking at the “what ifs” of tomorrow and feeling less afraid of them.

But however I choose to spend today, whether or not it’s in bed or whether or not it’s trying to follow a routine or whether or not I feel completely unmotivated or whether or not I cry at every fucking little thing I’ve also been reminded today that each Anniversary I’m still writing about definitely would, definitely should and definitely is an Anniversary to celebrate. Thanks for the reminder; I may need it again tomorrow.

Why Is This Night Different?

A week from tonight Jews from all around the world will be celebrating the first night of Passover. A night traditionally celebrated with family and/or friends who gather together for a Sedar (means order) meal and retell the story of the Israelites Exodus from Egypt and their transition from slavery to freedom. This is told through reading a book called a Haggadah which is filled with beautiful stories, fun rituals and joyous songs.

But this year Passover is probably going to look a lot different for many of us and it will probably feel a lot different too and when we reach the page in the Haggadah where by tradition, the youngest child at the table is meant to ask the question “Why is this night different from all other nights?”, we will probably all pause to take note of why this night feels so different this year.

We probably don’t feel too free or liberated right now, we probably don’t feel much like singing joyous songs, we probably don’t feel much like reciting the “Plagues” in the Passover story as we are in the midst of battling our own plague at the moment and it’s probably not a good idea to open the door for Elijah this year after our festive meal because if it’s not safe for Grandma to come in then it’s probably not safe for Elijah too.

Yes this Passover will be different than all other Passovers because there will probably be less mouths to feed and less place settings to set but if you can, make it a night where different feels good, because being different isn’t necessarily such a bad thing.

#passover #sedar #traditions #youareenough #zoom #makingnewtraditions #makingmemories #familymatters #checkonyourlovedones #togetherapart #covid19 #coronavirus #flattenthecurve #selfisolation #pandemic #quarantine #socialdistancing

Suicide During A Pandemic

*May Be Triggering*

The impact that Covid-19 has had on the world is immeasurable and unprecedented and these uncertain times have left much of the world feeling very helpless and very often hopeless.

For 6 years now I myself have been living with daily feelings of helplessness and hopelessness but not because of Covid-19 but instead due to Depression and Anxiety and the combination of those feelings is what often leads me to having daily thoughts of Suicide, none of which has changed because of Covid-19.

To be perfectly honest there are some days lately that those feelings are even more overwhelmingly hard to ignore and I know that I’m not alone in how I’m feeling because whether or not you were suffering with Depression, Anxiety or thoughts of Suicide before Covid-19, many, many more people are suffering with one or more of these symptoms now and many, many many more will continue to suffer well after this is all over and we begin to piece our lives back together.

There are so many reasons why so many people’s mental health and safety are sure to be impacted from the Coronavirus and so many reasons why there could be a surge in suicidal deaths in the coming months.

Whether it’s from having to self-isolate alone, or the impact of being quarantined with family that could increase our thoughts of Suicide. Or maybe it could be due to our heightened anxiety from fear of financial struggles or a loss of a job that can lead to Depression or thoughts of Suicide. Or some of us may become super fearful of losing a loved one to Coronavirus or spend our days worrying incessantly about contracting the virus itself.

For some of us it may be from having a change in our routine, worry that the Pandemic will never end or simply that we have less activity in our life right now and way more time for negative thinking to occur.

I won’t go into detail about where my thoughts are at the moment and whether it’s just one factor or all of them that are affecting my mental state during the Pandemic, but I will say again and again, I know I am not alone which is why it is imperative that we keep checking up on each other regularly regardless of how strong you think someone is because they may just be the one who is suddenly feeling the most helpless or hopeless of us all.

If you or someone you know is in crisis please call: Kids Help Phone: 1 800 668-6868 or Canada Suicide Prevention: 1 833 456-4566 and as always I am hear to lend an ear.

#suicide #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #pandemic #overwhelm #helpless #hopeless #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #checkonyourstrongfriends #checkonyourlovedones

A Still-life

As each day passes I’m becoming more and more overwhelmed with sadness thinking of the possibility that our #summerofrich 2020 will be completely swept away by the current “Riptide” of Covid-19 but what saddens me even more is the thought that my kids (well 2 kids, one had to retire due to other commitments but would go back in a second lol) may not be able to spend the summer at their “home away from home”. The photo above is of one of my favorite paintings that Rachel made last fall upon her return home from that same “home away from home”.

It’s such a magical place to be and it’s also where she has spent close to 10 summers at and where her and her big sister got to work side by side and paddle Moose Lake together all last summer.

Now close your eyes and imagine for just a moment the calm and beauty that Rachel captured in her painting as she painted it. Let’s try and fill today with that same calmness and beauty by sharing pics of some of your favorite memories of cool summer breezes, hot sandy beaches or maybe a warm summer rain (added bonus if they are camp photos!).

#campnbb #summertime #campismentalwellness #paddlestaff2020 #homeawayfromhome #mondaymotivation #oilpainting #painting #canvas #family #friendship #memories #bnaibrith @campnorthland

Help Me, I’m Fine: A Poem

I wish sometimes you could just read my mind, I wish sometimes it was just that simple.

I wish sometimes you could just see my pain and my sadness and my intrusive thoughts so clearly written all over my face.

I wish sometimes you could just read the pain and the sadness and the intrusive thoughts written all over your child’s face or your best friend’s face or your neighbor’s face or your coworker’s face but depression often likes to wear a mask.

I have learned to wear a mask, it’s perfectly fitted in a way that allows me to hide my pain when I am able to, it’s perfectly fitted in a way that allows me to hide my sadness for whom I need to and it’s perfectly fitted in a way that allows me to hide my intrusive thoughts from those I want to.

It’s perfectly fitted and yet way more suffocating than my pain, my sadness and my intrusive thoughts combined.

I wish sometimes I could just throw away my mask forever.

*I know how difficult it is right now for everyone so please don’t hesitate to call Kid’s Helpline 1-800-668-6868 Suicide Prevention Hotline (Canada) 1833-456-4566 for help and please remember that I’m always here to listen to your pain, your sadness and your intrusive thoughts: guilt free and judgment free, masks on and off.*

#depressionlies #depressionkills #intrusivethoughts #suicide #pain #sadness #youareenough #unmask #masksoff #noimreallynotfine #itsoktonotbeok #helpme #imfine #endthestigmaforever #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #youarenotalone #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

Sticking To Routine

Rich is a definite creature of habit and routine is very important to him (he’s definitely not alone in his thinking in our home as I am sure is the case in many homes around the world). Having his routine disrupted has been an unfortunate reality for him several times over the last few years but now more than ever. Keeping a somewhat “normal” routine may be nearly impossible to do right now for many of us. Are you finding it difficult to stick to your routine? What are you doing to try and keep to a somewhat “normal” routine? Do you find it is helping maintain your mental wellness? Would love for you to share some of your thoughts.

#selfcare #routine #habits #mentalhealth #ichooseme #youarenotalone #bekindtoyourself #itsoktonotbeok #checkonyourlovedones #covid19 #coronavirus #flattenthecurve

At A Loss

Over the last few weeks or months, depending on where you live in this great big world you have experienced loss. Loss is an inevitable part of one’s life, but we now find ourselves having to deal with so many different types of loss all at once and as we all know, healing from loss can be the most difficult time in someone’s life.

We are all grieving from our losses right now and it will take time to heal when many of us begin to move through the grieving process. Many people have lost loved ones during this Pandemic, but loss of a loved one is not the only reason we need to grieve.
Think about how much you have lost already in such a short time.

We collectively have lost our freedom to leave our homes, many have lost their jobs and financial stability, we have lost the ability to hug our loved ones or go to the park with our kids or meet a friend for coffee at Starbucks and children have lost the right to go to school and learn.

Many of our sudden and very painful losses has left the world in chaos and panic and of course in grief and with grief comes an array of emotions. Fear, sadness, irritability, anger, anxiety, depression, difficulty concentrating, remorse, a lack of security, a lack of motivation, guilt, frustration and an overwhelming numbness just to name a few.

And just so you know, it’s more than okay to feel these emotions and many others too. It’s also okay to allow yourself to take your time when you begin your healing process and to allow yourself to feel your emotions, allow yourself to ask for help, allow yourself to take care of you and most importantly allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you need.

Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve, or judge you for how you choose to grieve or for how long it takes you to heal. We will all go through the stages of grief in our own way and in our own time but no one can tell you when you should “accept” (final stage of the grieving process) your grief except you and only you.

#loss #grief #grieving #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #itsoktonotbeok #ichooseme #yourmentalhealthmatters #covid19 #coronavirus #selfcare #togetherapart #flattenthecurve #unitedasone #twentytwentysucks

Food Glorious Food

During the last week my girls have been occupying their time by baking lots of delicious treats for us to enjoy and one night this week Rich also spoiled us with a big pot of his yummy chicken soup with Matzah balls as well. Food not only sustains us and nourishes us, but it can also bring great support and comfort to us too. Sometimes food may trigger happy memories or even be able to connect us to our past. Food can also be a perfect opportunity to express our love for each other.

Food may have now become our central focus and possibly the most integral part of our daily lives since social distancing began and I only hope that no matter how many cookies you’ve already lost count of eating by now or how many bowls of chicken soup you’ve enjoyed so far that with each delicious bite or scrumptious spoonful it has given you a sense of security, a feeling of love and provided you some much needed comfort as you move about your day.

What is your favorite comfort food?

#foodandnutrition #newnormal #comfortfood #baking #withlove #chickensoupforthesoul #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalillness #togetherapart #covid19 #flattenthecurve #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

From A Distance

Bette Midler is one of my all time favorite performers and song writers. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing her perform and if you were to ask Rich what my favorite movie or song is, he would probably say Beaches/Wind Beneath My Wings. But right now her song “From A Distance” is stuck in my head and its lyrics are so meaningful. I have a difficult time listening to music as it makes me quite emotional, but this song is worth every tear right now; after all we are one world now, fighting the same war; “From A Distance”.

What song inspires you?

https://youtu.be/lN4AcFzxtdE 

#togetherapart #windbeneathmywings #beaches #fromadistance #wereinthistogether #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #music #divinemissm @BetteMidler

From a distance the world looks blue and green
And the snow capped mountains white
From a distance the ocean meets the stream
And the eagle takes to flightFrom a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land
It’s the voice of hope
It’s the voice of peace
It’s the voice of every manFrom a distance we all have enough
And no one is in need
And there are no guns, no bombs and no disease
No hungry mouths to feedFrom a distance we are instruments
Marching in a common band
Playing songs of hope
Playing songs of peace
They are the songs of every manFrom a distance you look like my friend
Even though we are at war
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
What all this fightings for
From a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land
And it’s the hope of hopes
It’s the love of loves
It’s the heart of every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance

Me Time

Many (and I emphasize the word “many”) of us are struggling with our mental health more than ever before right now which is why we need to remind ourselves to make sure that each day includes “Me Time”. Is it selfish? No F#*king way. Is it essential and non-negotiable? You better f#*king believe it is. We all need to hit the pause button more than ever. There are 24 hours in a day (don’t know how we would fill any more than that right now), so tell me which hour of the day do you prefer to spend your “Me Time”? And more importantly what are some of the ways you like to spend it?

#selfcare #ichooseme #loveyourself #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #togetherapart #selfcareisselfless #metime #selfdiscovery

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