Today is “Pink Shirt Day” which is celebrated every year in support of anti bullying. This year’s focus is to “lift each other up” so whether you’re heading off to school or to the gym or to work today let’s all show our solidarity by wearing pink and that we lift each other up. We must take kindness to new heights today, tomorrow and every day and we must celebrate what unites us; not what divides us.
And in case you missed it please check out my blog “Zero Tolerance – Bullying Is Never Okay”; Oct 16, 2019 at: https://wp.me/p965a2-bm.
Today is a Statutory holiday in Ontario called Family Day. It is also celebrated in several other Provinces throughout Canada as well, but not all. It only became a holiday here in Ontario in 2008 but has been recognized in Alberta since 1990 and is a basic reminder to everyone to make time to spend with your family and to reflect on the importance of family values.
The definition of what a family is can be quite complicated and debated. There is no right or wrong answer as to how you define family and it’s more about what you make of it or what works for you. Family is not always 2 people who are related by blood or through marriage.
My definition of family has changed a lot, especially over the last 6 years of my illness. I have learned so much about myself and others and what I want and don’t need most of all in my life to help me thrive and evolve.
Family to me is anyone who loves you unconditionally and supports you even when it’s not always so easy. Family means accepting one another; flaws and all, helping each other to flourish and grow, celebrating victories, wiping away tears and making one another laugh through those tears.
But not everyone is as blessed to have people in their lives (blood related or not) who define family which is why today is such an important reminder to show kindness to everyone you meet because no matter how you define family we all deserve to matter.
Less than 48 hours ago I had never heard of the unofficial holiday called “Galentine’s Day”; that was until my daughter announced at dinner the other night that she would be celebrating it with some of her best girlfriends later that week.
I suddenly became intrigued by this fictitious holiday after then hearing it mentioned several more times over the next day or so (weird eh?, but it’s no secret that Facebook and Instagram listen to our conversations). It turns out that this so called holiday has been around for 10 years and first gained its popularity after an episode of the TV sitcom Parks and Recreation aired it.
This made up holiday is now celebrated on February 13th, which is of course the day before Valentine’s Day and focuses purely on celebrating friendship among women. For many individuals who are not in committed and loving relationships this can be one of the hardest weeks of the year when the air is filled with nothing but romance so maybe Galentine’s Day is the perfect distraction.
I think that whether this holiday was made up or not, Parks and Rec writers were on to something when they created Galentine’s Day because friendship is definitely worth celebrating, in fact it needs to be celebrated and it’s most definitely a holiday with a lot less pressure than most and certainly a lot more inclusivity than Valentine’s Day!
Friendship is a precious gift and should not be taken for granted. Friendship should be cherished and surrounded by laughter and adventure and shenanigans. Friendship means being able to show your vulnerability without fear of being judged and friendship is about being loyal and helping to make the lows in life a little easier and the highs a lot more fun.
So I now declare that Galentine’s Day become an official National Holiday in conjunction with or as an extension of Valentine’s Day as friendship needs to be honoured because in the end it’s not the romance that makes a marriage last for 50 + years, it’s the friendship. What does friendship mean to you?
Happy Galentine’s Day to all my beautiful friends who always make the lows a little easier and the highs a lot more fun! ❤
And happy Valentine’s Day to my bestest friend of all ❤ who’s friendship I cherish above all. I love you to the moon and back Rich, forever and a day!
I hope you can tell from the picture (it’s a glass frame so you may have to zoom in to get the full effect) that the central focus inside the frame is a semicolon with positive affirmations encompassing it. The semicolon has been a huge part of my story for several years now and I have shown my support to the Project Semicolon Movement for close to 4 years now. For those of you who don’t know, Project Semicolon is a “nonprofit organization known for its advocacy of mental health wellness and its focus as an anti-suicide initiative. Founded in 2013, the movement’s aim is presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression,suicide, addiction, and self-injury. They are known for encouraging people to tattoo the punctuation mark semicolon (;) as a form of solidarity between people dealing with mental illness or the death of someone from suicide”, which is what I did in July 2016 (see photo).
I’ve been struggling a lot over the past week and I figured I could use some inspiration today so I made it a “crafty” kind of day. It’s ok to not be ok, it’s ok to talk about the hard days and it’s more than ok to tell someone you’re struggling because we all deserve to feel hope, we all deserve to feel worthy and we all deserve to feel like our story isn’t over yet;
My tattoo on my left shoulder
You see, a semicolon is not just any ole punctuation mark that an author would use to end a sentence, it instead indicates a brief pause, and for me that brief pause is a symbol of my life and the need to catch my breath in order to continue the rest of my story. We are all authors to our own stories and it’s ok if you need to take a pause between sentences.
This piece I wrote 4 years ago (link below) is still one of my favorite and most meaningful pieces I’ve ever written (before I started my blog). It showed up yesterday in my memory wall on Facebook and I felt like sharing it again with you.
Being a hockey (goalie) mom has been one of the greatest titles I’ve ever held. It’s been a few years since I’ve actually seen Jacob play as he’s now in an adult league and it seems shunned upon to have your mommy in the stands cheering you on (especially a neurotic goalie’s mom!) but at least I have the most amazing memories to hold on to. I rarely ever missed a game even during his last few years, I was there to cheer him on; nothing would keep me out of the stands (or behind the glass), not even when I was on a day or weekend pass from a hospital stay!
January is behind me now and all I can say about that is good riddance to you and don’t let the cold air hit you in the face on the way out. I had big intentions for January which included great forethought and planning after purposely taking some much needed downtime for myself for much of December. Yes January, you really let me down big time but you also taught me a thing or two about myself as well.
I spent the month resting and for the better part of it I needed to do so in order to recuperate from my concussion but at the same time I got quite comfortable doing so, possibly too comfortable. As someone who battles with depression everyday, it’s not ideal to want to be in bed all day and night, even if you may need to. I have to say though that one thing that helped me survive the month of January was believe it or not, Social Media.
I’m not afraid to admit it but I love Facebook and I’m not gonna apologize for it either, nor do I have any intentions to use it less, in fact I need to use it even more… intentionally. Facebook and other forms of Social Media have become a place for me to express myself, engage in meaningful conversations, inspire and be inspired, motivate and be motivated and a place where I have created many genuine and intentional friendships as well.
Social Media has allowed me to speak my truth, help others speak their truth and when I need a little extra emotional support I know that my online community is always there for me. Trust me I have lots of emotional support from my “real” friends and family too but just knowing how many people I have cheering me on from the sidelines is a true blessing.
Since starting my blog and publishing my book I’ve needed Social Media more than ever and I have learned how to navigate it with the greatest intent of continuing to keep building a bigger and better platform to ensure my message is heard and heard loudly. I’m having a hard time getting back on track and just so overwhelmed right now but hopefully February has much better intentions for me! At least there is one thing I know for sure that February has in store, only 47 more days until Spring!
Yesterday was a good reminder for all of us just how fragile life truly is and that we should never take it for granted. Yesterday was also a reminder that no-one on this earth is invincible and that tomorrow is never promised. Today as the world mourns the loss of Kobe Bryant, his beautiful daughter Gianna and their seven friends that perished alongside them we must remember that Kobe was so much more than a basketball hero; he was a son, a husband, a father, a humanitarian and a legend. One of his many mantras that he lived life by was “live today to inspire tomorrow” and boy did he ever live up to this in so many ways for so many people.
When I heard the news of Kobe’s passing through a text message from our son I was at, of all places, a Shiva for a friend’s father who had recently passed away at the ripe ‘ole age of 93. For those of you who may not know what a Shiva is, it is a week-long mourning period in the Jewish faith which begins immediately following the burial. A Shiva allows for a parent, a sibling, a spouse and/or a child of the deceased to accept visitors during this period of mourning to give their condolences and to provide comfort to the mourners.
As the news began to spread feverishly around the world many people looked to find their own ways to comfort one another and find meaning from this tragic loss of life. And in that very moment, as I was surrounded by a room full of mourners I found comfort and meaning in one of Kobe’s many life messages as I suddenly found myself face to face with a grievance from my past by someone who had wronged me many years ago and who just so happened to be standing two feet in front of me! In that moment I needed to make peace in my heart because after all, tomorrow may never come. I’ve held a lot of anger and resentment toward this individual for all these years but suddenly it felt so insignificant and unworthy.
Throughout the better part of my illness I have spent a lot of time examining and re-examining past relationships including this one and I know that in order for me to move forward I need to learn how to let go of the pieces of my past that affect my wellbeing the most because life is too short and so yesterday I took another step toward finding peace in my heart after our brief but purposeful encounter! #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #courage #kindness #lifestooshort #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #purpose #letitgo Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.
It’s been a very long week for me, well to be quite honest it’s been a helluva long year so far (a whole 24 days in) and I think I need a do over. And what the heck was I possibly thinking when amidst all the chaos in my life this month I decided I wanted to quit smoking because there just wasn’t enough on my plate already!
I’m experiencing an unbearable amount of overwhelm between recuperating from my concussion (which seems to be 99.9 % better), quitting smoking cold turkey ten days ago, tending to some very private family matters and learning how to rid both my body and mind of some very personal demons I’m fighting off so I’m kinda just barely holding on to the edge of that cliff right now (and I’m not sure if I may of mentioned too that my mother’s been in the hospital once again for the past two weeks).
So in all reality I haven’t quite taken too many steps forward into the new year or gotten back on track like I’d hoped to and well, to be honest again, I feel like I’ve taken so many more steps backwards instead. I know I don’t give myself any credit for the things I have done because my memory is very short term and seems to only have the capacity to hold onto the negative parts. But I also know that without all the help and support I’ve received not just today or last week but over the course of my illness I’d have surely let go long ago.
Asking for help may be looked at by many as a sign of weakness but as difficult as it may be, asking for help is actually the complete opposite. Asking for help shows great strength, courage and bravery. When faced with mental health challenges, asking for help can be even more challenging but if there is one thing I have learned throughout my journey it’s how important it is to let your loved ones (or an entire community in my case) in because how else can they be there for you and give their support to you otherwise.
I admit, I find it very difficult to ask for help because I feel like I am enough of a burden to others as it is and even when help is genuinely offered to me I am always hesitant to accept it because well it kinda feels like you have lost all control but truth be told that theory went out the window almost six years ago for me when I basically lost control of my mind. Over time I have learned to surrender to those feelings and I know how important it is to show others your vulnerable side which takes great strength as well and once you have the ability to let your guard down you will see that even you deserve a little help sometimes.
Every year on January 19 since I first posted this photo in 2015, along with a short message, it pops up as a memory on my Facebook wall. The first couple of years it would pop up I found it to be somewhat emotional for me to even look at and have to revisit the memory of a time I’d sooner forget, but now I know that this memory signifies much more than just about the first time I was discharged from a hospital stay where I had just spent over 3 months in psychiatric care. I know now that it is a piece of my journey and a special reminder of what living with a mental illness has taught me about life since then.
This photo reminds me that I need to keep living with my mental illness with authenticity because being honest with your loved ones or not worrying about feeling judged by others will help diminish your pain knowing just how many people are truly in your corner.
This photo reminds me what the meaning of real friendship is. Knowing there is always someone there for you ready to make you laugh or ready to wipe away your tears, without judgment.
This photo also reminds me that it’s okay to not be okay and that reaching out for help is more than okay when you need to. And that asking for help shows so much strength and courage.
This photo reminds me of the importance of kindness and how a kind action or a kind word can and will change the course of someone else’s day and a kind action or a kind word can and will impact the course of someone’s life as well.
I met a woman several years ago during one of my hospital stays. We became roommates and fast friends during our stay and although we may never have otherwise crossed paths in our lifetime (Fun fact: the home I grew up in from the time I moved to Toronto when I was 8 years old until my late teens was right next door to the home she sold just months before I moved in!) or had much in common at first, it turned out that our friendship ran so much deeper than our illness and we have continued to be a great support for one another ever since.
Last year my friend began feeling better and living her best life ever. She started traveling for months on end, dancing up a storm (some nights) until dawn and engaging in joyful activities with her precious, young grandchildren. She was finally free from the horrible effects of her depression. It was no longer defining who she was or how she lived her life and the best part was that for the first time in several years she actually wanted to live; not for her children, not for her grandchildren but actually for herself.
I think I felt a bit envious of her at first wondering when or if I too would ever feel the weight of my depression finally lift or if I would ever break free from it as well. I mean what had she done so differently to make it all just disappear as though it had never even happened? What was I still being punished for since we had tried so many of the same treatments and medications but nothing was helping me?
I don’t have any of these answers and neither will anyone else to be honest because everyone’s journey is unique to them and everyone responds to treatments and medications differently and everyone finds their own path toward healing in their own time. But here is another question that pains me to ask; can depression truly be cured?
I’m asking this question today because well that same dear friend of mine who just last year was traveling for months on end, dancing up a storm until dawn and engaging in joyful activities with her precious grandchildren is now back in the deep throes of her depression. What could have made her go from living her best life to now wondering if her life was even worth living?
Again I don’t actually have the answer but from the research I have read it seems likely that individuals with chronic depression (defined as episodes lasting two or more years) or with recurrent depressive episodes need to continue with maintenance treatment; not for months, not for years but for a lifetime.
One major problem is that when a person’s depression goes into remission they may feel a state of euphoria, as though they are ready to conquer the world on their own but what many of us may not realize is that like with any other chronic disease that goes into remission, depression needs to be treated with the same ongoing support and care.
Just a few short months ago if you were to have asked my friend if she could ever imagine her depression would rear its ugly head again she would have probably said to you “What? Are you crazy?” (Ok just a little depression humour) but instead she is now left trying to understand why this is happening to her and feeling like she has somehow failed.
I know that I would feel the same way. I mean my illness literally seemed to hit me out of left field when it began close to 6 years ago (I want to throw up just at the thought that it’s been almost 6 years or maybe the nausea I’m feeling is just from the effects of my concussion). But through therapy I have learned that my illness probably didn’t hit me out of left field at all and I have been learning how to manage it ever since knowing now how quickly it can hit you.
I have not yet felt the effects of being in remission but I do have a better understanding that if and when that day finally comes I will know that I can never let my guard down and that proper maintenance and continued love and support from others could help to ensure that whatever obstacles get in my way I will be ready for them and that I also have faith now that my friend will tackle this beast head on just like she had so bravely done before!
YouAreEnough 
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