It’s world semicolon day today. I just wanted to reshare a Blog I wrote a few years ago explaining the significance of the semicolon in the mental health world and what led me to get my very first tattoo about 5 years ago.
#worldsemicolonday #Chai #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youareenough #tattoos #semicolonproject
Ya, hi everyone, it’s me, Maggie. I’m down here, under your feet.
Guess what???? Today is my birthday.
Can you believe it, I’m already 11 years young??
I can’t wait to be smothered with lots of extra long hugs and kisses and belly rubs today!!!
My Mommy also wanted me to share a Blog with you that she wrote a few years ago about a dog’s purpose in a human’s life. It’s a little something my adoring family loves to remind me of each and every day of just how much purpose I bring to their lives when I catch them gazing into my big brown eyes or staring at my adorable little punim (that’s face in Yiddish), or when they tickle me behind my ears or cuddle up beside me when its time for bed or when they talk to me in some super silly high-pitched voice; but my favourite purpose of all in my human’s lives is knowing just how much my super cute antics bring so many joy filled smiles to their faces and tons of laughter to their hearts!
https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2018/04/21/a-dogs-purpose/
Happy woofday Maggie! We love you to the moon and back, forever and a day 🐾
#happybirthday #adogspurpose #adogslife #pettherapy #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mymaggie #loveyoutothemoonandback
As many of you know by now (here’s a refresher or intro if not), in April of 2020, shortly after the Pandemic hit I created a graduation lawn sign initiative. At the time my youngest daughter was all set to graduate from High School that June with so many incredibe milestones to look forward to and a lifetime of memories to create over the coming months. Her graduation trip to Punta Cana which was scheduled to leave that infamous weekend in mid March when the world came to a crashing halt got cancelled, her prom dress was left hanging in the store we had purchased it from several months earlier; never to be worn and her graduation ceremony was postponed indefinitely (it did eventually take place near the end of November online in that same year; no cap and gown required). To say she was devastated would be an understatement. But she was not alone.
I decided that she, along with millions of other children from pre-school to post-graduate education deserved to still be celebrated somehow so my creative juices quickly kicked into high gear and I designed a series of lawn signs with the help of my children’s book illustrator for parents, teachers and loved ones to proudly display on their front lawns honouring their soon to be graduate(s).
I never in my wildest dreams could’ve ever imagined the kind of impact my little idea would soon make, even gaining national attention on nightly news and current affairs programming. But still I couldn’t help but wonder how else I could help our many young people (graduates or not) who were and continue to be the ones who have suffered the most since the start of the Pandemic and so I decided to donate a portion of the proceeds to youth mental health initiatives in Canada with “Kids Help Phone” being my main focal point as I felt it was beyond overwhelmed, especially in that first year.
Last spring I had another graduate in my home, this time it was my middle daughter graduating from University. We were still in the throes of a Pandemic and she too was feeling a sense of loss so I decided to revisit the graduation lawn sign initiative again. I asked my illustrator to make the necessary tweaks to the designs by changing a few things, including the year from 2020 to 2021 and before I knew it my campaign was up and running again in no time.
By the end of year two’s Pandemic graduation season I had sold and hand delivered (with the incredible help and navigational skills of my loving, yet sometimes impatient hubby) over 1000 signs to communities all across the Greater Toronto Area and beyond, raising over 15k for youth mental health while I was at it. It sparked alot of joy in my heart, I mean ALOT of joy (see my blog posted yesterday @ https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2022/04/12/what-sparks-joy-in-your-life/).
I’ve had several people reach out to me privately to ask if I am planning to run another graduation lawn sign initiative again this year. I’ve been thinking about it long and hard for several months now knowing how purposeful it made me feel and how many sparks of joy it ignited in so many others but since launching my new venture a few weeks ago I have decided instead to put all my efforts there by adding “a gentle reminder…” lawn sign division to my @agentlereminderproject apparel line.
I am beyond grateful right now as to how well received my new line of hoodies, onesies and t’s have become by so many people in the community and beyond (the first out of Province purchase is set to arrive in Montreal in a couple of days from now!) and I am truly blessed to have several youth mental health programs wishing to partner with me and allow me to focus on an even broader audience while continuing my efforts to advocate and raise both money and awareness for mental health.
These signs, much like the apparel are a labour of love, designed and handcrafted completely by me.
My goal here is to help spread as much hope and kindness and love as we can throughout each and every community through words.
“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. ” ~Robin Williams~
Our choice of words and the language we use, matter. Words lead to more positive and honest conversations. Words hold so much power and we should never devalue the impact they truly have on all of us. You just never know who may be listening or even reading them with their own eyes as they walk past a sign on someone’s front lawn or while standing in line at Starbucks and see words imprinted on someone else’s hoodie; words they’ve longed to hear, validating their feelings. You just never know who may be desperately searching for a reason to smile today.
A gentle reminder…words do matter.
Signs available: (the colours I have chosen to use for each and every lawn sign were purposelessly chosen representing suicide awareness)
A gentle reminder…Kindness is free.
A gentle reminder…you are enough.
A gentle reminder…you are stronger than you think.
A gentle reminder…it’s okay to be yourself.
A gentle reminder…the world needs you.
A gentle reminder…you are not alone.
A gentle reminder…you’ve got this.
A gentle reminder…you matter.
A gentle reminder…be the reason someone smiles today.
If you would like to purchase a sign or hoodie for yourself or someone else please DM or email us at: youthareenough@gmail.com.
Check out our Instagram page @agentlereminderproject
*a portion of proceeds will be donated to youth mental health
Thank you for continuing to share my journey with me.
#agentlereminder #lawnsigns #hoodies #wordsmatter #yourmentalhealthmatters #youthmentalhealth #advocate #blogger #childrensbookauthor #kindnessmatters #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #suicideawareness #bethereasonsomeonesmilestoday
Having depression can suck the life right out of you, making you feel stuck and unable to experience joy. Then add a tablespoon full of anxiety into the mix and you create a tug of war of emotions, making you feel as though you are being pulled in every direction; but in the end there is no real winner because depression and anxiety both crave your attention and want you to focus on them all the time.
I’ve spent the past few days trying to process the lengthy conversation I had on Saturday with my team of doctors from the clinical trial which by the end left me with a feeling of abandonment, anger and confusion all rolled into one when they informed me that they would no longer be meeting with me as their role in my Psilocybin journey moving forward was now complete (see blog I posted yesterday: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2022/04/11/did-i-break-further-or-did-i-have-a-breakthrough/).
And as I continue to sift through the many notes I took during our two plus hour meeting the other day, reading them over and over again and trying to make sense of everything, I’m feeling even more confused than ever right now (I also shared them with my therapist yesterday as well).
The notes I took were quite thorough and very specific to my needs but here’s where the problem lies…They left off by asking me to lean into and embrace my emotions in order to help me try and figure out what my core values are and to find purposeful ways for which I can add meaning to my life in order to achieve my goals. I was really taken aback by this as I was already in the belief that for the last several years this had become the main focus of my healing process…or so I thought.
I truly believed, up until that moment that for the last several years I had already been creating and doing just that. I truly believed that the path my journey has led me on over the last several years had helped spark moments of joy in my life and added new meaning and purpose I’d felt had been missing my whole life. I truly believed that although I am still very much stuck in my depressive mind that finding a purpose and new meaning in my life had brought about an important shift in my core values that has made it possible to help me continue to fight the most difficult battle of my life.
Sharing my authentic journey with others has given me purpose and knowing that by sharing my journey I am helping others has brought new meaning to my life. Feeling like I am making a difference in the world by creating an impact on others has added undeniable value to my life. And using my creative forces to do so has sparked moments of joy in my life as well.
I know I need to continue to work with, lean into and embrace those feelings of joy in my life. I just love nothing more in this world than to make others sparkle joy but now is the time where I need to believe that I deserve to have more of those moments for myself and be able to attain that same compassion for myself as I have for others so that I can one day feel more and more lasting moments of joy instead of pain. As I said yesterday I need to take one step up the mountain at a time, one moment at a time, one thought at a time and one creative spark at a time.
***Here is an article my friend sent me this morning that gave me a sparkle of joy today. It discusses how research has shown that many people may begin to respond to Psilocybin treatment after about 3 weeks***
And please stay tuned for a big announcement tomorrow morning where I will be launching my latest creative spark of joy!
#sparkleofjoy #purpose #findingmeaning #corevalues #myjourney #psilocybin #clinicaltrial #depression #treatmentresistantdepression #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #healing #bigannouncement #agentlereminder @agentlereminderproject
I’ve been totally consumed by my anxiety and physical distress over the last week which left me in a state of mental confusion, emotional numbness and unable to concentrate on much. The build up of overwhelm finally got to be too much and by late Saturday night into early Sunday morning I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. It was a very welcomed and much needed release for me.
Since my treatment took place I’ve been struggling alot, feeling deeply concerned and frustrated. I put a lot of pressure on myself and made way too many unrealistic expectations going into my treatment and the weight of it all was starting to crush me which is why I was very much looking forward to having the opportunity to meet with my team of doctors on Saturday morning. Very few people can truly understand what I’ve just gone through, but they can.
The call lasted for over two hours (on Zoom). They helped put my mind at ease as they believe that the physical reactions I’ve endured all week have been mostly due in part to a “psychological shakeup”, although they did seem a bit more concerned about my chest pains and brain zap symptoms (the chest pains have subsided). What I needed most from our meeting was some clarity as to where we go from here and what is expected of me at this point in my treatment going forward.
They also relieved my worry that in no way, shape or form was I supposed to believe that I should be better within my first week and that the initial treatment was just the first of many steps upwards. They also discussed the type of therapy they feel would best suit my needs right now in order for me to reach my goals; and then they dropped a bomb on me at the end of our call. They let me know that their part in the study was now over because their role as my caretakers was purely for intake purposes, day of treatment protocols and follow up in the first week. I was completely caught off guard with this news as I had assumed that I’d be working with them for the remainder of the study so that they can continue to guide me through as well as monitor and collect data on my progress from start to finish; I was never told otherwise and I was still within the belief that they are part of a very small and elite group of people who truly understand what I need in order for this treatment to succeed.
But moving forward now over the course of the next 5 months or so I am only to meet with the nurse from the clinic on a regular basis to do bloodwork, cognitive studies and answer weekly questionnaires (some in person and some online) about any changes in my mood. I will also continue to meet with my Psychiatrist every few weeks as well as with my own therapist whom I already see weekly anyways, taking with me my notes I took Saturday during our call on how they would like me to proceed from here.
I’m having a really hard time making sense of all this right now and the last thing I want is to find myself trying to climb to the top of any mountain without taking the proper steps or safety precautions needed in order to help get me there. And the last, LAST thing I want is for the research team to ask me to partake in another treatment again in a couple of months from now which going into the trial I knew could be a possibility.
But for now I will continue to take all the necessary steps, one by one, that they have asked of me in order to successfully climb to the top of that mountain; even if it means losing my footing or grip a few dozens times on the way up. They left me to begin this next leg of my journey by asking me to try and lower some of the expectations I place upon myself, be kinder to myself and to stop trying so hard to not be depressed or wait to feel better but to instead lean right into my emotions by continuing to pursue avenues that add meaning and value to my life in order to find a life worth living.
The release of my emotions this weekend that had been tucked so deep inside me this past week was a good thing but was it enough to lift the blockades because I still can’t help but wonder, did I finally make a breakthrough this weekend or did I just break further?
#Psilocybin #clinicaltrial #research #psychiatry #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #anxiety #depression #treatmentresistantdepression #youareenough #breakthrough #broken #emotionalnumbness
With each passing year as their relationship transitions into adulthood, I see it growing stronger, maturing and becoming even more meaningful than the last.
It may not always be perfect but it’s a bond that has built into a supportive friendship; nurtured through a shared connection, a mutual appreciation for one another and many similar memories and experiences.
Sibling relationships are some of the most unique and invaluable gifts anyone can ever have in their lifetime and one that I can only hope and pray these three beauties will take with them and cherish forever as they continue to enter into each new phase of their lives.
#nationalsiblingsday #siblingbond #siblingrivalry #mentalhealth #relationshipgoals #mythreereasonswhy #family #familymatters #perfectlyimperfect
It’s been a very long and tiresome week for me.
I could really use a gentle reminder…
A gentle reminder that I matter today and every day even though I can’t always see my inner-beauty shining through.
A gentle reminder that the world needs me here even on the days I don’t have the strength to fight anymore.
A gentle reminder that it’s okay to not always be “okay” because nobody’s perfect, right?
A gentle reminder that selfcare is not selfish even when others may make you believe otherwise.
A gentle reminder that I am never alone even when the world can feel so cold and messy sometimes.
A gentle reminder that it’s okay to be myself even if it means failing from time to time.
A gentle reminder that I need to believe in myself because I deserve to heal, I deserve to feel happiness, I deserve to find hope.
A gentle reminder that I am enough just as I am.
A gentle reminder that I am STRONGER than I think I am.
Follow us @agentlereminderproject on Instagram for more gentle reminders…
#agentlereminder #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough❤ #youarestrongerthanyouthink #believeinyourself #theworldneedsyou #youmatter #selfcareisnotselfish
Today is day five post Psilocybin treatment and I’m still feeling an overwhelming tingling sensation, shakiness and numbness throughout my entire body.
Earlier in the week I mentioned that I was having an exceptionally hard day and finding it really difficult to shake off my anxiety and panic that felt constant as I began to recall more and more abstract images from my “trip”. I was hopeful though that it was just my body and mind pushing the reset button and making way for that shift toward healing to take place. I also believed at the time that due to the ruthlessness of my experience just a few days earlier which caused me to have unrelenting convulsions for over 5 hours and had probably brought about the tingling, numbess and shakiness I’d been feeling but as my week progresses so too has the intensity of these sensations and I’ve now begun a downward spiral into the deep, dark abyss of rumination; but not to worry, I’ve also been talking up a storm with Dr. GOOGLE since very early this morning in order to hold me over until I can chat with my other doctors on Saturday.
#rumination #sideeffects #drgoogle #anxiety #psilocybin #clinicaltrial #psychedelics #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #treatmentresistant #itsoktonotbeok #youareenough
I happened upon this article yesterday online. Its headline immediately peaked my curiosity. Reading it though, completely shook me to my core.
https://nationalpost.com/health/canada-mental-illness-maid-medical-aid-in-dying
A person seeking “Medical Assistance in Dying” or “MAID” for short must meet certain criteria before being approved. Most often those seeking MAID’s assistance in dying are in the advanced stages of decline with unbearable physical or mental anguish and no relief in sight due to a serious illness, disease or disability that cannot be reversed nor cured.
Starting in March of 2023 however (less than 1 year from today) it will also become legal in Canada to medically aid in dying for individuals who are battling mental illnesses such as Depression, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, Anorexia, Schizophrenia and Personality Disorders.
As someone who has been battling Depression (and several other mental health issues) for 8 years now, has attempted suicide a few times and has just begun my 8 billionth treatment (or so it feels that way) I’m really not sure how I feel about this.
It almost feels counterproductive to all the efforts we’ve put forth in the area of mental illness and it bares the question of “who should then be eligible?” Would someone like myself actually qualify who has had so many treatments fail me? Would I meet the criteria given that I have been diagnosed with and am a walking billboard for “Treatment Resistant Depression” after years of trying (with no relief) so many conventional and non-conventional treatments and remedies over the course of 8 years including ECT (Electroconvulsive Treatment), Neurofeedback, Nutritional supplements, over 20 concoctions of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, Ketamine treatment, medical marijuana, group therapies, many inpatient hospital stays and treatment programs, CBT, therapy, Psychiatrists and much, much more. There is help available (yes, some even affordable or free) but it’s not enough.
So my next question becomes “where do you draw the line?” It’s not as though an xray can determine how sick a person with a mental illness is or how long they have to live.
How many times have I been told throughout my journey that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. How many times have I been told that I need to keep fighting. How many times have I been told, “it will get better”. You’ve all promised me that and so I continue fighting to survive each and every day, some days more than others, yet now all I am hearing today is the government telling me otherwise.
For someone like myself who has tried desperately to get better and to no longer feel hopeless or feel like a burden or a failure. For someone like me who feels completely exhausted and defeated many days and who knows the darkness first hand, it’s often difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel because to be honest, for someone like me, it’s hard sometimes to have any faith that I will ever get better and the message this government is sending me is that you’re probably right; you never will.
The act of suicide itself is often an impulsive one, when we feel most vulnerable and hopeless. For many, mental illness is a life long battle and I get how exhausting and defeating it is. I crave rest and peace daily in my life but I am grateful to have so many people on “Team Kim” who don’t want to give up on me and who continue to keep fighting for me and with me, many of whom have said to me, I wish there was a magic pill that I can give you and make all your years of suffering disappear. I guess now they finally can because the government is making it OK to give up 😇.
But there is also the flip side of the coin which I have found myself thinking about alot as well since reading this article knowing what it feels like to be on both sides. I ask myself, would it not be better to allow someone who is in the depths of their darkness, who can’t see a way out, who has tried desperately to find a treatment to help them by giving them this opportunity instead of attempting suicide and possibly not succeeding and in turn doing future damage to themselves by becoming a vegetable. I have felt many times over the last many years that certain parts of our government see people with disabilities including mental illness as basic parasites. So is this their way of weaning some of us out? Most attempted and completed suicides are done alone and while in mental anguish which is scary in itself so would being medically assisted in the process be a more dignified or better solution for some where family and loved ones can be a part of it? Or is it simply an easy solution to a growing crisis in Canada and around the world? What is this going to do to society and all the hard work we’ve done in trying to help people have a chance at a better quality of life worth living for?
I hear so many stories, many of them from people I know personally that give me hope because they have found that light at the end of the tunnel and are grateful that a failed suicide attempt or a promising treatment allowed them to be here all these years later feeling joy and contentment in their life and surrounded by people they love. So I again ask myself another question “who, other than ourselves should have the right to choose to sacrifice a life that could one day feel as though life is worth living again?”
I’m feeling sickened today and very confused. I feel that if my new treatment doesn’t work that I could be all out of options (is there an eight billionth and one option?). I feel like this could possibly be my last resort right now even though I am beyond honoured to have been afforded the opportunity by my Psychiatrist (who is one of the head researchers on the team) to be part of this clinical trial and I’m even hopeful as I continue to hear such positive results from the statistics thus far but you can be rest assured that when and “if” it becomes approved and made available to the rest of Canada it will also come with a hefty price tag attached, one that many, many people, including myself could not afford.
The government needs to step it up and invest more money (like billions) in mental health programs and treatment like, yesterday. Better funding (and shortened wait times) can help make all programs and treatments both more affordable and accessible for everyone instead of offering a choice to someone to kill themselves. It’s just not fair.
#maid #medicallyassistedindying #ourgovernmentcontinuestofailus #mentalhealth #mentalillness #depression #ptsd #personalitydisorders #anorexia #bipolardisorder #schizophrenia #feelinghopeless #ashamed #youarenotalone #youareenough #treatmentresistantdepression #assistedsuicide #suicideprevention #suicideawareness
I’ve been feeling super anxious and panicked since very early this morning. My heart rate has been extremely elevated all day, making it very difficult to catch my breathe and control my thoughts. I just can’t seem to pinpoint one particular reason for it today nor can I seem to shake it off and none of my usual tools or exercises have helped me either.
I still find myself feeling many physical effects from my treatment Saturday. It’s completely worn me out for the last few days to the point where I’ve honestly felt nothing but a numbness and tingly sensation throughout my entire body.
I’ve also been having such brain fog and minimal concentration as well but as each day passes I do seem to be drawing more and more abstract images in my mind from my experience on Saturday which could very well be the reason I’m feeling such an overwhelming amount of anxiety and impending doom today.
Maybe I’m meant to be feeling this way. Maybe after such an intense experience it’s my body and mind’s way of removing the many blockades in my brain that has kept me from “gaining more insight and openness toward my future and quality of life”. Maybe it’s meant to feel scary.
#anxietydisorder #panicattack #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #blockades #psilocybin #clinicaltrial #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #itsallcomingbacktomenow
YouAreEnough 
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