YouAreEnough

Today’s #summerofrich adventure included some much needed self-care, facing two huge fears of mine head on by walking across a suspension bridge; only experiencing a minor panic attack, connecting with nature and chasing blue dragonflies. 

I’ve had this trail on my list of places I’ve wanted to explore for a few years now. It was a bit of a further drive than most of our hikes lately but well worth it. 

I’ve been trying to fight off one of my most unbearable flare ups for the better part of the week now; my body literally feels like it’s on fire and these unrelenting muscle spasms are causing me more and more emotional distress with each passing day. 

I took comfort today though in having so many blue dragonflies buzzing all around us. They are said to inspire spirituality, creativity, change and transformation. Ultimately, blue dragonflies symbolize a period of joy and positivity, peace and tranquility; all things I strive for while hiking. 

My next tattoo, perhaps?


#ferrispark #ranneygorge #suspensionbridge #campbellford #hiking #nature #selfcare #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #bluedragonflies #transcanadatrail #transformation #spirituality #change #neurology #depression #anxiety #panicattack #terrifiedofheights #micromomentsofjoy

I’ve been testing out my new @loopearplugs at work all week. Hannah discovered these noise reduction earplugs on TikTok recently and well, if it’s TikTok worthy then it has to be good!! Am I right? Lol.

As most of you know who follow my journey closely, I’ve been suffering with many neurological issues over the past 16 months all thanks to the Psilocybin Research Trial I participated in back in April of 2022. 

One of the many issues that continues to plague me on a daily basis is noise. Certain sounds, especially sudden or very loud ones will trigger both an emotional and physiological response in my body; even something as simple as a soft whisper too close to my ear will cause a fight or flight response or my entire body to tremor, almost as a defense mechanism. 


My reaction to normal everyday sounds which most people wouldn’t even flinch at or react to have now become extremely overwhelming, intense and often very stressful for me. 

I am loving my new earplugs so far. They are discreet, compact and come in lots of pretty colours too! 


They allow me to still hear those speaking directly to me or carry on conversations while at the same time enable me to filter out a lot of the background noises that trigger me or send me spiraling into a sensory overload. 

My true test though on how great my new noise reduction earplugs are came last night when I attended another “Summer Concert in the Park”, featuring a tribute to “Queen”. These earplugs were my one saving grace of the evening, that, and my friends of course ❤️.

#loopearplugs #noisereduction #triggers #sensoryoverload #fightorflight #queentribute #wearethechampions #backgroundnoise #tiktok #neurodivergent #mentalhealth #physicalhealth #emotionalresponse #physiologicalresponse #researchtrial #guineapig #keeponfightingtiltheend

*Warning: Some potential spoilers below*

It was pouring outside yesterday so our planned #summerofrich hiking excursion was put on hold. Instead it became a perfect day to escape the “Real World” and spend some time in “Barbie Land”. 


Hannah saw the movie with some friends on opening day and has been telling me I have to go see it every day since. She’d been bursting at the seams to talk to me about it and knew just how much I would love it!


She herself loved it so much the first time around that she decided to tag along with Rich and I (aka her Mommy and Daddy!) and see it again; that way she could capture my reactions firsthand.

The movie did not disappoint and my reactions certainly did not disappoint (or shock) Hannah (or Rich) whatsoever. They saw this Blog coming from miles away. 


The storyline combined lots and lots of sarcastic, slapstick humour and tear-jerking moments together with many hidden and very empowering messages (right up to the very last line of the movie) as Barbie finds herself on a journey of self-discovery after an emotional breakdown.


Amidst her breakdown, a “commercial” comes on screen to promote a “new” Barbie to hit toystore shelves everywhere. “New” Barbie felt eerily familiar to me and I’m pretty sure it also felt very relatable to so many other viewers like me around the world. 


Her name: “Depression Barbie”. 


Special features included in her box: 


*She wears sweatpants all day long.  *She spends 7 hours a day scrolling through her estranged best friend’s engagement photos on Instagram. *She eats family sized packs of Starburst.
*She binge watches “Pride and Prejudice” for the seventh time, until she falls asleep. 
*Anxiety, panic attacks and OCD each sold separately.


I had no idea that the movie was so largely focused around mental health and wellness. Or that Barbie could truly experience real human emotions other than pure happiness. 


But Barbie learns that in the “Real World” life is not always easy. That people in the “Real World” are not perfect. That they make mistakes, that they face adversities, that they get sick and that yes, in the “Real World” people are mortal beings.


I think we can all take many inspiring moments away with us by seeing the Barbie movie. 


Here are some of my takeaways: Self-acceptance is key, learning to embrace our flaws is imperative, being “different” or “ordinary” or “weird” is more than just ok; it’s extraordinary, change is scary but a necessary way to help us reach our potential, there is still lots of work to be done before all the Kens and Barbies in the world are on an equal playing field; but I have faith we are getting there…slowly, kindness and beauty does exist in the “Real World” and lastly, although at times we may not always feel like we are good enough; we are more than ‘K’enough.

This feel good movie is for every imperfectly perfect individual out there which is why I encourage you all to go see it if you haven’t already. 

 

#Barbie #barbiemovie #realworld #barbieland #journey #selfdiscovery #empowering #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #depressionbarbie #takeaway #inspiring #goseeit #youareenough #imperfectlyperfect 

This was me having a moment in my car this afternoon after a very long week. The tears were just enough of a release to allow me to refocus before heading home from work to be able to experience some micro-moments of joy this evening with my family and especially Jacob who just got home late last night from his 2 month adventure away.

Boy, is the summer flying.

Why do I capture these moments of vulnerability? It’s simple. It’s so that the next time you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious or in need of a good cry, I’m here to remind you that you are never alone.

#vulnerability #selfie #longweek #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #feelingoverwhelmed #depression #anxiety #itsoktocry #havingamoment #refocus #family #thesummerisflying #weekendvibes

We all struggle with something in our lives. Whether it be within our relationships, at school, a job, achieving a goal or our mental wellbeing, your struggles don’t make you weak or a failure; they simply makes you human.

If you feel comfortable with sharing, what is one thing you are struggling with at the moment? Let’s normalize being real. Let’s normalize conversations about mental health. Let’s normalize being imperfectly perfect.

#itsoktonotbeok #normalize #youarenotalone #youmatter #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #wellbeing #startaconversation #mentalhealthcheckin #boreal  #weallstrugglesometimes #imperfectlyperfect #youareenough

Every year on July 24th we celebrate International Self-Care Day, a day which is dedicated to bringing awareness to the positive impacts self-care has on creating healthier lifestyles.

When written in month and day format, July 24 looks like this; “7/24” which is a reminder to us all that self-care needs to be a part of our daily lives and routines, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Even though self-care may look different to each individual depending on one’s physical and mental health, we all deserve to take care of our own wellbeing first and foremost, each and every day.

A gentle reminder…self-care is not selfish

How did you take care of yourself today?

#InternationalSelfCareDay #agentlereminder #selfcareisnotselfish #physicalhealth #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #wellbeing #twentyfourseven #awareness #healthierlifestyle #positiveimpact #itsokaytonotbeokay  @agentlereminderproject

Hannah drove up to camp this morning with a friend and will be spending the night. 


She misses her home away from home so so much and will take advantage of any opportunity to go when she’s welcome.


She asked those up at camp to keep her upcoming visit a secret from Rachel because she wanted to surprise her and given the outpouring of emotion in this video taken upon her arrival I think her mission was accomplished. 


My heart exploded watching this video she sent to our family chat.


There is nothing more rewarding than watching the love between your children grow. 


It didn’t happen overnight, it happened in more subtle ways. 


My kids fight sometimes as all siblings do, but they are just as quick to come to one another’s rescue too.


They have fun together, keep secrets from their parents, confide in each other and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another. 


They are also as different as day and night in so many ways, bringing with them their own unique strengths and gifts.


Jacob is our wittiest.
Hannah is our most sensitive. 
Rachel is our most creative.


Together, these attributes make a great team.


With any luck their bond will only continue to grow even stronger with time. It’s a feeling that brings peace in my heart knowing that wherever their individual journey may take them in life they will always have each other to lean on.


#siblings #bond #myreasonswhy #camplife #mentalhealth #weekendvibes #youarenotalone #leanonme #momentsofjoy #familymatters #peaceinmyheart #missionaccomplished 

I’ve hit a brick wall. 


I’m struggling right now trying to figure out my value in the world.


Last night we had plans to go to a concert in a local park with friends. I love taking advantage of these free summertime concerts. 


Elton John and Rod Stewart were playing (ok so it wasn’t actually the real Elton and Rod; not even by a longshot!). 


Our friends needed to cancel last minute. 


I completely understood. 


Rich happily would have still gone with me but suddenly I was overcome with so many emotions and the volume on my negative self-talk button turned up full blast.


It’s been a really shitty couple of weeks for me and the past few days have been no exception. I needed to release some of those emotions, most of which I hadn’t even shared with Rich. I didn’t know whether to scream or cry first. So I just burst.


I feel as though both my body and mind are tangled together in one gigantic ball of knots and it’s getting harder and harder to undo. I do have moments where I manage to unravel some of the knots or at least loosen them a bit but before I can catch my breath again they just tighten right back up; some even tighter than before.


Part of my sudden outburst of emotions last night had been building up since Monday afternoon when I found out that yet another referral I’d been waiting for from yet another specialist, had been declined; no explanation given. But I’m sure it would have been the same old story I’ve heard over and over again for the past 15 months now since this added nightmare of neurological issues began after participating in the Psilocybin Research Trial in April of 2022 (biggest regret of my life). Doctors simply don’t have enough understanding of my very rare condition. 


I am feeling completely defeated. This was the last of my long waitlist of referrals. I haven’t a clue where we (my team of doctors) go from here and probably won’t know more until my next appointment with my Psychiatrist in August. 


This one treatment had felt hopeful. I’ve done a lot of research on it and even though from what I’ve learned, it may have only been a temporary relief for me, I’d have happily welcomed any type of relief at all because over the last while, my symptoms have actually been getting progressively worse (so much for one Neurologist’s words of wisdom to me last spring when he told me that a circuit broke in my brain that day and hopefully it will fix itself). 


I can’t even explain these new and worsening sensations I feel coarsing through my entire body daily. I just know that they are unbearable at times, unrelenting and causing me debilitating nausea throughout my day; so much so that I’ve dropped about 10 pounds in the last couple of weeks. It’s been a battle for me to lose weight for some time now, and I should be thrilled by it, but this is NOT the way I want to do it. 


I’ve hit a brick wall this week, making me ponder the question; “So at what point is it ok to throw in the towel?”


#brickwall #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #throwinthetowel #itsoktonotbeok #yourmentalhealthmatters #youmatter #youareenough #youarenotalone #clinicaltrial #bigregrets #neurological #talksootherscanlisten #brain #nerveblockers #iamworthy #pgad #nauseous #unrelenting 


 

My mentally fragile brain feels forever wired to ruminate over every nasty negative thought and experience I have rather than staying present long enough to enjoy the positive ones. 

Rumination is very common for people like myself who suffer with depression and anxiety but I totally get how difficult it is for a healthy brain to understand the affect it can have on someone’s health and wellbeing. Even during those moments of joy, inside, my mind is more often than not, wandering to some stressful situation that happened in my day/week or replaying a problem over and over again that has not yet been resolved. 

The ruminations usually start off pretty innocently but very quickly build up to a level of obsessive behaviour while trying desperately to make sense of a situation which I can’t seem to grasp hold of or rectify or a want to feel heard or seen.

I’ve had a really trying couple of weeks but on Friday afternoon as I left my office and headed home I made a solemn promise to myself that I would try and let go of my ruminating thoughts and instead pour my energy into my busy weekend ahead of me.

In order for my plan to work, I surrounded myself with friends, made self-care a top priority (unfortunately we didn’t have time for hiking though) and found ways to distract my clouded mind, but still, the need to ruminate felt oddly irresistible and often stole my attention away from trying to stay present through it all.

But no matter what, I appreciate every single moment of joy I experienced this weekend; having several opportunities for self-care and most importantly, being surrounded by friends.

A special shout out to 2 very special people in my life, one for including both Rich and I today in her celebration champagne brunch (see pic) and two, for another very special friend who gifted me these 2 beautiful heart shaped crystals (see pic) during our evening together last night which I plan to hold close to me always. One being an amethyst which is meant to heal, cleanse, protect and bring calming energy to someone and the other stone, an opalite which helps bring clarity and strengthen self-insight.

I am truly blessed to have an army of love surrounding me through thick and thin.

#rumination #mentalhealth #negativethoughts #mentalwellness #clarity #protection #crystals #healingpowers #summerofrich #energy #amethyst #opalite #mentallyfragile #momentsofjoy #depression #anxiety #healthybrain #friendship 

In many ways it feels like just yesterday we were celebrating your first birthday.

Our firstborn, carefree, adorable, smart, funny baby boy with the infectious laugh, mischievous ways, adventurous spirit, loving, determined and so very adored; and whose innocence made him oblivious as to how much his life was about to change for the better, just 6 weeks from his first birthday celebrations.

You had your dad and I all to yourself for only a short while. Very quickly you went from being our entire world to becoming a big brother; and then again a few years later. 

It’s just one of the MANY roles in your life which you’ve mastered with great ease and a role that helped mold you into the amazing young man you have become today; always and forever our firstborn, carefree, adorable, smart, funny baby boy with the infectious laugh, mischievous ways, adventurous spirit, loving, determined and so very adored big brother. 

Wish we could celebrate with you in person today but your birthday is sure to be the best one yet as you continue on your summer adventure with friends, making the most incredible and lasting memories.

Thank you though for always taking us along with you on your travels with your updates, videos and pics and for being mindful in knowing that it’s probably best that you wait until after you’ve jumped out of an airplane and landed safe and sound on the ground before telling your mother. 

Keep living each day to its fullest Jacob, stay present in the moment and savour all the beauty that the world has to offer you. The rest is sure to fall into place.

Love you to the moon and back, forever and a day! Enjoy your special day.


#happybirthday #twentyfive #dreamoutloud #makeawish  #quartercentury #memories #adventure #travel #firstborn #babyboy #bigbrother #mentalwellness #celebratethemoments #eatcake  #loveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #bebop #flux #fluxy