Category: marijuana

THC Hangover

On Friday evening after experiencing several heightened episodes of anxiety throughout the day, I found myself right smack in the middle of a full-on panic attack. 

I did my best to try and calm myself down using some breathing techniques but trying to distract myself from what was triggering me in that moment I could barely catch my breath long enough to take some CBD oil; something I don’t hesitate to do several times a day when needed as a therapeutic. 

As soon as the CBD oil started kicking in and my heartrate began to decrease to a more tolerable level I curled up under my weighted blanket, still fully dressed from the day but I didn’t care because all I wanted to do in that moment was close my eyes and go to sleep.

But whose kidding who? Like is sleep ever an option for me? Even if my panic attack had just taken every last ounce of strength I had left inside and crushed it with my blanket, I was still preparing myself for a sleepless night ahead.

And I knew if I lay in bed much longer I would most definitely end up having another anxiety attack of some sort, so I reached for my other bottle of CBD oil on my nightstand, the one with the THC in it. 

I regretted my decision almost immediately even though it took a while for it to kick in. It did not reduce my anxiety or relax me or even help me sleep, instead I spent the rest of the night fighting off my paranoia and hallucinations and by the time morning arrived I was still feeling the effects from the THC and spent the entire day in bed yesterday with a “hangover”.

They say it’s nearly impossible to OD on cannabis but if there is even a slight chance of that happening then I’m pretty sure I managed to do so. Cannabis is supposed to give you a feeling of euphoria but like every other prescribed medication or therapeutic treatment I’ve taken along my journey, including that of Medical Marijuana, “Shrooms”, Ketamine and Edibles I’ve experienced adverse effects from them all.

By morning my Psychosis had pretty much gone away but it left me barely able to finish a sentence or swallow. I had a headache, I felt exhausted, I was beyond nauseous and dizzy and whenever I tried to stand up I felt myself passing out on the floor moments later. But not to worry because I can always count on my family to look after me, and they did just that while between fits of laughter and snapping pictures and recording videos of me to ensure they captured all the highlights. 

I have tried and tried for years now to reap the benefits from using THC and other similar treatments but I think that after what happened to me this weekend I have tried for the very last time and I am just grateful that at least my regular doses of CBD oil still helps me in some small way.

#cbdoil #thc #cannabis #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #panicattacks #anxiety #depression #suicideprevention #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalillness #selfcare  

I Love Justin Bieber!

I feel like a teenage girl sometimes who is overcome with emotion and a genuine devotion to a Pop Sensation.  To many, it may seem odd that I would be obsessing over a Teen Heartthrob the way I do, but there is some unexplainable connection I have to Justin Bieber.  

Maybe it started off as a way to connect with my girls who began obsessing over him well before they were teenagers themselves or maybe it’s because of his Canadian roots and that he grew up just an hour and a half away from me in Stratford, Ontario and still comes home VERY regularly to visit with his dad, Step Mom and siblings or maybe it’s his adoration for the Toronto Maple Leafs, cheering them on and attending as many home games as he possibly could as though he was just some “regular” ten year old boy idolizing their favourite Hockey team, or maybe it’s his “bad boy” persona that I like lol. 

Perhaps though, the more probable explanation would be because that once 16 year old “bad boy” who literally rose to stardom overnight is now a happily married 26 year old young man who has so bravely allowed the world to see a very relatable, imperfect and vulnerable side to his life’s journey. Over the past couple of years he has let the world know that he is only human and that he struggles with his mental health and loneliness just like millions of his adoring fans.

His new song titled “Lonely” is a perfect anthem for so many of his very impressionable young (and old) fans. The song is an emotional ballad that reflects on the obstacles he faced as he rose to stardom, especially his feelings of isolation and loneliness and how difficult it was for him to find the kind of emotional support he so desperately needed at the time which soon led to his “bad boy” persona and an eventual diagnosis of Depression.

We all feel lonely sometimes, even when you are famous and have millions of dollars in your bank account and just like the Biebs, we all crave genuine human connection and want so much to feel understood and cared for. So I just wanted to say a special thank you to you Justin for not only your music and talent but for sharing your voice with the world and most of all for letting us know that our feelings are valid no matter who we are.

And P.S. Next time you’re in town, call me, we’ll do lunch!

Check out his new song “Lonely” here: https://youtu.be/xQOO2xGQ1Pc

@justinbieber #lonely #loneliness #youareenough #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #selfcare #teenageheartthrob #music #beavoice #musicindustry

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends


The week we first went into lockdown 5 months ago this week (in case you’ve forgotten!) I had an appointment scheduled with my Psychiatrist to begin a new treatment. The decision for me to even attempt yet another new treatment was not an easy one to make, especially since it’s still quite new and not very accessible to the general public as of now; and not to mention that I had already been part of a clinical study for a more invasive version of the same treatment several years earlier during a hospital admission that I needed to stop immediately. 

The first dose was to be administered by my Psychiatrist in his office at the hospital he works out of to ensure that I could tolerate it and from there I would be monitored closely as I continued treatment several times a week from my home. It’s now been five long months since that initial appointment was postponed inevitably as I continue to struggle deeply on a daily basis. 

As most of you who follow my journey regularly know by now that my relationship with medication and treatment options (both traditional and MANY non-traditional as well) to help ease my symptoms associated with anxiety and depression have been met with many obstacles, extreme challenges and sometimes severe complications to say the least. So when I discovered CBD oil a few years ago and found immediate relief from it while experiencing high levels of anxiety throughout any given day (even if it’s only temporary), I’ve come to rely on it like you would rely on any loyal and trustworthy friend.

Although it’s been far from a cure and (unfortunately) for me it has yet to give my symptoms of depression any type of real relief I’m still so grateful to know that just like my many loyal, trustworthy friends I have in my life, it’s a safe and reliable way to help me cope with my often severe and very persistent daily bouts of anxiety and panic attacks because I really don’t know how I’d ever get through so many difficult days (and nights) without any of them. 

#cbdoil #friendship #youareenough #depression #anxiety #anxietyattacks #panicattacks #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #therapeutic #selfcare #suicidalthoughts #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether 

Ounce By Ounce: Experimenting With Cannabis

For those of you who have been following my writing over the last couple of years may already know that I stopped taking conventional medication to treat my depression and anxiety about two years ago (Blog: Anti-Depressants; My Reality, April 2017). There were many factors involved in mine and Rich’s decision to stop taking them, but the most obvious one was that they just weren’t helping me. In fact they were doing quite the opposite for me and after experimenting with over 20 different concoctions the decision seemed like an easy one. All that the medications were doing by this point were creating even more problems both mentally and physically, and not to mention I could no longer be trusted to keep them in my possession without the worry that I would abuse their use if no one was watching over me. I just needed to sleep and take the edge off somehow, I swear!!

Although my Psychiatrist at the time (who moved to Alberta shortly thereafter) wasn’t on board with our decision he carefully and patiently weaned me off the concoction I was taking at the time. Once I completed the extremely grueling, exhausting and debilitating task of detoxing I almost felt a sense of relief except we were then left with one question; what now? So my Psychiatrist suggested medical marijuana. He wrote me a script and referred me to a clinic in which I followed up with in the coming weeks.

Let me take you back in time for a minute before I continue with my story. You see, as a teenager and young adult I never really had the desire to smoke marijuana or even drink alcohol, in fact I am to this day mostly the designated driver. Well not so much in the last few years since I haven’t driven at night in over three years and only drive the bare minimum during the day, but up until then I was for sure! It wasn’t like I didn’t have access to drugs and alcohol because I did. In fact I was completely surrounded by it. All my friends did it and boyfriends too (some quite a bit!). It was everywhere I went, but for some reason I had very little interest in partaking in these activities. But now in my late 40’s I find myself consumed by trying any alternatives I can to traditional medication so I guess desperate times call for desperate measures (and it’s legal now!).

I experimented for a while with different types of medical marijuana but quickly realized what I didn’t like about it thirty years earlier and the whole process was stressful and I still found no relief nor was it helping me sleep any better so after about six months I stopped doing it. About that same time I had been introduced to CBD oil and researched it alot until my husband and I found the right concoction (Blog: Cannabidoil (CBD OIL) My Personal Discovery Toward Wellness) from a company in the States and although it didn’t help with my sleep deprivation either, it did something more important for me. It instantaneously relieved many of my symptoms of anxiety. Within minutes of taking the drops I would feel calmer, my heart palpitations would slow down, my nausea subsided and so much more. It certainly wasn’t a cure but I could take it as many times as needed throughout the day as my anxiety levels rose and did so without getting “high”.

I am still using it today but of course like everything else in my life, it hasn’t been without drama. You see, several months ago it was banned from shipping to Canada. Ya the one and only thing in my life that gave me any sort of relief and I didn’t have access to it anymore and like a junkie would do, I began searching for any way I could get my fix. Once the ban was lifted (It’s legal in Canada so I have no clue what the hell the problem was!) we decided to stock up (I’m not the only one in my home using it), but guess what happened next, after a couple of weeks anxiously (literally) waiting for my oil to arrive, Rich gets a call from the Canadian Customs that our order had been seized at the border (I felt like we were smuggling cocaine across the Mexican border). Anyways, we were refunded our money and we reordered it again and this time it came through but then operations got shut down again for shipping to Canada and I have been left high and dry without any oil for weeks while awaiting for the ban to once again be lifted. I know you must be thinking there are so many other ways to purchase different strains of CBD oil but you see, I have not found any others with the right concoction that works for me anywhere else. Nothing with that instant relief, nevermind any relief at all (the medicinal oils take three hours to absorb in order to take effect).

So as I wait for the ban to be lifted once again (they claim will be by the end of March which is in two days from now so I’m doubtful that’s gonna happen), I have gone on to experiment with other methods of smoking and ingesting marijuana but I just don’t react well to any of it (kinda like all the anti-depressants). Nothing can ever be simple! Nothing can ever be easy!

I was introduced to another cannabis product about a month ago by a friend. It is an oil based vape pen containing only pure extracted ingredients just like my CBD oil I am so longing for which is why I decided to give it a try. However, unlike my CBD oil which is in the form of drops, this oil is vaped and also contains very high levels of THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol, basically the psychoactive part of cannabis) which also means I can only use it at night. If inhaled in just the right quantity (not to the point of feeling stoned which has happened many times while experimenting) along with my new weighted blanket (which I really like: See Blog; My Weighted Blanket, January 25, 2019) I am able to get a few solid hours of sleep some nights but I still needed more, especially to help relieve my debilitating nighttime anxiety.

So I recently decided to take my experimentation one step further and try some “weed gummies”. Let’s just say it didn’t end well. What it did end with however was Rich having to stay by my side until almost 4am that morning (with a glass of water in hand) as I hallucinated and became severely panicked, paranoid and hysterical. I couldn’t catch my breath and even had trouble swallowing for almost four hours. Thankfully all three kids had slept out that night however upon hearing about my experience the next day they were only upset that their dad hadn’t videotaped the whole thing for them to see. Oh and yes Rich regrets it too!

So for now I think it’s best that I lay off the experimenting for a while, not sure my body or mind can take much more defeat. Just make sure to keep me away from the new retail stores opening up on Monday!