Category: Happiness

Can Depression Be Cured?

Depression is not something that you can just “will away”, or be “waited out”, recovery takes a lot more effort than just thinking or being told that “time heals all wounds” because I can tell you firsthand that none of those beliefs or notions are in any way, shape or form going to cure it.

Depression is also not like breaking your arm where you are fitted with a cast and your doctor can give you a rough estimate as to how many weeks your recovery may take, but similar to depression though, everyone’s recovery time may be different.

To be honest I actually don’t remember how it feels anymore to not suffer with depression and as each day passes I question if I ever will again. Depression is most definitely a treatable disease and for many individuals their symptoms can be managed by medication or different kinds of therapy but like many other diseases or even the after effects from that broken arm your symptoms may recur or continue to lurk over your shoulder for a lifetime.

The reason being is that depression is not one size fits all (see blog “Depression Isn’t One Size Fits All”; Oct 21, 2018) and there are many different factors to take into account when looking into what causes a person to become depressed in the first place. And I can also tell you that the road to recovery can feel extremely defeating and be very bumpy too with little to no guarantee that it will not rear its ugly head again and again over time. That in itself can bring additional fears and feelings of hopelessness.

Right now however I can’t worry about the relapses or the unpredictable return of my illness when I haven’t even been able to get through the first episode and not without lack of trying. I can’t even imagine what remission would feel like for me, what it would look like for me or if it’s even possible anymore for me? But a girl can dream, can’t she?

I Must Be A Real Sports Fan!

Let me start by saying that I am a true “blue” fan of both the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Toronto Blue Jays. I don’t just hop on the bandwagon when they are winning because if that were the case I’d have probably given up long ago. I listen to the games on the radio in my car, I enjoy watching them on TV and I love nothing more than seeing both my home teams live and in action and only wish it were possible to do so more often (and in more cities).

There is just one major problem; I suffer from extreme anxiety and panic whenever I go to a game (well over the last couple of years that is). Last summer while attending a Jays game with my husband, something I LOVE doing as I just mentioned, I suffered a sudden and uncontrollable panic attack while we waited in line for something to eat. Was it the crowd of nameless faces enclosing in around me that caused it to happen or was it really that difficult to decide between the nachos or a slice of pizza that could have struck me with a panic attack that included tears streaming down my face, leaving my husband standing there thinking to himself WTF while looking for the closest exit to run to? (yup he’s one lucky guy!)

Whatever the actual cause was I’ll never know for sure but it happened and it was very real. So last night when we were given the opportunity to attend a Leafs game I was excited and hoped things would go more smoothly. But right on schedule my anxiety began to escalate as soon as we left the house and maneuvered our way through rush hour traffic on the streets of downtown Toronto hoping to make it in time for the singing of the National Anthems (which I love) and puck drop which we did, but barely.

As we were driving, I took an extra dose of my CBD oil as we neared the stadium and that seemed to relax me and bring my heart rate down, but not for long. Once safely in our seats I practiced as many breathing and grounding exercises as I could and focused my attention on the game, desperately wiping away tears and trying to shutdown my negative, catastrophic thoughts and fears of lurking danger as best I could. Unfortunately the negative thoughts and fears took over from time to time throughout the evening and again if you ask me why, I cannot give you an honest answer (maybe it was Carlton the Leaf’s Mascot standing in front of me that did me in LOL). All I do know for sure is that it’s just another overwhelming and embarrassing symptom I have had to learn to live with as part of my illness. But hey, on a positive note, at least the Leafs made it all worth it!

Mental Health Check In

💔 💚 Social Media has made it very easy these days for us to hide our true thoughts and emotions from the rest of the world. In reality Social Media has more often than not become an edited highlight reel of someone’s life, often concealing our true self especially when we add all those fun features and filters to our posts. I get it, it’s our natural instinct to want to post only the parts of our life that exemplifies our success and happiness but it can be detrimental to our mental health and wellness when we are struggling or feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable. This week for me has been particularly challenging and emotionally exhausting but many of you may not see that when scrolling through my Social Media presence. I want any and all of you who may have also had a particularly challenging or emotionally exhausting week to know that #youarenotalone and that #itsoktonotbeok and that it’s also ok to sometimes show your vulnerable or overwhelmed true self(ie)to the world. 💔 💚

#mentalhealthcheckin #checkonyourlovedones #beyourself #speakyourtruth #courage #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #youareenough

Let’s Keep Talking (#BellLetsTalkDay)

Today is “Bell Let’s Talk Day” and for the last 10 years Bell Canada has been at the forefront of this advocacy program promoting “mental health education, research, awareness and ending social stigma”. Funds raised during “Bell Let’s Talk Day” (which is close to 100 million dollars since its conception in 2010) are distributed to a number of mental health organizations across Canada helping to make our great nation a stigma-free one.

Canadians are asked to get involved in Bell’s initiative today by simply doing what most of us do on any given day using a variety of social media platforms like Twitter. By tweeting the hashtag #bellletstalk or watching one of their “Bell Let’s Talk” videos being shared on Twitter, Bell will donate 5 cents. If you use one of their “Bell Let’s Talk” frames on Facebook or watch one of their official videos on Facebook or Instagram, Bell will again donate 5 cents to their campaign. Bell also asks that while on Snapchat today and you snap a picture that you use one of their “Bell Let’s Talk” filters in order for another 5 cents to be donated (teenagers alone could raise 100 million dollars by the amount of “snaps” they send in a day!). And finally for all Bell Canada customers who make a phone call or send a text message throughout today they will also donate 5 cents each time. Sounds pretty simple??

As many of you know by now if you read anything I post or blog about it would come as no surprise to you how passionate I am when it comes to mental health and how crucial it is for society to end the stigma surrounding mental illness. And if “Bell Let’s Talk Day” can help jumpstart just one more conversation, give just one more voice the courage to share their story, educate just one more person to understand the signs of mental illness, teach just one more person the importance of language and the words you choose, show kindness and tolerance toward others or to just learn how to become a better listener and ask the right questions, together will make a difference in so many lives.

Throughout the past several years as this campaign has grown in leaps and bounds I have heard more and more controversy surrounding the Corporation’s true objectives. But for me today I just want the focus to be about the many faces (and masks) of mental illness and how it can and does affect us all. It may not affect you directly but it shouldn’t matter if it’s your loved one who may be suffering, your friend, your neighbour or even your co-worker, all that matters is that we break their silence, shatter the stereotypes and end the stigma together! Happy tweeting everyone.

Misty Water-Coloured Memories

Seven years ago today we celebrated big time and I beamed with so much pride the entire day. Seven years ago today we celebrated the B’nai Mitzvah of Jacob and Hannah; the added bonus for those of the Jewish faith, brave enough or dumb enough (just kidding) to have a son and a daughter 1 year apart! It truly was a magical day, filled with so much love and gratitude while being surrounded by all our family and friends. Seven years ago today I was ME, or so I thought I was. I loved everything about that day and all the planning that went into making sure it was the best damn day of their lives thus far. And that’s exactly what it turned out to be for all of us and no matter what no one can ever take those memories away.

But today as I think back to that magical day seven years ago I’m met with a lot of unwanted emotions and sadness knowing how just over two years later our lives changed forever and I still don’t truly understand the how’s or the why’s of how or why I lost that ME. That ME now instead reflects back daily to the exact day and time “it” all began to unravel and nearly five years later I am still left trying to put all the pieces of my life back together in order to become that ME again. The problem is though that I’m discovering day by day if in fact that was the ME I was truly meant to be at all.

I know it certainly doesn’t solve anything to be constantly living in the past, rehashing the what if’s, the how come’s and the why’s especially knowing what little control you have now and most of which you can’t change. But that is what depression does to a person’s heart and soul; it plays cruel and heart-rending mind games on you, breaking you down to nothing and leaving very little energy for the important and happy memories.

Today just so happens to also be another “anniversary” of sorts. Two years ago today I began sharing my story by creating a blog. I had never written a blog before and all the writing I had done prior to its conception was purely for my own enjoyment but since that day 2 years ago I have now written well over 100 of them, sharing the most personal and intimate details of my life with you. By writing my blog it has allowed me explore many parts of ME that weren’t working before that fateful day and find some strength to accept some parts of ME that I have lost forever. So as I continue to share my most personal and intimate feelings with you which may include rehashing the what if’s, the how come’s and the why’s through my writing maybe it will steer me toward the ME I am truly meant to be.

 

My Weighted Blanket

The main objective of my writing as you probably know by now is to tell my story in as open and honest a way as possible in hopes of helping others who may be suffering with similar symptoms or diagnosis to know that they are not alone and that it’s okay to not be okay. In doing so I am also trying my best to help end the stigma associated with having a mental illness while navigating our loved ones and society as a whole into becoming more tolerant and accepting of people who may be battling such a complex disease.

From time to time this has included my own personal testimonies about products or services that have been helpful to me and of course the not so helpful ones as well. In no way are 2 people’s journeys the same and what can work for one person may definitely not work for someone else (if that were the case that magic pill or hospital admission would have cured me long ago). But either way I feel I need to give my anecdotal accounts in order to help guide others in some sort of direction especially when feeling like traditional treatments are not enough.

One of the biggest struggles I encounter on a daily basis (or nightly I should say) is due to severe anxiety which causes me to suffer from a massive amount of sleep deprivation and no matter what nothing seems to help. When I do eventually fall asleep it is not for long periods of time and it is usually disrupted hourly causing me to never feel refreshed in the morning. It has been suggested to me on several occasions by people in the mental health field that maybe I should purchase a weighted blanket to help regulate my sleep and nighttime anxiety.

I’ve been researching them online for some time now and I happen to follow many Hollywood influencers who promote certain brands of them as well but this week when someone actually took the time to give me their very own personal account backed up by the scientifically-based, therapeutic benefits of a weighted blanket did I decide that maybe it was time to try one for myself; afterall the information came directly from a real-life scientist. The underlying science behind these blankets is called Deep Touch Pressure (DTP) and by applying that deep touch pressure to one’s body helps increase the release of serotonin which promotes relaxation.

These blankets have become widely used for both children and adults alike suffering with Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, Sleep Deprivation as well as many other mental and physical ailments. I just started using my blanket and can’t say for sure that it will actually cure my anxiety or sleep deprivation but I can tell you that the blanket is so soft and cozy (even though it weighs a ton) and just being wrapped in it helps put some of my anxiety at ease. I don’t know why it does and I certainly don’t know how but any comfort I can get even if it’s for a short while is worth every penny. And you better watch out Kardashians because I may soon become your direct competition as the next big Hollywood Marketing Influencer!

Stop Calling It “Blue Monday”

Today being the third Monday in January is also known as “Blue Monday” and through a mathematical equation formulated by a Psychology Professor in 2005, he believes that the third Monday in January should be labeled as the most depressing day of the year. His calculations make sense on paper but there is absolutely no scientific proof that today, the third Monday in January be the most depressing day of the year.

Sure today just happens to be the coldest day of the year thus far at a whopping -30 with the windchill, but keep in mind that it is certainly not that cold everywhere in the world. And sure those Christmas bills have now piled up on your kitchen table, but again it certainly doesn’t apply to everyone around the world. And of course let us not forget that being three weeks into the new year probably means that many of us have already broken nearly all of our New Year’s resolutions by now. So ya, on paper this mathematical formula may seem quite depressing to many but at the same time it is also quite misleading and possibly harmful to anyone suffering with depression.

Yes this time of year can cause a seemingly healthy individual to have feelings of depression due to the bitter cold, dreary weather or the shortened amount of daylight hours but categorizing the third Monday in January as the most depressing day of the year feels like a slap in the face to someone like me. It is quite common for someone to be affected by S.A.D or Seasonal Affective Disorder (please see blog “”I’m S.A.D, The February Blues”; Feb. 14, 2018) but again to say that today is the most depressing day of the year makes me SAD as depression is not a one day occurance like “World Chocolate Day” or “International Puppy Day”.

Take it from someone who is suffering with depression and know that it is an ongoing battle that can hit you at anytime and does not just come and go because we failed our attempt to start a diet on January 1st, or that by paying off our debt from Christmas will make your feelings of depression disappear. It unfortunately doesn’t work that way and when you research “Blue Monday” you will find out that it was actually created as a marketing strategy for travel companies to get people to book a vacation whether you need one or not. It’s strategy is kinda ironic though when your still drowning in debt from the recent holiday season, don’t you think?

Well either way, if anything positive can be taken away from “Blue Monday” maybe it’s another reason for people to talk about mental illness and anytime that happens it’s never a bad thing!

My Memory Wall

Today when my memory wall on Facebook popped up I was quickly reminded about one of the many memories in the last 4.5 years that I’d sooner forget. The pictures I have posted are from today, 4 years ago when I was released from my first full inpatient hospital stay which ended up being well over 3 months in total. The first post was for Rich and only Rich as he sacrificed (and still does) so much during that time in order for our kids to feel some sense of normalcy still. The second post was for the many, many friends and family who helped me and my family out during that time in ways that went above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Although I would sooner forget these and many other memories from the last 4.5 years, I am beyond grateful and thankful at the same time to be reminded today, four years later just how much love and support I still have surrounding me and my family and that four years ago many of you did not know what I was going through as I was not yet ready to let everyone in, but in doing so a couple of years ago that love and support is now overflowing. I have also made it my mission to let anyone in who wants in, to know that today is the best day to start that conversation, to share your story, to not suffer in silence anymore, to understand your own feelings better, that you are valued and that it’s okay to not be okay. #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness

Family Therapy

It’s hard, I mean it’s really hard for me to ever truly feel at peace with myself, to ever truly be able to shut off those voices that perpetually ruminate in my head and those voices I speak of seem to keep getting louder and stronger with each passing day. Lately I have been experiencing an overwhelming amount of tears, an overwhelming amount of anxiety and my panic attacks have taken on a whole new meaning.

Within every family unit there will always be many highs and many lows and there is just no hiding from the fact that when it has come to my illness (which is heading into its 5th year) those lows have had a tremendous impact on my family’s cohesiveness. I don’t like to talk about my kids or husband on a very personal level in my writing because the truth is their stories are not mine to tell (unless a New York bestseller is in the works). But how could it not have some sort of impact on their lives just as it would if our family was dealing with any other kind of life altering illness? Basically, when one or more parts of your family unit becomes broken there is no doubt in my mind it will have an effect on the rest of it, but of course with depression comes the added guilt that even the smallest impact my illness may have had on them, it is all my fault.

Throughout the last several years there has been a great deal of confusing, stressful and sometimes unsettling emotions surrounding our family’s cohesiveness and the build up over time has become too difficult to navigate alone and so on the recommendation of my family doctor it was time to seek some outside guidance from a professional together as a family.

I couldn’t think of a better person for the job than my own therapist who knows me very well and through me in turn knows the many challenges we face as a family. At the end of the day the main goal of our session (which was done in the comfort of our own home) was to learn (through a series of questions) how to communicate better with one another, how to understand each other’s needs in a non-judgmental way, how to help alleviate some of the day to day stresses we all face and to simply remind us all about the importance of family cohesiveness. It’s probably something all families could benefit from every so often.

The Elephant In My Room

THE ELEPHANT IN MY ROOM

Recently I made a donation to a non-profit organization which has grown to become one of the leaders in bringing Canadians together to help end the stigma surrounding mental illness by working closely with a variety of Nationally acclaimed and most-connected mental health services available in Canada. Their main objective in doing so is to provide a strong, cohesive voice to individuals suffering with a mood disorder/mental illness by helping to improve upon our access to treatment, to educate & continue research as well as to further develop & increase program availability & government policies. Through collaboration with their partnerships they are able to work on a wide-range of these projects and initiatives to help those suffering with often debilitating but treatable mental illnesses.

One such campaign they have developed is called “The Elephant In The Room” Anti-Stigma Campaign. The main purpose of this campaign is to end the stigma most often attached to mental illness which for many of us can actually be more detrimental to their well-being than the illness itself. The negativity, disrespectfulness, discrimination and judgment associated with a person having a mental disorder keep many, many people afraid to seek treatment or reach out to a loved one for help.

We have all heard the expression before “The Elephant In The Room” which signifies that there is a “major problem or controversial issue that is obviously present but avoided as a subject for discussion because it is more comfortable to do so.” Basically it’s what many people do when it comes to mental illness.

This campaign is trying to do the opposite of what the definition conveys by sending each individual who makes a donation an actual little, blue happy faced elephant to be placed anywhere you like in your home, your office, your car or even to carry it with you in your purse, briefcase or knapsack. I truly loved the powerful symbolism of what this little, blue happy faced elephant represents and couldn’t wait to have one of my own to let everyone know that when they enter my home it is a safe and stigma-free zone.

My elephant (seen in picture) is now proudly on display by my front door to welcome anyone who visits the opportunity to talk about whatever they need to without feeling any sort of negativity, discrimination and most of all judgment. It’s these small but powerful steps we can all take in ending the stigma together.