Category: Happiness

Traditions

I may actually get my moment with Dr. Phil after all. Tonight our tradition continued. Every June for the last many years we have set aside an evening to go for dinner together at my favorite restaurant #thekeg for an early birthday celebration before the start of the camp season begins (this Friday). The kids (and Rich) couldn’t wait to give me my present as we won’t be together for my birthday and even though I may have embarrassed them as I opened my gift and the tears started flowing (surprise surprise) in the middle of our dinner, they knew they were tears of joy. This is probably the most meaningful gift I have ever received; front row seats to an inspiring and motivating evening with Dr. Phil in Niagara Falls. #iloveyoutothemoonandback #traditions #family #summerofrich

Happy Father’s Day

I knew the moment I met you that you were a good catch but what I didn’t know then was what a great catch you would be until you became a dad. Jacob, Hannah, Rachel and Maggie all hit home runs in the daddy department. You cover all the bases, you cleanup really well, you’re our power hitter, our relief pitcher and even if you strike out sometimes when all 3 bases are loaded you are always on deck to catch any foul balls. You are our lead runner who keeps this family grounded and we hit a grand slam knowing that you are always by our side in a pinch. I love you to the moon and back, forever and a day. Happy Father’s Day Rich.
#yankeestadium #family #blessed #flux #dad #daddy #daddio

Yes I Can Feel Happiness; Watching History Unfold

Seeing the Raptors make history last night as they became NBA champions for the first time made me feel happy, seeing the entire Country unite over their win made me feel really happy and seeing people from all over the world celebrate their victory made me feel really really happy. Yes it is true, that even though I may suffer with a major depressive disorder on a daily basis, I am still able to experience moments of happiness.

First of all, and probably the most important thing I should note here because unfortunately many people still don’t understand it, but depression is not just a feeling; it’s an illness, an illness I did not choose, and the sadness I feel is a persistent, underlying emotion of my illness.

You have probably heard the saying before; “it’s the little things in life that make you happy” and I couldn’t agree more, even though I have a persistent, underlying emotion of sadness. There are so many things that make me happy in my life and on the top of that list, hands down, is making the ones I love most feel happy too.

But I am sad because my happiness often leaves me clouded and I am sad, not because I cannot see the beauty and kindness that surrounds me every day, but I am sad because my illness does not allow me to see that same beauty and kindness inside of me which leaves me unable to feel happiness within me either.

My happiness depends on the happiness of others. No matter how big or small my achievement may seem to others, my persistent, underlying sadness manages to overshadow it. I know that my self-perception may appear irrational to many but my inner voice tells me otherwise. It makes me believe that I am not worthy of my successes, or that my courage should not be celebrated and most of all it takes away my power to feel happiness within me.

So for now as I learn how to feel happiness within me once again, I will continue to bask in the beauty and kindness of other people’s happiness which will include celebrating the gift that the Raptors have given to Canada and seeing as I did jump on the bandwagon I’m pretty invested in their happiness now after all.

Let’s All Show Our Pride

The month of June is better known as “Pride Month” which celebrates the LGBTQ community by raising awareness of sexual diversity and gender variance. Pride month also helps increase self-affirmation, inclusivity, dignity and equal rights in the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender communities. And although we may have come a long way since its inception, the LGBTQ community still lives in very frightening times and many are too afraid to be who they want to be for fear of rejection, judgment, ridicule, violence, prejudices or discrimination.

Due to many of the challenges that the LGBTQ community face it is of little to no surprise that they are among the highest rate of any one community to suffer with Mental Health challenges, more so than the general population. Just imagine yourself as a young child, frightened because you feel “different” from the rest of your peer group or imagine you try to hide your “differences” for fear that you may be rejected, judged, or ridiculed by your peers and family, or imagine longing to be able to connect with other peers who are also “different” but you don’t know how to, or imagine still that those “differences” you have been trying to bury for so long become known within your peer group and suddenly you find yourself the victim of discrimination, prejudices or worse, violence.

These are just some examples of what individuals in the LGBTQ community may struggle with for part or all of their lives which can easily escalate into Depression, Anxiety and Trauma when they begin to lack self-worth and self-acceptance or begin feeling hopeless and alone. The long term effects of internalizing their negative self-talk can also create many additional struggles of both shame and guilt. They may feel shame and guilt for being “different” or for feeling the way they do, or for doing what they do, all of which can lead to further emotional and physical scars.

Many of you reading this right now may have once been that frightened young child, or maybe you are still struggling with the pain and anguish of being “different” in your adult years or maybe you were one of the lucky ones who found support from your friends, family and community right away. Either way it is especially important to recognize and celebrate the “Pride” movement and everything and everyone it stands up for as they take the mental health of their communities very seriously and bring people together in such a meaningful way.

Celebrating Pride month helps us imagine a world where being “different” is okay, where being “different” is acceptable and that we should all embrace our differences in one another because isn’t that what makes the world a much brighter and more colourful place to live just like the Pride flag so boldly represents.

The Call To Courage (Brene Brown)

I recently watched the Brene Brown special on Netflix called “The Call To Courage”. If you are unfamiliar with her work let me assure you that she is worth knowing. Brene has a PHD, an MSW and is a Research Professor at the University of Houston. She is also the author of MANY #1 New York Times bestselling books (many of which I have read) and has spent most of her career researching and studying Courage, Vulnerability, Shame and Empathy and she is now the first person to have a filmed talk available on Netflix.

“The Call To Courage” was both witty and exceptional and also proved from start to finish how important and necessary it is for us to choose “courage over comfort” by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. As I sat there listening to her speak I found myself captivated by her truth and honesty and began to see the parallels between what she was saying and my own life because I realized that I have been choosing “courage over comfort” by sharing my story with you.

I’ve been choosing to have conversations about the “uncomfortable” things; I’ve been choosing to communicate about my shame; I’ve been choosing to express my fears and I’ve been choosing to “show up to the arena” which according to Brene is the bravest thing any of us can do. Theodore Roosevelt first coined the phrase “showing up to the arena” during a speech he gave way back in 1910 but Brene has taken it to a whole new level and through to a whole new century by showing her audience how truly important it is to be vulnerable.

I just wanted to share with you a small snippet of his speech. In it he states; “It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.”

I’ve also been choosing to share my story by owning my truth, by trying not to betray myself for worry that I will be judged or ridiculed by other people and by “having the courage to show up knowing that you can’t control the outcome” but at the same time also understanding that the only true pathway to getting there is by being marred by the dust, sweat and blood while exhibiting your vulnerability.

Just thinking about choosing to show up to the arena is petrifying and filled with so much uncertainty and risk. What if we fail? Or then again, what if we succeed? But as Brene points out, winning the race may not be about coming in first after all but instead it’s more about being brave enough to “just come off the block and get wet”. Something I need to try and do every day by continuing to choose “courage over comfort”.

Am I “Enough”?

The word “Enough” can be used to express just about anything but since suffering with Depression and Anxiety it seems to be one of the most overused words in my daily negative self-talk. Everyday my inner critic tells me stories and of course my most favorite one of all is when it tells me that “I’m not good enough”. It also loves to remind me that “I’m not worthy enough”, “smart enough”, “capable enough”, “attractive enough” or even “skinny enough”.

Life has been testing me a lot lately, like way more than ever before and it’s really hard to remember when the last time was that I actually felt like I was “good enough”, “worthy enough”, “smart enough”, “capable enough”, “attractive enough” or even “skinny enough” and I have to tell ya, it’s beyond exhausting and overwhelming.

A couple of years ago I designed a logo (see picture) with the help of my husband’s friend which conveys a simple yet powerful message to each and every person suffering with a mental illness which reads; “YOU ARE ENOUGH”. I have since adopted this logo to several other aspects of my life including the name of my blog.

This is not a new phrase by any means but one that means a lot to me, a message that needs repeating each and every day. “You Are Enough” does not mean that you are without flaws, it does not mean that you are all done evolving, it does not mean that you are perfect, it does not mean that you have everything you want, it does not mean that you don’t have any weaknesses and it does not mean that you can’t still make plenty of mistakes.

What “You Are Enough” does mean however is that you are “good enough”, “worthy enough”, “smart enough”, “capable enough”, “attractive enough” or even “skinny enough” no matter what your struggles or imperfections may be. It means that no matter what you may be thinking or feeling, you have nothing to prove to the world because you are who you are and that is more than “good enough”. It also means that no matter what, you have a purpose and that being you is the best damn person you can be, not to mention, the bravest one too.

I am continually being told that “I Am Enough” just the way I am and even though I may not be able to see it or think it or feel it I certainly hear it. Hearing the words “You Are Enough” reminds us that whatever you did today, whatever you felt today or whatever you thought today was okay, maybe it was even more than okay, maybe it was f@*king awesome because that means that being you, whoever you are; “You Are Enough”.

What does being “Enough” mean to you?

THE BIG BANG THEORY” DEFINES FAMILY

I had a good cry last night, it wasn’t just any cry, it was one of those really ugly cries. It was the kind of cry you have when you feel like you’ve just lost your best friend, which is kinda how I felt.

Last night was the series finale of “The Big Bang Theory” which is now one of the longest running Television Series in TV history and probably my most favorite of all. For twelve seasons I have watched “The Big Bang Theory” every Thursday night without fail (thank goodness for PVR’s) and I watch it regularly in reruns too (it might even border a bit on the obsessive side). I have undoubtedly seen the first 10/11 seasons at least a dozen times each by now (but who’s kidding who, it’s WAY more than that, right Rich?).

“The Big Bang Theory” centered around four socially awkward friends who in its very first episode befriends a beautiful aspiring actress/waitress when she moves in across the hall from two of them. They have absolutely nothing in common with one another yet somehow build relationships that many could only dream of having. Over time, several other key and supporting characters were also introduced into the mix and together over the course of twelve seasons we watched them grow into one big family.

Throughout the years “The Big Bang Theory” taught us so much about Science, Superheros and Star Wars but most of all it taught us so many important life lessons. It taught us that girls can be anything and do anything, it taught us that it’s okay to be different or quirky, it taught us about kindness, it taught us to reach for the stars, it taught us about acceptance and friendship and most of all it taught us the true definition of family.

Family can no longer be defined in the traditional sense of the word as two parents and children living together in one household because in today‘s complex world that is just simply unacceptable. And furthermore, who wants to believe that anyway.

Family also means a lot more than just being related by blood or marriage and “The Big Bang Theory” proved this to their audiences week after week right up until finale night. You know the old saying “You can’t choose your family”; well that is of course unless you redefine the word “Family” like these characters did.

The characters all had complicated and unconventional relationships with their parents and siblings which often made for some super funny episodes but who they relied on day after day as their confidants, who they spent holidays and birthdays with, who they shared their successes and failures with, who they reached out to whenever they needed a shoulder to cry on were their friends, the ones they chose to be their family.

I know what it feels like when friends become family. I have been lucky enough to know that feeling many times throughout my life. It’s the people in your life who want you to be in theirs, it’s the ones who accept you for who you are; imperfections and all, it’s the ones who go out of their way to make you smile and it’s the ones who love you no matter what. That’s what the true meaning of family is all about and that is what I will take away from watching all 279 episodes of “The Big Bang Theory”.

The final episode did not disappoint and it went out with a “Big Bang” and one last “Bazinga” but I’m still not ready to say goodbye. I’m really gonna miss tuning in each and every week to watch my Thursday night family continue to evolve but at least I know that they are just one click of a button away in reuns.

How do you define the word Family?

My Favorite Mother’s Day Present

Last year on Mother’s Day I chose me. You may recall how last year the five of us escaped the city for an entire day and night and spent time hiking, picnicking in the park, enjoying some cross border shopping and then finished the day off with dinner together at a restaurant of my choosing (See blog: This Mother’s Day I Choose Me; May 11, 2018). This year the timing (and weather for that matter) won’t allow for a hike or a picnic in the park or some cross border shopping or possibly even dinner all together but today I’m still choosing me even if it means having to do so in shifts as the girls are spending the afternoon with their Buby at a play and the boy has his first Baseball game of the season this evening. But so long as I get a few uninterrupted, quality moments with my babies this Mother’s Day it will all be worthwhile.

Since becoming a Mom, Mother’s Day has never been about presents, except of course the ones that were created with love and sticky fingers but many years ago my kids did buy me a gift that over time has become a very personal collection of everything that is important to me, and tells a story, one that is unique to only me. Can you guess what it was? Okay, fine I will tell you…they bought me a bracelet from Pandora with a charm attached that simply read “MOM”.

Those three letters mean more to me than anything else in this world and those three kids who made me a mom are my reason “why”. They are also the reason why I never take my bracelet off my wrist. I find myself looking at it a lot lately, always touching it, examining it and fidgeting with every charm I have received since then. This bracelet l wear proudly on my wrist is my daily reminder of how much I am loved. I may only have seven charms on my bracelet but each one of them signifies a piece of me and the most beautiful and meaningful parts of my story but no matter what or how many I choose to display upon my wrist I probably don’t need to tell you which one truly means the most.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mom’s out there who are blessed with having their own unique and meaningful story to tell.

Giving Back

As I continue to focus on Mental Health Week I was reminded just how broken the Ontario Healthcare System is. With that in mind I wanted to share a letter with you that I received in the mail the other day. We’ve all received similar versions of this letter before from various Hospital foundations, Alumni groups or Not For Profit organizations and whether we choose to support their cause or not we know that giving them our support is much appreciated and most often a worthy one. But as I opened this letter and read the very first line I was faced with a mix of emotions. At first I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry but quickly those emotions turned to anger and frustration.

Many of you may recall a few months ago how I shared some of the most vulnerable moments of my journey thus far which included several visits to the emergency room that week including the one in which this letter is from, a hospital I was all too familiar with after spending many months in.

But that particular week they turned their back on me after opening up to them with pure, heart-wrenching honesty, telling them my thoughts of suicide. I also told them that I was no longer taking medication and I that I no longer wish to take medication for very good reasons, but I was not worthy enough to be helped unless I would agree to take medication and I was also told that their outpatient services could not help me either unless I again agreed to take medication. By the next evening I found myself in yet another emergency room after attempting to act on those thoughts.

I have given back plenty over the years to many causes and foundations and especially over the last several years for very obvious and personal reasons and I will continue to do so with some of the proceeds from my upcoming children’s book but certainly not to a place that made me feel even more unworthy than I already do.

Yes I came to you as a patient in need of help and yes I had profound trust in you, but you let me down when I needed you the most. I was at my most vulnerable and felt unsafe and you were unwilling to help me. And even though you may be a world renowned hospital who has been at the forefront of incredible research and development, much of which could not be possible without the help of generous donations, you left me a little more broken that day which I never knew was possible.

Please check out my blogs “My Grim Reality” (Nov 21, 2018); “Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart ” (Nov 25, 2018) and “I Don’t Think I Can Get More Honest Than This” (Nov 30, 2018) for those of you who may have missed them. https://youareenough712.wordpress.com

One Day At A Time

This is my friend Lisa; okay let me rephrase that; this was my friend Lisa one year ago today. In this picture Lisa weighed just 84 pounds and was taken just before she began her lifesaving journey toward wellness after a 20 year battle with anorexia and bulimia.
To say this past year has been hard would be an understatement but nothing will ever compare to what her eating disorder took from her and her family for the last 20 years. She knew that day when she took this picture that if she didn’t take that first step forward toward recovery that she would likely die, and soon.
Eating Disorders actually have the highest mortality rate of all Mental Illness Disorders yet only 1 in 10 people who suffer with an eating disorder actually seek treatment. There are many types of eating disorders and often begin developing in adolescence or earlier, many of which can go unnoticed for years.
Today, one year later Lisa is in recovery and has been fortunate enough to achieve a healthy weight as she continues on her daily journey toward wellness. Recovery is not something that happens over night, it will most likely be a lifetime of good days and bad days for Lisa and many others struggling with an eating disorder but what truly matters is staying on that pathway to becoming happier and stronger every day.

Her family and friends are so proud of the strides she has made in the last year and I know she is too. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder and need someone to talk to Lisa has made it her life mission to be there to listen without judgment any way she can and has given many talks in the community and been featured in a video for CAMH as well. Feel free to reach out to her Facebook page SHYNZ Mission or follow her story at: https://wordpress.com/post/20yearsaprisoner.wordpress.com/8808