Giving Back

As I continue to focus on Mental Health Week I was reminded just how broken the Ontario Healthcare System is. With that in mind I wanted to share a letter with you that I received in the mail the other day. We’ve all received similar versions of this letter before from various Hospital foundations, Alumni groups or Not For Profit organizations and whether we choose to support their cause or not we know that giving them our support is much appreciated and most often a worthy one. But as I opened this letter and read the very first line I was faced with a mix of emotions. At first I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry but quickly those emotions turned to anger and frustration.

Many of you may recall a few months ago how I shared some of the most vulnerable moments of my journey thus far which included several visits to the emergency room that week including the one in which this letter is from, a hospital I was all too familiar with after spending many months in.

But that particular week they turned their back on me after opening up to them with pure, heart-wrenching honesty, telling them my thoughts of suicide. I also told them that I was no longer taking medication and I that I no longer wish to take medication for very good reasons, but I was not worthy enough to be helped unless I would agree to take medication and I was also told that their outpatient services could not help me either unless I again agreed to take medication. By the next evening I found myself in yet another emergency room after attempting to act on those thoughts.

I have given back plenty over the years to many causes and foundations and especially over the last several years for very obvious and personal reasons and I will continue to do so with some of the proceeds from my upcoming children’s book but certainly not to a place that made me feel even more unworthy than I already do.

Yes I came to you as a patient in need of help and yes I had profound trust in you, but you let me down when I needed you the most. I was at my most vulnerable and felt unsafe and you were unwilling to help me. And even though you may be a world renowned hospital who has been at the forefront of incredible research and development, much of which could not be possible without the help of generous donations, you left me a little more broken that day which I never knew was possible.

Please check out my blogs “My Grim Reality” (Nov 21, 2018); “Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart ” (Nov 25, 2018) and “I Don’t Think I Can Get More Honest Than This” (Nov 30, 2018) for those of you who may have missed them.

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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