Category: Guilt

It’s Thanksgiving Today And “I Get To”

Thanksgiving isn’t really a holiday that we celebrate in our home (although my kids have been dying to make pumpkin pie; I’m just not quite sure who’d actually eat it though!) but the significance of the holiday is certainly not lost on any of us.
I am grateful, I am blessed and I am thankful for having each one of these Goons (insert loving tone here 💕) in my life and I know that no matter what challenges we may face, obstacles we must overcome or hoops we will jump through, we “GET TO” do it together.
Thanksgiving is a time for giving thanks to those who mean the most to us and to express our gratitude in general. It’s a time for feeling blessed and remembering that we should celebrate each victory, big or small and embrace every challenge in our life because we can and because we “GET TO”.
But for me, suffering with chronic depression and anxiety these are gigantic tasks. My perception is often not my reality but still I keep trying to challenge the very cruel and daunting voice in my head by changing the conversation each day from “I have to wake up again today” to “I get to wake up again today”. I’m not gonna lie though because many days the challenge feels endless and much of the time too burdensome to even want to keep trying.
When having the mindset that “I have to” do something it’s implying that it is a real burden as opposed to telling ourselves “I Get To” which is truly a blessing. I know just how important these 3 little words are to my recovery because as we all know it’s not what I “have to do” in my life that matters, it’s who “I GET TO” do my life with that does.
Maybe today we “get to” go to the grocery store (we are blessed to have food to eat), or maybe we “get to” pay some bills today (we are blessed to have a home that keeps us safe and warm) or maybe we “get to” take our toddler to the doctor today (because we are so blessed to be someone’s mom/dad).
So whether or not you are celebrating Thanksgiving today, lets all make a pact together and change our perspective to “I Get To” instead of “I Have To” and help each other look at life through the eyes of opportunity, gratitude and blessings because every day should feel like it’s Thanksgiving.
What do you “get to” do today?
#thanksgiving #getto #blessed #grateful #thankful #myreasonswhy

Crafting

Crafting or working on creative projects is an escape for me and always has been and lucky for me it also has many health benefits for your mental wellness too. Crafting is a great way for me to relieve stress by taking a break from my chronic anxiety and depression. Crafting can build self-esteem and self-confidence when you feel a sense of accomplishment or success from your achievement.
For me, part of the crafting or creating of a project itself is the excitement of planning and executing it. It’s not just about the finished product but also about the journey of getting there as well. It’s about challenging myself, learning new skills and once completed maybe even having a new knick-knack to display!
I created this piece to remind myself everyday and for anyone else who walks into my home that “you are enough”. That you were enough before you walked through my door, that you are enough now and that you will continue to be enough after. And even though I am forever believing otherwise I now have something to remind me that I am worthy, I am valued, I am accepted, I am true, I am loved and I am purposeful because I am me and that also means that you are you. #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalhealthawarenessweek #itsoktonotbeok #ichooseme #youarenotalone #bekindtoyourself #crafting #create

Can You Tell Me How To Get to Sesame Street?

Who doesn’t love Sesame Street? I mean it doesn’t get much better than Elmo, Oscar The Grouch and Big Bird now does it? Nor would they be celebrating 50 magical years on air next month if it wasn’t one of the most beloved neighborhoods for kids of all ages!
Throughout the last 50 years Sesame Street has embraced a myriad of groundbreaking storylines on their show with open arms. Each and every year they continue to tackle topics that reflect their diverse audience with only one goal in mind; education and inclusion.
These topics have ranged from racism, adoption, autism, down syndrome, divorce, being in a wheelchair, 9/11, death, a family member being incarcerated; the list is truly endless and for each topic they tackle, millions of children and their families are sitting in their living rooms, watching and feeling less alone in their own relatable struggle.
And now this week Sesame Street has done it once again by adding to their list of inclusive storylines when they recently introduced a new character by the name of Karli who begins to open up to her friends in the neighborhood about her mom’s addiction and mental health crisis. She tells her friends that her mom had to go away for treatment and that she is now in recovery and that a big part of her recovery is attending meetings every single day with people who have the same problem as her in order to help her stay healthy while being surrounded by people who understand what she is going through and learning how to take better care of herself.
The message Karli receives from her mom and her friends is one of hope and healing and it really resonated with me, bringing tears to my eyes (not that it takes much to make me cry). The message Karli receives is the same message that “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” aims to teach children which is that Mommy’s disease is not their fault, that they are not alone and that they are safe and loved.
It is also relating another very important message to their audience which is that it is never too early to start having these conversations with children because the more we open up and have honest conversations the sooner our children will understand that they are not at fault, that they are not alone and most of all that they are safe and loved. And lets not forget that the more education and inclusion we project upon young children today, the sooner we help to end the stigma around mental illness for future generations to come!
Watching Karli made me want to reach out and hug her so tight and then curl up next to her while reading “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” together. Just one quick question though before I go; “Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?”
#youareenough #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #addictions #opioidcrisis #epidemic #compassion #friendship #itsoktonotbeok #acceptance #startaconversation #courage #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazonca #sesamestreet #inclusion #educationiskey #childrenareourfuture #endthestigmatogether #kidsarepeopletoo #speakyourtruth #honesty #elmo #happyanniversary #cheerstofiftymore #mentalhealthawarenessweek

World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day and its main focus is on suicide prevention. Today we need to start important and necessary conversations. Today we need to check in on our loved ones. Today we need to give hope to someone who may need it the most. Today we need to ensure that no-one feels alone. It takes less than a minute to do so and by being present in someone’s life who may be feeling vulnerable right now can make all difference.

Whether it’s a quick chat over a cup of coffee or a simple text message or maybe a phone call or even a quiet visit together in the comfort of their home, I can tell you how much moments like these make a difference in my own life. Keep talking, keep sharing, keep showing up, keep being kind and compassionate toward others because your voice may just be the voice who gives someone else the courage to reach out for the help they need. #givesomeonehopetoday #itonlytakesamoment #itsoktonotbeok #suicideprevention #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #mentalhealthawarenessweek #worldmentalhealthday #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #youareenough #empowerment #compassion #kindness

Self-Forgiveness

Today is Yom Kippur; which is considered the holiest holiday in the Jewish faith and according to the tradition we are encouraged on Yom Kippur to “make amends” and ask for forgiveness from any wrongdoing we may have done throughout the past year to others. Forgiving others can be very hard for many but what about learning to forgive ourselves? That is probably one of the most difficult things to do; but also one of the most courageous. I struggle with self-forgiveness every day but I know that in order to begin healing, it is also one of the bravest things to do.

#mentalhealthawarenessweek #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #selfcare #ichooseme #selfforgiveness #youarenotalone #bekindtoyourself #youareenough #youmatter #introspection #selflove #itsoktonotbeok #yomkippur

Dip An Apple In Some Honey

For many people of the Jewish faith, tonight is the beginning of Rosh Hashanah, the start of a new year which also marks the high holy days ending with Yom Kippur ten days later. During these ten holy days Jewish people are meant to focus their attention on introspection and attonement. It is also the time of year where we should look to the future and be grateful to be given the opportunity for a new beginning while at the same time be able to ask for forgiveness for our sins from the past year.
For someone like myself who is battling a mental illness, these concepts are both a daily struggle and a large part of our recovery.
This time of year can often be very triggering but also very comforting for many. It may be an opportunity for some individuals, who like me, are suffering with a mental illness, to start important and necessary conversations around the dinner table or within their congregations. It may be the time of year that you find solace in speaking your truth. It may be the time of year that you feel safe in the hands of your loved ones or through prayer. It may be the time of year that your pain allows you to find the courage or help that you need and it may be the time of year that you start to feel like you are not alone in your journey.
So tonight or tomorrow or next week when you enter a place of worship or a loved one’s home or wherever these high holy days find you, try and look around the room at your surroundings and the people around you and give them strength, be present for them, offer a warm smile, a sincere handshake, a strong hug to help walk them through their darkness.
And although you may not truly understand what another person is feeling or going through, just knowing that someone cares or is willing to hold your hand and show compassion towards you may give them the strength and courage or allow them to focus their attention on introspection and atonement within themselves knowing they are not walking it alone.
L’Shanah Tova to everyone which simply means “to a good year” and remember to dip an apple in some honey for some extra sweetness.

Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

I use the word “overwhelmed” a lot to explain how I am feeling, but it kinda describes how I feel most often, most days. And lately it’s no wonder I’m so overwhelmed, I’ve been on the biggest roller coaster ride of my life over the last few weeks and albeit there have been many ups, there have also been many loops and many, many downs.

It’s fair to say that I’ve had a lot on my plate lately and have taken on way more than I can chew, and most of what you are seeing is only a small portion of it through my many posts and pictures on my social media pages. But my ability to cope with life is starting to take a real downward plunge, just like that feeling you get when you are on that roller coaster ride, slowly making your way uphill and then suddenly you plummet downward at the highest speeds imaginable leaving your stomach at the top.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for the feeling that I get when I’m riding that roller coaster uphill; the slower the better, that way I can take in way more of the sites below, but it’s those many loops and sudden plunges downhill that makes it so difficult to enjoy the ride that I find myself screaming and begging for it to all just come to an end.

The more any of us take on or have to tend to in our lives, the more overwhelmed we may feel, then add on for me, those persistent and incessant racing thoughts, those feelings of worthlessness, that fear of failure and lets not forget that Goddamn guilt. When I mix it all together I begin to shut down both mentally and physically.

Well yesterday that roller coaster ride hesitantly made it up the hill and then suddenly and without warning broke down completely causing my entire immune system to shut down too. I found myself in a hospital emergency room in the late afternoon with a rash which has now physically covered my whole body and a mental breakdown which led to a severe panic attack and hysteria.

It was in that moment that I realized (ok it was more like once I was given something to calm me down) and then Rich helped me realize that although many things I am dealing with right now are not within my control I need to refocus my whole heart on what I do have control over instead. I have a very difficult time concentrating on one task at a time, or tackling one issue at a time but it is not serving me well to try and bite off more than I can chew right now.

So for now my first priority is to start back at the very beginning and break everything down into their simplest forms in order to begin to dissect each task or issue into more manageable blocks. I also know that it’s more than ok to ask for help when you need it because often that is all any of us need in order to get off the roller coaster ride before it plummets downward at unimaginable speeds.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

No-one Is Immune

Last night news spread very quickly over many mental health related newsfeeds about a young man named Jarrid Wilson, just 30 years old who had taken his own life. He was married with 2 young children, he was an author and co-founder of a non profit organization called Anthem of Hope. He was a mental health advocate, a devout Christian and a very well known Pastor who gave “hope for those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, addiction, and suicide” even while he was battling his own depression and anxiety; something he spoke very open and honestly about.
As soon as I read the news my jaw just about dropped to the floor because he was somewhat of a celebrity to me and to anyone else who is as obsessed as I am with the TLC reality show “Outdaughtered”. Even if you are just a little bit obsessed with the show then you should know exactly who he was (and if you don’t know the show then you seriously don’t know what you are missing; The cutest quintuplets around!). New season starts October 1st.
A couple of seasons ago Jarrid and his family were featured in several episodes when the dad of the quints; Adam Busby was diagnosed with post-partum depression (yes it exists in men too!) and sought out Pastor Jarrid for some counselling. I watched those episodes a little differently than most other episodes because I felt the dad’s pain and so much of what Pastor Jarrid said to him at the time resonated so much with me.
I didn’t know at the time those episodes aired that the Pastor was battling with his own mental health issues and that much of what he said during their sessions together came from a place of understanding and compassion and knowing both of them were very devout Christian’s, God played a big part in both of their journeys. And kudos to TLC for tackling such a stigmatized topic, especially for men.
I am certain that many of you are probably asking yourselves today how a person who devoted his entire life to helping others battle depression, who wrote books about hope, who co-founded a non profit organization supporting others with depression and who devoted his entire life to God could lose his battle with depression himself. Well the senior Pastor at his church in California summed it up perfectly. Greg Laurie stated in an interview yesterday that “Sometimes people may think that as pastors or spiritual leaders we are somehow above the pain and struggles of everyday people, we are the ones who are supposed to have all the answers. But we do not.”
Those words ring true for any person who suffers with depression and understands that no one, no matter what your socio-economical background is or your religious beliefs are, nobody is immune to mental illness which is why I can see so many parallels between my own journey and Jarrid’s journey too.
I may not pray or look toward God for guidance but like Jarrid I experience pain each and every day and like Jarrid I have made it my mission to advocate for change and end the stigma surrounding mental illness by being that voice. And like Jarrid I have made it my mission to help as many people as I can get the help they need and give other people hope. And like Jarrid I have made it my mission to let others know that it’s okay not to be okay. Hey and lets not forget that like Jarrid I too can now call myself an author!
I know it’s so difficult to understand how someone like myself or Jarrid can do all those things yet still not be able to practice what we preach because it’s no secret that it’s often so much easier to see the beauty in others and not in our own selves. And although suicide took his life “Suicide will not get the last word. I won’t let it. You always said, “Hope gets the last word (A quote from his wife). And I’m pretty sure she will make it her mission now to ensure that hope lives on in all of us battling this deadly disease.
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

TODAY IS SEPTEMBER 10TH: DON’T GIVE UP!

I think it’s probably safe to say that at some point in your life you have felt loneliness, or maybe you have felt like a failure, or maybe you have felt helpless or maybe even worthless. It might’ve only been for a day or a week or for many like myself, it might’ve been for years but no matter the length of time it probably felt like an eternity.
Today is September 10th and today is World Suicide Prevention Day which is a day solely dedicated to raising awareness and prevention of suicidal behaviors worldwide.
The World Health Organization (WHO) joins forces each year with The International Association For Suicide Prevention (IASP) and World Federation For Mental Health (WFMH) to provide this forum for mental health professionals, crisis teams, suicide survivors and anyone else who has been affected by suicide with special activities and events being held all over the world.
Yes you may be reading my mind because of course it will take way more than just one day a year for change to come about but by recognizing it and talking about it is a stepping stone to starting important and necessary conversations everywhere and no matter what that is the goal of today.
That was the same goal of one such movement I recently came across (well maybe like 6 mths ago if we’re gonna get technical) which began about 2 years ago in Oregon and truly defines what one important and necessary conversation can do to help save lives.
Imagine for a moment that day or that week or those years that you felt loneliness or like a failure or helpless or maybe even worthless. Now imagine yourself for a moment, riding home from work after a long day and you’re feeling worthless or think about a child who arrives at school one morning who feels lonely and suddenly in front of you there is a “sign”.
#dontgiveupsigns is a movement which began as I mentioned above in Oregon by one family who upon learning that the suicide rate in their community was rapidly rising, they decided right then and there that they needed to be a part of the solution by spreading love and hope. So as a family they began knocking on strangers doors asking if they would be willing to place a sign on their front lawn for a couple of weeks. And before they knew it their simple act of kindness was becoming an international phenomenon.
Their signs read messages of hope and encouragement like “you matter”, “you are not alone”, ” it’s not too late”, “don’t give up”, “you are worthy of love” and more. In 2 short years their signs (and now stickers, bracelets and pins too) have made their way to 27 countries and in 6 different languages and they aren’t slowing down.
They are now a non profit organization committed to helping others who may be feeling lonely or like a failure or helpless or maybe even worthless. They started a conversation and now they are paying it forward.
So what if it was you in that car driving home from work that day feeling worthless or what if it was your child who arrives at school every day feeling lonely and right there at the right time and in the right place they saw a “sign”? You just never know how a simple act of kindness may change someone else’s whole world forever.
Please go to dontgiveupsigns.com or follow them on Facebook and Instagram to learn more. I know how much I’d love to see these signs popping up in my own community. Who’s with me?
@dontgiveupmovement @who
#worldsuicidepreventionday
#dontgiveupsigns
#changingtheconversation
#onesignatatime
#wordsmatter #youmatter #startaconversation
#checkonyourlovedones
#dontsufferinsilence #yourmentalhealthmatters #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #dailyreminder #itsoktonotbeok #suicide #endthestigmatogether #bekindtoyourself #selfcare #youareenough #choosekindness

Something From Nothing

When I first began teaching Preschool aged children many years ago (before I had my own kids) I began a collection of age appropriate books that I felt would be relevant to my own children one day, many of which I have kept to pass along to the next generation too. One such book is the award winning book adapted from a Jewish folktale called “Something From Nothing”.
Once my own kids were old enough I began reading it to them regularly and it never got old. The story begins with a proud grandfather making his new grandson Joseph a wonderful baby blanket “to keep him warm and cozy and chase away bad dreams.” As Joseph grows, his much loved baby blanket becomes “frazzled and torn” (much like my copy of this book) and his mom encourages Joseph to throw it away. Joseph would hear nothing of it and says to his mother proudly; “Grandpa can fix it!” And fix it he did, many many times as he grew. He transformed his blanket into a wonderful jacket, a wonderful vest, a wonderful tie, a wonderful handkerchief and finally with very little material left he made a wonderful button for him to hold up his suspenders with.
That was until one day when the button becomes lost and Joseph searches everywhere for it but can’t find it and Joseph had to come to the realization that even his amazing grandfather couldn’t make “Something From Nothing”.
But maybe there was hope after all because what Joseph learned that day was far more valuable than finding his wonderful button, it was that there still was something indeed that could be made from the material left behind which just so happened to be a wonderful story.
The message of love is abundant in this timeless tale and is such a touching story to see the special bond growing deeper and deeper between a boy and his grandfather. In the end Joseph realizes that it was never about a wonderful blanket or a wonderful coat or even a wonderful button but instead it was about making memories and being able to retell stories over and over again that came with each stage of his life.
It was about creating those memories with his loved ones and holding on to them because truly in the end it is all about the importance of using our imaginations and being able to share our memories with the people that matter the most, no matter how young or old. If we use our imaginations and create the ability to storytell then we will always be able to make “Something From Nothing”.
I learned this valuable lesson very recently when I shared a fun and engaging post on my Facebook page about all the collectibles many of us had in our childhood (like stickers and stationary and cabbage patch dolls). I no longer have any of my collectibles due to several unforeseen circumstances (another story for another time) and at first my fun and engaging post quickly turned my emotions to anger and sadness when others began sharing how they still had their childhood treasures but then I remembered that it wasn’t about the material things itself but more about our ability to create memories, use our imagination and to keep storytelling over and over again with each stage of our lives because that is the material left behind to make for any great story!