Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

I use the word “overwhelmed” a lot to explain how I am feeling, but it kinda describes how I feel most often, most days. And lately it’s no wonder I’m so overwhelmed, I’ve been on the biggest roller coaster ride of my life over the last few weeks and albeit there have been many ups, there have also been many loops and many, many downs.

It’s fair to say that I’ve had a lot on my plate lately and have taken on way more than I can chew, and most of what you are seeing is only a small portion of it through my many posts and pictures on my social media pages. But my ability to cope with life is starting to take a real downward plunge, just like that feeling you get when you are on that roller coaster ride, slowly making your way uphill and then suddenly you plummet downward at the highest speeds imaginable leaving your stomach at the top.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for the feeling that I get when I’m riding that roller coaster uphill; the slower the better, that way I can take in way more of the sites below, but it’s those many loops and sudden plunges downhill that makes it so difficult to enjoy the ride that I find myself screaming and begging for it to all just come to an end.

The more any of us take on or have to tend to in our lives, the more overwhelmed we may feel, then add on for me, those persistent and incessant racing thoughts, those feelings of worthlessness, that fear of failure and lets not forget that Goddamn guilt. When I mix it all together I begin to shut down both mentally and physically.

Well yesterday that roller coaster ride hesitantly made it up the hill and then suddenly and without warning broke down completely causing my entire immune system to shut down too. I found myself in a hospital emergency room in the late afternoon with a rash which has now physically covered my whole body and a mental breakdown which led to a severe panic attack and hysteria.

It was in that moment that I realized (ok it was more like once I was given something to calm me down) and then Rich helped me realize that although many things I am dealing with right now are not within my control I need to refocus my whole heart on what I do have control over instead. I have a very difficult time concentrating on one task at a time, or tackling one issue at a time but it is not serving me well to try and bite off more than I can chew right now.

So for now my first priority is to start back at the very beginning and break everything down into their simplest forms in order to begin to dissect each task or issue into more manageable blocks. I also know that it’s more than ok to ask for help when you need it because often that is all any of us need in order to get off the roller coaster ride before it plummets downward at unimaginable speeds.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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