Category: family

It’s Alright To Cry


Rich and I have been hit with some pretty bad blows over the last several years and this week has been no exception. I’m not gonna share right now just how bad a week it’s actually been but trust me when I tell you it’s been pretty f*@#ing bad. 

When it feels like the walls are closing in around me my illness leaves me questioning everything, it leaves me unable to breathe, it leaves me overwhelmed and vulnerable, it leaves me hesitant and indecisive and it leaves me in tears which are oftentimes over the simplest and silliest of things.
Crying is a natural response to all kinds of emotions and can be quite soothing and calming as well as quite necessary. My emotions are running very high right now and shedding a few tears when needed definitely helps to release some stress. 

Yesterday afternoon is one of several examples of this and a perfect example of just how emotional I am. Rich and I were out running some errands with one of our daughters in a very busy store when I suddenly (and I truly mean it when I say suddenly) became hesitant, vulnerable, indecisive and overwhelmed over the simplest and silliest of things and before I knew it, and before Rich could run and hide from the crazy lady in aisle 5 (that’s me in case you weren’t sure), the tears began streaming down my face and customers began staring (and trust me it’s not even close to the first time this has happened). Luckily my daughter was already 2 aisles ahead!

Although on one hand it felt like an eternity in that moment but once I gained my composure I was able to continue on I felt a sense of calm. Afterall, crying produces endorphins which are better known as “the feel good” hormone so you see it’s alright to cry and as I said above, it can be quite calming, self-soothing and often necessary. 

Trying to keep a sense of humour when life kicks you in the ass sometimes certainly can also help ease the blow somehow too because laughter and tears both have so many healthy and powerful benefits! (see pic of Rich) 

Oh and through all the tears I’ve shed this week, I could have smoked, I wanted to smoke, I needed to smoke but I did not smoke. And by the way, how long is it til 2021?

#worstyearsofar #twentytwentysucks #thirtythreedays #smokefree #nosmoking #laughter #tears #crying #panic #anxiety #depression #suicide #smilingthroughdepression #myreasonswhy #itsoktonotbeok #family #youareenough #masksoff #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #thisisreallife #endthestigmatogether #empowerment #selfcompassion #selflove 

Galentine’s/Valentine’s


Less than 48 hours ago I had never heard of the unofficial holiday called “Galentine’s Day”; that was until my daughter announced at dinner the other night that she would be celebrating it with some of her best girlfriends later that week. 

I suddenly became intrigued by this fictitious holiday after then hearing it mentioned several more times over the next day or so (weird eh?, but it’s no secret that Facebook and Instagram listen to our conversations). It turns out that this so called holiday has been around for 10 years and first gained its popularity after an episode of the TV sitcom Parks and Recreation aired it. 

This made up holiday is now celebrated on February 13th, which is of course the day before Valentine’s Day and focuses purely on celebrating friendship among women. For many individuals who are not in committed and loving relationships this can be one of the hardest weeks of the year when the air is filled with nothing but romance so maybe Galentine’s Day is the perfect distraction. 

I think that whether this holiday was made up or not, Parks and Rec writers were on to something when they created Galentine’s Day because friendship is definitely worth celebrating, in fact it needs to be celebrated and it’s most definitely a holiday with a lot less pressure than most and certainly a lot more inclusivity than Valentine’s Day!

Friendship is a precious gift and should not be taken for granted. Friendship should be cherished and surrounded by laughter and adventure and shenanigans. Friendship means being able to show your vulnerability without fear of being judged and friendship is about being loyal and helping to make the lows in life a little easier and the highs a lot more fun.

So I now declare that Galentine’s Day become an official National Holiday in conjunction with or as an extension of Valentine’s Day as friendship needs to be honoured because in the end it’s not the romance that makes a marriage last for 50 + years, it’s the friendship.  What does friendship mean to you?

Happy Galentine’s Day to all my beautiful friends who always make the lows a little easier and the highs a lot more fun! ❤

And happy Valentine’s Day to my bestest friend of all ❤ who’s friendship I cherish above all. I love you to the moon and back Rich, forever and a day!

Please continue to follow my journey at: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com 

Go ahead, tag your Galentines!

#galentinesday #valentinesday #empowerment #friendship #love #myheart #youareenough #loyal #cherish #romance #adventure #holiday #friends #youarenotalone #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #selflove

Go Ahead, Colour Outside The Lines

Twenty five years ago (give or take) I received a gift which I have held onto all these years later. It was a book called “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten”, written by Robert Fulghum. When I was given the book I was just beginning a new career path (one of many regrets I have) and I was also a newlywed (25 years this spring!) and the book was a perfect celebration of both events even if at the time I didn’t know just how significant this book would truly be to my life. 

As a child we are taught very simple yet very valuable rules but by the time we become an adult we often think we know better and seem to forget the importance of these rules somewhere along the way. But these rules continue to follow us along our journey well into adulthood and in one way or another they will be tested and they will be a constant reminder to us through our failures, our tribulations, our practices and even through our triumphs and successes.

If only we continued to embrace the world around us as we once did in Kindergarten with optimism, adventure and like there ain’t nothing that’s gonna stand in the way of our dreams then maybe by the time we reach adulthood we could appreciate or be bold enough to practice some, if not all of Fulghum’s very important lessons he mentions in his book starting with learning to live our best life by ensuring we create a well balanced life. That means we need to “learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.”  

I know I feel like I lost my way sometime after I reached adulthood and I would give just about anything right now to be able to live a well balanced life by adhering to the same simple rules for which we teach our children to in Kindergarten. For far too long now I have been playing an adult version of Hide-and-Seek which Fulghum describes as “Wanting to hide. Needing to be sought. Confused about being found.”  A perfect metaphor for where I am in my life and that maybe, had I learned back in Kindergarten that it was okay to colour outside of the lines or that it was okay to colour the sky pink or the grass purple I may have been better prepared for what lay ahead. But for now I am slowly learning to embrace a life where “warm cookies and cold milk are good for you” and that taking a nap is all part of good mental health.

No-one can really know for sure what their future holds but this book can encourage us and teach us that no matter what we do or where we end up in our life we must hold on tight to our creativity, we must be open to exploring new boundaries, we must grasp our arms tightly around our imperfections and we must remember how important it is to step outside of our comfort zone in order to live a well balanced life.  And we must also never forget that we are not alone and that “when you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together!”  

***Read the book if you haven’t already and read it again if you already have!

#allineedtoknowilearnedinkindergarten #robertfulghum #kindergartenoneohone #kindergarten #children #innocence #goodmentalhealth #wellbalancedlife #colouring #outsidethelines #embraceeachother #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #youarenotalone

A Crafty Kinda Day

I hope you can tell from the picture (it’s a glass frame so you may have to zoom in to get the full effect) that the central focus inside the frame is a semicolon with positive affirmations encompassing it. The semicolon has been a huge part of my story for several years now and I have shown my support to the Project Semicolon Movement for close to 4 years now. For those of you who don’t know, Project Semicolon is a “nonprofit organization known for its advocacy of mental health wellness and its focus as an anti-suicide initiative. Founded in 2013, the movement’s aim is presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression,suicide, addiction, and self-injury. They are known for encouraging people to tattoo the punctuation mark semicolon (;) as a form of solidarity between people dealing with mental illness or the death of someone from suicide”, which is what I did in July 2016 (see photo).


I’ve been struggling a lot over the past week and I figured I could use some inspiration today so I made it a “crafty” kind of day. It’s ok to not be ok, it’s ok to talk about the hard days and it’s more than ok to tell someone you’re struggling because we all deserve to feel hope, we all deserve to feel worthy and we all deserve to feel like our story isn’t over yet; 

My tattoo on my left shoulder

You see, a semicolon is not just any ole punctuation mark that an author would use to end a sentence, it instead indicates a brief pause, and for me that brief pause is a symbol of my life and the need to catch my breath in order to continue the rest of my story. We are all authors to our own stories and it’s ok if you need to take a pause between sentences. 

#selfcare #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #semicolon #projectsemicolon #youareenough #breathe #pause #keepgoing #youmatter #crafts #yourstoryisntoveryet #tattoo #chai #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #advocate #blogger #author #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca 

Therapy: All The Cool Kids Are Doing It!!!

Today I’m having a particularly hard day. I can’t say that there’s been one thing in particular that has made the start of the new week so hard for me but often when someone is suffering with Depression and Anxiety there doesn’t have to be a good reason, it just is. I probably experienced every negative emotion known to mankind before noon-time today and cried at least three times before then as well.  

I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it past noon today with so many overwhelmingly negative and unwanted thoughts going on inside my head causing me a great amount of fear, guilt, anger and sadness to erupt all at once so I sure as hell was grateful that I had an appointment already scheduled to see my therapist this afternoon.

Over the course of my illness there has been one constant in my journey and that is therapy.  It has not always been good therapy and some of it has left me shaking my head in shock and anger and some has just been downright awful but through a lot of trial and error I finally found the perfect balance for me a couple of years ago and my lifesaver. I’m not ashamed to tell people I go to therapy (well that’s probably quite obvious by now seeing as I divulge every intimate thought and feeling to you!) and it makes me feel sad when some people are reluctant to see a Therapist or make excuses as to why they can’t see one because whether it’s going to see a Therapist, a Counsellor, a Life Coach, a Social Worker, a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist when you are feeling overwhelmed or sad should be just as normal as going to see your Doctor when you have the flu!

I know that therapy can be very expensive if not covered by OHIP (in Canada) or an insurance plan (if you even have one) and we all know that there can be long wait lists for OHIP covered Therapists and Doctors however there are still plenty of places to start if you need help right away including Distress and Crisis Helplines and Hospital ER’s. I have found myself in many Emergency Rooms, too many times now that I’ve stopped counting, but during several of those visits I have been given access to free community-based group and individual programs and sometimes I was also placed in one on one care with a Counsellor who work with outpatients.  

It’s not always easy to talk to a loved one or confidant about what you are feeling and very often when a situation is bigger than you then you may need an outsider to listen to you who can advise you from a non-judgmental place and with an unbiased perspective. A therapist et al can help to validate your experience and not make you and your problems feel unworthy while being in a safe place to process your thoughts. They will give you different tools for working through difficult situations, allowing room for your personal growth, teach you coping skills, give you insight and model for you what healthy boundaries and healthy relationships should be and sometimes just being able to say things out loud can help you understand your thoughts and feelings in a whole new way.

Until 5 years and 10 months ago I had never been to a Therapist; I never felt that I needed to but now I look at therapy or life-coaching from a totally different lens and I truly believe that at some point or another in every person’s life that seeking the guidance of a professional for a little extra emotional support could really help keep us balanced. We all go through ups and downs in our lifetime and we could all use some tweaking from time to time and there ain’t no shame in that! Oh and by the way, no matter how hard today has been for me I did not smoke!! 

If you or someone you know needs immediate help start here or go to your closest emergency room:

Toronto Distress Centres- 416-408-HELP(4357)

Gerstein Centre- 416-929-5200

Kids Help Phone- 1-800-668-6868

Please continue to follow my journey at: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com

#Smokefree #twentydays #hardday #helpline #distresscentres #therapy #therapyiscool #itsoktonotbeok #itsoktoaskforhelp #startaconversation #youareenough #noshame #endthestigmatogether #youarenotalone #mentalillness #selfcare #mentalwellness #masksoff #depression #anxiety #dontsufferinsilence

I’ll Always Be A Hockey Mom

This piece I wrote 4 years ago (link below) is still one of my favorite and most meaningful pieces I’ve ever written (before I started my blog). It showed up yesterday in my memory wall on Facebook and I felt like sharing it again with you.

Being a hockey (goalie) mom has been one of the greatest titles I’ve ever held. It’s been a few years since I’ve actually seen Jacob play as he’s now in an adult league and it seems shunned upon to have your mommy in the stands cheering you on (especially a neurotic goalie’s mom!) but at least I have the most amazing memories to hold on to. I rarely ever missed a game even during his last few years, I was there to cheer him on; nothing would keep me out of the stands (or behind the glass), not even when I was on a day or weekend pass from a hospital stay! 

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1103638849670600&id=100000734852540

#hockey #goaliemom #missinghockey #mvp #allstar #champion #memories #family #friendship #sports #goodoledays #gthl #minorleaguehockey #wheredidthetimego 

So Long January

January is behind me now and all I can say about that is good riddance to you and don’t let the cold air hit you in the face on the way out.  I had big intentions for January which included great forethought and planning after purposely taking some much needed downtime for myself for much of December. Yes January, you really let me down big time but you also taught me a thing or two about myself as well. 

I spent the month resting and for the better part of it I needed to do so in order to recuperate from my concussion but at the same time I got quite comfortable doing so, possibly too comfortable. As someone who battles with depression everyday, it’s not ideal to want to be in bed all day and night, even if you may need to.  I have to say though that one thing that helped me survive the month of January was believe it or not, Social Media.

I’m not afraid to admit it but I love Facebook and I’m not gonna apologize for it either, nor do I have any intentions to use it less, in fact I need to use it even more… intentionally.  Facebook and other forms of Social Media have become a place for me to express myself, engage in meaningful conversations, inspire and be inspired, motivate and be motivated and a place where I have created many genuine and intentional friendships as well.  

Social Media has allowed me to speak my truth, help others speak their truth and when I need a little extra emotional support I know that my online community is always there for me. Trust me I have lots of emotional support from my “real” friends and family too but just knowing how many people I have cheering me on from the sidelines is a true blessing.

Since starting my blog and publishing my book I’ve needed Social Media more than ever and I have learned how to navigate it with the greatest intent of continuing to keep building a bigger and better platform to ensure my message is heard and heard loudly. I’m having a hard time getting back on track and just so overwhelmed right now but hopefully February has much better intentions for me!  At least there is one thing I know for sure that February has in store, only 47 more days until Spring!

#bekindtoyourself #startaconversation #socialmedia #facebook #twitter #instagram #blogger #childrensauthor #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #courage #goodriddancejanuary #intent #intention #buildingaplatform #mentalillness #selfcare #mentalwellness

Bell Let’s Talk Day

Today is #BellLetsTalkDay. I can’t believe it’s already in its 10th year. Bell’s main initiative each year is to raise awareness and combat the stigma surrounding mental illness. During #BellLetsTalkDay, Bell Media donates 5¢ (in Canada) for every text, call, tweet, social media video view and use of their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter.

Their campaign initiative this year is “when it comes to mental health every action counts” so please take a few minutes today and do your part to help raise awareness to end the stigma, be present for someone who needs it, start an important conversation, check on a loved one, be kind to yourself and don’t forget to text, call, tweet #BellLetsTalk, watch their social media video and view and use their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter. 

**Over the last several years there has been a lot of controversy surrounding #BellLetsTalkDay as many people feel that it’s just an excuse for a big money hungry Corporation to use their initiative as nothing more than one giant advertising campaign. Well I say kudos to them for stepping up (it’s not like our Government is helping matters) because I’m more than happy to support a Corporation that is doing their part to raise awareness, educate others, start important conversations and create positive change all the while donating millions of dollars to research, development and organizations in need of funds to help support mental health. Start the conversation today and help make it a better tomorrow!https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/results-impact/#funds
#BellLetsTalk #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #choosekindness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #everyactioncounts #wheredidmommyssmilego #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence 
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Comfort Zone

I thought I’d share a blog I wrote 1 year ago today on the 7th Anniversary since Jacob and Hannah’s B’nai Mitzvah. Now 8 years later it is still one of the greatest days of my life. Today is also the 3rd Anniversary since I began sharing my story with all of you, the day I decided to reach outside my comfort zone in order to help others to understand the many faces of depression and anxiety and to help end the stigma together. Since that day 3 years ago, sharing my journey has allowed me to stop my fear of judgment in its tracks and squash many of the misconceptions surrounding mental illness as well. I have also learned so much about myself and have grown in ways I never thought possible.

https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2019/01/28/misty-water-coloured-memories

Are you in the zone?

#comfortzone #itsoktonotbeok  #youarenotalone #youareenough #anniversaries #blogger #anxiety #mentalillness #selfcare #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #depression #family #memories #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence

Let It Go

Yesterday was a good reminder for all of us just how fragile life truly is and that we should never take it for granted. Yesterday was also a reminder that no-one on this earth is invincible and that tomorrow is never promised. Today as the world mourns the loss of Kobe Bryant, his beautiful daughter Gianna and their seven friends that perished alongside them we must remember that Kobe was so much more than a basketball hero; he was a son, a husband, a father, a humanitarian and a legend.  One of his many mantras that he lived life by was “live today to inspire tomorrow” and boy did he ever live up to this in so many ways for so many people.

When I heard the news of Kobe’s passing through a text message from our son I was at, of all places, a Shiva for a friend’s father who had recently passed away at the ripe ‘ole age of 93.  For those of you who may not know what a Shiva is, it is a week-long mourning period in the Jewish faith which begins immediately following the burial. A Shiva allows for a parent, a sibling, a spouse and/or a child of the deceased to accept visitors during this period of mourning to give their condolences and to provide comfort to the mourners.

As the news began to spread feverishly around the world many people looked to find their own ways to comfort one another and find meaning from this tragic loss of life. And in that very moment, as I was surrounded by a room full of mourners I found comfort and meaning in one of Kobe’s many life messages as I suddenly found myself face to face with a grievance from my past by someone who had wronged me many years ago and who just so happened to be standing two feet in front of me!  In that moment I needed to make peace in my heart because after all, tomorrow may never come. I’ve held a lot of anger and resentment toward this individual for all these years but suddenly it felt so insignificant and unworthy.

Throughout the better part of my illness I have spent a lot of time examining and re-examining past relationships including this one and I know that in order for me to move forward I need to learn how to let go of the pieces of my past that affect my wellbeing the most because life is too short and so yesterday I took another step toward finding peace in my heart after our brief but purposeful encounter!  
#itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #courage #kindness #lifestooshort #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #purpose #letitgo
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.