Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.
Yesterday’s #summerofrich adventure was one of our toughest to date, but never once did I think about giving up.
I pushed myself, took breaks when I needed to, and stayed focused the entire time on the beauty, wonderment, and joy that nature brings me.
Having Rich lead the way, always with an outstretched arm just in case, along with his encouraging words and patience, turns every challenge into a memorable adventure.
Today is the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month.
It was a hard month for me.
I’m the first to admit that I am my own worst enemy, which is why when I heard this quote the other day, it really stuck with me.
“You’re not healing to be able to handle trauma. You’re used to trauma. You’re healing to be able to handle joy.”~ unknown
My emotions are running very deep right now, and I am feeling completely powerless over every aspect of my life.
I realize that I spend so much time self-sabotaging my joy. It’s something I excel in.
I feel like I am never good enough or deserving of happiness and that I am unworthy of success.
Joy is the hardest emotion to embrace when you’re so used to the trauma, and to be honest, dealing with the trauma often feels easier than the moments of joy.
It feels familiar.
It resists change.
I’ve missed out on lots over the past 10 years, having spent so long in survival mode trying to heal.
But I know that with change comes some risks too.
I know it’s worth the risk to open myself up to joy as I continue to unlearn the trauma.
Here is my moment of joy for me today. A long overdue haircut!
Shabbat Shalom. Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend, and as we head into a new month tomorrow, may it be filled with plenty of moments of peace, light, and joy.
I’m at my breaking point today. I am mentally and emotionally spent right now. I know that so much of what has led me to my breaking point is beyond my control, yet somehow I’ve allowed it to drain every bit of energy I have left in me. Today, I have shed many tears, and my negative self-talk feels like it’s winning.
Have you heard of the “Let Them” theory yet? It is a theory that went viral by New York Times bestselling author, motivational speaker, and my favourite Podcaster, Mel Robbins.
The ‘Let Them’ theory is extremely valuable, because it allows us to let go of the burden of responsibility of things outside of our control,” says CCPA-registered psychotherapist and host of the The Inner Child Podcast, Gloria Zhang.
Mel tells her listeners that “instead of getting upset at other people’s actions or trying to control their behavior, just let them do what they’re going to do − and don’t take it personally.” *This does not apply in an abusive situation.
The truth is, we can not control everything in our surroundings or the opinions, criticisms, drama, conflict, or negative thoughts of others. So the goal here is not to try and change a negative outcome that’s beyond our control but to let go of the expectations, anxiety and resentment that can weigh heavily on our mental health.
Being at such a breaking point today feels like I am “Letting Them” win.
I have a really difficult time detaching myself emotionally from situations beyond my control instead of allowing myself to focus on my own well-being and contentment.
But by trying to put the “Let Them” theory into play, we can actually reclaim our power. We may not be able to completely erase our hurt but I can see how trying to embrace the theory in all aspects of our life, isn’t just “emotionally freeing” – it can also be quite empowering too.
I continue to say that I’m a work in progress, so the next time someone does something that I may not particularly agree with or something that affects me greatly, I am going to start by applying the “Let Them” theory. Perhaps placing sticky notes throughout my home, at work, and in my car with the words, “Let Them” on it is a great daily reminder and affirmation.
I won’t let them steal my joy, my light, my peace. I am in control of that, and so are you.
Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be “right.”
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them not invite you.
Let them leave you.
Let them choose someone else.
If they don’t want to support you…let them.
“Kindly step aside and LET THEM”.
“Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.”
“A good marriage is when both partners secretly think they got the better deal” ~ unknown
In a world filled with so much uncertainty, you are the one thing that I will always be sure of.
Thank you for choosing me to climb every mountain with and for continuing to hold my hand, always knowing just when to squeeze it a little bit tighter whenever I feel like letting go.
You are my today and all of my tomorrows.
Love you to the moon and back, forever and a day
Happy Anniversary Rich 🎉 💗
P.S. Hands down, I know for certain that I got the better end of the deal!
Old emotional wounds ebb and flow throughout my soul today.
They feel bigger than me at the moment.
Often, what at first thought may feel like nothing at all can wind up triggering some of the most painful reactions.
I will not let them own me, though.
Healing is never an easy process.
Forgiveness isn’t either.
It ebbs and flows.
It has many complicated layers.
While mindfully peeling those layers of my emotional wounds away over the last many years though, I have learned to accept that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes after making a right decision.
I’m done crying over someone or something that doesn’t deserve my tears.
I’ve accepted that I don’t have to give myself away to those who don’t deserve me.
Why should I keep hoping some people will change, but knowing they never will?
When we learn to put ourselves first, sometimes it comes with the risk of losing what we once thought were valued relationships, only to find out when we take a deeper look inside ourselves that our values never truly aligned at all.
It’s been a risk worth taking and has helped me learn to accept that not all relationships are worth the effort or emotional pain they cause.
Although I still struggle to heal the emotional wounds of my childhood, some of which may never truly heal at all, therapy has allowed me to see people as they are, and know that it’s ok to place them where they belong.
This year’s theme centers around the healing power of compassion.
Compassion and mental health go hand in hand.
Compassion isn’t just about being kind to others, “it’s about extending that same kindness to ourselves” as well.
After struggling through a really difficult week, my mental health has taken a beating, and every ounce of my self-compassion has gone out the door with it.
Being in your own head the way I am 24/7 means overthinking and overanalyzing every situation. I can’t let things go. It’s a really scary place to be and well-known risk factors contributing to depression and anxiety.
I am taking some time to prioritize self-care and practice self-compassion this Mother’s Day weekend. In order for me to continue advocating for other’s mental health and well-being, I know I need to take care of my own first.
“I like to walk in the rain so that nobody can see my tears.~Charlie Chaplin
Rich and I kicked off the #summerofrich season today (in the rain) by participating in Kids Help Phone’s annual 5km “Walk So Kids Can Talk” Walkathon. The walk took place close to our home, with similar events happening simultaneously at different locations all across Canada. Rich, just 3 weeks post surgery, had to walk at a much slower than his usual pace, one that I’m not used to on our hikes; because normally I can’t keep up with him!
For 35 years now, Kids Help Phone has been Canada’s only free, 24/7 multilingual and confidential e-mental health service, offering our youth support by eliminating barriers to accessing mental health services with a safe space to #feeloutloud. Since 2020 alone, they have helped our young people over 19 million times, and in 2023, Kids Help Phone was voted most trusted charity in Canada.
Supporting the mental health and well-being of our young people is where my heart is at.
Stats show that 1 in every 2 of our youth who struggle with their mental health are doing so in silence which is why it’s even more important than ever that we have amazing resources like Kids Help Phone readily available at their fingertips.
Every single young person deserves the chance to build caring, connected conversations. Every single young person deserves to feel seen, heard, and supported.
As many of you know, I originally started a graduation lawn sign initiative in 2020 shortly after the Pandemic began because I wanted to find a meaningful way to honour our graduates, including my youngest daughter who, at the time was all set to complete her final year of high school and was missing out on so many of life’s milestones and rites of passage that came along with it.
In a matter of 5 weeks I sold and hand delivered over 700 signs throughout the GTHA that spring (with the help of my wonderful hubby, Rich), placing signs front and center on lawns everywhere but more importantly, putting smiles on the faces of so many people, both young and old alike. The response was overwhelming, but in a good way.
By the end of my campaign in June of that year, I had raised over $10k for Kids Help Phone with the incredible outpouring of support and generosity within these beautiful communities. It was one of the proudest moments in my life.
At the start of spring 2021 it quickly became apparent to me that our soon to be graduating class was once again about to lose out on those same deserving milestones and rites of passage due to the never-ending Pandemic; my middle daughter included who had been working tiresomely online all year to complete her 4 year undergraduate Degree in Communications. I knew I needed to continue my initiative.
By the end of that spring, I had raised an additional $5k for youth mental health initiatives, including Kids Help Phone, bringing the total to $15k.
At the start of spring in 2022, I announced that I would not be doing another graduation lawn sign initiative again that year as I was focusing my efforts on other projects supporting youth mental health.
But shortly after making the announcement, I began receiving an outpouring of people reaching out to me from the community, saddened that I won’t be selling them again that year.
I quickly realized, with a lot of self-reflection that although I may have started the initiative back in 2020 because I wanted to show our graduates some extra loving during a really difficult time, at the end of the day, it truly had taken on a whole other meaning within itself and grown into something way more purposeful than I could have ever imagined; something way beyond the parameters of any Pandemic. At the end of the day this initiative started many important conversations in communities all across the GTHA and had helped spread some much needed awareness surrounding our youth and mental health; so I decided to give it another shot and pick up my campaign right where it left off the year before. The appreciation was immeasurable. It did not disappoint.
Last year, however, in 2023, circumstances in my life had changed drastically. I had just started working a full-time job again after many years, and it was just too much for me. Although the window of time is short, it is a full-time commitment while doing so. So, sadly, I had to put my initiative on the back burner even if I knew I was disappointing many. This past week, I have started receiving several emails and private messages from community members once again asking me if I am selling lawn signs for the class of 2024 graduates. I feel truly blessed to still be top of people’s minds and that my initiative has touched so many in ways I I could never have imagined and that they continue to reach out in the hopes of honouring a special graduate in their lives; many for the first time and many of whom could be graduating again 4 years later.
Do I feel loads of guilt for having to apologize that I’m not able to this year. You bet. I feel like I’m letting people down. I love seeing these signs throughout my community and what they represent, and even though supporting the mental health and wellbeing of our young people is where my heart is at, for now (we never know what the future holds), I need to take care of my own mental health and wellbeing while I continue to find meaningful ways to stay connected and help give our youth the hope they need “to thrive in their world”.
A heartfelt thank you to both @kidshelpphone and #bmofinancialgroup. Keep up your amazing work 👏.
YouAreEnough 
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