Trigger Warning ⚠️
An entire decade battling depression and anxiety.
It’s a really long time.
I’m feeling very anxious today. Triggers of old wounds and past childhood traumas are abound.
Still broken.
Ten years later.
It’s a day that still plays out in my mind over and over again. A day so clear in my memory; as though it happened yesterday.
Ten years ago today, I uttered the words “I want to die” for the very first time. And I meant it.
It felt like my world was better off without me in it. And it still does.
I could’ve never imagined, not even for one second that ten years later I’d still be here, fighting for my life.
But I am still here, still fighting.
I’m still trying, ten years later, to lift that veil of sadness.
I have come a far way since then, thanks to the continued support and kindness from my wonderful therapist.
I now have a better understanding of my past traumas, my triggers, and my own personal guilt-ridden experiences from my childhood and young adult life that led me to my breaking point on April 4th, 2014.
I am now able to reach deep inside my soul to help me better understand the many depths of my suffering and the wounds I kept securely hidden away in my subconscious mind for far too long which, admittedly, first came to light during some of my Ketamine sessions a few years ago.
I may never heal entirely. I can’t change the past, but having a better understanding that I am not to blame is a good first step and hopefully, with time, I can slowly begin to loosen the noose still tightly wrapped around my neck, ten years later.
Thank you to all of you for continuing to support me and smother me with kindness and compassion along my journey, whether you are new to my life or still hanging on, ten years later.
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YouAreEnough 