Author: Kim Fluxgold

It’s been a super exhausting week both mentally and physically.

My body and mind were aching for some much needed rejuvenation.

I listened the best way I know how.

Two and a half hours submerged in nature, nurturing my soul and moving my body on a beautiful yet often challenging #summerofrich hike today.

It may be fall, but it sure feels like summer ☀️.

#hiking #mentalhealth #rejuvenate #wellbeing #nurture #nature #naturestherapy #feelslikesummer

“Do not fear to step into the unknown for where there is risk there is always reward.” ~ Lori Harder

I’d been overwhelmed with so many emotions this past week. My anxiety grabbed hold of me. I felt frozen. 

Me and the unknown don’t get along at all. It causes me great distress.

I fear the unknown. Uncertainty and the need to be in control will easily place me in a state of panic. Almost catastrophic at times. 

I had been really excited about, and was truly looking forward to attending my nephew’s wedding the other night and being surrounded by so many loved ones, but at the same time, my fear of the unknown, the uncertainty for me, and my lack of self-confidence or control I had over the upcoming event, was causing me some pretty uncomfortable distress and panic. How catastrophic it felt at times this week, and day of, only added an abundance of guilt into the mix.

I know it may be difficult and frustrating for others to understand or relate to a person who suffers with these deep and very real emotions, but patience is all we really ask for.

In order to help me overcome these obstacles, I tried to focus on the things I could control and reminded myself time and time again that it’s okay to feel my emotions. 

The evening was truly beautiful and lots and lots of fun too. The room was filled with so much love and laughter; which really is the best medicine for anyone, especially with such a heaviness felt around the world right now. I will never take these micro-moments of joy for granted, and as I held on just a little bit tighter to each and every hug I encountered throughout the night from loved ones, I felt empowered. I was soon able to let go of my fear of the unknown, embrace the discomfort, and turn it into gratitude and healing.

“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” ~ Audrey Hepburn

#familymatters #mentalhealth #anxiety #uncertainty #fear #control #micromomentsofjoy #healing #fearoftheunknown #panicattacks #holdon #lovedones #embracethediscomfort #gratitude #healing #weddingbells #happilyeverafter 

Today, I was honoured to speak about the importance of self-care as part of “National Self-Care Awareness Month” to another group of hardworking and dedicated home childcare providers who work within the same agency as I do.

I was met with the same gratitude and appreciation as I was last Saturday for sharing a part of my journey with them. Many of them told me that they saw themselves in me.

Today is “World Gratitude Day.”

Today, I am grateful for being given a voice and another opportunity to build upon my incredible community that allows me to share my journey with them, safely, and as openly and honestly as I can, without judgment.

How do you celebrate gratitude?

#itsoktonotbeok #youareenough #gratitude #grateful #nationalselfcareawarwnessmonth #worldgratitudeday #mentalhealth #wellbeing #selfcare #childrensbook #author #blogger #writer #wheredidmommyssmilego #depression #anxiety #mentalillness

Five years ago today I was the guest of honour in a room filled with new friends, old friends, friends I’d never met before (including my incredible illustrator) and many loved ones to celebrate the launch of my new children’s book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” It was one of the happiest and proudest moments in my life. I was surrounded by so much love and gratitude. 


Today, the memories from that night that pop up on my Facebook page year after year and always brings me great joy suddenly didn’t this time around. 

I shared with you several years ago how I had discovered one day, back in 2021, by chance that the publishing company I had trusted with both my book and a substantial amount of money I’d been gifted through a grant from a prominent mental health organization, was stolen from me by this company. They had suddenly closed their business, without notice, taking with them my books and remaining grant money. Their emails, phone numbers, website, and Twitter account all disappeared, along with my dream.


It nearly broke me. I had to close my Amazon account and figure out how I was going to move forward. I felt defeated. I’d worked so hard on my book, even once Covid hit, ensuring its intentions and success. It was helping so many people, but I no longer had the strength to continue my mission, knowing I had to start over and likely republish it. 

Luckily though, when the company had first published it, they’d sent me 100’s and 100’s of copies of my book to have on hand for events and book signings, so I decided for the time being I would focus my efforts there and keep going until I ran out of books before having to figure out where to go next.


Last weekend, I posted about a workshop I did at a work event. It went better than I imagined it would. I sold lots of books and was excited that I was going to be doing it all over again with another group of lovely ladies from my organization this weekend too, but when I got home on Saturday afternoon, I realized that the time had finally arrived and all that I was left with was a handful of books and several upcoming events in my calendar over the next while, including this Saturday.


I immediately went to a very dark place and have stayed there for the better part of the week while quickly trying to figure out what my next steps will be. I’ve spent the better part of this week,  reaching out to lots of contacts and figuring out where to go from here. I may have an immediate solution for now, but not necessarily a permanent one. 


I’ve cried many tears this week and have been battling with the demons in my head who keep telling me that I should just give up. Why bother? Just move on and forget about the purpose my book has given me and the important message it’s given others. 

How has one of the happiest and proudest moments of my life suddenly made me feel so hopeless? How has my labour of love that I put my heart and soul into for 5 years suddenly made me feel so defeated? 


I know in my heart that I just have to keep reminding myself of all the love and gratitude surrounding me while I figure out how to keep looking forward.


#mentalhealth #selfpublished #author #suicidepreventionawarenessmonth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #fromtheheart #triggers #facebookmemories #childrensbook #appreciation #love #gratitude

I just finished presenting a workshop on self-care in honour of “National Self-Care Awareness Month” to a wonderful group of very hardworking ladies. 


These ladies all work from their homes, providing childcare to children as young as 4 months old to 4 years old. They work for the same licensed home childcare agency as I do. I am the person responsible for placing those children into their homes.


I’ve spoken in front of countless groups of people over the past 5 years sharing my story, and promoting my children’s book and advocacy work, but for some reason, this time felt a lot different. I guess it’s because over the course of the past “almost” 2 years now since I started working here (again!! I also worked here some 15 years ago), I’ve enjoyed getting to know these lovely ladies, mostly by friendly chit chats over the phone, and a couple of times in person during provider appreciation dinners, but aside from a few exceptions, and the ladies in my office, I have never shared my personal mental health journey with any of them.


Today, I gave them a sneak peek into that other world of mine (I’m pretty sure I shocked quite a few of them), before delving into a discussion on the importance of self-care, some tips on how to make self-care a priority in their life, and ways to manage stress and burnout in both their personal lives and their exceptionally rewarding careers. 

I reminded them that self-care is NOT selfish and that we must always put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, like we are taught to do on an airplane; and with good reason. 


Taking care of very young children, whether as a parent or as a caregiver is in fact incredibly rewarding, but it can also come with many challenges that can sometimes take a toll on your mind, body and spirit.


I suggested that before the start of their work day, they try to “carve” out some very deserving and intentional “Me” time, even if it’s only 5 to 10 minutes of quiet time, sipping on their morning cup of coffee. 

I taught them about some of the grounding techniques I use, even while sitting at my desk at work, that are helpful when I feel overwhelmed or stressed and can be easily executed without anyone even knowing. We practiced one together as a group.


I reminded them that when there is some quiet time in their day, maybe while the kids are occupied with an activity or during nap time, to use this time to reenergize, stay hydrated, grab a healthy snack and rest their mind.


I then shared with them some breathing exercises, which can also be very helpful in staying present and mindful throughout their busy day. 


Kids aren’t the only ones who sometimes need a timeout or a moment to refresh, and it’s never too young to teach kids about being mindful. I gave them a few ideas to try as an activity with their kids in care or anyone reading this who have young children to go ahead and try them at home too.

This included ideas like blowing bubbles, placing a feather in the palm of your hand, or lying down on your back with a soft toy or stuffed animal on your belly. All of which are great ways to be “playful” with kids and practice deep breaths all at the same time.


I shared with the providers all the ways in which I include self-care in my life and encouraged them to find ways to schedule it into their free time as well. 

Before finishing off our workshop, we had storytime where I read to them from my children’s book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?”. It brings me joy sharing my labour of love with others.


Today brought purpose and healing to my journey. I actually feel a weight lifted off me by bringing this group of beautiful souls into my “other” world and the best part is, I get to do it all over again next Saturday morning with another group of lovely ladies I work closely with from another branch of our agency. Hopefully, next time, I won’t feel so nervous because my heart knows they will be just as accepting and grateful for me as these ladies were today.


#workshop #selfcare #nationalselfcareawarenessmonth #deepbreaths #oxygenmask #takingcareofchildren #rewardingcareer #wheredidmommyssmilego #author #blogger #mindful #timeouts #refresh #providers #mentalhealth #wellbeing #youareenough 

I live with an anxiety disorder. Ten years and counting. 


It’s pretty severe some days.


Anxiety can signal a perceived threat that can cause intense feelings of worry or fear.


Today, I am feeling super anxious, almost to catastrophic proportions. 


I can’t seem to shake it, and the worst part is, I have no idea why I am feeling this either. 


To be honest, it could be one of a million things. Or a combination of a gazillion more.


My subconscious is playing some kind of mind game on me.


Regardless of what is looming in my subconscious, it’s overwhelming me, making it difficult to focus and causing brain fog and constant heart palpitations. 


It’s taking a toll on my mental and physical health, and quite frankly, I don’t like it!


But for now, between every deep and mindful breath I take, I will just keep reminding myself that I am okay.


#anxiety #subconscious #mentalhealth #physicalhealth #iamokay #deepbreaths #fear #worry #catastrophic #overwhelm #youareenough 

Trigger Warning ⚠️ ~mentions suicide 


Today is “World Suicide Prevention Day”

Every year on September 10th, we raise awareness around the globe that suicide can be prevented.

This year’s theme, “Changing the Narrative on Suicide,” is a call to action to “start a conversation.”

Every 40 seconds, a life is lost around the world to suicide and that is unacceptable.

Too many people still suffer in silence. 


Shame and stigma around suicide still exist. 


Suicide is still very much a social taboo.


Suicide can be a silent killer. What happens when there are no warning signs? What happens when someone is too afraid to speak their truth because of the stigma attached to it? 


It is more important than ever before that we keep talking about suicide because the more we talk about suicide, the more we encourage others to as well. The more we talk about suicide, the less alone someone may feel. The more we talk about suicide, the more change we can make happen. 

The more we talk about suicide, may help bring a glimmer of hope or relief to someone’s pain and desperation or even become the light in their darkness.


The more we talk about suicide the more lives we can save.


Collectively, these efforts are all key to suicide prevention, and yes, suicide can be prevented.


I struggle every. single. day of my life with thoughts of suicide (even when you see me smiling), but I refuse to allow anyone to ever make me feel ashamed for having a mental illness and I will keep doing all that I can to continue spreading awareness by sharing my story, educating those who are willing to listen, helping others understand how it feels to live with a mental illness; to feel broken, ashamed, hopeless or suicidal and I have made myself a promise that no one ever feel alone in their own struggle because no matter what, you are worthy and it’s okay to ask for help. 


Opening up conversations about mental health and suicide saves lives; Every. Single. Day.

 
#worldsuicidepreventionday #988 #nationalsuicidepreventionawarenessmonth #suicidecanbeprevented #youareenough #noshame #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #checkonyourlovedones #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #endthestigmatogether #itsoktoaskforhelp #purpose #nationalselfcareawarenessmonth #youarenotalone #everysingleday #mentalhealth #mentalwellness

My brother snapped this picture today from his car. He thought of me as soon as he saw it.


For close to 30 years, I had a personalized license plate with my childhood dog’s name on it. It had originally been a gift to our mother for her 40th birthday but at some point in my late teens I became the sole owner and operator of her then baby blue Le Baron and the license plate too. I was more than happy to keep the license plate, and once my dog, Bamboo, was no longer with us, it meant even more, and believe it or not, it still does.


About 6 years ago, I needed to renew my license plate sticker (which we no longer need to do). Normally, this would be quite simple and could easily be done online at the time, however I also needed to renew my actual license and health card too which for most individuals would not be such a big deal, just time consuming, but for me, well it’s a whole other story.


Needing to renew my license and health cards meant I had to go to the crowded license bureau itself and it also meant I would have to have my picture taken, yup just a few of the 100’s of things that would cause my anxiety to soar through the roof, driving outside my comfort zone, being alone in crowded rooms and last but definitely not least, having my picture taken which I would have to look at for the next five years. To help avert part of the problem, Rich agreed to take me, and although he couldn’t resolve the issue of having my picture taken, he came to my rescue once again.

During that period of time, driving was becoming more and more difficult for me due to my anxiety and panic attacks and I could only do so within my comfort zone, but within that comfort zone I stood out like a sore thumb because I had been driving around with a personalized license plate, and everyone who knows me or had ever known me, saw me coming from miles away.   

It was getting to the point where having a personalized license plate was only adding to my list of anxieties. It may be difficult for someone to understand who doesn’t suffer from acute anxiety or a severe lack of self-esteem, but when all I want to do is hide or drive through the neighbourhood with the least amount of resistance I needed to make that change.

It was by far a much more difficult decision for me than it seemed leading up to that moment as I stood speaking to the customer service representative at the license bureau asking her what I needed to do in order to change my plates.  After she finished telling me the simple steps it would take in doing so, she said, ‘so would you like to do this today?’  I hesitated and tears began to stream down my face (yup, that’s how life goes for me), and Rich who was waiting nearby saw my struggle and piped in and said, ‘yes, she would.’

You see it’s those simple and loving nudges I need in my life, the ones that help me look toward my future instead of sticking to my past.  I will never let go of that personalized license plate, rust, and all. I still have it tucked away for safe keeping but today, instead of expressing myself through a personalized license plate, like the one by brother saw today, I’d much rather continue to etch them into my skin instead.

I’ve been busy designing my next tattoo as we speak.

#youareenough #personalizedlicenseplate #bamboo #childhoodmemories #anxiety #panic #tattoos #selfcareawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #wellness #love 

Today is “National Read a Book Day”. 


Last year on “National Read A Book Day”, I posted many of the benefits there are to reading books. Here they are again:


Books help improve a person’s concentration and focus. 


Books enrich a person’s vocabulary, language, and writing skills. 


Books introduce you to a world of make-believe and fantasy. 


Books exercise your brain. 


Books increase your ability to empathize with others. 


Books provide you with knowledge and information. 


Books can even help prevent cognitive decline. 


Books can entertain, help you to relax, reduce stress, and even sleep. 


Books give a person the opportunity to reflect and open up important conversations. 


Books inspire. 


This afternoon, while I was at work, a beautiful and generous soul dropped off a book at my house for me to read, along with a highlighter! It’s a book that had inspired her, and she knew from following my journey that it was a book that she hopes will inspire me too. From a quick glance so far, it feels like it was written for me!

I can’t wait to read it! 

Thank you, beautiful and generous soul, for reminding me that I am worthy 💖



What books have inspired you?


#nationalreadabookday #worthy #worldsuicidepreventionmonth #wheredidmommyssmilego #author #writer #blogger #benefitsofreading #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #books #inspire #reflection

I’m feeling very off-balance today, but I’m doing what I can to keep myself grounded heading into the start of September. 

I needed to “get away” today. 

I needed to find calm and peace today. 


I needed to challenge myself today.

I needed to turn the volume down in my head a notch or maybe more like 10 today.

I needed to grieve the collective sadness and devastation felt around the world today. So much hope feels lost.


I needed to lean into my feelings today.

Today being September 1st, begins the start of Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and Self-Care Awareness Month.

Today’s #summerofrich focused on the awareness of both for me. Rich and I headed out to an area we’ve never ventured to before. It was a bit of a further drive than usual, too, but we went chasing waterfalls in 3 different parks within the area. We attempted a 4th one, but the trail was blocked off.


Today felt almost like a “get away”.

Today, I focused on calm and peace.


Today, I definitely challenged myself.


Today, I turned the volume down in my head a notch, maybe even 2.

Today, I reminded myself of the beauty surrounding me while grieving the collective loss of hope, sadness, and devastation felt around the world right now. 


Today, I leaned deep into my feelings.


September, I will continue to try to lean into my feelings by focusing my attention on the importance of both self-care and suicide awareness. 


And for anyone else who needs to hear this today. Self-care is not selfish. It knows no boundaries. Pay attention to your feelings. Fill your own cup first. Asking for help is courageous. Remember, you are not alone, and guess what? It’s more than okay to not be okay some days.


#mentalhealth #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #nationalselfcareawarenessmonth #nationalsuicideawarenessmonth #depression #anxiety #suicidalideations #itsoktoaskforhelp #unbalanced #feelingheartbroken #grounded #September #mentalwellness #fillyourowncup #bringthemhomenow #freethehostages  #maytheirmemoriesalwaysbeablessing