My brother snapped this picture today from his car. He thought of me as soon as he saw it.
For close to 30 years, I had a personalized license plate with my childhood dog’s name on it. It had originally been a gift to our mother for her 40th birthday but at some point in my late teens I became the sole owner and operator of her then baby blue Le Baron and the license plate too. I was more than happy to keep the license plate, and once my dog, Bamboo, was no longer with us, it meant even more, and believe it or not, it still does.
About 6 years ago, I needed to renew my license plate sticker (which we no longer need to do). Normally, this would be quite simple and could easily be done online at the time, however I also needed to renew my actual license and health card too which for most individuals would not be such a big deal, just time consuming, but for me, well it’s a whole other story.
Needing to renew my license and health cards meant I had to go to the crowded license bureau itself and it also meant I would have to have my picture taken, yup just a few of the 100’s of things that would cause my anxiety to soar through the roof, driving outside my comfort zone, being alone in crowded rooms and last but definitely not least, having my picture taken which I would have to look at for the next five years. To help avert part of the problem, Rich agreed to take me, and although he couldn’t resolve the issue of having my picture taken, he came to my rescue once again.
During that period of time, driving was becoming more and more difficult for me due to my anxiety and panic attacks and I could only do so within my comfort zone, but within that comfort zone I stood out like a sore thumb because I had been driving around with a personalized license plate, and everyone who knows me or had ever known me, saw me coming from miles away.
It was getting to the point where having a personalized license plate was only adding to my list of anxieties. It may be difficult for someone to understand who doesn’t suffer from acute anxiety or a severe lack of self-esteem, but when all I want to do is hide or drive through the neighbourhood with the least amount of resistance I needed to make that change.
It was by far a much more difficult decision for me than it seemed leading up to that moment as I stood speaking to the customer service representative at the license bureau asking her what I needed to do in order to change my plates. After she finished telling me the simple steps it would take in doing so, she said, ‘so would you like to do this today?’ I hesitated and tears began to stream down my face (yup, that’s how life goes for me), and Rich who was waiting nearby saw my struggle and piped in and said, ‘yes, she would.’
You see it’s those simple and loving nudges I need in my life, the ones that help me look toward my future instead of sticking to my past. I will never let go of that personalized license plate, rust, and all. I still have it tucked away for safe keeping but today, instead of expressing myself through a personalized license plate, like the one by brother saw today, I’d much rather continue to etch them into my skin instead.
I’ve been busy designing my next tattoo as we speak.
#youareenough #personalizedlicenseplate #bamboo #childhoodmemories #anxiety #panic #tattoos #selfcareawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #wellness #love
YouAreEnough 