I’m struggling alot today since hearing the news that someone who had been admired by so many in my community has died by suicide. He was just 53 years old.
He was a true beacon of light and a pillar of strength to so many in our community and spent much of his time volunteering on so many different projects and non-profits. He was dedicated to our community and did so with such pride. He made an impact on every life he touched, both young and old alike, especially during his time volunteering as a crossing guard at a nearby school and running his own hockey league.
Everyone he met along his neighborhood travels will remember him for his friendly hellos and welcoming smiles; but what most of us never knew was that in more recent times, he was smiling through a battle with depression. “Smiling Depression” can be one of the most deadliest forms of depression because a person often feels as though they need to keep up appearances and power through their daily commitments as per usual, leading them to suffer in silence.
He and I were friends on Facebook but I didn’t know him very well personally. We’d only had some brief encounters over the years through Facebook where he’d engage on my posts from time to time as well as when he had reached out to me several years ago to ask me to be an admin on an online community website.
I certainly cannot speak to his suffering which ultimately led him to take his own life, nor do any of us on the outside looking in know the extent of his pain but today as I struggle to make sense of this tragic loss I’m feeling like I failed him somehow. I’m left wondering if he ever thought of reaching out to me for an empathetic ear like so many others do. I’m left wondering if I could have helped support him or made him feel less alone.
I know that I always have a strong urge to “fix” everyone. I want to save everyone around me before I even think about saving myself. I know in my heart though that it’s unrealistic and simply not possible. But for now I will keep on writing and sharing my story for as long as I am able to with the hope that I am saving lives.
RIP. You will be sorely missed by your beautiful family, friends and an entire community ❤️
I thought today was a good day to do a mental health check in. Feel free to add a heart or two. And remember I am here if you ever need to reach out.
Suicide Helpline 1.833.456.4566
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YouAreEnough 