I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist this afternoon. I let him know what happened to me last week when I took a sleeping pill; a pill I’ve taken hundreds of times before, but this time it ended in a trip to the emergency room; (in case you missed it: https://wheredidmommyssmilego.com/2023/01/03/damn-you-2023/).
I told him that I am done ever touching another pill ever again, prescribed to me or not. It doesn’t matter if it’s an anti-anxiety medication, a sleep remedy or something that is all natural, eventually I react to them all. It may not happen the first time, or even the hundreth time, generally there is a build up over time, but either way my body rejects them all.
He agreed that unfortunately it may be what’s best for my body right now.
Once our Zoom call ended and we hung up, I finally realized that what I really need is not to learn how to control my mental and physical illness anymore but to instead learn how to cohabitate with them and let nature take its course by accepting that it’s a part of me, a part of me that no matter what, will always be there.
I no longer have the strength to try and fight to live without my physical and mental pain because the more I do lately, the more they seem to be winning.
I’m not looking at this as defeat; it just feels like my reality.
#acceptance #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #suicideawareness #physicalandmentalhealth #youarenotalone #youareenough #defeat #cohabitate #psychiatry #myreality #sleepingpills #itsoktonotbeok