The Unselfie Selfie

**Trigger Warning ⚠️,  mention of suicidal ideations, suicide

Death by suicide is always shocking and another harsh reminder as to just how fragile life truly is.

I’m having a really hard time coping with so much of my life right now but since hearing the news about tWitch the other morning I’ve become paralyzed by my emotions, that was, until last night when I broke down, allowing a flood of emotions to come pouring out of me all at once. 

I allowed myself to feel all my feelings and burdened Rich with having to listen to it all. I was immediately brought back to the moment when I first heard the news of Robin Williams’ death which to this day I still replay the events of that evening over and over again in my mind. I was just 4 short months into my journey at the time as I sat alone in my car, in distress and contemplating taking my own life just moments before the tragic news of his death even broke. My husband and friends once again not knowing where I’d taken off to and as my phone lit up with text messages and phone calls from loved ones who were concerned for my safety, I turned off my phone. It all felt way too much for me to handle back then and now almost 9 years and sadly many celebrity suicides later I’m completely distraught. I keep asking myself, “What chance do I have?”

I’ve also spent some time reading many of the comments posted online this week, you know the ones I’m talking about;

“But…he had so many resources at his fingertips.”

“He’s so selfish.”

“How could he do this right before the holidays?”

“How can he do this to his family?”

“He had a beautiful home and millions of dollars in his bank account.”

“What could he possibly have to be depressed about?”

“He was always smiling and dancing and happy.”

I wish everyone could understand how very real mental health struggles are. The pain can be excruciating. The darkness fills you with loneliness. The intrusive thoughts overpower you. Depression destroys your brain’s ability to function. When someone slowly dies from cancer or kidney failure we can see it on the outside but unfortunately with a mental illness, you can’t always see its deterioration in the same light, but it’s just as real. 

I know I’ve been super focused on tWitch’s death this week and posting this selfie of me is not meant to garnish sympathy from others, for me it’s about trying to shed more light on the many depths of mental illness, open up important conversations and use my platform as an opportunity to educate others; all things I vow to never stop doing so long as I’m living.

Just be kind. 

#unselfie #floodedwithemotions #startaconversation #kindnessisfree #mentalhealth #mentalillness #depression #mentalwellness #startaconversation #itsoktoaskforhelp #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough 

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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