Today’s Meeting

This afternoon I met with the two Psychiatrists who will be guiding me through my Psilocybin journey and Clinical Research Trial which I am scheduled to begin next Saturday morning where the initial dose will be administered and a follow up appointment the next day (after more bloodwork Friday and a Covid test prior to treatment as well).

I am expected to be there for approximately 6 to 10 hours on Saturday and another 3 to 4 hours on Sunday (with many more integration therapy sessions scheduled both in person and virtual over the next 6 months).

The purpose of today’s meeting was to answer any of my last minute questions I may have had, explain in greater detail how this treatment is meant to work and how it differs from any of the other Psychedelic treatments I’ve experienced before, including my most recent Ketamine journey. Today’s meeting was also meant to prepare me for what possible scenarios could potentially play out during my session on Saturday as well as the days following. 

Today’s meeting was meant for setting goals and intentions (they would like to incorporate my mantra “you are enough”). Today’s meeting came with a reassurance that both Psychiatrists will be with me every step of the way during its entirety, helping me to reach my goals and intentions as best they can (they were both so kind and comforting from the moment I met them and the environment felt warm and calm; none of which I ever felt or experienced during my entire Ketamine journey. 

But first and foremost the doctors needed the opportunity today to get to know me better and to better understand what led me to their path today; and not just from the notes they’d read. 

I’ve told my story like a million times before today. But I wasn’t prepared for the intense emotions and tears that poured out of me as they delved further and further into my life and as far back as my childhood. They appreciated my deep emotions and tears as I led them through my journey piece by piece. It really helped give them a much bigger picture into my pain and suffering.

I’m completely drained and overwhelmed from today’s meeting and still very emotional. I’m scared. The what ifs are swirling around in my head right now as I write this curled up under my weighted blanket in bed. 

But I am so blessed that my Psychiatrist has given me this opportunity to take part in this trial (the first one of its kind in Canada). I am trying my best to stay hopeful that I will find some relief from this treatment and that one day soon many others like myself will also be given the same opportunity to help guide their journey toward health and healing and where joy and happiness can be felt again too.

It’s going to be a long and tiresome week ahead for me as I mentally prepare for next weekend, which may very well include me taking a rapid Covid test every day (maybe even twice a day) this week because one of my biggest fears right now is arriving at the Clinic Saturday morning all psyched and ready to go and the test they give me before we begin turns positive and I get sent home!! Well, in the meantime though I could really use a distraction tonight. Tell me something that’s good in your life or uplifting. Let’s inspire each other. 

***In case you missed it originally, I have attached the blog I wrote several months ago when the opportunity was presented to me by my Psychiatrist to become part of this study. https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2021/12/22/am-i-a-warrior-or-just-a-glutton-for-punishment/

#agentlereminder #youvegotthis #iamenough #Psilocybin #clinicaltrial #Psychedelics #warriorprincess #research #depression #anxiety #suicidalideations #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok 

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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