Living with a crippling anxiety disorder you just never know from one minute to the next when it will attack you.
Anxiety is always present throughout my day. It leaves me breathless and worried.
Whether I feel it in my body or hear its voice in my head; wherever I am, there it is.
It doesn’t really care what time it is or what I am doing either. It wears me like a glove.
Somedays I can manage my anxieties better than others and other days it will bring me to my knees in a state of panic; without any warning.
Today I was doing my best to protect myself from the negative thoughts and physical disruptions until something happened earlier this afternoon which was completely out of my control, yet my anxiety and panic escalated at an alarming rate.
For most people who don’t suffer with a crippling anxiety disorder my guess is that many situations like the one I encountered earlier today that has now left me unable to stop ruminating and collecting negative thoughts about basically my entire fricken life would have likely been forgotten moments later because to most people it really wouldn’t have been such a big deal.
Honestly I don’t even want to tell you what happened because it really wasn’t such a big deal. Everyone was safe.
But here I am.
I’ve now created a domino effect in my head of negative thoughts and derailed everything that once felt manageable only hours earlier. I am overwhelmed.
Writing helps me to manage so many of my emotions. I figured if I wrote it down it may help me to shift gears a bit or help shift my negative thoughts because God knows the night is still young and I’m pretty sure that my anxiety will find plenty more reasons to cripple me once again before the day is done.
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