Get Me Off This Hamster Wheel

It’s been a really hard week for me. There isn’t just one thing in particular that has made this week really hard but instead it’s been a combination of many things much of which I will not disclose of today or maybe not ever because even though “I would love to tell you, then, I’d have to kill you!” Okay you know I’m just kidding around on that last part but sometimes I feel like I utterly can’t catch a break.

I’m sure you’ve all felt this way from time to time but when you are relentlessly battling with depression and anxiety like I do and continue to try everything in your power to make it through just one more day yet you are persistently being met with one roadblock after another it can make it seem near impossible. Trying to push through each day or find any motivation at all to do so is really hard when you just keep spinning around and around on that hamster wheel that just doesn’t seem to want to stop.

I wake up every morning (well not that I really sleep) to a brand new day and as soon as I get my body moving, my heart rate elevates and begins beating a mile a minute which more often than not will then lead to feeling nauseous and metaphorically speaking my hamster wheel is only just warming up for the day ahead. On a typical day the wheel will spin uncontrollably, getting faster and more worn down as the day gets on leaving me so physically and mentally exhausted.

Where do these hamsters think they are going? Who is threatening them? What are they running from? Why are they spinning around and around with no end in sight? How do they do this night after night? Don’t they realize that they aren’t actually getting anywhere so how are they to ever catch a break?

These are all questions I wonder about as I spin on my hamster wheel day in and day out while trying to figure out how to make the damn thing stop. I mean it’s fricken claustrophobic on that wheel and boy oh boy is it ever tiring to say the least. I mean when you think about it, even those sweet little rodents catch a break to sleep sometimes. Don’t I deserve to catch a break too?

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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