What A Catastrophe

If you were to look the word catastrophizing up in the dictionary (okay so nowadays we call it Google) you will probably see my picture right above the definition. Catastrophizing is when an individual has an irrational thought or feeling which they believe to be far worse than it actually is. The catastrophic thought or feeling may have to do with a current or immediate situation that the individual is in or it may also occur when they are thinking about a future event. Either way they both can gravely affect the mind of someone suffering with depression and anxiety.

From my own personal experience I can tell you that it directly impacts all aspects of my life (and that of my family too) including my behaviour in general, my ability to function on a daily basis and my overall quality of living. I can take any seemingly normal situation and magnify it by a gazillion making it seem much more severe, frightful and even disastrous than it would be for others in a similar situation.
If I try and look at the positive side of catastrophizing (you see sometimes my glass can be half full!) then I can never truly be disappointed except for the fact that there are way too many negatives attached to it which far outweigh the one quasi positive outcome.

Unfortunately catastrophizing every single situation really means that reaching any kind of goal for me (big or small) becomes that much harder, it means a constant reminder that I am a failure or that I am going to be stuck in this state of mind forever. Catastrophizing also means continuously ruminating unhealthy thoughts and feelings, that something bad is going to happen to me or someone I love and that I am unworthy of any kind of love or friendship. Put all of that together and you have one gigantic catastrophe.

And now you also have a person who suffers with very low self-esteem, a person who suffers with an endless feeling of despair and anxiety and a person who suffers with an immense amount of insomnia. And for what? Because I know deep down inside (very deep) that 9 times out of 10 these catastrophic situations are nothing more than figments of my broken perception of what is real and what is not.

But I also know that I can’t be alone in feeling this way, I can’t be the only one believing my own narratives or giving too much consideration to something that isn’t actually a threat or true? I can’t be the only one who makes a mountain out of a molehill or will only “expect the worst” without ever remembering to “hope for the best”. ‘Cuz ya I have to be honest, it’s a very scary and lonely place to be sometimes.

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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